A/N:- My advice to you? Don't do drugs, my dears.
Well, I was at my friend's house, and we decided to do a stupid little story, which I cleaned up and polished (the bare bones was absolute crap, believe me).
This is my first venture into the Inuyasha section, and I pray to the great Inuyasha gods that they deem it acceptable.
Dedicated to Freddie Mercury. And Queen. And the guy from the Halifax advert. And all the people from Yugoslavia (Miss Vjestica, in particular). And to Lau-kun, who fuelled my interest in Fushigi Yuugi. Y'all rock!
And it's also my birthday, so give me a review as a gift! I'm so old…
A Night at the Opera 30th Anniversary Edition was released today! Go buy it! QUEEN!
Yeah, so, the story…
Magic Mushrooms
"Don't eat those!"
"Don' easht wha'?"
Too late. Kagome stared at Inuyasha, aghast.
"Those were medicine!"
The hanyou shrugged indifferently, and swallowed hard. "Medicine's good for you."
Kagome stared, amazed at his stupidity. "It wasn't normal medicine. Those were drugs!"
Inuyasha threw a scathing look over his shoulder. "Drugs? They looked more like mushrooms to me."
She sighed. "That's because they were magic mushrooms."
"Ain't nothing magic about these mushrooms."
Kagome sighed once more. "They're drugs from the future"
"And what the fuck were you doing with drugs?"
Kagome turned a light pink colour. "Hojou gave them to me."
He snorted, twitching one fuzzy ear. "Lemme guess. Your Jii-chan told him that you were sick. And your moronic friend believed him the old man."
Insulted, Kagome held her head up high. "Actually, Jii-chan said I was a schizophrenic with traumatic past demons. He had no idea how accurate he was then."
Inuyasha ignored the jibe.
"He gave me the magic mushrooms 'cause he thought the flashbacks might help me resolve my 'issues'."
"So? I'm a demon. Chances are it won't affect me." Inuyasha strode over to the well. "Hurry up. We can't wait all day! Get in the well and do whatever the hell you have to!"
Kagome huffed. "You don't have to be so rude! Would it kill you to say please? We might get along better, and then… then…" Kagome couldn't think of what to say next, so at a loss for (angry) words, she strode over to the well, kicking a stone on the way.
Rolling his eyes, he scoffed. "And what would I do then… then… then…" Inuyasha souddenly felt light-headed. What the hell?
"Don't mock me! Osuwari!"
Fwump. The hanyou face-planted into the ground. Kagome waited for him to prise himself up from the earth, and curse at her. But it never came.
"Huh? Oh damm!"
Kagome's scream resounded through the forest, scaring a small flock of birds into flight.
One day, one fine, glorious day, in which the sky was filled with all manners of happiness (which included Miroku and Sango taking a ride on Kirara), Inuyasha sat on the edge of the rim of the Bone Eaters well, waiting for Kagome to come up.
Inuyasha keh'd to himself. Why did girls have much that they carried around?
But alas. The fine, glorious, happy (if very boring) day was not to last. An evil presence filled the air. Ominous signals reverberated through the air. Even Kirara in the air, high above the forest, felt the malevolent vibrations, and promptly fell out of it (earning Miroku a sharp slap as he grabbed onto Sango, plummeting down into the lake).
Suddenly, a shadow fell over the dog demon, and he looked up.
It was the most disturbing person that Inuyasha had ever met (and that included Jaken). It was…
"Jakotsu!"
Kagome, who had just popped up through the well, looked at Inuyasha in surprise.
"Inuyasha?" she said, slightly worried. "Is there something going on between you and Jakotsu?" She didn't mean it, of course.
"Keh," muttered Inuyasha, wearing a disgusted look on his face. "This bastard just turned up. Don't ask me how." Inuyasha slowly began to notice the way Jakotsu was staring at him. He wisely chose to stand next to Kagome.
"But he's meant to be dead," pondered Kagome. "Only one person could have brought him back to life… if Jakotsu wasn't dead to begin with… and why isn't he saying anything?"
"The one person," growled Inuyasha. "Sesshoumaru, isn't it? I bet he did this to piss me off!"
