Author's Note: Hi there. I know this isn't a Dead to You sequel, but it's a one-shot that's filling in for now, okay? I wrote this as a sort of... challenge for me. I enjoyed it. It might not be for everyone, but maybe you'll enjoy it! It's sort of a smut... but it has a plot. Also, this story has some pretty sensitive topics dealing with abuse, just a warning. Because it wouldn't be a waitwhathuh story without sensitive topics, amiright?

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't own, we all don't own VICTORIOUS! Unless you do. If you do, hit me up. I have some things to discuss with you about the future and the relationships of the show...

I have the most wonderful, most perfect, most amazingly understanding girlfriend in the world. I'm out with her right now, actually. Just a nice walk on the town, window shopping and such. Her hand is firmly clasped in mine as we walk along, her red hair blowing in the wind. She looks over and notices me staring at her, flashing a bright smile. I smile back, leaning over to land a sweet peck on her lips. She leans into me affectionately, snuggling her head into my shoulder. We're the ideal picture of a perfect, loving couple.

You'd have no idea we got into a huge fight last night that almost ruined it all.

I'm not mad at her still. That would be silly, seeing as it was all my fault. She's the one who should still be mad at me, but she's not. That's Cat for you… forgive and forget so easily. I wish I could be like her. If I was, last night would've never happened. But I'm not Cat, I'm Tori, so last night did happen.

You see… I'm broken. I have so many cracks and malfunctions it's any wonder I can keep a steady relationship at all. Take Cat and I for example. Two years. How I've been able to keep her this long, I'll never know. It's a mystery.

Just over three years ago, I wasn't with Cat. I was with Ryder Daniels… yeah, that's right. Begging on your knees guy. And he did come begging on his knees near the end of senior year, just like I predicted… But like I didn't predict, I took him back. He really seemed to have changed and… I was all about second chances.

We moved in together not long after graduation in a small LA apartment. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I was smitten. I was so self-absorbed. Even though I stayed in LA, I lost contact with all the people who should've mattered to me. Including Cat. I remember seeing people around, but it would just be a short exchange. Hey, how are you? Yep, I'm still with Ryder. Yeah, I heard about Sikowitz getting that strange lump removed. No, I don't want to know what it really was. Oh look, I have to get going now, see you never!

That's how it went with almost everyone. Robbie, Beck, Andre… even Jade. I never saw Cat, though. Part of me was afraid to ask about her. I was afraid that… she wasn't doing well, and that if I heard that I'd run to her and forget all about Ryder. I don't know why I thought that at the time, but now I do. And why would I want to forget about Ryder? He was dreamy and kind and was a successful model in LA. Meanwhile I was singing cheesy jingles for commercials but hey, got to make your start somewhere.

It seemed perfect, at first. It was only about a year into the relationship where it started getting less perfect. But even then I was in denial. Oh, yeah, he hit me, but I must've deserved it so that's okay… It won't happen again, right?

I found myself covering up a lot of bruises and making more and more excuses for his behaviour. Modelling is stressful, you know? He doesn't know what he's doing… He's always so sweet the next day. He clearly doesn't mean it. It just… happens.

Honestly I probably could've gone on like that forever. Just taken the beatings whenever he saw fit. Make more excuses, form more delusions… But then he wasn't just physically abusive anymore. He started to verbalize it. I guess he saw how enamored I was, my idea of a perfect life, that I was willing to take anything to keep it… He'd call me useless, ugly, and that he was only with me now out of pity and I should thank him and do whatever he wants in return.

And I believed him.

I can almost laugh now, about how he'd threaten to leave and I'd drop to the floor pleading him not to leave. One time he turned to me with a sick smile and said, "Guess you're begging on your knees for me." And then I'd be in for a night of rough sex, an experience not pleasant for me.

I was with him for two years, the same amount of time I've been with Cat. Throughout the entirety of my last year with him, it went on like that. He'd stop coming home some nights and I'd freak out, calling him incessantly, asking where's he's been. One time I came back from recording a jingle, but it was cancelled so I had to come home early… I remember opening the bedroom door and seeing him drilling that whore from behind.

That's the moment I finally cracked. I stared at him, blank faced, and then turned to that whore and stared at her right in the eye. "You can do better." I croaked, and then I left. The rest of that time was a blur. I just remember walking, and then… Knocking on a door. I didn't remember how I got there, but I recognized the house. Apartment 22 in Venice, California. She wouldn't still be there, right?

