A/N: Doing what I do best and indulging in another song fic because songs are life and fill me with happiness… So apart from the song "Candy – Paolo Nutini" I've been obsessed with Beyoncé's "XO", so in listening to it, this is what goes on in my head, don't ask me why because I don't know…
He sank back into the couch as he heard the door softly shut and exhaled, looking around the loft at the bright Christmas lights and the massive tree they had hauled into the loft as they did every year. Every year was the same thing, same routine, he would go all out and they would spend the holidays together, watching Christmas movies every night, drinking hot chocolate, baking goodies until the year ended.
It was his favourite time of the year, he looked forward to it all year, from the moment the month of December was over, he started planning for the following December, it was just his thing. The spirit, the company, the atmosphere set over New York City as the snow fell slowly to the ground, covering everything in a soft, pillow-y dust of white, that was what he looked forward to, what he loved the most.
He didn't look forward to or love being alone.
He was one for tradition, determine to give his kid memories of the holidays not shadowed by the hardships of life like he had. He was grateful to his mother for that, for giving him his holiday no matter how hard the time was or if they had no money, she always tried her best and he had to do the same for his family now.
He couldn't hold them back, they had their own lives and weren't obliged to amusing him for his own happiness anymore, they had their own memories to make, no matter how much it made him sad, although he wouldn't tell them that, he didn't want pity company.
So he bid them a good time as Martha left the loft to see some midnight show and Alexis, who wanted to spend time with her boyfriend before he had to go back to school. He managed to keep the sadness under wraps until they left and now he sat in the couch looking around the empty loft, not quite sure what to do with himself now.
Usually they would all bundle up and go down to Time's Square to countdown the New Year and watch the fireworks, then head to Remy's afterwards for customary milkshakes. He wasn't sure he wanted to go by himself, but what else could he do?
He contemplated going over to Kate's or inviting her over, but he knew just how touchy this time of the year was for her, he told her to call if she needed anything at all. He was still hoping she would, maybe she could sense his misery…
He shook his head and stood, if he was going to sit here and wallow in self-pity about being alone on New Year's Eve then he'd rather do it while watching fireworks, maybe it would cheer him up a little. So he grabbed his things and left the loft, heading off to be lonely on New Year's Eve in Time's Square.
She held her phone in her hand, her finger hovering over his picture, biting her thumb, he did tell her to call if she needed anything. She stared at the phone for a while, before setting it down, no, he was busy with his grand family plans, and he didn't need her calling to ruin his night because she suddenly decided she didn't want to be alone anymore.
She walked over to the window, wrapping her sweater over her shoulders, watching as the snow fell to the ground, some kids trying to catch a snowflake on their tongue, spinning around with their heads up and tongues out until they got dizzy.
She smiled as she remembered when she used to do just that with her mom, they used to spend hours in the snow until she would start shivering and her mom would bundle her inside, in front of the fire with a generous cup of hot chocolate.
The streets were busy tonight, everyone was heading to Time's Square she assumed, or some other celebration to ring in the New Year. She remembered the first time they did that, she was five, her parents took her down to the square early so that they could catch a good view of the fireworks. She was freezing, but wouldn't admit to it, she wanted to see the fireworks, she could care about finding warmth afterwards.
She remembered the excitement she felt when everyone started counting down the minute, her father hoisted her up on his shoulder so that she could see above everyone else's heads. Her mother had the biggest grin on her face and held Kate with one hand, her other hand holding firmly to her husband's.
She was frightened when they reached to one and the fireworks started, but then she was in awe, staring up at the sky as the fireworks went off. It was something magical to her and she'd never forget it.
She looked around her dark, lonely apartment and decided, she really didn't want to be alone, so maybe she could just go and watch the fireworks again, she hadn't seen them in forever, it might even make her feel closer to her mother on during this time of the year.
She grabbed a jacket and shoved her things in the pocket, pulling on her gloves and wrapping her scarf securely around her neck. She quickly pulled on her boots and headed out, some fresh air wouldn't hurt.
He made it with good time, checking his watch, there was just a half hour left before they rang in the New Year. He settled in a good spot, near the back, he had a good enough view of the sky. He could feel his spirit coming back to him, surrounded by families and young people who still came to these things, it was hard to keep his excitement at bay surrounded by so many enthusiastic families.
He spotted a family not too far from him, there was four of them. The man held a little boy on his back as he pointed excitedly upwards waiting for the show, to his left was a woman who was staring fondly at them, her hand around the man's waist and to his right was a teenaged girl, who reminded him of Alexis, if only she were here.
He couldn't help the image that came in to his mind after seeing that family, he saw himself next to Alexis, with Kate by his side, their rambunctious little boy on his shoulders, coming out for his first firework show. He had stopped running these dreams from his mind and accepted the fact that that's what he wanted and he wouldn't stop until he got that.
He knew how he felt, knew how Kate felt, it was just a matter of time and he dared to let himself be hopeful on a night like this. It was coming on to a New Year, maybe something could happen for him.
