Title: The Darkness
Author: Lara aka Lara_SGC
E-mail: Lara_
Pairings : Catherine/Grissom and a little Sara/Nick
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Strip Strangler, Lady Heather's Box.
Summery: Grissom's and Catherine's lives are in danger but will it bring them closer together?
'My mind is at a dark place. It isn't black, yet it has no colors. I can touch it and it's like trailing your hand over the surface of deep, dark water. Refreshing – like you can almost taste it. When you would give yourself into temptation, you can jump into it and it would feel wonderful. I did but it wasn't refreshing. No. It was temptation. I needed to go deeper, pushed myself further and further into that darkness. Like water, the darkness is dangerous and it suffocated me. It's save arms that once embraced me, were pushing me under. And then…I drowned.'
Grissom leaned back into the soft cushions of his old brown sofa and he took a deep, steady breath. Held it and closed his eyes slowly. He imagined standing on a lakeshore. Refreshing, clear water. Soothing. He felt safe, at ease. Touching the water surface softly with his fingertips. Stroking it. Trying to control it. He felt a sudden panic overwhelm him and in a quick flash, he opened his eyes and took a shaky breath.
His hand that was wrapped around the little paper had started sweating. He placed the paper in front of him on the table to stop his sweating fingers from smirching the letters. He got up, padded on his bare feet towards his bathroom.
This once he didn't turn on the lights. Taking slow, careful steps, he walked until he bumped against the bathtub. One hand on the cold rim and the other to turn on the facet. He kneeled down and leaned over his bathtub so his fingers were touching the water.
It felt cool, refreshing. There was no use for his eyes in the darkness so he closed them. The coldness of the bath was more than welcome against his cheek when he rested his head on it. Rested his troubled mind.
He concentrated on the water under his fingertips. Flowing; like the blood coursing through his veins. He held his breath, stood and sat on the tub's rim. One hand on the other side, holding him from falling in the water, the other still caressing the water. He tried to imagine that the water was the darkness.
He tried to imagine how it feels to be engulfed by darkness. Was it like being engulfed by water? He had to believe it was true to understand him.
It was all about temptation. Keeping those fingers from diving into the water and touch the bottom. He had to dive into the darkness. Dive into the water to understand.
He leaned forward when a sudden loud beeping sound surprised him as his body had a jolt. His hand slipped of the side and he fell into the bathtub knocking his head hard against the facet as the next splash of water engulfed him. He felt that panic again. His arms swayed in the air trying to find a hold on as the water soaked his clothes.
The alarm kept going and he realized it was his cell phone. Out of breath, he pushed himself upright as his head started to protest with a furious throbbing headache. He closed his eyes and grimaced when the headache started to feel like a train rambling through his brains.
With both hands grabbing the side, he stepped carefully out of the bathtub. A hand to his head and several groans later he'd finally picked up his cell phone, leaving a trail of droplets of water behind him. He felt a slight panic when he saw the caller ID.
In one swift motion, he swapped his phone open. "Cath?" He let all the concern he felt go right into that word.
"I'm okay, Gil. I received another letter." He took in a sharp breath and sat down on the ground, small puddles of water forming around him.
"Gil?"
He heard her concern, the slight panic but also the exhaustion in her voice. It had been three rough nights and it was still going on. "Is it like the other one?" He waited with abated breath and listened to her soft breathing.
"Fucked up like the others. Gil, can I come over? I don't wanna be alone anymore."
He nodded more to himself, as he understood. It's something he wanted to do the last time he'd received a letter; he wanted to be with her.
Catherine was exhausted, they both were. Yet both of them were desperately trying to figure out who was sending these strange letters to the both of them. The once tough woman, he knew, had turned into a beaten doll. She had brought Lindsey to her sister for the remaining of the week to keep her safe. It's something Jim had advised her to do while his men watched her and his house.
For the past four days, both him and Catherine had received strange letters. The same thing had happened to six other couples. Always male, female but not necessarily in a romantic relationship. All received letters, and then were murdered together. Brass' opinion was to protect them both until they got the murderer.
And now, Catherine, had received yet another letter and was alone in a big house with no one to protect her. Catherine was tough, but she wasn't superwoman. "I don't know if Brass'll like that. He doesn't want us together."
He heard her sigh. "I read the file. The couples always get killed when they're together. I know…" he felt a pain in his chest and he knew it was his heart. It hurt him to hear that tremble in her voice.
"I don't want to be alone. I feel like either breaking down and crying or hitting something. And I can tell ya my fists are raw hitting the sofa. This letter…."
He didn't know what to answer. Jim would object but he also wanted to be there for her when she'd brake down and he needed to know what was in that last letter.
"My door's always open for you Catherine. I'll be waiting."
The answer was a shaky breath and maybe a sob. "Okay. See you in a minute."
"Catherine before you go, do you still have some of my migraine medicine at your place?"