As usual, Cat surprised me. She opened the door and she stared at me for a long moment as if I were a ghost. I probably looked like one. I remember taking in her image, letting out a deep breath when her high voice asked what I was doing there.

"I don't know why I'm here. I'll just…" I started to turn away, but she grabbed my arm from behind, making me wince.

"Are you okay?" She asked so softly. That's all it took. I burst out into tears and fell into her arms, sobbing uncontrollably. She pulled me in and held me, rocking back and forth and whispering soothing things into my ear. It was the first time I had felt safe in the past 12 months, and I think that made me cry more than anything. I don't remember ever stopping crying. I don't even remember falling asleep. But I woke up in Cat's bed the next day, her hand gently caressing my back. She had seen my bruises in the night. I couldn't hide anything from her.

I told her everything. About Ryder, about the physical and mental abuse, about the cheating… and Cat was a saint. She didn't judge me for staying with him so long. She just said "I'm sorry" and then held me some more. She stayed with me a lot after that. She wouldn't let me go back to that apartment, and arranged other ways to get my stuff. I had it moved back into my family home, which I moved back into, but most of the nights I stayed with Cat. Apparently Sam didn't live there anymore, and Cat's Nona had died a year before, so she was pretty lonely. I remember one night when things were switched up and I held her while she cried. She seemed happy to have me back, though. At least, she expressed as much.

She helped me. She helped build me up again. She was my saviour… but the damage had been done. Two years of deceit and a year of constant abuse and infidelity is hard to bear. I still struggle with self-doubt, low self-esteem and… and trust.

Cat never gave me a reason to distrust her. Things had started getting back to normal with me and Cat and I spent time doing things other than crying – going to the movies, eating ice cream, going for jogs in the park… It gave Cat the freedom to be less serious and more carefree since she didn't have to walk on eggshells around me. I discovered she hadn't changed much. Still had her head in the clouds, still had a unique outlook on life… And I wouldn't have had her any other way. It was refreshing. I even reconnected with my old friends, since they had somehow all kept in contact. I was the only one who broke apart… stupid.

"Cat… I'm sorry I never talked to you after Hollywood Arts." I remember saying to her one night when she invited me over for dinner. She looked over at me with a sad look.

"It's not your fault, Tori. I could've made an effort." Cat sighed. This piqued my curiosity.

"So we're both at fault. But… why didn't you? I mean, I was too caught up in Ryder…" I trailed off. Her face fell even more, if possible.

"Honestly I… I thought you were happier that way. Just with him." She mumbled, and then she surprised me when she slammed one of her pans down, sending stir fry everywhere. I had never seen her so angry. "I should've known better. Tori, if I had known…"

I remember running to her and wrapping my arms around her, telling her it was okay, that she couldn't have known. That it wasn't her fault. I couldn't believe she blamed herself, that she cared so much about someone like me…

I had no idea how much until a few weeks later when I got a call from my dad at the station. They were holding Cat there. I rushed over to the jail and paid bail right away. She came out, bloody bandages around her hands, her eyes dark. She wouldn't meet my eyes until I literally tipped her face to look at me, asking her what had happened. All I knew was that she was arrested for assault.

"I ran into Ryder." Was all she said. Then she kissed me. Not a friendly kiss on the cheek. Not even a light kiss on the mouth. It was a full on kiss, on the mouth, full of love. And I returned it. I wanted her love.

But I'm broken. Ryder broke me. I didn't talk to her about the kiss for a long time. Part of me didn't believe it was real, the other part of me was scared I'd get hurt again. Friend Cat wouldn't hurt me…But girlfriend Cat could shatter me.

Still, our relationship changed. That wasn't the last time we kissed. We'd have nights where we just kissed, but we wouldn't talk about it. I think she wanted more, but she was trying to go at my pace for my sake. I remember the first time I mentioned it was one night where I had my hands in her hair and my lips were moving against hers when I broke apart. I gave her a questioning look.

"Do you just feel bad for me? Is this pity?" Was all I breathed out. She simply shook her head.

"I love you, Tori. Always have." She said.