He smiled and checked his watch again, fifteen minutes.
She wasn't there for long when she was sure she saw him, but shouldn't he be with his family? She weaved her way through the crowd to get a better look and sure enough, there he was, but where was everyone else?
She took a good look at him, taking the advantage of him not knowing she was there to actually look at him. He had a small smile on his face as he peered around, but he looked sad. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and he just looked so lonely.
Where were Alexis and Martha? She couldn't help but wonder.
He had told her of his grand plans and this didn't seem like it, she contemplated going over to him, she couldn't take the sad look on his face, but she didn't move.
From the moment she saw him, she felt something warm in her chest, that same feeling she got whenever he was around, that same feeling she had been trying to deny, but failed each time. Her breath hitched as it did whenever she saw him, saw his bright blue eyes, the dazzling smile he had, especially the one he only had for her.
She had to admit that she spent an unhealthy amount of time daydreaming about him, or getting lost in his eyes, more than she would actually care to admit, but she had to admit that she did and that it meant something and that she was holding back for some reason she didn't know.
She had the urge to go over to him, the need to be with him on this day, but she stayed right where she was.
He was surprised when he spotted her standing a little away and contemplated going over to her, but she looked so conflicted, worrying her bottom lip as she usually did, he wasn't sure if she wanted the company right now. Maybe afterwards?
He couldn't keep from glancing in her direction every now and then, making sure she was still there. She was, she stood with her arms wrapped around herself and all he wanted to do was replace her arms with his and kiss her senseless, which is what couples usually did on this day wasn't it?
But one small thing, they weren't a couple. Right.
They could be.
He was ready for her, ready to jump into it whenever she was ready, whenever she was just give him a hint that she was ready. He didn't want to push it and push her away, but he wanted her so very badly and staring at her across the crowd waiting to see the fireworks go off, he couldn't help but wonder how their own fireworks would feel, once he kissed her.
He kissed her once before, but it wasn't real and though it meant something for them both and they both felt something, it wasn't the kiss and there were no fireworks and that's what he wanted, the fireworks.
They had the time on display on one of the screens above, five minutes to go. She knew he knew she was here now, could see him glancing at her through the corner of his eyes, but yet he made no attempt to move, she had to say it was a bit disappointing that after he was on her all day to spend the time with him, now that he was seeing her, he wasn't doing anything about it.
She wondered if he knew she knew he was there and was maybe waiting for her to come over. That's always what he was doing when it came to her, waiting, for her to make a move, just waiting patiently and she felt for him even more because of it. She knew he wouldn't push her, but sometimes she wanted him to, she felt like she needed the push, needed to be confronted and cornered with her own feelings to finally give into them.
But it was complicated, she didn't want to give him complicated. She looked across at him again and she was overwhelmed with the need to be wrapped up in his arms and have him tell her that it didn't matter, that he loved her still with all her complications, but as she saw the smile that bloomed over his face she thought to herself, "What was so complicated about it?"
The little boy decided he wanted to watch the fireworks from his mother's shoulders and switched quickly, much to the fake sadness of the dad, he actually reminded him of himself and then he was struck with the image of the family being his, with Kate, Alexis and their own baby boy, he couldn't help the huge grin that spread over his face at the thought.
He really wanted a family with her, more than anything at this point. He loved her and wanted to give her everything. He tore his gaze away from the happy family in front of him and turned to Kate, who he found staring right back at him, with a look on her face he couldn't quite place.
But then the crowd began counting down the last minute until New Years and both he and Kate were moving, towards each other, finally.
She started moving before she gave her feet permission to, he had caught her watching him, but she couldn't tear her gaze away from him. She wanted him, so badly and she was done hiding that fact.
He wasn't sure what he was even going to say when he got to her, "Hey Kate, I was watching a family in front of me and then it hit me how much I really love you and I want you to have my babies" ? So much for not pushing her away.
He didn't know, he just knew he needed to tell her something.
The look of determination on his face should scare her, the love in his eyes should have sent her running, afraid to put her heart in this only to have it broken, she knew he wouldn't but she was afraid she might mess up and then… break her own heart. She couldn't turn away now, not when she was so close to what they wanted.
They hit the thirty second mark, persons jumping around excitedly waiting for the new year as they struggled to push past everyone to get to each to other. He had to get to her before they reached zero, then he was sure he'd lose her and then maybe she wouldn't be so eagerly running to him afterwards, he had to get to her.
She loved him, she knew that now, it was clear to her, clearer than it had ever been and she wanted him, him and no one else. She had to do this, tell him that and dive headfirst into it, she knew it would be amazing, that they would be amazing and where was all of this knowledge when she was running from his love?
He loved her, that's all that was on his mind, that's what he wanted to blurt out when he got to her. He wanted to tell her he loved her and then kiss her into the New Year.
Ten seconds.
Why was he so far away?
Why was she so far away?
They managed, finally pulling out of the last crowd of people to stand before each other, slightly breathless from the struggle to get here. They stood, staring at each other with love and wonder, letting everything they were feeling come to the surface.
