DISCLAIMER: I don't own SGA. I'm just having fun. Don't shoot!
Author's Note: I was trying to think of what could keep the team from rescuing Rodney and realized the Carson clone had already answered the question. They won't look for you if they think you're dead.
John couldn't believe it.
He saw the crumpled body, just where they said it would be.
What John should have done was bring his P-90 to bear and check for ambush. He should have carefully approached the body, all the while scanning the perimeter for hostile contact. What he did was allow his weapon to dangle uselessly from his tac vest as he ran headlong toward his friend.
"Rodney?!" he screamed as Ronon's long legged stride overtook his. The impossibly large Satedan fell to the ground next to the body and started checking it over for a pulse, for bleeding, for life. As John arrived and landed harshly on his knees, he could see Ronon bow his head enraged.
John saw Rodney's face, impossibly pale; his skin looked like poorly mixed plaster slightly shaded blue. His eyes were closed, his brows relaxed and his mouth slightly open. The effect was such that he seemed to be sleepily asking a question.
Ronon stood with tears in his eyes and screamed his rage. He beat his chest silently and repeatedly before splaying his flexed arms apart and roaring at the sky in outraged and impotent protest.
John couldn't believe it.
After his momentary pause, he grabbed Rodney's hand. It was cold to the touch. He called to Rodney and gently slapped at his still, blue cheek. No response. He shook Rodney then and called more. The man still flopped lifelessly.
"McKay! Get up, damn you!" John screamed even though a part of him knew it was too late, that he was too late. The other part of him simply could not believe it.
"John," Teyla's voice seemed to come from far away. "John!"
He stopped and stilled.
"He is gone, John." Teyla said calmly with a voice drenched in unshed tears.
Rodney McKay the most brilliant, the most annoying and the most heroic scientist in two galaxies was dead.
John sat there, not two feet from the still and uncharacteristically silent body and could not believe it.
John stood in front of the cheery house. The welcome mat on the stoop that read, "Hi! I'm Mat." made him smile briefly. It was just very Jeannie.
He steeled himself up for the task at hand. Commanding himself again to keep it together and be strong for Jeannie. He didn't want to be here and he didn't want to do this, but Rodney had asked.
"If something happens, you know, if I, well, die. I don't…I don't want Jeannie to hear it from some Air Force Chaplin she's never met or a cab driver."
"A cab driver?" John had said then, so thrown off by the remark that he momentarily forgot to refuse to take part in the morbid turn of the discussion.
"It happens. I saw it in a movie once." Rodney had said defensively.
"Oh, well that settles it because we all know Hollywood never fudges the details for dramatic effect." John had said snarkily.
"That's not the point and you know it. If I die I want Jeannie to hear it from someone she knows. I want it to be you."
"I refuse to continue this conversation."
"John, please?"
Technically, John had never promised. He stared at the cheerful welcome mat for another long moment, and then he knocked on the door.
Caleb answered. "Hello. You're John, right?" He said, his brow furrowed.
"Lt. Col. John Sheppard, that's right." John said and he tried to smile.
"Um, you're here for Jeannie?" The lanky English professor asked, his brow still furrowed in concern. "Does Mer need her in…um" he stopped short of saying the name, "Is she going to be leaving?" He asked instead.
"No," John said slowly his eyes (damn them) stinging slightly. "No, I just, I need to tell her something. Is Maddy here?" He looked up then and their eyes met.
"Oh." Caleb's eyes widened in horror. "Is he okay? He's not…" He didn't finish the question.
"It might be a good idea if you kept Madison in the other room for a little while." John said just as Jeannie approached the door calling, "Caleb, good grief, either let them in or tell them to go away already."
Jeannie peeked over her husband's arm, which was still stretched out holding the front door open.
"John!" She said brightly and the spark in her blue eyes was so familiar John felt the familiar ache returning to his. "Caleb!" Jeannie smacked him in the stomach with the hand towel she was holding. "Don't be rude! Ask him in. I'm so sorry, John."
Jeannie was leading him into the bright living room. It looked more like a daycare play room than a formal sitting area and Jeannie was apologizing in that cute Canadian way, "Sorry about the mess. Maddy has claimed the house. I think the only room not overrun with toys is the master bathroom."
Maddy had glanced up from the train set with which she had been playing and eyed John suspiciously. John reminded himself that the last time he had been here it was because Maddy's mommy had been kidnapped.
"Madison, say Hi to Uncle Mer's friend John," Jeannie urged.
The little girl's soft, "Hi." was barely audible and she refused to make eye contact.
"Hiya, Madison." John answered with another attempt at a smile.
Caleb spoke up then, "Uh, Maddy, why don't we give Mommy some quiet time with her friend? You wanna walk down to the park?"
"Yeah!" was the enthusiastic reply as the little girl climbed to her feet and ran across the room.
Jeannie dramatically cleared her throat, "Ahem!"
Maddy smiled sheepishly and then ran back to wrap her arms around her mother in a warm embrace. Then, just as quickly, she had turned on her heal and was pulling her father out the door.
"Love you, Mommy. See ya later!" She called over her shoulder and Jeannie smiled at the more quiet but most emphatic, "Come on, Daddy, let's go." She turned to her guest, a clearly uncomfortable John Sheppard.
