Deathborn Kart
Deathborn clenched the steering wheel between his thick, purple-gloved fingers. His solid white eyes narrowed. His brain pulsated visibly within his clear-domed helmet. A menacing laugh reverberated within his mechanical mouth slot; his arm muscles bulged with adrenalin-fueled strength. Tilting his head, he looked past his thick shoulder armor and tall red cowl and spotted two racers in hot pursuit.
His face, what muscles remained unaltered by mechanical replacements at least, twisted into a scowl. These mortal fools never seemed to understand. It was folly for them to race against one who had encountered death more than once, yet still lived. He had in turn caused infinitely more death, slaughtering any racer foolish enough to cross his path. These fools would be no different.
Jerking the wheel sharply, Deathborn steered onto a side path and ran headlong into a floating blue item box, emerging back onto the main course way with a green turtle shell in hand. With a deep chuckle, he hurled the shell at the racers behind him.
"Mama mia!" the plumber in a red cap and blue overalls exclaimed, pulling quickly to the side.
The large-nosed green dinosaur behind him was not so lucky. "Waaaadabudabudabudabudabu," he cried, his kart spinning out of control and crashing into a barricade.
Deathborn frowned. Where was the explosion? Normally his roadway executions were more… fiery. Had the dinosaur even died? He grimaced. If word of this got out it could damage his reputation. People would think he showed the creature mercy, or worse, lacked the skill to destroy those who threatened him. He would have to strangle that dinosaur later, somewhere discrete. Or perhaps a public display would serve his purpose better.
Rounding a corner at top speed, Deathborn pushed the accelerator so hard with his heavy boot that for a second he thought he might shove it straight out the bottom of the machine. These karts were so flimsy; he couldn't understand why the inhabitants of this pathetic world delighted in them so much. It was of no consequence, however. No machine could not be tamed by Deathborn, and no racing cup was beyond his skill. He would crush the spirit of the Mushroom Kingdom by claiming their precious Star Cup, then finish them off by burning the Princess' castle to the ground. He could almost smell the ashes now…
Suddenly the air above him whistled; it sounded as if an object was flying at him. He turned his head and looked behind. No shells, no fake item boxes, no banana peels… so what was this sound. Suddenly a glint of blue appeared in the corner of his eye; a glowing blue trail left by something flying overhead. His vision narrowed and saw that the object was a blue shell, wrapped in silver spikes and carried by white wings.
Deathborn shuddered. The Spiny Blue Shell! One of those pitiful mortals had launched one against him, right in his moment of triumph!
He jerked the wheel to the side, hoping to dodge, but it was to no avail. The shell flew at his kart like a missile, impacting it from behind and engulfing him in a massive blue blast.
"How could this be! How could I lose! Noooooooo!" he wailed as his kart plummeted over a barricade, plunging into the endless pit below.
A few minutes later his kart was hooked by a Lakitu's fishing pole and deposited back on the course. He glared at the Lakitu, looking so smug in his smiley face cloud, then turned his gaze to the finish line.
Last place. The other racers had used his misfortune to surpass him. And worst of all, he hadn't died again so this time he had no excuse. Letting his menacing face fall into his thick hands, Deathborn cried.
A/N: So yeah, I'd been feeling I needed to do a humor story since my last few have been so serious, and I've been wanting to write something about Deathborn for a while too. For those unfamiliar with him, he's the main villain of F-Zero GX, and you can find out pretty much all there is to know about him from looking up the cutscenes to the prologue and Mission 8 of that game (there's also a reference to mission 8 in this story). But anyway, Deathborn is such an intense character that I couldn't resist crossing him over with the lighthearted Mario Kart world. Overall, I feel like this story was still too serious though… maybe with visuals or more references to Mario Kart it would be better. Thoughts?