I remember just leaving after that. Ryder had told me he loved me a dozen times, and look where we ended up. No, Cat couldn't love me. I don't trust love. Love isn't real…

Once again we continued to hang out, and I just kept quiet about everything. About the shared kisses. About her love for me. None of it was safe… but Cat was safe. I wanted to feel her love, but I didn't want to use her for it. It was actually Trina that snapped me out of it.

"If you care about whether you'd use her or not, obviously you won't use her!" She had huffed at me. Trina could be crazy, but she was right.

I asked Cat out after that. Simple dates, nothing too serious. We'd kiss goodbye at the end. She wouldn't say she loved me, she'd just say she had an amazing time, and she'd love to do it again sometime. Every day I believed her more.

But still I was tentative. I didn't want it to get too serious. I was still so scared, but Cat was very patient. She never rushed me. She always just gave me an encouraging smile, and a look that said she would be waiting for me. But I knew I couldn't make her wait forever.

Just over a year of the Ryder incident, I took her out to walk along the pathway of a beach. We found a willow tree and we sat under it, and I kissed her, and asked her to be my girlfriend, exclusively, wholeheartedly. She agreed enthusiastically.

And it was great. Like I said, she's the most wonderful, most perfect most amazingly understanding girlfriend. It didn't take long for me to fall in love with her, and I never thought I could fall in love with a girl but… Cat's different. And despite my brokenness… we had a very healthy relationship. I moved in with her after one year, we had an active and highly pleasurable sex life, and we communicated with each other. She was everything Ryder wasn't. Of course, I still had my bad days, but I stopped flinching at my own shadow, and I even started to love myself through Cat's love once again. I knew I could be clingy but… Cat didn't seem to mind. In fact, she was pretty clingy, too.

I still have one problem, though: trust. Again, Cat never did anything to make me distrust her. But as our two year is coming up, I can't help but see that image of Ryder and that slut in my head. I feel the paranoia of Cat's absence, and how maybe if I get home she'll be with another woman. One that isn't as broken as I am.

And I know it's stupid. I know, deep down. Cat loves me more than anything else in the whole world. Cat's not Ryder. And that's why I bottled it up. I shouldn't have bottled it up. I should have communicated, like we always do. But I was scared. I was scared that if I accused her of being unfaithful, then she'd leave me. And then I'd lose my only source of being able to love myself. But I couldn't tell her that, either. I know that's part of an abusive relationship… making your partner feel like they can't leave. I never want to abuse Cat's affection. Even if it killed me, I want her to think it'd be okay to leave if she wanted to. Because I love her… I want what's best for her.

So you'd think, with this mindset, I wouldn't have cracked the way I did last night. When she came home late from work and she had a little bit of make-up on her collar. I mean, if being with another woman made her happy, then I should be okay with that, right? I could just calmly let her go. But no, I had to bottle it up. And last night, the pressure exploded.

I freaked out at her. I was practically hysterical, asking whose make-up was on her shirt. She was calm at first, as usual, and explained it was her own make up and she had had a heavy day at work and had nowhere else to wipe it. You see, Cat works as an entertainer for sick children at the local hospital. She makes them happy, but you can understand how a job like that might be draining. Of course she might be upset and wipe her make-up on her shirt. I should have hugged her right there and apologized, and told her to talk to me about it. But instead all I was thinking about was how Ryder lied to me, and how there may be hot nurses at that hospital.

So I didn't believe her, and I very clearly expressed that. At some point, Cat couldn't take it anymore and we just started screaming at each other. We had had some small squabbles over the years, but nothing like this. There were tears. Things were thrown (not at each other, just across the room), and things were said that neither of us meant. Some of which included how maybe we shouldn't be together anymore. And then, being typically us, we argued over who would sleep on the couch that night. But not in the way you'd think. No, it was "I'LL take the couch" and "No, I'LL take the couch!". Even when we're in the worst fight of our life, we're concerned about the other's comfort.

I ended it by flopping on the couch without bothering to unfold it, and she huffed and headed toward the bedroom. I cried myself to sleep that night, almost certain I'd be packing to leave in the morning.

When I woke up this morning, I was still on the couch. But I wasn't alone. I was vaguely aware of the warm body sidled somewhere in between being on top of me and pinned between me and the back of the couch. Cat was running her hand gently over my arm, kissing the side of my head.