"Let me guess, Mer is having a problem with his homework and, rather than just come and ask for help himself, he sent you." She shook her head and smiled. "What? Did you lose a bet?"
John didn't laugh or make a snarky remark as she expected. He walked over to the couch and wordlessly indicated a request that she follow suit. Jeannie frowned, puzzled but complied.
"What?" She said but as soon as she asked the question she wished she could take it back. She was suddenly afraid of the answer.
"Jeannie, I'm sorry. I have to tell you something." His voice was soft. Jeannie felt a sick lump of dread settling in her stomach. Oh no.
"Rodney was captured by a hostile race of humans in the Pegasus galaxy a few days ago…"
Captured. Not dead. He's not dead. Mer will be okay. He didn't say he was dead.
"We underestimated their level of technology. They, like many other groups had sort of masked their level of development to protect themselves from culling."
If he's captured, they'll find him. You can help. Technology. Yes! John mentioned technology and they need you to find Mer.
"Rodney impressed them. They got a load of that king sized brain of his and decided they could just take him. When, um, when we revealed the amount of force we were willing to bring to bear to recover him, they…" John paused, his throat tight.
They hurt him. They must have hurt him. Oh no, did they mutilate him? Did they cut something off and send it back? Where is he? I'm going to find him.
"…they panicked. Jeannie, they killed him."
I'm going to find him and bring him home. No more of this running around the universe pretending he's Flash Gordon. He's going to come back to Canada and…
"What?" Jeannie whispered. Tears built in both her eyes until the scene around her was completely obscured.
John looked down at his shoes, or maybe her shoes, it was hard to tell. "They killed him, Jeannie. Rodney's dead." He said it softly. He said it as gently as it could be said but it still stabbed. The words reached into her head and raked through her brain. The tears finally dropped from her eyes and she cried.
John was holding her and she was beating his chest and sobbing out words in great hiccupping shouts. Words that didn't make sense but needed to be said anyway.
Stupid Meredith! He can't be dead! Stupid! Just got him back. Running around like a life sized action figure. He should have stayed home! I just got him back! He should have stayed home!
After ten minutes that felt like ten years Jeannie settled down, exhausted. John spoke some more but she wasn't really listening. Caleb came home. He held her and she cried again, quietly this time. John left. Where was Maddy? Caleb had taken her to his mother's. Did she need anything? Her eyes filled again and a small voice, a child's voice screamed, "My brother! My big brother!" But Jeannie just shook her head.
Hours passed and she realized how ridiculous it was. Mer wasn't dead. That was stupid! This was a mistake. She smiled and felt a bit giddy as she reached for the phone. This was all just a terrible mistake. She still had the number of Col. Carter. She dialed the digits and listened to the ringing.
As the phone on the other end of the signal rang, it suddenly occurred to Jeannie that she didn't know what she was going to say. She couldn't just say, "Hi, Col. Carter. Is Mer dead?" It was ridiculous. She would feel like such an idiot when Sam responded, "Um, no? What? Where did you hear that?" Someone answered the phone.
"Col. Carter speaking."
Jeannie still hadn't figured out how to ask. "Um, Hi, Sam. It's Jeannie."
"Oh, Jeannie. I'm so sorry."
Jeannie slammed the phone into its cradle. It was true. Her chest pounded and she wanted to scream but couldn't even cry. Her head felt full of pressure, she was going to explode if she didn't cry. Finally, the air escaped her lungs with an inhuman sound and Caleb, who had been in the kitchen making tea, came running.
"He's dead, Caleb." Jeannie sobbed at last. "What do I do?"
Today was the day of the funeral. Well, it wasn't really a funeral was it? Jeannie smiled sadly. It was just like her brother to request something that seemed so simple but was, in fact, very complicated.
Meredith had requested that his body be cremated and his ashes thrown from a jumper into space. Simple. Except that Atlantis didn't have anything approaching a crematory. So, Mer's body had to be sent to Earth, cremated and the ashes sent back. Now she and John Sheppard were dressed in the extremely uncomfortable and limiting space suits that were, unfortunately, necessary in order to stand in the exposed rear section of the jumper.
Jeannie held the simple container. She thought it appropriate, all of it. The seemingly simple yet complex instructions, the simple urn that contained something that was so much more. Mer had always been so much more that people could see, so much more than what he displayed on the surface.
"You ready?" John asked.
"I'm ready." Jeannie answered. She awkwardly opened the container and flung the ashes into the darkness. It was incredible. The tiny pieces continued to sift, cling and separate as they moved steadily forward under the power of the initial force. Jeannie laughed. Objects in motion; one last physics lesson from her big brother.
"Good-bye, Buddy." The soft voice came in strangely loud and amplified in her suit. Jeannie watched the ashes journey as long as she could. She stood for a moment, even after they had shut the rear hatch and re-established atmosphere in the jumper, staring at where they should be.
"Good-bye, Mer. I love you." She whispered forgetting for a moment that she still wore the suit. That the microphone had taken her quiet words and spread them to the ears of her brothers friends and teammates who stood silently gazing at the blinking stars where Dr. Rodney McKay was being laid to rest.
Across the galaxy, Dr. Rodney McKay sat and peered at the stars through his cell's tiny window, getting his bearings.
"Oh, I am so screwed."
(to be continued...)