Friday, January 1st

Farkle spent the entire walk home thinking about what he had done. Guilt is a funny thing. You never feel it when you're doing the thing that is wrong. You sometimes don't even feel it til hours, days, months later, but his guilt came quick. And not only did he realize, but so did Isadora.

He held her hand tight as he walked her home. Sometimes he would even try to swing their hands back and forth to relieve tension, but everytime her hand went stiff. He was so entirely focused on Riley and this slow guilt eating him alive, he didn't even notice they had stopped walking.

Isadora looked up at him and triedo her best to smile. He was hoping to hear words of encouragement or of even happiness, but nothing of those sorts came out.

"I think tonight was a mistake." She says coldly, averting her eyes from his. He gasps sharply reaching for Isadora's hand.

"Smackle, I know, I shouldn't have told Riley's secret, I should've given her more time, I-." She interrupts right in the middle of his long explanation.

"Though what you did wasn't the best thing, I wasn't talking about that..." He searches her face, coming up with only one other reasoning.

"Smackle-." Again she interrupts.

"We shouldn't have thrown ourselves into this. Time after time we prove that like forces repel. I like you Farkle, I really do but maybe this isn't the right time for us. You seem distracted." She places a light hand on his cheek, meeting his eyes at the very end of her speech.

Deep down he knows he should be hurting from this, that something should be breaking, but nothing hurts. If anything he appears to be relieved. It's not that Farkle doesn't like Smackle, because it's quite evident that he always has, but a slow-burn yurns for someone else.

"I guess this is goodnight then?" He says pulling the corner of his mouth in.

"I guess it is." He leans down and kisses her cheek squeezing her hand on last time. She opens her door and right before she closes she turns to Farkle one last time.

"Next debate, I'm taking you down." She smiles. He reflects the same smile.

"I guess we'll have to find out next time. Goodnight Smackle!"

"Goodnight Farkle."

And like that, Farkle was left on her doorstep, alone and on New Year's. He wanted to feel worried for Smackle, that things had ended so suddenly, but his mind was phased by a pretty, brunette who probably was crying her eyes out. All because of him.

Monday, January 4th

Farkle had spent the entire weekend thinking of the right thing to tell Riley. How he was sorry for blurting it out, how he couldn't believe he hurt her, how horrible he felt for being such a bad friend.

Nothing in Farkle's mind sounded perfect or smooth. He felt as if he wouldn't be able to express the guilt that was suffocating him. He knew that even if she tried, she probably would run before he finished. At least at school, there was no where to hide.

Farkle arrives early to get a few extra minutes before class to talk to Riley. He catches Riley's beautiful, dark hair from across the hall, but as he tries to rush over to her a hand grabs his elbow.

"Woah there, I wouldn't do that if I were you." Farkle rolls his eyes over to his dear friend Zay. Obviously Lucas had filled Zay in on the wonderful adventures of New Year's Eve.

"I was just getting to class. No wrong done here." Trying to shake this fear he feels inside. Zay just raises an eyebrow.

"I get it Farkle, you want to make sure Miss Sunshine is all rainbows and flowers, but the fact is you hurt her and maybe she just needs some time. She won't even speak to Maya. That's when you know it's bad." Farkle nods taking a deep breath before entering the classroom.

He takes his normal seat right behind Riley's. The bell hasn't rang, but the class is mostly filled up. It gives Farkle sometime to think. The voice in the back of his head keeps saying the same question it's been asking the entire time. "Why did you blurt Riley's secret?" He forces it to believe that he did it because he wants Riley to be happy, but he knows truly, to push Riley away from him so he wouldn't fall deeper in love.

A quick snap breaks him out of his phase. Mr. Matthews holds his attention.

"Earth to Farkle, class is beginning and you're still not listening." He looks around the room before looking back towards Mr. Matthews.

"What are we learning?"

"Belguim 1831." He'd like to say he was excited, but he had more important things on his mind. He looks toward Maya who gives him a sincere smile as if she were saying 'I'm not mad, but why?' He doesn't even have to look towards Lucas to know he's angry. If looks could kill, Farkle would already be 6 feet under.

He shakes the fear Lucas is giving him and focuses on the back of Riley's head. Maya has been trying all class period to get her attention but nothing seems to work. He's been watching Riley's breathing and he knows she's having a hard time. Her patience with Maya is coming to close and all of a sudden she raises her hand.

"May I be excused?" She says in a whisper barely keeping herself together. Her father nods and she's already out the door. Farkle chases after her, or at least he would have had two arms not grabbed him.

"Farkle please sit down!" Mr. Matthews demands giving Farkle a very stern look.