He could imagine the frown on her face.
"Yeah, I'll bring some with me. Are you okay?"
"Not really but my headache is the least of our problems." It was.
"Okay I'll be right there."
"Catherine? Drive safely."
He quickly said before ending the call. There was no need to say goodbye, they never did.
He called Brass on his cell phone to tell him that he wanted Catherine with him at his house. First he objected but he knew Gil. He knew he was too stubborn to talk him out of it. Maybe he had other motives that Gil had no idea of. Jim had always liked Catherine. Actually he once told Gil that hiring Catherine was the best thing he had ever done. Gil found himself smiling at that thought but he suddenly remembered that the water in his bathroom was still running.
After turning off the water, he groaned at his wet, sticky clothes and his headache.
He quickly got changed in lose jogging pants and his old grey sweater with a black bug emblem on it. Catherine had given it to him ten years ago. Ten years. It felt like ages. And in all those years he knew her, he had never felt this worried about her.
This was way too personal and it was draining her.
They had received four letters so far. Each of them two. No name, no address; just a plain white piece of paper with typed sentences. He got letters about darkness and water while Catherine had letters about fear and dying.
He was worried about the last letter Catherine got. The tremble in her voice was enough for him to assume that her letter hit too close to home.
Ten minutes later, Catherine arrived and was now standing at his door, biting her lower lip. Without a word, she walked in and gave the letter to him. He took it but didn't read it. Instead he placed himself on the sofa and followed her with his eyes.
He saw with interest how she walked over to the kitchen. Opened the refrigerator and grabbed a vodka bottle out of the freezer.
Later she appeared with two glasses, the bottle and a little bag in her hands. It still felt awkward to have a woman roaming in his house but it didn't bother him as much as it used to. He noticed that she wore a jogging and sweater too.
Casualty at its best.
Her face was even clear from any make-up and she was still beautiful.
She sat down beside him and handed him the bag while she poured their glasses with the clear alcohol liquid.
"I probably shouldn't take this with the vodka but-" He didn't finish his sentence as he took the pill and washed it down with the vodka.
Catherine watched him. "But you don't care."
His expression hardened as he nodded. "Damn straight."
She sipped her own glass and by the way she closed her eyes he knew, it'd felt good. Carefully he enfolded the piece of paper and started reading.
Cathy,
Breathing is important, understand this. Without it, you suffocate. Have you ever been underwater and you couldn't breath? Those last moments you think you're going to die? What would you think? Who would you think of in those last moments? Your daughter? Your boyfriend? I know but do you?
You'll know soon enough. I'm watching you and your boyfriend. I'll take you to the water. It's all about temptation and the darkness. It's near, Cathy. So near you can taste it and soon it will reach you.
Maybe today, maybe tomorrow. Or maybe next week but you can't escape it. It will drown you.
Do you understand?
"Jesus," he said as he dropped the letter on the floor.
"I know." She nodded and drank the last of her glass down.
"He enjoys seeing someone suffer. He plays a game. Have you met someone new recently?"
She took a moment to look at him and snorted. "No, I usually try to avoid being friends with psychopaths." Again she looked at the letter now lost on the floor.
"People aren't always whom they seem to be."
Catherine sighed and wrapped her arms around herself. "People? Yes. You can hardly say this is humanly normal."
He leaned forward, bracing his arms on his knees and twirled the glass around in his hand. "It isn't normal but it sure is human."
Catherine mimicked his position so her full left side was softly leaning against his. They were both exhausted but had too much adrenaline running through their veins to actually sleep.
Placing his glass on the table, he fondled a white piece of paper out of his pants pocket and gave it to Catherine whom took it with a frown. He closed his eyes slowly, knowing what was said in the letter.
Grissom,
Ever wandered around in the darkness? Darkness that consumes light? I have. Within it you have no worries, no care but it's killing me as sad thoughts are maddening me.
You CSI's think you're smart. You're not. You people are always bitching and moaning. You're trapped in this world. Lonely and slowly fading.
I'm free from this damned world. Ever dreamt of dead, rotting bodies? Naked bodies of children, their eyes cut out, their legs amputated, just lying there in their own puddle of blood? Or young girls, with their legs wide open, raped and ravished. Their eyes wide open with a last look of pure terror, fear and total destruction of their soul. Have you? I have. It excites me. Don't try to understand. I'm not evil, I'm merely human. I can't help it. The darkness wants me to do it.
You're next. Or maybe that lovely strawberry blond you have there with you.
Maybe I'll kill her first. I will push a knife into her heart and twist it again and again. Then I will tear her heart out until it stops beating in my bare hand. And as her warm blood will glide over my fingers, I'll cherish the moment I will see the look on your face when her life slips through my fingers.
It's a race, Gil. A race for you to die. We'll meet soon.
