A/N This is something really small I wrote for half an hour. Let's just say that I had a sudden burst of inspiration. Now, don't think I'm in an abusive relationship or something. I just felt kind of like Haku does here toward a person I know. I hope you like it.
Hollow Like Your Promises And My Dreams
It has happened again. You are arching all over- he has been hitting you, hasn't he? He always hurts you- physically and mentally. But this time you stood for yourself, you left him! No? No, of course, you didn't. He told you he doesn't want to see you so you gathered your thing and left. Went to a friend of yours.
It has already been a week since you haven't seen him. Your friends don't even mention his name around you and you want to scream. You want someone to ask, someone to acknowledge your pain, you want to tell someone. So I ask... and you tell me.
He is all you can think of, that is why you can't allow yourself to think. Your whole body, inside and out, everything that you gave him hurts and you just want to hide under the covers of your bed and scream and cry. One thing doesn't leave your mind. What if you make the first step? What if you swallow your pride? Pride- it's just a word, why should it stand in the way of your happiness. But you keep going, struggling every day, every minute... every second.
You are surrounded by friends and yet you are alone. None of them could be him. No, each one of them could be, you could almost see it in your heart- how you laugh with them, kiss them and it's so real, more real than it has ever been with him. But you don't want real or perfect, you want him. You say that nobody is ideal.
As you recall the events from that day you persuade yourself that you are the one to blame. You should have kept quiet, you saw he was angry. You should have apologised after those words left his mouth, after he banished you. Hell, you should have gone to your knees and begged for forgiveness, you are no longer above that.
A sudden flash of rationality flashes through you mind. If he loves you, he would apologise. You give him time. A day turns into a week and then the weeks plot against you and combine, turning into a month. The times float but he still ignores you. You keep hoping. "Today will be the day," you say and every time you see him your heart stops.
One night you go to a club with your friends. He is there. He walks toward you and smile and you are ready to forgive him, to allow him to do everything he wants with you just so you could see that smile again. Soon you realize it's not for you. That smile. He walks past you and starts flirting with the boy on your right.
A month has passed, today is the day you decided to clean up your bills with him. On the way to your... his apartment you wonder what to tell him. You could always ask him to be your friend, just so you could be able to be beside him. That is cruel but you are used to the pain by now. It's better than feeling empty.
The moment he opens the door you realize it. You would return to him, wouldn't you?
Aren't you?
You are the first one to break the silence. He just stares at you as your "hi" hangs in the air. Then he grabs you, you think he is about to hurt you but he doesn't. It's enough for him that you are here, you've already shown that you surrender.
He is kissing you in no time, saying that he missed you, that he couldn't live without you. You almost ask, "Then why didn't you come for me?" but stop yourself. He is lying, his words are hollow just like you are without him. And the most pathetic thing is that you've already realized that but you have simply chosen to ignore it.
He pushes you down on your knees, where you belong, and is generous enough to let you suck his cock. You take it as if it is the world's most precious thing and for you it is. When he is sated he tells you to stand up. Doesn't help you get up, never does. And he takes you.
You cry and scream in pain, he doesn't stop. Says he hadn't been with anyone for a month. You know he is lying, you can smell the girl's perfume still lingering on him. But you don't care. Not now. You gave up your pride, your everything to be here, you aren't ready for another fight. He is gentle towards the end. Or maybe you are so used to the brutalities that he puts you through that you call a kiss kindness?
When you finish he tucks you at his side on the bed. Dimly you realize that you don't have a side, you are always where he is. The pillow smells on a girl's perfume, underneath the bed you spot boxers which aren't his. You close your eyes. The little pathetic toy that is ready to endure anything. Your senses are overcome by his scent and you smile.
He says he loves you... you just wait for it to start again.
Oh, and if you couldn't figure it out- I talk to Haku and his lover is Zabuza, I didn't put any names there because it felt more... you know, like Haku is not the only one I'm talking to.