Five seconds.
He was about to open his mouth to crack a joke, but she beat him to it.
It was breathless and sounded far away under the shouts of the crowd, but he heard it.
"I love you." She said.
He stepped up to her, bringing his hands up to her face, cradling her face in his hands, tilting her head upwards.
Zero.
His lips were on hers then, warm and soft, not in any hurry or showing any sense of desperation. It was just simple and soft and sweet, but it wasn't enough.
They jumped slightly at the sound of the fireworks starting as he angled her head to kiss her deeply. He wasn't feeling bad about missing the fireworks going on around him, they were nothing compared to the fireworks they were sharing over this kiss.
He let one hand trail down her side, wrapping around her waist to pull her against him, moaning slightly as she poked her tongue through his lips, entering his mouth. Her hands tangled in his hair and she tipped on her toes, for a better angle.
It was only now he realized she wasn't wearing her heels.
She pressed herself up against him, nipping on his lips, sighing contently into his mouth. This is all she wanted, to feel like how she was feeling now, pressed up against him, with his hands holding her to him, her hands tangled in his hair, sharing a kiss so full of love and passion and everything she could think of. It was drugging and sweet, the taste of him, he tasted like hot chocolate and candy canes, she wasn't surprised.
He found it amusing the way she clung to him, biting down on his lip, tongue seeking him and tasting him. He had to memorize each moment of this, the way her fingernails grazed over his scalp, the way she was tipping on her toes to get a better angle to kiss him, the way she pressed herself firmly against him, they little whimpers she made as his hand ran up and down her back and her taste.
He tasted her once, she tasted like coffee and well, coffee was addicting, he wanted more. He spent too much time thinking about it, wanting to taste her again and now he was, but she didn't taste like coffee, she tasted like wine, that red wine he knew she loved to drink after a particularly rough day and he couldn't help but tighten his hold on her.
He didn't want to let her go, didn't want to break their kiss, he was too afraid this might be a dream, that he had fallen asleep on his couch and conjured this fantasy up in his mind, he was afraid he'd lose her. He was afraid her confession of love was just his imagination.
He didn't want to let go, but she was pulling away.
He reluctantly let her break the kiss, but didn't let her go, she didn't move away either. She rested her forehead against his, both tuning out the rest of the world, the second string of fireworks starting up and they didn't notice, they were too caught up in each other.
He didn't speak, didn't want to break the moment and neither did she, so they just stood there, holding each other close, breathing heavily.
She didn't open her eyes, as she tried to get her breath back, she knew he was staring at her, waiting for her reaction … always waiting.
She didn't regret it, she was glad she did it and now they could move forward and turn this into something amazing, but she wasn't done kissing him just yet.
She pushed up again, sliding her lips over his, keeping this kiss soft and light, she smiled against his lips when she felt him respond and his fingers dug into her hips. She didn't want to stop, she wanted to stay wrapped up in his arms, kissing him forever and now she realized, she could.
She surprised him when she suddenly started to laugh, a huge grin spreading across her face, he didn't know why she was laughing, but he couldn't help laughing too. She buried her head in his chest, letting the laughter die down, smiling against him when she felt him press a kiss to her head, it was something so intimate and normal, as if they did it every day and it warmed her bones just thinking about it.
God she loved him.
She pulled back eventually, looking at him, taken back by the look he hand on his face and amused by the way she had completely messed up his hair. He was smiling and quirking an eyebrow at her, joy and love and amusement shone in his eyes.
"Something funny detective?" He asked, his voice low and almost seductive, she fisted her hands in his shirt, trying to keep herself from lunging at him again.
"Not Detective." She whispered.
He nodded in understanding, "Kate?" He said softly, still waiting for an answer.
She grinned and looked down, "It's just – "She shook her head.
He hooked a finger underneath her chin and drew her graze back up to him, "Just what?" He asked, his voice soft and loving.
"I don't know why it took me so long to do this." She admitted, pulling her bottom lip in between her teeth shyly.
"You weren't ready." He answered simply.
She nodded, but said nothing, just buried her face in his chest again, feeling content to just stay in his arms all night.
"I meant it you know," She murmured against his shirt.
"Meant what?" He spoke into her hair.
She pulled back again to look at him, "I do love you."
He smiled and she was so glad she finally said, so happy to actually see that smile on his face and know that she was the reason behind it. She'd tell him she loves him every chance she got if it made him smile like that.
"I love you too Kate." He whispered, kissing her again, before pulling her against his side, "Now, what do you say we go get some food? I'm starving and we missed the fireworks." He suggested and began walking in the direction of the restaurant.
"I don't know about you, but I saw the fireworks." She teased, biting her lip.
He laughed and tightened his arm around her, "The best way to start off the New Year."
She nodded, "I wouldn't have it any other way."
He hummed in contentment as they walked through the noisy crowd, "Happy New Year's Kate."
"Happy New Year's Castle."
End A/N: Mistakes? Whoops, so sorry.