"But-,"

"Down!" Pointing to his seat. Farkle looks towards Maya to see her totally shocked. Mr. Matthews clears his throat and continues. He can't honestly think any of them are actually listening? To his surprise, he sees Lucas's hand raise in the air. 'Thank god' Farkle thinks to himself, 'someone is going after Riley.'

"But why did the war begin?" Lucas asks totally unphased by the absence of Riley. Farkle can see Maya ticking and he knows he's next to blow.

"What is going on?!" Farkle shouts, standing up in the process.

"Everyone but Maya and I are acting like nothing is wrong. Your her father for Heaven's sake! Do something!"

"Farkle, please sit in your desk quietly." Mr. Matthew's demands with a certain hidden anger in his voice.

"You've got to be kidding? I'm not gonna be quiet until I know Riley is okay! Okay?" Farkle can see Lucas clenching his fists, but Maya restrains him enough to cause no further action.

"Farkle, please stay after class, and I don't want another word unless you want to spend the rest of the day in the principals office." He takes in a deep breath and sits down. The room is silent until Zay decides to join.

"You're getting quite mad over a girl who wasn't by you at midnight. NYC is so much cooler than Texas." The entire class turns around to look at him. Like Zay's playful self, he raises his arms and says, "just an observation." The bell rings a second later.

All the students filter out until it's just Farkle and Mr. Matthews. He sits on top of Riley's desk giving him the very "father" look.

"Farkle, Riley is just having a hard time right now. She made it very clear to Topanga and I that she did not want to see anyone, especially you." He says it all sincerely, as Farkle nods slightly, letting the guilt eat him alive.

"But she needs someone to bring her back. If you along with all her other friends don't make an effort to see her and make her feel better, she may never leave her room. Getting her to school this morning was hard enough and after all this, she has no desire to return."

"But what could I possibly do to make her forgive me? She probably won't even speak to me." He says bluntly.

"She's different with you, Farkle. I don't know what it is, but she listens when you speak, she looks to you for advice and most of all she trusts you with anything."

"Probably not since I spilled her secret. Riley..." Saying her name even hurts. This girl he has loved since the 1st grade is in pain and all because of him.

"Just do something. Please..." Mr. Matthew says standing up and squeezing his shoulder. "Her world is in a spin, get it back on track."

Thursday, January 7th

Farkle is standing in front of the Matthews door like he has everyday this week. The other days, he went head first without a plan. Each day Cory opens up and turns him away. Luckily this time, Farkle came prepared or at least with a step one to a hundred step process. He's about to knock when he hears a voice from the other side.

"Dad, you have to tell Maya and Lucas I don't want them coming back. They are the last people I want to talk to, well besides.. Besides him." Ouch.

He decides to knock right after she is finished. At least he knows she's out of her room. He hears a high squeal and shuffling before the door opens. Again he's greeted by Mr. Matthews.

"You know the drill." He tries to smile but it all fails.

"I figured, so I brought this. See ya tomorrow Sir." Farkle's halfway down the hall when he hears a thank you. At least he tried to get through to Riley. It's all a risk, but it's better than nothing.

•••

Riley is sitting at the bay window when her dad comes in. He gives her the same nod he's been giving since Monday.

"Today was new, you got something... From Farkle." Her heart stammers hearing his name. She can feel her face turning red, and to this day she still can't tell if it is from hatred or something she's been hiding.

"And..." Rolling her fingers in her hand, distracting herself from what's to come.

"I told him what you had asked." She meets her father's gaze. Farkle didn't put up a fight? He didn't try to will his way in?

"Oh!" A raised eyebrow shots her way as she breaks the stare and brings her attention back to her hand. Her father walks over. She figures it's another hug or talk, but he lays an envelope on her lap labeled "Riley" in Farkle's handwriting. She intakes sharply before looking up to her father.

"I know I can't force you to do anything but please read it." He says before leaving her room. She picks up the envelope and contemplates . Do I open it? Do I throw it away? My head says no, but my heart says yes.

Something changed between Farkle and her. It wasn't a sudden change. Each day felt the same, but she looks back now and everything is different. The only thing that hasn't changed is his loyalty to her. And that's enough for her to open the letter

Riley

You. Me. Rooftop 6:00 Friday

Farkle

And that was it. No explanation, no reason. Just to meet him on the rooftop at 6 on Friday. Could she even face him then? She wanted to be mad at Farkle, she really did, she just couldn't. She crawled in bed staring at the ceiling thinking of all the things she wish she had the courage to say to Farkle. Friday was gonna be messy, but at least she would get clarity.