G8 Talk Show!

AN: I wanted to revisit an idea that I had a couple years ago ^ ^; and since the annual G8 meeting is coming up!... I made almost-crack XD

Enjoy~

"Guten Morgen alles, und willkommen auf-"

"Dude, no one understands German except your people! Hahaha."

Germany's face turns about fifty shades of pink before settling on a pale red. "Ahem, my apologies. Um, good morning everyone and welcome to this year's, 2015, Group of Eight meeting. I am Germany and I will be your host for the first few sessions." Straightening the stack of files in front of him, Germany looks directly into the camera and offers a small, forced smile before turning his attention to the countries around the table.

"Since this is our first live meeting, I should introduce every nation present," Germany says, more so to himself, and then lifts an arm to America. "When it is your turn, please stand so that the viewers may not be confused …That goes to you too, America."

"Oh! Yeah, but shouldn't every one already know me?"

England growls at his side and grabs America's ear, yanking him up roughly. "You twit, not everyone is unfortunate enough to know you."

America dramatically grabs his chest, "That hurts, Iggy," he says. "Everyone needs a hero." With that said, before Germany can yell at him too, America spins on his heel to beam a broad grin at the camera. "I am-"

Germany cuts him off. "This is the United States of America-"

"And I'm the hero! Bringing democracy to all across the globe!" America shouts, throwing a fist into the air just to emphasize. At that, England grabs him by his waist and pulls him into his chair. "Hey! What was that for? I wasn't finished!"

"I will give you a burger if you remain seated," England grumbles.

"No!"

"A double bacon cheeseburger with Swiss cheese, pickles, lettuce, tomato, and very, very special Mac sauce. I might even throw in a triple chocolate chip cookie if you shut up right now." In mere seconds America's glare shifts from venomous to questioning, and ends at pleading. "Are you serious?" he asks in a whisper, eyes going wide. England just rolls his eyes and nods.

Now with the room in silence, the German country with a frown continues. He gestures for the next person to stand. "This is England, representing the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland," he waits for England to politely wave and sit before going down the conference table. "We have France here, Italy, Japan, and Can- Hey, where's Canada?"

"I could have sworn he was here earlier," Japan comments. He places a hand on the seat beside him and sees that it is decently warm, so someone must have been sitting there not too long ago. "Where could he have gone?"

"Da, where is Canada?"

In an almost comical way, everyone's attention is placed on the large, Russian man sitting in a chair in a rather dark corner of the room. His feet are swinging childishly, which is more eerie than the smile parading on his lips. "What?" Russia asks with a giggle.

Germany narrows his eyes at him. "How did you get in here?"

"Oh, you know, through that window over there," he points at the window not too far from him. Shards of glass lay scattered on the floor, with a rope hanging haphazardly in the midst of it. Russia only smiles more at the nervous expression his fellow countries are taking. "That was the only way I could get in without so many guards."

"You make it sound so innocent," Germany sighs into his palm. Running his hand through his hair, he cautiously walks around the glass and stands in front of Russia. "You know that you are suspended from further meetings, correct?"

"Da."

"Which includes this very one, right?"

"Da."

"And that you just disregarded international policies by breaking into here?"

Russia closes his eyes at that and laughs, "But I was invited in."

Was? Germany's frown deepens. "By who, exactly?"

"Why don't you ask the Italian over there? He knows."

A loud shattering sound resounds in the room, a plate of spaghetti falling, along with a whimper keen to a cat. "Ugh, Italy-san please do not hide behind me," Japan says. He tries to pull the cowering country away from his back but Italy wouldn't give. He looks up at Germany tiredly. "Help?"

"No no no! Don't sell me out so quickly, Japan, I thought we were friends?!" Italy shouts and then scurries under the table. "He promised me Russian pasta, Germany! I've never had it before and I'm pretty sure that Russia keeps his promises no matter what they are so I agreed to stay quiet about him sneaking in and I mean, isn't it partially you guys' fault for not being more alert? He did come in through the window, ve."

Italy settles himself at the very center of the table, making sure that he'd had an escape route in case Germany tries to grab him. "I'm really sorry!"

Crouching beside Japan, Germany stale faces Italy. "Come out from there, Italy. I won't hit you."

"But you'll give me extra training hours!" Italy argues.

Germany lets out a long, annoyed sigh and brings a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. Stupid, gullible Italy… Going on all fours, Germany lowers his head and starts to crawl towards Italy. Once close enough, Germany grabs his arm to keep him still. "See, was that so bad? Now, Russia is not supposed to be in here for this year's meeting. Got it? Gut. We are coming out now."

"Coming out from where? Ohonhonhon the closet?" France snickers and England glares at him as Germany punches his shin. "Mon Dieu, ouch okay fine. All you had to say was no more jokes or something. We all know about you and Italy's love – er – friendship."

"Just shut it, France," Germany growls. He pulls Italy out from the table after him and promptly pushes him down into his seat. The blush from earlier is now a bright red, and Germany mentally curses the events of today. How unproductive…

A voice sounds from the front of the room. "Excuse me, Germany sir, but we are out of time for today." The cameraman clears his throat and shrinks behind the camera, only his red cap poking out.

Even more embarrassed Germany strides to the front of the room and clasps his hands together. "Well, this was rather…Actually, no comment. Come back tomorrow prepared for a real discussion and Russia-" He goes to address the nation but realizes that the corner is void of life – and much brighter than before. Not even deeming Russia's disappearance with a response, Germany just sighs into his hand. "Have a nice day everyone, and thank you for tuning in…to whatever this was. Oh, and can somebody find Canada?"

"I've been here this whole time…"

AN: Poor, poor failed meeting. Maybe next time it'll go better? We'll just have to see

Have any questions? The G8 may be able to answer them~ Feedback is appreciated