"I'm sorry." She murmured. This made me cry all over again. I knew upon waking up that I was in the wrong. Rationally, I knew Cat wouldn't cheat on me. And when she tried to explain calmly after having a bad day at work, I still attacked her. And yet she's the one apologizing to me.

This is probably part of the reason I was so convinced that she had been cheating, or that she was going to leave. Why would I ever deserve someone as amazing as her?

"Cat, I love you so much. I'm so sorry." I sobbed, and she enveloped me in her arms and whispered soothing things to me, just as she always has.

"It's okay. I get it. You're hurt. I should've been more understanding." Cat sighed.

"Oh my god… I should've been the understanding one. I should've never accused you…" I choked.

"Shh…" She whispered, kissing my neck.

And then we talked about it like adults like we should've done from the beginning. I told her my fears, my insecurities about unfaithfulness. I told her how part of this stems from Ryder, and part of it stems from not deserving her. I also made sure I kept in that I'm an idiot, but I also threw in that she should feel free to leave me if she wanted to, and if another woman made her happy then I'd be happy for her.

She gave me a hard stare, and told me there isn't anyone in the world that could make her happier than me (even when I'm screaming at her and accusing her of cheating?), and that she'd make sure to talk to me more throughout the day so I could set my fears at rest about where she was, and that she was being faithful to me. You know, just until I feel better about the whole thing. Like I said… a saint. An angel.

And then she said something that stabbed me in the heart. I told her to express what she's feeling to me, that I wanted her to be honest with me. She just gave me a sad look, and tilted her head to the side.

"I just wish you could trust me more."

I wish I could, too. God knows she deserves it. And I'm going to be working on it… I promised her that. I told her I'd even go to therapy, if she wanted. She shook her head, kissing me lightly. Then she said she'd teach me trust but her trusting me.

I can't express how much of a saint this girl is.

The morning went normally after that. Like I said, you couldn't even tell we had a fight. I asked her about what happened at work yesterday, and she explained the hospital had lost a child. I held her so tightly, and told her I'd take her out on the town for retail therapy. Cat loves retail therapy, and the hospital gave her the day off today because even the other kids wanted to spend the day mourning the lost child. So here we are, walking along the streets of LA.

That's my story.

"Ooh, Tori, look!" Cat points cheerfully, skipping over to a window not far from us. "Oh my god, those dresses are so cute!"

I shake my head, smiling. She still loves these cute outfits, and they work out well for her job. "Do you want any?" I ask, walking over to her. She squints, frowning slightly.

"Well… They're a bit expensive." Cat sighs. I put an arm around her, pulling her tight.

"Doesn't matter. Anything you want today, Cat, I'll buy." I assure her. She looks up at me with a look of adoration, kissing me on the cheek.

"You're sweet. But no, I'm okay. I think what I want today is… a coat." Cat states.

"A coat?" I raise my eyebrow. "Cat… it's summer."

"Yeah… but coats are cute." Cat shrugs.

"Cat, are you trying to choose something that's impossible to find at this time of year so I won't have to buy you anything?" I question. She gives me a small smile, and I let out a huff. "Okay, come on, you." I start dragging her down the street.

"Tori! Where are we going?!" Cat demands. I stay silent until I get near my destination, then I feel Cat put up a little restraint. "What? No! I decided I want one of those cute outfits!"

"Too late." I state, pulling her into the jewelry store. I let go of her and she stands there, crossing her arms. I chuckle at her and walk over to the case I knew where my target was. I asked the salesman for them and pulled them out, holding them out to Cat. At first she doesn't look, but when she does, her mouth drops.

"Tori… oh my god. No." She breathes, but I know she loves them. They're two small, ruby earrings shaped like strawberries.

"Do you like them?" I ask. She hesitates a moment.

"Yes, but… Tori, they're way too expensive." She frowns. I shake my head.

"Cat… I was going to get them for you for our 2nd year anniversary anyway." I explain. Her lip trembles.

"But… that's not for another month." She sighs.

"We'll make it that far anyway. Why wait?" I smile. She stares at me, and then breaks into a smile.

"I love you." She says.

"And I love you. Money is no object when it comes to you, Cat… I would buy you the world." I murmur. She comes up to me, eyelids fluttering.

"You don't need to buy me anything. Your love is all I need." Cat sighs. I hold up an earring to her ear.

