A/N: Happy Castle Monday as well as Castle Fanfic Monday. I think I'm going to continue that little tradition.
Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.
This is my 40th Castle fanfic! WOW, what a ride!
This is a prompt fill written for ( _MissKM_) . Set in season 5 between "Swan Song" and "After Hours". Prompt will follow at the end.
Between The Pauses
Between the final hour of night and the break of dawn there's a pause, a brief moment when the earth seems to take a deep breath, holding it as it relishes in the peaceful darkness before it gives way to the bright hues of light.
To those who are sleeping the pause is missed, a flash of seconds that go unnoticed amongst the slumbering breaths and vivid dreams, but to those who are awake, living in the moments of the pause, it seems to stretch on, holding, waiting until the final breath of night is finished.
It was somewhere around four in the morning when the fight started, ignited from innocent words whispered through the quiet bedroom.
And he should have been sleeping. Castle should have been lost in dream world, not wide awake thinking about the events of the previous day. But one thought had led to another and with each hour that had passed the questions ate at him, formed scenario after scenario in the back of his mind until he couldn't stand it any longer.
Kate must have sensed that he was awake, because she had shifted against the wall of his chest, raised her head and blinked sleep-heavy eyes at him.
"Castle, why are you awake?" she had asked, folding her arms together over his chest so that she could rest her chin on them.
"Too much on my mind, I guess," he shrugged.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, wiggling her body until she was in a more comfortable position, half on top of him.
"Actually, yes."
"I'm listening," she responded, burying a yawn in the fold of her arm.
"I was just thinking about what we had to do tod—yesterday. You know, with the camera crew..."
"You mean letting them follow us around?" she asked, frowning because she was still annoyed by that.
"Well, not exactly. I mean the part where we had to bribe them to edit pieces of it out. Parts where we looked more like a couple and less like partners who just work together."
"We had to do that, Castle. Gates would have seen it and-"
"I know, that's exactly my point, Kate. This thing between us is getting harder to hide because I don't want to hide it any longer."
She pushed herself up so she could see his face more clearly in the soft moonlight that danced through the window.
"I don't understand. You know what's at stake if Gates finds out about us. She can't know."
"How do you know that she wouldn't react differently if we just told her the truth? How do you know that she doesn't already suspect something is going on between us?"
"I don't, but that's not something I'm willing to risk and frankly, I can't believe that you are. Gates is always looking for any excuse to kick you out. Don't think that she wouldn't jump at the first chance to make sure you're no longer my partner."
He was silent for a minute, considering her words but then he shook his head. "I just don't want to keep this a secret anymore and I can't help but feel like there's another reason you want to."
"Like what?" she asked.
"I don't know, you tell me, Kate. Are you ashamed to tell people that we're together? Afraid that it will ruin your image?"
She pushed herself completely up then, tucking her legs beneath her as she gaped at him.
"That is absolutely ridiculous and you know it. I have no regrets about being with you and excuse me for wanting to keep you as my partner instead of taking an unnecessary risk of losing you by telling Gates the truth."
"I don't work for the NYPD, the rules that apply to you all don't apply to me," he stated.
"You know what? You need to think about this, think about all of the ways it could go wrong instead of the reasons why you want to do it. Do you not want to work with me anymore?"
"Of course I do," he shot back at her.
"Then think about what you're asking me to do, Rick. We can't tell Gates. And until you've thought about that I think it's best if I leave. I'll just get ready for work at my place."
She climbed out of the bed and pulled her clothes on, stopping to look back at him once before she closed his bedroom door behind her.
And with a deep breath, she had climbed into the cab that was waiting for her, just as the first rays of dawn began to break across the sky.
He didn't show up at the precinct that morning, leaving her to make up some story about him having a meeting at Black Pawn, which turned into more lies of more meetings when he didn't show up a second or third day.
By the end of the fourth day, she's had enough, can't stand to be away from him any longer. She wanted him to think about what he was asking her to do, to consider the consequences, but he's had more than enough time to do that.
She calls him as she's climbing in to her car, but gets his voicemail. Sends him a text, but receives no reply. So she drives to his loft, knocks on his door only to find a brightly dressed Martha on the other side.
The older woman must know something is going on because she offers her a sad smile that's all too knowing and then she's closing the door behind her as she steps into the hall and wraps her arms around Kate.
"He went for a walk, dear. But you know him well enough to know where he ended up, so go find him and don't let him sulk around any longer," Martha says, giving her a light push towards the elevator.
And two steps towards it, Kate knows exactly where he is.
She parks her car on the other side of the street, spots him as soon as she steps out onto the sidewalk. He's hunched into one of the swings, their swings.
She hesitantly dips into the swing beside him, waits until he lifts his head, acknowledges her presence and her first real look at him almost devastates her. He looks physically in pain and she never would have imagined that this is the aftermath of their first real fight as a couple.
"Rick," she murmurs, but he shakes his head at her.
"I've been thinking about what you said," he says, and whatever conclusion he's come to must not be pleasant if the look on his face is any indication.
"You've been thinking for four days? When I left the other night I didn't mean for us to not talk for this long," she sighs, reaching out until she can brush her fingers across his knuckles.
"I just needed some time," he shrugs, watching as she drops her hand back into her lap.
"And?" she prompts.
"You're right, telling Gates could mean the end of our partnership, but Kate, she's going to find out eventually. I mean think about the future. If we move in together, get married, have kids, it's not like we can hide those things from her. And the more I thought about that stuff the more it devastated me, not the idea of a future with you, but of a future where I'm not your partner. How can I have your back if I'm stuck at home?"
"Oh, Castle. I just wanted you to consider the consequences of telling Gates right now, I didn't mean to send you into a panic about the future." She abandons her swing in favor of kneeling in front of him and places her hands on his knees.
"Kate," he sighs, covering her hands with his own and tangling their fingers together. "Now that I know what it's like to be your partner, I never want to stop."
"And I never want any partner other than you," she grins, pulling herself up so that she can settle sideways onto his lap.
He's still quiet, face still marked with lines of worry over their future.
"Hey," she whispers, waiting until he comes back to her. "Stop worrying so much about it, okay. Whatever happens we'll figure it out, together. For now, let's just take a deep breath and pause for a minute."
Castle nods, pressing a tender kiss against her cheek as he breathes in her scent, lets her erase his worries.
They sit like that until the sun starts to set, and then Kate eases off his lap, tugging him up with her. She wraps her arms around him, leans up on her tip toes and pauses to look at him just before she seals her mouth to his.
And once she's satisfied that they're okay, she leads the way back to her car.
"Do you want to go get some dinner?" he asks as he buckles his seatbelt.
"Actually," she grins, reaching for his hand as she eases the car out of its parking spot. "I was thinking we could grab some pizza and go home, maybe talk more about that future you imagined?"
He smiles, squeezes her hand in confirmation.
They survived their first big fight as a couple, but it won't be their last. They'll argue about their future, about all of the reasons they don't make sense on paper and about all of the reasons why they shouldn't care or live their life based on that. They'll overcome hurdles and grow closer. And they'll do it together, in all of life's moments, even between the pauses.
Prompt: "Between the fight and the case that followed, Kate hadn't seen Castle in days...and her first look at him almost devastated her. He looked physically in pain. She never would have imagined this was the aftermath of their first real fight as a couple" Set between Swan Song and After hours (if possible)."
Would love to hear your thoughts! xo