Catherine swallowed hard enough for him to hear. The piece of paper slipped out of her hand flying through the air until it disappeared under the table. "How can someone carry so much hate in him?"
"Because hate is all the world has ever seen lately."
She frowned and tilted her head. "Okay what questions do you have now?"
Grissom leaned forward, grabbing the bottle, tempted to drink the damn bottle of Vodka down but they needed to stay sharp. "Why should I ask questions if I don't want the answers?"
"Why wouldn't you want to question his actions?"
"I already know the answer to that."
Catherine raised her eyebrows and waited.
"Stupidity of mankind never ceases to impress me."
As he refilled her glass, she nodded her head to his answer.
They sat in the dim lights, drawing strength from the other until Catherine's voice broke the comfortable silence. Grissom saw how her hands trembled slightly. He wanted to cover her hands, calm them, but he didn't dare move. Even though he was getting slightly intoxicated by the vodka, he's mind was still sharp.
"Eventually the risk of our job is going to get us."
Grissom stared at his glass but he knew what she meant. They have saved each other's lives numerous times. What if the other hadn't been there? They'd be dead by now. He understood her. "I always wanted to believe we were above that."
Catherine turned to look at her best friend. "Remembered when I shot the Strip Strangler?"
He remembered. "You saved my life."
"By taking someone else's life." She brought her glass to her lips and Grissom watched her as she drank the whole damn glass down. He understood her, sometimes it was good letting go. Catherine had once told him that she would only drank so much and let go when she was with someone she trusted. He admired her for putting trust in him.
Then again they trusted each other blindly. Nineteen years of working together and friendship would do that.
He sipped his glass and smiled inwardly as he felt the headache going to the background.
Catherine placed the glass on the table and braced her arms on her legs, the top her hand brushing his but she kept it there. "I kept telling myself that my feelings weren't real that moment. That it was impossible how I felt when I pulled the trigger."
"How did you feel?"
A shaky breath escaped her mouth and she nervously grabbed her glass again, turning it around in her small hand as he looked at her, her eyes were sad. With a frown she looked away. Placing her feet against the table in front of them, she hugged her knees to her. "I felt like God." She looked at him. "I felt great, Gil."
They had sat in silence until Catherine walked to the window, carefully peeking through the curtains. "He's been watching us. He knows where we live but he doesn't know us well enough to know that we aren't romantically involved."
"You think the boyfriend he mentions in your letters is me?"
She turned around to look at him. "Well, yeah. Don't you? Who else could he mean? We're the only two of the LVPD who got the letters."
Grissom frowned. It wasn't an answer as to why the murderer thought they were a couple. He felt guilty for being a little curious as to why someone would see them as a couple. He shook his head and he knew Catherine saw it but she turned back around when he didn't answer.
"I just wish I knew who he was, you know."
Grissom stood, watching her. The vodka was taking its toll as he felt himself sway for just a moment. He knew that the vodka was not making the inner turmoil in Catherine better but at least, he hoped, she'd surrender to her fears and let him comfort her. She wasn't the only one who needed to feel arms around themselves.
"I'm so tired of feeling that fear that turns into anger all the time. Anger towards those murderers, rapists, drug dealers in our cases. Now this. I'm exhausted by all that hate that I carry with me."
"I know," was all he could say. He understood her as she understood him better than anyone else. Sara might have told him that he lived without feelings. That cases were less hard on him but she was wrong. It drained him too; he just didn't let it out.
He was the leader, he needed to be strong for them but with Catherine, it was different. He didn't have to hide his emotions from her. She encouraged him to let it all out more.
"It'll be okay," he said. Her back was still to him. She shrugged her shoulders.
"Jim's best men are watching our houses. Before the guy even sets foot on the ground, they'll catch him." He opened the curtain as they both saw the two unmarked cars in front of his house.
Again she shrugged.
"Cath, he's not going to get us."
She turned around while grabbing his wrist, to get his hand away from the open curtain so it would give them their privacy again. She glanced at her own fingers wrapped around his wrist but she didn't let go.
"We've met people like him but never this personal. Never this close to home. He is power and I feel he wants us…badly. He's toying with us like a cat before eating the mouse."
Grissom saw the tears emerging in her eyes but she quickly blinked them away.
"I'm the only one Lindsey still has, she already lost her father-"
"Shh," he said and pulled his wrist free from her now steal grip. "After this, Lindsey will have both of us alive and loving her."
Her head snapped up and she stared at him for so long, he thought she hadn't heard. She barely reacted, little more than a blink but he saw the tears fill her eyes and a small smile that reached those sad, tired eyes.
Softly he felt one of her small hands on his cheek but before he could drown in the soft gesture, she trailed her fingertips over his cheek and back to her side.
The tears, however, were still there and when she blinked, a few single tears traveled down her cheeks. It not only hurt him to see her cry but it hurt him more to see her so defeated. Like she had given up. The Catherine he knew never did.