And with that he leapt upon Jakotsu, clawing at him.
Jakotsu struggled silently, deep wounds appearing on his arms. Strangely, the wounds closed up within seconds of being made, small puffs of purple smoke lingering around there afterwards.
Infuriated, Inuyasha slashed blindly at the human-shaped cloud. Immediately, the smoke cleared, leaving Jakotsu with no marks on him.
His clothes had disappeared too.
"What the FUCK!" Inuyasha couldn't believe the disastrous turn of events. First Jakotsu was raised from the dead, next his claws have no effect on him, and now Jakotsu was determined to take his sight along with his pride?
Jakotsu spoke for the first time. "Why did you take my clothes?"
Inuyasha goggled for a moment, then shut his eyes tightly. Blindly, he yelled in the vague direction of the nudist. "I took your stinking clothes? You're the exhibitionist!"
Jakotsu's voice was mildly amused. "Look behind you."
Inuyasha shut his ears. "Hell no! You're probably throwing your voice, and want me to look at you! I'm not that stupid!" he shouted, finishing with a snarl.
Famous last words, thought Sesshoumaru, who was what Jakotsu had being pointing at. Insulted, he hit Inuyasha over the head with a frying pan, complete with fried egg.
"Don't let the yellow ducks see me like this, okaa-sama," mumbled Inuyasha, his eyes rolling back in his head. He slumped to the ground.
--
Bright swirls of golden yellow adorned the sea-blue sky. Small fluorescent green fish darted out of the techno-coloured blobs of slime floating on the floor. The whole room was pulsating with a vibrant mix of J-rock and Abba.
Inuyasha was not pleased. Waking up in a figment of your own imagination was not near the top, middle, or even the bottom on his 'To-do' list (granted, it wasn't a very big list; although the tasks were rather daunting to the average human. Most human 'To-do' lists consisted of getting somewhere in life, not defeating Naraku and gathering the shards of the Shikon no Tama).
The hanyou was sat crossed-legged inside a rectangular enclosure, which appeared to be structured out of a translucent eggshell. The floor of the slimy cage was littered with peculiar and random objects (that included a chess piece, a cushion, and an assortment of ugly, mis-matched shoes). Slouching moodily, he flicked a black olive into the shell, the tune of 'Dancing Queen' pounding into his head. Upon the point of impact, the screen distorted and shifted slowly to the left. Inuyasha could now see a hole in the glistening walls of the bubble.
'Yes', he thought. 'Freedom'. Charging towards the opening, Inuyasha didn't have time to swear as he knocked himself out. Again.
It seemed that the gods weren't smiling down on the dog demon. The hole had closed just at the moment of impact, leaving Inuyasha with a bruised head.
On the plus side, as he lay unmoving in the prison, slippery tendrils of oil creeping down the walls, behind his eyelids he could see what his body was missing at the other side of his hallucination.
It was, said the voice in the back of his head, a very complicated situation. Being cataleptic inside his own mind, and able to see what his physical body would be able to (if it were not out cold).
Inuyasha stopped trying to think about it, and just concentrated on watching.
--
"You didn't have to hit him that hard," said Kagome pointedly, looking at the (now badly dented) frying pan.
"Well, we couldn't have him waking up now, could we?" said Sesshoumaru. "Now we can have a nice chat and my half breed brother will never know how friendly I am with you, human scum."
Suddenly, Tenseiga began to glow at Sesshoumaru's side. "Not this again," Sesshoumaru groaned.
A reverberating voice filled the sky. "HOW DARE YOU RUN OFF LIKE THAT!"
"What's going on? Whose is that annoying voice?" said Jakotsu, completely lost. "Someone kill the owner. Quick."
"Are you still here?" said Kagome. "Whose voice was that?"
"It was… nobody's," muttered Sesshoumaru, unconvincingly.
--
Since when was Sesshoumaru such a bad liar? Scratch that, since when did he care?--
"HOW DARE YOU ACT LIKE I DON'T EXSIST!" screeched the voice again.