"Well, I'll definitely love you in these." I grin. She rolls her eyes, but I know she's given in. I turn to the salesman and request to buy them, and Cat wears them out. I notice her looking at herself in the reflection of the windows. "You like them?"

"They're gorgeous." She breathes.

"Then they fit the wearer." I state, and she elbows me gently.

"You… are so cheesy." She giggles. I give her a longing kiss, and then I turn to head further down the street. "Tori…" Her voice reaches me. I turn to see her standing there, biting her lip.

"What?" I ask, and she beckons me closer. I walk up to her, and she leans in close.

"Do you… want to have sex tonight?" She asks softly. I blink at her.

"Are we having sex by appointment now? Usually we don't plan it, it just kind of just happens…" I say slowly. She shakes her head.

"No, I know. That probably wasn't the best way to ask. I mean… I want to have sex tonight but it'll be a bit… different than you're used to… if that's okay." She mutters.

"In what way?" I ask.

"Um… I'd rather keep it to myself for now because I know how it'll sound, but tonight when I… show you, and I can explain a bit better… you can feel free to back down and we can just… do it as normal, if you're still not into it." Cat explains. I give her a long, suspicious look.

"…You don't want to have a threesome, do you?" I question. She shoves me playfully.

"No! Tori!" She laughs, and then she steps close, resting a hand on my cheek. "Just… trust me."

I search her eyes for a moment, and then I nod. "Okay."

She breaks out into a grin. "Alright! I have to take care of some things, first… Alone, if you don't mind. Feel free to call me anytime though to check up on me. I'll be home later, is that okay?"

"Um, yeah. Sure." I say dumbly. She smiles and pulls me in for a deep kiss.

"Great. I love you so much. I'll see you later and thank you for the earrings… hopefully the next time you see me, they'll be the only thing I'm wearing." She smirks, brushing her hand over my cheek before walking away.

I stand there gaping as she walks away, feeling weak in the knees. I don't know what she has planned, but usually "Cat" and "sex" is a very good thing.

It took me a while to discover that, though. It was tough after being with Ryder. Even from the beginning, before the abuse started, it was all about him. I didn't understand how sex should've been about both parties involved. In fact, before Cat, I didn't enjoy sex at all. A few weeks into Cat and I's relationship, we were on her bed and making-out passionately. I pulled back and started unbuttoning my top… That's what she wanted, right? That's what Ryder always wanted. I was so blind.

"Wait." Cat had stopped me, putting her hand on mine while they were working on the middle button. I stopped and looked up at her. "What are you doing?" She asked. I blinked.

"Um… getting ready for sex, I guess." I mumbled. She sighed, taking my cheek in her palm.

"But do you want it right now?" She inquired softly. Again, I blinked, completely confused. Ryder… had never asked what I wanted. He always made me feel like it was something I owed him. I never had an option.

"I… I don't know." I trembled. She smiled at me sweetly.

"Then you're not ready. I can't imagine what he put you through. From what you told me…" She bit her lip, tears filling her eyes. "You need some time. I want you to want this."

"But… But Cat, don't you?" I asked.

"Yes, but only when you're ready. Okay?" She smiled, buttoning up my shirt again for me. I looked away from her, almost feeling ashamed.

"I'm… I'm sorry I'm not…"

"Shh…" Cat turned my head towards her and kissed me very lovingly. "You don't owe me anything. You owe yourself everything. I can wait. I'd wait for you forever."

Looking back, I think that was the moment I really started to fall in love with her… and even start to gain my confidence back. Even so, when it came time when I was finally ready to give myself to her, I was still suffering. I didn't know how to 'take charge' in the bedroom. I just asked Cat what she wanted. She was the dominant one but… she didn't want to be. Suddenly, our intimate nights having sex became an opportunity for her to help build my confidence. Dirty talk between us was a little different.

"It's okay, Tori. Just relax. Do what feels good."

"I don't mind if you're awkward. I think it's cute in a… sexy way."

"Try whatever. I'm open to you, Tori… Experiment. I trust you."

"Let me know how you're feeling… I want you to enjoy this as much as I am."

It took me a long while, but eventually I built up my confidence in the bedroom. I took equal opportunities and the results were… mind blowing. In bed and in my life. I could tell Cat enjoyed it too, when she'd be washing her face in the bathroom and I'd spin her around and capture her lips passionately, picking her up and leading her to bed. My new confidence was good for the both of us. I deserved to feel good just as much as she did.

