"Author'"s note: Well hello Batman fandom, what a pleasure to annoy you too. I figured that instead of going on with my SPN fanfic I could participate to the Batman/Joker week (which you can find on Tumblr) and so here I am. I've never read the comics, just watched Nolan's movies and some of the animated series, so I apologize if I put some awful mistakes along the way. Not betaed, so the general level of this lowers even more but oh, who cares. Hope you enjoy anyway

Prompt: First kiss

Chapter's rating: K+

Disclaimer: Batman is note mine

Bruce hid behind a container. Less than two seconds later a small bomb exploded, not big enough to even damage the metal barrier but still really dangerous, since that the madman who built it had put nails in it. Bruce had already witnessed what those things did and he wanted anything but to end up in the middle of one of them blowing up. He wasn't sure how did they work, all he knew was that they gave out a recorded laughter as only warning and then exploded five seconds after they were triggered.

He heard voices coming his way, alerted by the explosion. Just what he needed, someone else to fight. They probably weren't really good, like all the others Bruce had already knocked out, but they were a fucking lot. Bruce went on the closest container's top, hoping that the position could give him some kind of advantage.

It was all Joker's fault, as usual. Well, not all his, but in great part it was. The relationship between him and the mafia had been terrible since he first arrived in Gotham, but these days it was worst than ever. So after a long list of reciprocal insults and getting in each other's way (mostly done by Joker, of course) the mafia had had enough and decided to openly declare war to the clown. Joker had accepted, and for some unknown reason both parts had decided that the port was the perfect place to destroy each other.

Bruce stayed still as some men of the mafia walked below him. They were five, all heavily armed. They walked around a bit, searching for a body. Finally, one of them shot in the air, quickly followed by a couple others.

«We know you're up there Batman!» one of them screamed. It was clear they wanted to look intimidating, but Bruce didn't buy it. If they'd been Joker's men maybe he could have believed them, they were usually too crazy to be scared of anything if they joined the clown, but mafia feared him. If not the bosses, at least the small pieces did.

«C'mon you freak, come out!» another said. Bruce didn't move. They looked easy to take out, he just needed to be careful about the weapons. He waited until they started to relax, before jumping down between them. He took them by surprise, making them scramble and earning enough time to disarm two before they could even try to raise their guns against him. Soon they were all lying on the ground, Batman not even panting. He would have tied them, but he didn't have time. The police was trying to sedate the conflict, too, but they had no real chance to get to Joker. If he didn't stop them, things could go on for far longer than this.

He had to be careful about every move he made. The mafia had put men everywhere, but they weren't what worried him. Joker's men weren't either, they were far less and not any stronger. It was Joker's traps that made him paranoid. Bombs filled with nails, Smilex, structures made to collapse over people, it was wonder how the clown managed to put them all in place in so little time. He still had to find on single reason for which Joker had accepted to do this thing; but then again, understanding the clown's thinking process was beyond his capability. He was probably just bored and decided that this thing could be funny. Damn him, couldn't he just keep on with his stupid robberies and ignore the proposition? Bruce pointedly ignored the part of him that was suggesting he might be worrying for Joker's safety, refusing to admit he felt the smallest trace of affection for that lunatic.

The sound of an explosion caught his attention. He ran out of the warehouse he was in and moved in that direction, hoping he could find someone there. The SWAT team glared at him, but didn't try to stop him, being smart enough to know he was the best choice in handling the Joker. Bruce glanced up at the sky, which was becoming of a lighter shade of blue by the minute. Sunrise was in about twenty minutes, and for some reason it upset him. He spent one second wondering when he stopped being scared of bats and became scared of the daylight, but only one second. Another bomb had just blown up near the first. He ran faster, the noise coming from a group of containers that looked like they were just pulled off the ship.

Joker was running and jumping around, giggling and making strange noises and shooting at everyone in sight. The man was a damn good shooter, his bullets hitting everyone who wasn't quick enough to hide. A dozen men were lying dead or wounded, and with each hit Joker's apparent happiness increased. Batman shook his head, reminding whatever part of him even thought about liking the Joker that the man was a psychopath.

Bruce's caught a movement in his peripheral vision. A sniper crouching on the top of a container was aiming a rifle straight at Joker's head, the clown too busy with killing people to notice the threat. Bruce acted before thinking, coming up behind the sniper and getting him in a headlock. The man tried to struggle to free himself, but Bruce was stronger and the sniper ended up unconscious. He let the man down slowly on the metal surface, but the weapon fell to the ground, the sound alerting Joker. The clown turned towards Batman, his smile widening.

«Thanks for that Batsy, would you like to help me taking care of this or you prefer to just sit and enjoy the show?» he asked, absent-mindedy shooting someone with a clown mask on his face.

«You took on killing your men again» Bruce commented, jumping down some meters away from the madman. The Joker shrugged.

«I don't need them anymore, and besides paying attention to who you're killing it's boring» the clown hid behind a container and then fired, a cry of pain coming from somewhere Bruce couldn't see. Batman turned around, hearing someone coming from behind him. He avoided a bullet and then tore the gun from the man's hand, throwing it to the ground. A blow to the head and the imprudent sniper was out cold.