"Oh for Kami's sake." Sesshoumaru drew his sword, and with a glance to the heavens, swung it. In the path of the stroke, a shadowy figure emerged.
"Kagura?" said Kagome, amazed. "I thought you were dead."
"I was," she said. "Still am. But I have some unfinished business here, so this big softie bought me back for a bit. Thanks Sesshoumaru."
She turned to Jakotsu and killed him with her fan. "Don't call my voice annoying. It'll get you in trouble. Someone even had to get killed over it!"
Kagura ignored the look from Kagome.
"And now, some evening entertainment!"
With that, she manipulated Jakotsu to dance,using the power ofher Corpse Dance.
--
Shit, is that even possible? For Sesshoumaru to bring her back? Inuyasha felt his feet grow numb. And suddenly he was falling through another hole in the ground.
--
"Uhhnn..." Inuyasha raised his head. "What the hell happened here?"
"Ah. My baka hanyou brother. How fitting that you are on the floor, looking up at this Sesshoumaru."
"You're a loser," muttered Inuyasha, rubbing his head and getting up. "Did you hit me over the head with a frying pan?"
Before Sesshoumaru could answer, Kouga came flying through the air and landed on the forest floor.
"Has anyone seen Inuyasha?" he asked. "I was wondering if I could go discoing with him."
However the half demon was back on the floor unconscious.
--
It's safer here…--
"…" said Kagome.
"…" said Kagura.
Sesshoumaru didn't say anything. He slashed at Kouga with his claws.
"Argh, dog turd!" screamed Kouga, shaking his bleeding hand. "What did you do that for?"
"Boredom," said Sesshoumaru. "And you didn't ask me to come."
"You're not invited, and you tried to kill me!" snarled Kouga. "I'll kill you first!"
"He's impulsive," said the dead, dancing Jakotsu in a high voice (that sounded remarkably like Kagura's)
"I didn't know you could do that," said Kagome, interested.
"Yeah, listen!" said Kagura, excited. Immediately she began squinting at the jiggling body.
"Sesshoumaru… I… love…"
Even Sesshoumaru couldn't hide his interest.
"…Ramen," finished off Jakotsu.
"'Ramen'?" asked Sesshoumaru. "What is this 'ramen' of which you speak?"
"It's noodles in a broth with meat and vegetables," informed Kagome.
--
How the hell did Kagura know about ramen? Inuyasha was back in the cage, lying on his back with his eyes closed. He was still able to see what was going on, and it was easier than running into the wall.
--
"Ooo!" said Sesshoumaru. "My favourite! I stole some from your pack when you weren't looking, human filth. Let us now share it."
--
I want some! And how does Sesshoumaru know how ramen tastes?
--
"Did someone say ramen?" said Inuyasha, waking up.
"We all love ramen!" cried Kagome. Sesshoumaru whipped the stolen ramen out of his kimono.
"…you kept the ramen in there?" said Kagura. "Oh well, I don't care, let's eat!"
"I don't think I want to eat it now…" trailed off Inuyasha, turning the colour of an unripe tomato.
Kagura shrugged. "Your loss. Ramen is ramen. And it's even better when it comes from Sesshomaru!" She sidled up to him.
Sesshoumaru blinked.
Kagura backed off. "Hey, there ain't much entertainment when you're dead!"
"You make no sense," said Kouga. "I still haven't killed you yet!" he added to Sesshoumaru. He quickly took a swipe at Sesshoumaru's back, but Sesshoumaru had been expecting this. He swung round and instinctively held the tin of ramen up to protect himself.
"No!" cried Kagura. "The ramen!"
Sesshoumaru's eyebrow twitched. "IS THAT ALL YOU CARE ABOUT? DIDN'T THAT ONE NIGHT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU!"
"…" said Kagome once more. She crept up to Kagura. "You're at that stage already?"
Kagura gave her a blank look. "What are you on about?"
"Why do you even care, Kagome?" said Inuyasha suspiciously. Kagome hit him back over the head with the abused frying pan.
"You could have left that to me!" snapped Kouga.