Before he could react, she opened her mouth to speak.
"I don't want to be a crybaby or play the pitiful wife but now I need someone who can hold me and I….," her voice trembled so hard she had to stop.
He looked away not wanting her to see the emotions that overwhelmed his whole being. Letting go, she had told him once. He didn't know what to do but she needed him now. Hell, he needed her.
Grissom stepped closer until their bodies touched. Both their knees and hips touching but it wasn't erotic. Any other moment, the feeling of her body against him, would've made him go crazy but this was meant to be tender. Gentle. He knew he wasn't good at it but he tried and Catherine sniffed and smiled while she wrapped her arms around him, pressing her cheek against his face while digging her fingers in his back.
Her voice was a trembling whisper, "If he kills me, Gil-"
"I won't let-"
"But if he does, promise me one thing."
He placed his hands wearily on her hips, not sure what to do with them and felt her fear.
"Promise me you'll stay alive long enough to kill him. Slowly."
"And if he gets me first?"
"If he gets you first-," she tilted her head back to look him straight in the eyes, "-I'll paint this house red with his blood. Every square centimeter."
Grissom nodded and he hoped that the look she'd see in his eyes now was the same one he saw in hers. A determined, strong look belonging to a person willingly enough to fight for the other.
They stared at each other until Catherine sighed and stepped out of his embrace. Knowing she needed her space, he backed away and glanced in her direction.
She was biting her lower lip and rubbing her upper arms. She was thinking about something. Remembering.
For some reason she shook her head without looking at him. She reached up and touched his shoulder, running her hand down his arm, and it made him look at her curiously. The way she opened her mouth and closed it again with a frown on her face, told him she wanted to tell him something that made her uneasy. Uncomfortable.
There were not many uncomfortable moments between them, it made him frown at her.
"Gil, beating my couch wasn't the only thing I did after I read that letter. It made me think. Who would be the last people I'd think off before he'd kill me? I started thinking about Lindsey. She means the world to me, Gil."
He watched her intently. What she was saying seemed important to her.
She bit her lip again and looked at the bug logo on his sweater. A quick smile. She recognized it. But the smile disappeared and her face was sad again but this time she looked him straight in the eyes. "Lindsey loves you enough to accept you as a father. If I die…would you adopt Lindsey?"
Grissom felt goose bumps on his arms and he swallowed hard. He felt tears coming up but this time he didn't fight them. This was the most beautiful gesture anyone had given him. Her words still rang in his ears. So many emotions overwhelmed him. He was speechless. When he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror next to the window he saw he had a look of soft wonder and shock on his face. He was crying. He couldn't remember how long it had been since he'd cried in front of someone else.
He glanced back at Catherine, a scared expression on her face. With one small step, he closed the distance and hugged her body to him. Rocking them softly. One of his hands making small comforting circles on her lower back, as his other hand placed her hair.
She was crying too, and trembling. They stood their in each other's arms, rocking side to side as he pulled back slightly to press his mouth against her ear, smelling her citrus shampoo and his breath was shaky.
"I love Lindsey since she was born, Catherine. I'd do anything for her. I'll give you my honest yes to reassure you but I don't think it'll come that far."
Catherine's sobbing had subsided but he enjoyed having her in his arms and she didn't pull away either.
He felt confused but not uncomfortable. This kind of affection wasn't something he was used to. Wasn't used to give either. Why was it so different with Catherine? Why was it so easy to hold her when two days ago it wouldn't have crossed his mind.
Why was she so determined that she'd get killed? And Lindsey. Why ask him to be the adoption father? Why not ask her sister? Why were they the victim of a psychopath's pleasures games? Why them? Why? Why? Why?
He heard her muffled voice out of nowhere. "I don't know, Gil. I've been asking that question to my reflection in the mirror more than I could count."
Fear engulfed his heart. How much had he said out loud? This was getting stupid. He didn't like not being in control of his emotions. The headache had long gone but they were both tired. Emotionally exhausted, drained. A good night sleep would do them both good.
"Catherine?"
She sighed. "No. Just a little longer." He heard her take a deep breath as she snuggled her face in his neck and pressed his upper body against hers.
Just holding her felt so good to him, that it hurt. Would he feel this way if he held Terri? He didn't feel the same around Lady Heather. It felt good to hold her but as he held Catherine it felt so good it hurt. Catherine was holding on to him so intense that he heard their hearts beating together. Like hail crashing against the bottom of an empty bucket.
As much as he wanted to hold her against him forever, his legs were starting to protest. He gave her a final rubbing on the back, and pulled away slightly.
Her eyes had been closed, her breathing had even slowed down. After a few seconds she opened her eyes and looked at him. "You look tired, Gil."
He watched her with a caring smile. "You too. Let's go get some sleep."