It brought a whole new meaning to sexual education.

So yes, I'm intrigued about what she has planned for tonight. It's been a while since our sexual encounters have been "lessons", if that's even where she's going with this. Either way… hell yeah.

I look around at my surroundings. Her figure had sauntered around a corner and went out of sight. Now what? Now all I can think about is sex with Cat. It's going to be a long wait…

I decide to just go see a movie. Hey, there's nothing weird about going to see a movie alone. It's actually very liberating. Though, I really enjoy seeing movies with Cat. Her head nestled on my shoulder always feels like… the most perfect thing. But she's off doing something or other and I need to distract myself from later events, so… movie it is.

About two hours into the movie, there's a scene where a woman is brutally beaten. I calmly get up and walk out of the theatre. That was far too triggering. I have to deal with that sometimes. Luckily it was so far into the movie so I got my money's worth, and luckily I have Cat. Outside the theatre, I pull out my phone.

"Hey Cat. How are things going?" I ask into the receiver once she picked up, my voice slightly weak.

"Good! I think I'm making… um… progress." She answers awkwardly.

"On what?" I say suspiciously.

"You'll find out later." I can practically hear the smirk in her voice. "What are you up to?"

"I just saw a movie. That new one, about the doctor who can cure any disease as long as he doesn't care about the person." I sigh.

"Oh yeah? I heard about that one. It got really good reviews… Oh. Wait. There was supposed to be a bad scene in there." She mutters.

"Yeah. There was." I wince.

"Tor, honey, are you okay?"

"I was okay once I heard your voice again." I smile. "When can I see you again?"

"Soon. I promise… Don't be mean." Cat says suddenly.

"I… wasn't trying to be?" I blink.

"No, sorry. I was talking to Jade."

"You're with Jade? Why?" I question.

"Again, you'll find out later." She tries to assure me.

"Uh, Cat… Seriously. Promise me you're not organizing a threesome. Especially with Jade." I grimace.

"I really, really promise." She giggles. "Seriously though. I can cut this short if you need me right now…"

"I'll be fine." I promise.

"If you're sure… just go home and relax. I'll come home as soon as I'm done and then we can… begin. Or whatever you want." Cat suggests.

"Beginning sounds good." I chuckle. "Tell Jade I say hi."

"Alright. One sec." There's a pause over the phone. "She wants me to let you know that she does not say hi back."

"Typical." I roll my eyes. "Love you, Cat. I'll see you later."

"You certainly will. Love you, too. Bye."

I do what she suggested and just head home. I try to preoccupy myself with reading or fixing something to eat or playing piano, but the image from the movie keeps creeping in my mind and I know I just have to sleep it off. Generally I do that in Cat's arms, but sleeping on her side of the bed will have to suffice. I crawl into the covers and quickly fall asleep with my love's familiar scent around me.

I wake up later to a light, soft pressure on my lips. I groggily open my eyes as it's removed and look up at my loving girlfriend's face leaning over me, her strawberry earrings still dangling from her ears.

"Hey." I murmur.

"Hello." She smiles, kissing me on the forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." I mumble, pushing myself up. I lightly touch her earring. "You're still wearing them."

"Of course. I love them." She grins. "Jade wasn't impressed, but I explained it was like if Beck gave her scissor-shaped earrings. Or something."

"You probably just doomed Beck for all of their future anniversaries." I chuckle.

"I know. I better apologize to him." She frowns. I look her over.

"You're still wearing more than just your earrings." I note at her still wearing her clothes from earlier today.

"Sorry to disappoint." She giggles, sitting on the bed beside me. She tangles her hand in my hair and bites her smile before leaning in to capture my mouth in a deep kiss. I slink my arms up her back, enjoying where this is going so far. This isn't any different from usual… not that I'm complaining. I lean back onto the bed and she leans into me, slipping her tongue into my mouth and I let out a low moan. No complaints at all.

Then she pulls back. Now I'm complaining. "I'm guess that wasn't you're big plan?" I ask.

"No." She chuckles, but she looks worried. She bites her lip and her eyes drag to the side. "I'm trying to find a good way to… introduce this idea."

