Advanced Communal Psychology
It is a new year at Greendale Community College. The halls are filled with 20-somethings who've lost control of their lives, high school dropouts who forgot to study, single moms looking for a new start, and old people slowly circling the drain desperately trying to find something to keep their minds active.
The eccentric professors and bizarre students intermingle for the first time, in many cases, others are returning for another year. With each day they get closer and closer to that nearly meaningless community college diploma. The voice of dean Craig Pelton falls out of the intercom.
"Good morning Greendale! Dean Pelton here wishing you a great year. It's going to be dean-tastic. The rats in the cafeteria are finally gone! Students can now finally enjoy their chicken fingers without fear of roving vicious rodents. In other news, the strange smell by the fountain has mysteriously disappeared over the summer. So that's good news. The south lawn however, is still highly toxic due to Starburns' meth lab explosion at the end of last year. Do not, under any circumstances, go to the south lawn. I repeat, avoid the south lawn. I wanted also, to wish a very special welcome back to Jeffrey! Welcome back Jeffrey, we all missed you."
The Greendale Seven, consisting of Jeff, Britta, Abed, Troy, Pierce, Shirley, and Annie, sit in their usual spot in the library and listen closely as the Dean finishes his announcement. As soon as it's over, Jeff leans in to the rest of the group.
"Ok guys, I think I've found the best blow-off class for this year. Introduction…" Jeff was interrupted by Annie.
"Jeff! Aren't you forgetting something?" Annie had crossed her arms and was looking at Jeff Judgmentally.
"No Annie, I don't think I am forgetting something. I am only one year away from getting enough credits so I can graduate and go back to being a lawyer. I know that this class is the easiest way to do it," Jeff said with wide eyes, hunched over the table.
"Nu-uh you are definitely forgetting something Jeff," Shirley said.
"Well please then. Enlighten me to what I'm forgetting." Jeff leaned back and put his feet on the desk.
"They're mad that you didn't ask them how their summer was," Abed said. Everyone turned to him as he said it. He kept his head down and cocked at an angle. "It's been almost three months since we've been together and you didn't make an attempt to catch up, thus breaking social etiquette. It also explains the crossed arms and pouty lips." Annie made an outraged face, uncrossed her arms, and stuck her hands in her pockets.
"He's right, Jeffrey," Pierce interjected. His voice was followed by eye-rolls and sighs. "You can't just go through life being all business. You have to learn to socialize. Here, let me show you." He turned to Shirley next to him. "Hello Shirley. How was your summer?" Shirley held her purse tightly on her lap and leaned away from Pierce.
"It was fine." She shot him a constant offended glare, which he was apparently completely oblivious to.
"Did you happen to find a new lover during the break?" Pierce leaned in closer to Shirley.
"Oh my god. Pierce!" Shirley yelled at Pierce and everybody at the table echoed her sentiment.
"What? It's just conversation," Pierce said.
"We're getting off track people," Jeff said. "We still have to all agree to take one class together this semester, and I think I know just the one."
"I'd like to let it be known that I did happen to see people during the break. That's right I didn't forget about you guys," Britta said. She leaned back and nobody was impressed.
"You had lunch with me, one time, last week, just so you wouldn't feel guilty today," Jeff said.
"That still counts!" said Britta.
"Anyway, The class I found was Introduction To Film Appreciation." Everybody leaned in to hear more. "It's a total cake walk. All you do is watch movies every class and then write something about it. What's easier than that?" Everybody nodded in agreement except for Abed.
"Oh Jeff, so naïve. Film is much more difficult than people think. It's nuanced and subtle. It won't fit your cowboy-slacker mentality of work," Abed said.
"Oh yeah, well what if I told you that the first movie we'd be watching was Deathcruncher: The Rise of the Reaper?" Jeff said very excitedly. At this, everybody cheered at the prospect of watching Deathcruncher in class. Abed remained still in his seat though.
"It doesn't get any less nuanced than that," Jeff said over the commotion.
"This doesn't make any sense," Abed said. "I've never heard of Deathcruncher: The Rise of the Reaper."
"What?" Troy said. "You've never heard of Deathcruncher: The Rise of the Reaper?" Troy begins to choke up a bit. "You think you know someone."
"No. This must be a mistake. Yeah, it's a mistake. There's no way I wouldn't have seen a movie like that," Abed said.
"Aww," said Annie and Shirley simultaneously.
"It's ok Abed. You don't have to have seen every movie there is out there. This is just one that we've all happened to see and you haven't," Annie said.
"You don't understand Annie," Abed said. He maintained the same facial expression and tone of voice, as if nothing was wrong. "Movies are my thing, just like school is your thing. I watch all the movies I can in the same way that you get A's on as many things as you can."
"Ugh. School is not my thing. I'm more than just a nerd Abed," Annie said indignantly. Everybody at the table averted their eyes and mumbled about how school was indeed Annie's thing. "Screw you guys. I have a life outside of here that you'll never know about." Annie turned her head away from the group and crossed her arms again.
"We all already know that you're a lesbian Annie," Pierce said casually.
"What? No I'm not." Annie glared at Pierce.
"Jesus, Pierce," Shirley growled. Everybody else was disgusted and dismissed Pierce.
"Come on. How was I supposed to know?" Pierce said.
"It's ok buddy. I'll watch it with you tonight so you can find out what you're missing," Troy said.
"You have a copy?" Abed asked.
"Well, no. But I'm sure we can find one by tonight. I mean it is a pretty common movie." Troy chucked awkwardly. Abed slumped over in his chair.
"Dean dong." The dean enters the room and starts rubbing Jeff's shoulders. "And how's my favorite study group doing?"
"Already? It's only the first day," Jeff said.
"Now Jeffrey, you know that I love checking in on all of my students. So what's happening?" The dean asked.
"Abed's upset because we've all seen this movie and he hasn't," Pierce said.
"Oh my, what movie?" The dean asked.
"Deathcruncher: The Rise of the Reaper," Shirley said sweetly.
"Oh I've seen that. You should watch it Abed, it's very good," The dean said. Abed stayed seated in his chair. All eyes were focused on him. He was staring, with his head cocked at the axe marks that were still on the table from the year before. He said nothing. Troy saw that he was distressed and leaned in.
"Hey buddy," Troy said in a not very confident voice. "You doing alright? Everybody's looking at you, you know? You've got that sort of crazy look in your eye." The life returned to Abed's eyes. It was as if he had undone his own trance and was back in reality.
"It's nothing. It's just that I'm no longer good at the thing I'm best at. I have to go," Abed said, still not changing his face or his voice. He stood up and walked out the door past the dean. Everybody watched, concerned as Abed walked out of the room and out of sight.
"So, are we unanimous on the film class then?" Jeff asked the group.
"Yes," said everybody as they packed up their things and left the room.