When he wanted to walk to the table to grab his cell phone, he realized what he had just said and when he glanced back, he didn't see a reaction on her face.
"Don't worry. I know what you mean. Can I stay here for the night?"
Grissom shrugged casually. He desperately wanted her by his side so he could watch over her and hold her against him to make sure she was still with him but he couldn't. Ultimately it was her decision. "Sure. You spend lot's of nights here before."
She snorted. "Yeah but that was always after Eddie had beaten me up and you were mostly at the crime lab or working at home when I slept here."
He smiled when he heard her chuckle. The most wonderful sound in the world.
"Remember when you washed yourself with my wild-candy-perfumed body soap?"
Gil laughed. "How can I forget? Everyone started teasing me with the fact that I smelled like a woman. 'Ooh, Griss, man you got yourself a girlfriend?'" He shook his head. "Word traveled fast. By the end of the shift, I had a girl coming up to me giving me her phone number. Female nature never ceases to amaze me."
Catherine laughed heartily. "Well, the women's lust object got taken by someone and they got jealous wanting the toy too. People are weird. Hard to understand most of the time."
"You can't really get people, you can only react to them."
"This is getting deep," she muttered while walking over to the bedroom. He cleaned up the living room and put the bottle of vodka back into its freezer and stretched his back.
He checked his cell phone, grabbed his gun and checked for bullets when Catherine emerged from the bedroom again. Thinking that she'd already went to sleep there, he frowned when he saw her carrying blankets. He turned around and followed her with his eyes.
She took out her golden earrings and placed them neatly on the table, curled herself on his couch and covered herself with one of the navy blue blankets.
"Sure you don't want the bed,?" he asked more than happy to give her the bed.
She pushed a hand absently at her hair and looked up at him without raising her head. A glance, a quick smile. Pulling one side of the blanket away to make space for him, she shrugged. "I have a gun to keep me safe, now I need a man to make feel safe," she added with a serious look on her face. There was no trace of humor. If somehow the guy got in here without the cops knowing it, at least they'd be ready for him.
After sitting in the dark for more than half an hour, Catherine had fallen asleep. Her body softly leaning against his, her head on his shoulder. As much as he tried to fight sleep he knew it was a fight he'd lose. Several minutes later, he fell asleep listening to Catherine's heartbeat and soft breathing.
At some point during the night, Catherine'd moved in her sleep. Grissom opened his eyes only to notice that she had placed her leg over his lap. Her head was pressed into his upper arm and her right hand was on his chest. She was asleep as he felt her steady breathing against his neck.
The blanket had slid off of her and barely covered her body. With tender care, Grissom placed the blanket back over her and tucked it in around her shoulders as she stirred and yawned. "Gil?" She seemed to take a deep intake of breath and pushed her tousled hair out of her face. "Oh, sorry," she quickly replied as she tucked her leg back under her instead of sprawled all over him.
"It's okay," he said. It was. "You warm enough?" She nodded with a soft smile and rested her head against him again. Overwhelmed by a sudden caring feeling towards her, he softly took her hand in his and brushed her knuckles with his thumb.
She reacted back with a soft squeeze and drifted off to sleep.
He couldn't. He was amazed by the amount of trust she put in him. The amount of things he could get away with, with her. He smiled when he thought how much he let her get away with too. He snapped out of his musing when his cell phone vibrated on the couch next to him. The caller ID read Sara. He hoped she had some good news.
He quickly looked at Catherine but she was still asleep. "Grissom," he softly said, watching Catherine who didn't seem to notice anything.
"Hey, it's me. Catherine's sister called to her house to tell her that Lindsey was doing okay but she didn't get a reaction. 'Course she's worried now."
Grissom groaned inwardly. It meant that Jim hadn't called the lab to tell Catherine had moved. Maybe he did and Sara wasn't in the loop. "Catherine's here. Hold on-"
"She's with you?" He ignored Sara's obvious jealous comment.
He turned his head and rubbed her thigh to wake her up. "Catherine, wake up."
She moaned and blinked a few times, sitting up straight. "What?," she asked him, her voice heavy with sleep.
"Sara on the phone for you." He realized that the conversation was kind of incriminating to say the least but he didn't care what Sara thought of it.
He gave the cell phone to Catherine and closed his eyes as he listened.
"Hey…Brass knew where I was…sure…could you give her Grissom's phone number so if she needs me she can reach me here…matter of fact I was…I will…Sara thanks for calling…how are you doing?…oh okay, have fun…do you want to talk to Grissom?…all right…bye." She raised her eyebrows and shrugged, giving back his phone.
She sat up straight and looked at him. "Since when are Sara and Nick dating?"
Grissom raised an eyebrow. "Nick actually convinced Sara in a date?"
"Yeah, she said she had to go because she and Nick were going out for dinner. For Sara that's a date." She eyed him curiously but was too tired to actually tease him with it. Everyone knew about Sara's crush on Grissom.