«You're coming with me» Bruce growled, aware that if he managed to separate Joker from the rest this would be easily over. The SWAT could take care of everyone, apart for the psychopath in front of him, of course.

«I'm a little busy right now darling, can you wait a minute? Oh, right, you bats don't like the sun much» Bruce ignored the comment (and especially the "darling") and ran toward the Joker. They both hid behind a container to not get shot. Bruce gripped Joker's arm.

«It's not open for discussions. I'm taking you away now»

«Aw, worried for me?» Joker asked, batting his eyelashes. Once again, Bruce ignored the comment that struck too close to home for his liking. He was about to say something, but then stopped. The shooting had stopped. Joker must have noticed that too, because he made a move of turning around, but got stopped by Bruce's grip «Would you please let me go before I put a bullet in your-» someone was running their way. As soon as the man came out from behind the container, the clown shot him in his chest.

«Joker» Batman growled, taking the gun from him and tossing it away.

«How many times do I have to tell you, I do what I want!» Joker interrupted, clearly expecting a lecture on why he shouldn't kill others. And he was going to get it, possibly by having his head smashed the closest wall, but right now all Batman saw was the grenade in the dead man's hand.

«Move!» he said, tugging Joker's arm. The grenade exploded before he could get them to safety, so all he did was somehow putting himself between Joker and the explosion.

When it wore out, Bruce was feeling like shit. His right ear hurt, and he knew for experience he probably wouldn't hear things very well for some days. His armor had protected him from most of the impact, but he was sure he had many scratches on his face and that at home he'd find a lot of bruises. Alfred would not be amused. He blinked twice. Looking to his left, he saw Joker. The clown was lying on his back, gasping for air. Despite himself, Bruce moved as fast as he could to check on the clown. He seemed to have problems breathing, but it was a normal reaction if he had hit the ground with his back. He was covered in cuts and bruises, but they were just minor injuries.

«Well that wasn't very nice» Joker coughed, trying to even his breath. Bruce heard footsteps coming their way. He got up and made the Joker stand too. The clown was half-leaning against him, so Batman put an arm around his waist and carried them both away. Bruce threw some smoke bombs behind them to confound their chasers, which were a bit less effective in the twilight but still worked. Joker of course wasn't doing anything to help him, but he didn't care. Only when they got to the nearest warehouse and Bruce got them on the roof, relatively safe from the bullets, he let go of the jester.

«So nice of you to giving me a lift Batsy» Joker commented.

«I didn't do that for you. It was just the quickest way to stop this» Bruce responded. He looked down the roof, seeing various police officers running with their guns in hand. They could take care of the rest, Bruce mused.

«The denial phase, lovely» Joker chuckled and Bruce bit the inside of his cheek, feeling more uncomfortable by the minute. He was Batman, dammit, not some kind of blushing schoolgirl speaking with her crush for the first time. And Joker was so not his crush, point «It's been nice, but now I have to go. Wouldn't want to keep you out too long past your bedtime»

«You're not going anywhere but Arkham» Bruce stepped in front of Joker, making the clown sigh.

«Oh, come on! Why do you even bother, I wonder. I mean, I got out of there so many times I could find the way blindfolded» seeing as Batman moved to catch him, Joker stepped aside and pulled out a knife. Bruce avoided the blade and tried to punch the clown. Joker prevented him with a laugh. They were both tired from the night, and Bruce just hoped he would get over with this quickly.

Joker managed to avoid all of Batman's blows easily, while Bruce had problems moving aside fast enough to not be stabbed. It was like all of the soreness for tonight's efforts just came over him, making his muscles aching and slow. The only way he had to finish this was taking the Joker by surprise, but it looked like the jester was foreseeing all of his moves. There was an option which always worked in these cases, but Bruce was a bit reluctant to use it. But when the knife was thrown at him and he barely managed to not having it hit him, he decided it wasn't the moment to hesitate.

Bruce got close to the Joker, and moved like he was trying to headbutt him. But instead of hitting him, he changed trajectory at the last moment and kissed him. Full on the lips. The clown froze under him for a second, before moaning and responding to the kiss. Bruce let himself feel just how good it felt, his lips moving toghter with Joker's, before using Joker's distraction to his advantage and twisting the man's arm behind his back, parting them. Joker gasped and then chuckled as Bruce handcuffed him with his hands behind his back.

«Good strategy Batman, good strategy» the clown said «But you know, I think a couple cops down there saw you kissing me, very nicely by the way. Not worried about your reputation?» Bruce glanced down to see some officers looking up, jaw basically hitting the ground.

«Not much, really» he paused for a moment, and then added, «You're not a bad kisser either» Joker started laughing hysterically as Bruce took him down and consigned him to the shocked officers, his maniacal laughter not stopping until he was out of Bruce's hearing range, the man wondering if he maybe he could pull that move on Joker again someday.

Final note: the kiss-thing actually works, guys. A guy I know kissed someone he was having a discussion with and the other was so shocked he couldn't come up with anything else to say/do.