Rolling girl
- Rolling Girl always looked at unreachable dreams -
Boy POV
She's doing it again, I can see. Trying for the impossible again. Trying to be different again. If you try to stop her she makes a face, like you woke her from the most delightful dream. I think she's always looking for an escape from this place, where all the faces look the same and the people never change. There are little pockets of rebellion here, but not enough to over throw the terrible normal of it all.
This isn't a school, it's a breeding ground for killers, the kind that leave them brain dead, susceptible to being brainwashed. That's why their dreams never go too far. But not her, because she can't deal with that.
I bumped into her again, while she was daydreaming, no doubt. "Sorry Miku." I say.
"No problem." She murmured, already lost in her head again.
Girl POV
I did it again. How many times will I walk past before I speak up? Surely my words just fell on deaf ears? I failed again. I failed again. Where did I go wrong? I'll strike myself for every mistake. I shouldn't have bumped into him. I should have said more. You were rude to him. That's three; three times I'll strike myself.
"I'll also roll today,"
Boy POV
She'll roll again? What does she mean? She thinks her words don't reach sound but I listen. I watch her go again. Again, I didn't talk to her. I'll see her again in class, so we'll see if she rolls again. I'll talk to her today.
Girl POV
We're friends now, we talk all the time. The only time words don't pass is the time when I'm away. I can't stop this melancholy daydream, not now. Should I roll again today? I can't help myself you see. I've told him, but he isn't close to understanding yet. Each day, the wounds grow larger.
"Are you better now?" He asks softly, as he bandages a wound that I hadn't even noticed. That's the scariest thing, when you can't feel it anymore. They say it takes strength of the mind to do it. My daydream comes back and his face swims before my eyes. I feel this. Not the cold bathroom tiles, not the warm blood, but his gentle, healing touch.
"It's still a ways off, I still don't see the point. I'm gonna stop my breathing, now."
Boy POV
You can't stop a rolling stone. Its motion doesn't stop until it reaches the end. So I know that she can't stop rolling. Not by herself, at least. She does this sometimes; the dreaming takes her too far, when the world is particularly quiet and calm. She can't stand the silence, I know. So she just keeps rolling.
Girl POV
I'm so close to living with my dream now. No more Daydreaming. The colour will burst forth soon, so I'll just keep rolling until I can live with my dream.
I wonder, can I take him with me? I don't think he'll want to leave. Not with me. Why? Why won't he come with me? Because I'm just the silly, rolling, monochrome girl.
That's when it happens. I'll roll one last time, and then my dream will come true. There, now here. Here burst forth the colours around me. The building looks like ruins. The faces, still the same. Such forgettable faces blur my vision. Their voices hum and grow as one. Did I roll? Did I roll that one last time? I lost count of how many marks I left on my skin.
"I'm sorry I couldn't help you." Says one voice from the crowd of black and white. He is colour, he is life.
"No problem." I say, at least, I felt the words roll from my mouth. See? They're rolling too. No one hears these words. No one notices the angry marks we leave behind. Not my words, and not I.
Boy POV
She's still not better, even after what happened to her. Can I still help? I never want her to leave me. Every time we pass a hill, I know she dreams of rolling one more time. How are you going to turn out good? At this pace, she'll surely be gone, rolling away from me.
Girl POV
Oh, once more. Once more! Before I know it, this is all I want! For those colours again! Is this the only way? Surely it is. No one has ever taught me to overcome this suffocating, plain life before. Maybe it's something you teach yourself. I never see anyone else punish themselves this way. How can't they? Why don't they try to escape? Before I know it, I'm rolling again. But I know it's not the last time, so the world stays plain.
Boy POV
There she is again. I couldn't stop her this time. She's lost that empty look though; it's replaced by the spark of rebellion. The feeling of finally reaching her goal. She's been talking to herself, those words that cut her deeper than any blade. How is it that they can't hear? No sound. No sound. But the words scream for release.
"Are you better now?" I ask her later, neither of us hungry now. She's always most comfortable sitting on this hill, a tight ball of emotion and skin.
"Just a bit more, and you'll see something soon. I'm gonna stop my breathing, now." She fell forwards, dreaming again. I couldn't reach her in time, and so she rolled again.
Girl POV
Just once more, this is the last day. The expectancy is in their eyes now, their waiting for me now. Shall I take the stage? Or should I let it seep through the craps that have appeared? He's with me now, so I'll roll just once more! But wait, what's he doing now? Can you stop me?
"Please don't stop me, this world is too pale. I want to help them now. Let me roll again!" I cried, they heard me this time. I could see it now, how they were different. But wait, what was that? There's something warm around me now. There it is again, that bloom of colour on their faces. Suddenly, there's colour again. This place is no longer so dull, it is bright, and it is life. He's holding me now.
"Are you better now? It's okay now. Let's go, you must be tired as well, right?" He smiled. That was the first time he had smiled just for me, the silly, rolling, colourful girl.
- I wanna stop my breathing, now -
A/N I just, really love this song.
Love always,
The 5TH ARISU