With a smug grin on his face and that little twinkle in his eyes, he turned his head to look at her. She raised an eyebrow to challenge him but a sudden sound made them both jump.
Catherine's eyes widened as she concentrated on the sound. Footsteps. No doubt.
Gil signaled to her to be quiet as he grabbed the gun, got off the sofa and walked over to the bedroom, gun in hand, where they'd heard the sound. Catherine rose too and tip-toed towards the middle of the living room desperately waiting for Gil to return. This was freaking her out.
The sound stopped.
"Don't move." A deep voice told her.
Slowly she turned around and looked at her assaulter. The man smelled of cigarettes, alcohol and cinnamon.
Catherine's eyes got big as she saw the barrel of the gun staring her right in the face.
Things seemed to slow down then.
Grissom walked out of the bedroom, saw the guy and immediately walked until he stood between Catherine and the gun.
The dark lit room suddenly filled with two flashes and shattering blasts of two gunshots.
Grissom went down, their attacker stared at her with eyes wide open as he fell back and hit the floor.
Blood streamed out of a wound on his forehead. Immediately Catherine was on him, kicking the gun out of his hand and checked for a pulse. None. Good.
She then turned to Gil. His eyes were wide and moving in a back-and-forth pattern. Blood had spattered onto his neck and had already soaked the bottom of his sweater near his abdomen.
She knelt over him and pushed the sweater up. The bullet had entered his body near his stomach. The blood was flowing freely from the wound. Gil's face was losing color quickly. His lips were moving but there was no sound.
Catherine took off her own sweater and pressed it down onto the wound. Gil moaned in pain.
"I know it hurts but I have to stop the bleeding." With her knee now pressing on the wound, she turned and grabbed a towel she saw lying on the ground.
She put the towel under his head and lovingly brushed a hand through his hair.
His teeth were clenched in pain. His lips were almost white. Cath fought back her tears. She was losing him. "Hold on, Gil. Please."
He opened his mouth, it looked like a terrible struggle. "Promise, Ca-" but he coughed and Catherine pressed two fingers tenderly to his lips. Tears were going down her cheeks.
She heard people running up the stairs towards them.
"Over here!" she yelled out in a voice tinged with fear bordering hysteria. "We're here!"
In a moment Brass and two officers came bursting in.
"Shit." Brass cursed as he stepped forward and kneeled down. He shook his head and looked up to one of his men checking the attacker. "Where the hell are the paramedics?"
As if on cue, the sound of sirens could be heard in the distance.
Catherine kept staring towards her hands, covered in Gil's blood as she kept pressing on the wound like her life depended on it. Maybe it did.
"He's going into shock, dammit."
She gazed up at Gil's face. It was now the color of death.
"Come on, hang in there, Gil."
He clenched his teeth and rocked his head back and forth on the towel as an answer.
"Cath…."
Brass watched as Catherine leaned her face close to his and heard her whisper urgently. "Shh, shh. Don't talk. Just stay with me. Stay alive. Please, stay alive."
Uniforms came running towards them. The first paramedic put a hand on Catherine's shoulder and gently pushed her back. She went willingly, knowing she was only complicating things now. As she moved, she felt a hand on her arm. Brass gave her a worried look but she shook her head.
"Oh my god!" Sara, Nick and Warrick came running into the room. Sara's face paled and her eyes widened. "Is he going to be okay?"
"I don't know," Brass answered, letting go of Catherine.
Catherine kneeled down at his feet and squeezed his ankle. "Fight, Gil."
"Gil?" said the second paramedic as he crouched next to her with a large equipment case.
"Gil."
"Okay, Gil. I'm Jonas. Don't talk and concentrate on your breathing. Your lady friend is right. You gotta fight, Gil. You gotta want it."
This time there was no reaction. Catherine sobbed as she heard his rasping breath and saw his eyes turn up into his head. Panic surrounded her heart.
"We're losing him. Ma'am please move away." They started CPR on him. Again and again.
Catherine stumbled back and crouched on her hands and heels towards the sofa until her back bumped against it. She couldn't believe it. No, this couldn't be happening.
"One…two…three. Again. One…two…three."
Oh, Gil. Her vision was blurred by her many tears, she covered her mouth and nose with her hands and looked on. The pain in heart ignored.
"Dammit, come on!"
Everything happened in a haze. She heard her heartbeat ringing in her ears. "Gil…no."
People looked at her with a sorrow look on their faces as she whispered the words. He was part of her soul.
One of the paramedics turned to her and she knew what he was going to say. His voice was calm, monotone wise. "He's dead, I'm sorry."
"No. You're wrong…he's not dead…you're wrong…." She kept repeating them, over and over. Wracking sobs enveloped her total being. She stood up but fell back on the floor on knees and hands. Her own words rang in her head. 'you're wrong…he's not dead'
She felt a hand on her shoulder but she ignored it. Only wanting one thing.