Sesshoumaru took a deep breath. Calm down, he told himself. Count to ten… Kagura owes me, the ramen is safe... the ramen …Sesshoumaru felt something wet run across his foot.
"NOOOOOO! The ramen!" Kagura exclaimed. She rounded on Kouga. "You and your stupid claws! You had to go and cut open the tin!"
"Deja vu…" mumbled Inuyasha, foaming at the mouth. With that he fainted again upon Kagome, purely through the amount of blows to the head he had received in the last few minutes.
--
Owww… my head fucking hurts. Stupid bitch; she's gonna get it once I get back.
--
Sesshoumaru and Kagura fell to the floor weeping bitterly. Kouga went off, bored, deciding it was cruel to kill a demon destroyed over the loss of ramen (and it was too late to go discoing now). Kagome went home through the well to get changed (Inuyasha's drool had soaked through her white school shirt).
"Well…" said Sesshoumaru.
"Want to spend a night like that again?" asked Kagura.
Sesshoumaru shrugged.
"I'll get the okonomiyaki, you get the scary stories."
Sesshoumaru shuddered involuntarily.
Kagura rolled her eyes. "They weren't even that scary!"
Sesshoumaru whimpered. "But… one mortal female! Held hostage by seven tiny men!"
"That was Snow White," said Kagura in a dead-panned voice.
"Just hold me," said the high voice again. Sesshoumaru stuck his hand through the grinning face and dissolved Jakotsu with his poison claws.
"Rest In Pieces, Jakotsu you fool."
--
What. The. Fuck. Inuyasha was confused, and his head hurt. Why was Sesshoumaru so pathetic? Why did Kagura and his half brother spend a night together, eating okonomiyaki (whatever that was)? And what the hell was 'Snow White'?
The floor suddenly started to melt at an alarming rate, all of the miscellaneous items dissolving into slime, the J-rock fading out into silence, the colourful background now seeming sinister and twisted. Inuyasha tried in vain to cling onto the shell, but his claws would not hang on. Scraping down the wall, the hanyou fell through yet another hole, spiralling deeper and deeper into a black abyss, seeing nothing, smelling nothing, hearing nothing.
He thought he would fall forever, being nothing; until his face regained feeling – a cold, wet feeling. And then a silver light at the bottom appeared, and Inuyasha was sucked inside of it, falling for just a little while longer, knowing that the distressing events were almost over. The faint, distant cry of 'Osuwari' reached his ears, and Inuyasha was enveloped in a shining blue light.
Fwump. For the second time that day, Inuyasha slammed into the ground.
"Inuyasha! I've been so worried!" The oxygen from the air abruptly stopped reaching the dog demon's lungs. Spluttering he prised Kagome off him.
"What happened?" he asked groggily. Kagome sighed, reassured. Same Inuyasha. "You just fainted, right after eating the mushrooms. I told you they'd affect you! You were mumbling all these strange things. How you could think about ramen when you're out cold is beyond me, but why were you dreaming about Jakotsu?"
"…I wasn't?" Inuyasha took one look at the long-suffering face next to him, and stood up. "C'mon, they haven't harmed me. I just… had a strange dream."
Kagome remained unconvinced, but let the issue rest. For now. "Fine, we'll go to the river. Miroku-sama and Sango-chan came by. They said they had dinner."
Food. Although, for once in his life, Inuyasha didn't feel like eating ramen. "Hey guys!" Miroku came running up to the pair. "We got a treat for you guys!"
Inuyasha's nose twitched. He was sure he smelt-
Sango came jogging up behind. "I got some more!"
Inuyasha took one look at the innocent fungi and fainted once again.
Kagome rolled her eyes. She'd have to prise his 'dream' out of him. It must have been traumatic if he'd faint at the sight of mushrooms.
A/N:- How bad. How very very bad. Go on, egg me. I'm so incredibly ashamed of myself.
More? Less? Lighter fluid and matches?
And I think I need a beta reader. Is there anyone out there that would mind terribly to become my beta reader? You have to have good English (…duh), and preferably can beta in British English, not American English.
It would be very much appreciated!
Yours until vampires turn vegetarian,
.:VampirePeaches:.