"You could start by telling me what Jade has to do with it." I suggest. Even though she promised, I'm still worried Jade is going to saunter into the room and be like "let's do this, Vega".

Shudder.

"Well she knows more about this thing than I do. I wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing, so I asked her for some tips. Then I went here…" Cat explains, turning away. She picks up a bag and holds it up shyly, and my eyes widen. It's a bag from a local sex store. Did she get some sort of toy? I guess that'd be different.

"Uh, okay." I swallow hard. "What'd you get?" I ask, and she lets out a sigh.

"Don't freak out, okay?" She requests, and I raise my eyebrow.

"Okay." I agree hesitantly. Her lips press together, and then she reaches in. I watch her cautiously as she pulls out a package with some sort of band on the front picture. Not a musical band. A band for bonding wrists. My jaw drops. "Cat! What the fuck!?"

"I said don't freak out!" Cat pleads desperately.

"You're planning to tie me up?" I gape. "I'm not into masochism!"

"I know! That's not what this is about." Cat tries to explain.

"So you're not planning on restraining me?" I scoff. She falters for a moment.

"Well, uh… Yes, I was…"

"Cat!"

"But it's not what you think! Just… hear me out, okay? Like I said, you don't have to try it if you don't want to. It's not like I've been dying to try this forever. It's just a thought I had today. I promise I have a good reason." Cat sighs. I shake my head.

"I don't know, Cat. Ryder held me down a lot. I don't know if I can be comfortable with that." I mumble, looking away. It doesn't help that the woman in the movie was chained up while she was being beaten. Cat tilts her head, a sad look on her face. She drops the package and bag and sits down on the bed next to me again.

"I'm not Ryder. You know that." Cat whispers, caressing my cheek. "That's… that's the point. I want you to know I'd never hurt you. Even if you were in a position where you couldn't fight back." She mumbles. I look up at her. Oh. That's where she's going with this. I suddenly see another aspect of bondage that I never thought about before. The amount of trust you'd have to have with your partner would be astounding. She lightly kisses the side of my mouth. "If you're not okay with it, if you're not comfortable, that's fine. I'll return them tomorrow and never look back." She assures me.

I take a deep breath. Taking a new approach to sex has helped me before, right? I want to get better for Cat, so fights like last night never happen again. And… and it's Cat, after all. "Okay. Let's give them a try." I mutter.

"Are you sure?" She searches my eyes. I nod slowly.

"Yeah… I trust you." I smile. She smiles back at me brightly, and then she dips to kiss me passionately. She pushes me gently down onto the bed like before, tongue in my mouth, but this time she progresses it. She runs her hands softly over each new patch of exposed skin as she removes my clothing one by one, and then she kisses up my stomach once I'm free from all forms of fabric. Once she reaches my head and nuzzles her forehead against mine, I take advantage of my arms still being free to run my fingers through her hair.

"Okay. Jade said we need some sort of… safe word. Something we normally wouldn't say during sex so we know that the other is not okay with what's happening. Like… Pineapple. Or camel. Or pasta." She lists off.

"Or the good old-fashioned 'stop'." I suggest.

"There's always that." Cat giggles. "Kay, you tell me to stop and I'll stop and take those things off you, no question. I promise." She murmurs, kissing me affectionately.

"Okay." I take a deep breath. She kisses down my neck.

"Just relax, okay?" She murmurs against my pulse. I bite my lip and she pulls back, giving me a comforting smile. I sit up slightly and watch her worriedly while she takes out the bonds and turns to me. "Ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be to get tied up." I shudder. She nods slowly and comes over to me. She runs her nails down my arms, making my skin raise with goosebumps, and then she lifts them up above my head. Barely looking away from my eyes, she loops the band around a bar of the headboard a slips on of my wrists into it, pulling it tight. She presses her lips to my cheek as she ties up my final wrist, then she pulls back. There. Bonded. I'm at Cat's mercy.

"Okay." She lets out a deep breath, as if restraining me in the first place had been difficult to bring herself to do. "Give a little tug and tell me how they feel. I wanted there to be no chance you'd be uncomfortable or hurt yourself… Handcuffs seem liked they'd chaff or something so I bought the most comfortable I could find. Some sort of nylon-silk type of material."