An intense pain tore through her. Like her heart had been sliced in half with a knife.
She couldn't think straight anymore. What? Why? No. Please, no.
As the paramedics moved back by Brass' request, Sara stepped forward but stopped. She caught a glimpse of Catherine's eyes. They were haunted. Haunted by pain.
Catherine screamed. A sound that chilled Sara to the bone as goose bumps rose all over her body. Sara swallowed as she heard the hideous, howling screams of pain as Catherine sobbed.
Catherine softly touched his cheek. "No, Gil. It's isn't fair," she turned around to one of the paramedics, "try again!"
Sara kneeled down and reached over to her friend and tried to take her away from Grissom's body. "Let him go, Catherine." It was the best thing to do.
Catherine's fury rose up and she pushed Sara away hard. Warrick was next to try and grabbed her but she fought and wriggled her way out of his arms and Brass held him back, shaking his head. Brass knew how much Gil meant to Catherine. 19 years of friendship and probably love. She needed time to say goodbye. God only knows how much she needed.
Her painful sobs filled the room and she placed her head on his chest. Tears trickled down her cheeks, falling on his shirt, making dark circles. "No, Gil. I love you. You can't die." She whispered but everyone in the room had heard.
Sara turned away from the scene as she started crying. Nick walked over and engulfed her in his strong arms, almost crushing her to him. Warrick watched with unshed tears in his eyes as Sara cried on Nick's shoulder. They were all crying because of the scene in front of them.
Catherine cried. "You promised."
Her crying got so hard, she couldn't breath anymore. Her heart ached, and pains ran through her upper body as she felt like throwing up. God, why? Why? He was everything to her, he gave his last breath for her. Now that things seemed to get better between them. He had to die. For her.
Brass had to leave the room as he heard Cath's constant cries and 'why's' and 'I love you's'. It tore his heart apart. He wasn't even sure she'd survive this. She'd lost two men already, in such a short period. Thank God she still had her daughter.
Catherine's heart went in overdrive as she felt her pulse in her wrist quicken. It was so strong…too strong to be only hers….
She lifted her head and her eyes widened in surprise. "Oh my God. Gil?!"
Sara opened her eyes and turned around in Nick's arms when she heard the surprise in her friend's voice.
"Someone…help!"
The paramedics quickly checked his pulse. "He's got a pulse, get me a gurney!"
Catherine stepped back as she watched the medic team while they got Gil on a gurney. She followed them downstairs, not wanting to lose him out of her sight.
The other's followed quickly behind as people outside jumped out of the way while they put the gurney in the ambulance.
~***~
Two hours later, Warrick returned to the waiting room with another cup of coffee. Yet no word on Grissom. He leaned back against the wall and sighed.
Catherine had signed off to get Grissom a private room. Meanwhile she had gotten herself a canvas bed in his room, thanks to her extreme state of despair, screaming and well total Catherine chaos. She was now sleeping on the canvas after Warrick promised her to wake her up at the first word on Grissom.
Softly smiling at the two people in front of him he wondered if it was Catherine's reaction to Gil that had triggered something in Sara or Nick.
Sara was sound asleep, her body sagged against Nick's and her head on his shoulder. Her face covered with dried up tears. Nick's arm was loosely around her shoulders, his head backwards against the wall. Warrick wasn't sure if he was sleeping or just pretending. It was a tough night.
He couldn't imagine how it must have been for Catherine and Gil to be trapped inside a house every night knowing they could be killed any minute.
Probably got them closer together too. He wondered if Sara's sudden acceptance on Nick's invitation for dinner at his house had something to do with it.
It was none of his business, really. He just wanted to see his friends happy. He was pretty damn sure things were going well between Sara and Nick and that things would turn out good no matter what would happened tonight but for Catherine and Gil? His heart held fear.
~***~
Fate? Did it exist, Catherine wondered as she looked up to Gil's pale face. His lips had color again and he was breathing on his own. She looked at the wires and tubes going into his arm and hand.
With a sigh of relief, she brushed away her tears and gave his hand a last squeeze as she walked into the hallway. "Hey."
Warrick turned around and smiled at her. "How is he?"
"The doctors said he's going to be okay. He needs a lot of rest. He'll be okay." She said more to herself. Although she was happy that Gil lived, she felt confused. A confusion where she had no answer for.
Warrick placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it softly. "I take it you're going to stay here with him?"
She nodded. "Where are Sara and Nick?"
He crossed his arms. "When they heard Griss was out of danger, they both went home."
Catherine remembered pushing Sara away from her. "How's Sara doing? She took it pretty hard too."
"Okay, I think. Nick took her to his place so she wouldn't be alone during the rest of the night. Oh, and Greg called telling he tested the fingerprints of your attacker and of the killer of the previous couples."
