Disclaimer: I do not own, or have anything to do with Spooks

This was just something I came up with while watching 5.5

Enjoy

-X-X-

"How very English- Sweet Tea."

It's the small things that she misses. The tea. The weather. The people. Complaining over nothing yet everything at the same time.

She wishes she could go back but she knows that its never going to be possible. That would mean everything that had mean done would have been in vain. She couldn't do that. Even if she never really announce her arrival in the country, even if she only went somewhere so she would be able to see him, just top make sure that he was ok. That would be even more torturous.

To see but not speak. To see but not touch. To see and then have to leave again, just like a ghost.

Its not like she doesn't have a good life now. She gets by. But its just so lonely. She had friends, family (even though she rarely saw them) She had a job she loved. Now… Well now she has the odd person to say hello two from her building or work. But there has just never been the pull to meet new people. She know that she will just compare them to the people she had to leave behind.

Some days she thinks about calling him. Nobody would suspect it was her. Why on earth would she call now, after 3 years, 7 months and roughly 2 and a half weeks. Why would she do it now. Well she thinks about things like that on days like this. Its small things that reminds her. Tea that isn't quite right. Weather that is predictable or at least correct in relation to the season. People were too polite to others, quite nice but not what she wants- there's no shouting between young people on the streets.

Today she forgot all reasoning, she had found out his number a few weeks ago knowing that her resolve was weakening. It helped that she knew how like clockwork Malcolm liked to sweep for bugs and she knew that Harry would still be there this late.

"Hello"

"Harry." She sighs. " Don't say my name"

"Ok. How have you been?"

"Lonely but otherwise alright. Yourself?"

"The same. Haven't been shot yet. Been shot at, just not shot."

"That's good. How is everyone else?"

"Fine. We're not quite the same team but everyone is fine"

"Oh, I suppose that what happens in this job."

"Yes it does."

"I miss you."

"I know, it gets easier. Hopefully it will get easier."

"Its already been a long time."

"I've tried I really have, its just taking a long time to find all the information so you can return."

"I don't know if I would be able to. I don't know if I would want to."

"…"

"It would just be too different. It would hurt too much to build up my hopes just to have them shattered again.

"What about people your missing? Wouldn't you want to come back for them?"

"Harry what is the likely hood of it being worked out now. After all this time… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called."

"Please don't hang up. Not yet."

"Why?"

"I've missed you. I want to talk to you for as long as possible. Why did you call now?"

"I missed you today- more than normal. I miss sweet English tea. I miss the weather being unpredictable. I miss everyone hating each other. I just want to be able to come home, for good."

"I wish you were here too. I miss you. I love you."

"I wish you hadn't said that. I love you to."

"I wish I could have done more to keep you here."

"I know Harry. I should go now. I love you"

With that she hung up the phone and allowed the pain of talking but not keeping. She welcomed it as though she had missed it as much as Harry himself.

"How very English- Sweet tea."