I give a little tug and the band stretches a little, but not much. Still, the material is soft against my skin. Not as soft as Cat's skin (that's how I judge any form of softness these days), but they definitely don't hurt. She really put in a lot of effort to make sure this would be a good experience for me. "They're fine." I nod.

"And you're okay?" Cat asks.

"I feel… vulnerable and kind of nervous." I admit. Again, Ryder held me down forcefully a lot. "But I'm alright."

"Okay." Cat mumbles. She runs her fingers slowly down my torso, her heavy eyes watching them as they go and she chews on her lip. I shiver at the feeling. Then I watch her as she kneels over me and takes off her own clothes one article at a time. I admire the beauty of her body and every slope and curve, and I smile at the fact she's leaving her earrings on. I feel a twinge of regret when my bonds tug.

"Damn." I mutter.

"What?" She asks cautiously after removing the last of her clothing.

"Nothing. Just discovering how hard it is having you so close and not being able to touch you." I sigh. She smiles and lets out a light giggle.

"Well I have to let you out of those some time." She smirks, and then she leans down over me, her finger tracing a circle on my abdomen. Her mouth finds her way to my ear. "But for right now, you're mine."

I swallow hard and my eyes flutter closed. "I don't have much choice there, do I?"

"Yes you do." Cat mumbles, moving to kiss my shoulder. "I would never, ever make you do something you didn't want to do."

"That's not what I meant." I lean my head to the side as she kisses my neck. "I'm not talking about the bondage. I mean… being yours in general. I have no choice because I'd never allow myself to be anyone else's but yours." I mumble. She looks at me with a sweet smile, and then leaves a deep kiss on my mouth.

"And I'd never be anybody else's but yours." Cat assures me, and I gasp and she begins to fondle my breasts. "I promise, Tori. No one even comes close."

"But I'm so broken." I croak.

"You're hurt. Injured. Not broken." Cat mumbles, kissing my chest. "I've never thought of you as someone broken who needed fixing. Someone who's broken wouldn't keep fighting to get better like you do."

"C-Cat…" I whimper. I suck in a breath as Cat teases my breasts with her tongue.

"And look how far you've come."

"I wouldn't be anywhere without you."

"I wouldn't let you patch yourself up alone." Cat murmurs. "I would never hurt you, Tori."

"I know." I breathe, a tear escaping my eye. Cat makes me feel so safe, I barely even feel the bonds there anymore. I couldn't be in more loving, caring hands. I knew earlier I was so stupid to think she would betray me, but now any shadow of a doubt has been pushed out of my mind. It might creep back in later, but it's completely gone now. And that's a start.

She looks up at me and brushes away my tear. "Do you want me to stop?" She asks softly.

"Never." I tremble, and she smiles, kissing me deeply. I feel her hand slide down and I moan into her mouth as it dips in between my legs. I tug at my bonds just because I want to hold her close to me, but I know I'll get a chance to later. In the meantime, I'll enjoy her taking care of me. "I trust you." I sigh as she kisses my neck.

"Happy anniversary, my love." She coos. And she couldn't have given me a better gift.

She bonded together my broken parts a little more.

Author's Notes: ...Sigh. They're so goddamn cute to write. That was my challenge. Can I take something ordinarily viewed as kinky and rough, apply it to Cori, and make it very sweet and sensual. What do you think? Think I succeeded? I don't know. I'm pretty proud of this.

Now that that's out of the way, the Dead to You sequel is still coming at some point, but I have to delay it for a bit longer. I already talking about this on twitter (WaitwhathuhFF), but I'm going to repeat it here so that people who don't follow me on twitter are still in the loop. Next week I'm slated to have heart surgery to fix this heart condition I've been suffering from for a while. Obviously this will involve a lot of recovery time, and I'd hate to start something I can't commit to. So, after I'm better, the Dead to You sequel will be posted. If this is the first story you're reading of mine and you have no idea what I'm talking about, go read Dead to You! I think you'll like it. Anyway, wish me luck for next week!

Finally, I want to address the abusive relationship portrayed in this story. I've had so many friends who have been in abusive relationships, and it breaks my heart. If anyone reading this is in that kind of situation, I know you must be scared and it must be hard to leave. Just know that you deserve better. You do. Tell someone you trust. Get help. Contact a local women's shelter, or men's shelter if you're male and in an abusive relationship. Only you can take control of your life. Your Cat's out there. I promise.