"And?"
"Perfect match. He was the one."
"Good. That's good." She wrapped her arms around her.
Warrick immediately worried about her. The scene at Grissom's apartment was still burned onto his memory. "How are you doing?"
"I don't know. Relieved, angry, confused."
He nodded. "It'll get better when you can talk to Grissom. Hey, I've got to go and check in with Brass. Call if you need anything all right?"
Catherine barely nodded.
Warrick wasn't sure about leaving her alone. Normally she's more passionate in her speech. Her whole being. She was so quiet now. So lost. He knew he wasn't the one to help her. There was only one man and he hoped he'd wake up soon.
He knew that tears were going to be shed, and some serious talking too. Griss and Cath will never be the same. He'd seen her sobbing on his body, never had he seen so much pure love. He mentally shook his head and nodded his goodbye to Catherine but she wasn't even paying attention but staring into Grissom's room.
~*~
Gil tried to swallow but it felt like swallowing his tongue. Again. This time his throat didn't feel this dry. He slowly opened his eyes and tried to take notice of his surroundings. He was in a hospital that was for sure. He winced when he saw the needles and tubes sticking in his arm and hand.
A pained moan brought his attention towards the other side of the room. He smiled sadly as he saw Catherine seated on a chair next to his bed, her head resting next to his thigh on the mattress. With all his willpower, he managed to sit up without waking her.
He watched her sleep as memories of what had happened the same night resurfaced. Talking to her, holding her to him, feeling her warm body next to him when they were on the couch. Sara's call, the footsteps. The fear he felt when he saw a man pointing a gun at Catherine. He remembered standing in front of Catherine, a sharp pain, her hands on him and panicked voices. Lot's of voices.
After that it was a blur.
He sighed and softly brushed her silky hair with his fingers. A moan escaped her lips as she raised her head to look up at him. She blinked a few times but than stared him right in the eyes.
She looked at him, her eyes moving slightly back and forth as she seemed to be searching his face for something.
Blue eyes filled with tears. Those eyes. 'I love you'. His eyes widened as he remembered. He wasn't sure if it was real or just his mind playing tricks on him but the tears that emerged in those eyes made him swallow hard. She looked like a wreck. How long had she been here?
Oh, god. Tears trickled down her cheeks. He felt such a deep need. A need to hold her body to him. The feeling started in the pit of his stomach and spread out, making him shiver. Can you need a person so much it hurts you? When he saw the pain in her eyes, he knew the answer was yes.
Carefully he moved and patted the place next to him. He didn't know what to say to her. His emotion would only betray him.
She hesitated for a moment but crawled on the bed until her body was aligned with his. She turned and looked at his neck where she could see his pulse.
He reached up and stroked her face, as he put the other loosely around her waist. She let out a sob and turned her body fully towards him, clamping a hand on his upper arm.
She drew herself closer to him, pressing against him and he readjusted his arms so that he completely enveloped her. Her lower lip trembled and her body began to shake violently. He held on to her for dear life. He rocked with her, back and forth, gently.
Slowly the trembling stopped, she reached up and wiped away her tears and looked up at Gil. So many emotions crossed her features and he was the cause of them all.
He knew love when he saw it. It was staring him right in his face. Catherine. His ladybug. He had almost lost her. He shivered at the thought and he knew she noticed.
She reached up, stroked his cheek and ended resting it on his shoulder.
"Gil, I –," she whispered with a trembling voice heavy with emotions.
All his instincts returned, he let it come from deep within as he reached out a hand and wrapped it around the back of her neck. Her face was mere inches away from him.
They looked at each other for a long moment, and Grissom saw the love in her eyes. Love and pain. He closed the distance and pressed his mouth to her lips. He felt something electric pass between them.
Passion flared up inside him as he felt her hand roaming through his hair. He probably looked like hell and still she was kissing him. He smiled against her lips and they parted, looking at each other.
"Catherine." She held his face in her hands and tilted her head, softly placing a kiss on his lips again and again until a trembling sigh escaped her mouth. Her eyes saddened.
"I almost lost you."
He nodded, her hands still on his cheeks. "I know."
She let her hands fall into her lap. "You scared the hell out of me. Don't ever do that again."
He raised an amused eyebrow. "Believe me, I'm not planning on doing that again."
"Dying?"
He shook his head. "Losing you." He brushed back a lock of her hair. "Are you confused as I am?" He paused. "I mean-"
She nodded and took his hand in hers, softly rubbing his knuckles with her thumb. He pulled her by her hand towards him until her upper body was covering his carefully avoiding his wound. He hid his face in her hair and kissed the top her head. "For as the sun came through the clouds, washing away the rain, the little ladybug spread her wings and flew up to the sun."
Catherine smiled and entwined her fingers with his, her head resting on his chest. "I love you too, Gil."
The End.