Yeah, I know quite a few words have at least two definitions but it just didn't have the same ring to it XD Why do I keep making angsty ZetTobi? They're supposed to be fluffy, dammit! DX I don't even know if these are AU anymore D: I know the last one isn't!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto ^^
Blotchier
To say Hidan hated the cold was an understatement. He despised it with the force of his entire being; he wished a painful death upon whoever thought it up. It couldn't be Jashin, he wouldn't do something so cruel to his followers. 'It would be fucking hilarious' he often thought in the winter, 'if whoever did invent it froze to death'.
Kakuzu didn't seem to have any problem with the cold, the lucky bastard. Hidan blamed the mask, he had worn a scarf as one once and it had nearly suffocated him but it was warm. But he did look like a pussy; he drew the line at wearing a shirt, even then he was forced by Kakuzu. Literally, he had been pinned to the floor and had the garment stitched to his neck and arms.
He still didn't know whose shirt it actually was though. It certainly wasn't his, he didn't own any and Kakuzu wouldn't give him one willingly. Would he? Come to think of it he had seen the stitched man in something similar before. Nah this is Kakuzu, he's... well, he's Kakuzu. He was cold as well, but it was tolerable. Sort of. It wasn't weather cold and that was good enough for him.
It wasn't the feeling of being cold itself that Hidan hated; he actually quite liked that. It was what it did to his skin. His usually 'flawless, perfect, creamy, milky, but not sparkly because that's fucking gay' skin became red and blotchy. It ruined his sexiness and that just wouldn't do, no sir, his sexiness should be preserved all year round!
Not just in the summer; everyone went around half naked in the summer that was nothing special. But in the icy grip of a cold, harsh winter Hidan wanted to be the one strutting round, glowing with his perfect skin on full display! Turning the heads of males and females everywhere with his bare chest, oozing sex appeal!
He had told Kakuzu this once. The older man hadn't known whether to laugh, ignore him or punch him in the face and leave him to bask in his never ending stupidity.
He had gone with the obvious.
Yummy
"You look positively delicious,"
"Yeah, un. Because that doesn't sound creepy at all, does it Zetsu?"
"Well it's true. Don't be jealous because you have the appeal of a dead cat. Oh be nice. You were thinking it. So? You're still a douche. I am you, you fucking idiot. … …Wait. Yeah, exactly,"
"Boys, calm down. Pein'll be here soon. But thank you Zetsu," Nobody could miss the bright red that poisoned his cheeks with its presence. Thankfully none of those present were immature enough to say anything.
"Ooooh, that's fuckin' adorable," Oh. My mistake. Hidan had decided to grace them with his existence, "Plant boy's in love! Actually no, that's not adorable, that's disturbing. Can you imagine the kids? Never mind the kids, can you imagine the sex! How would that even be possible with- SWEET JASHIN, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
Fortunately for all of them Kakuzu was also there, to stop the mental images that would surely require some form of therapy. Poor Zetsu was a strange mixture of pale white and bright red, with both anger and embarrassment. But mainly embarrassment. Konan was taking the whole thing quite well, all things considered.
"Just because Kakuzu's a cock tease doesn't mean you have to take it out on Zetsu," Hidan was too enraged to form words. He spluttered indignantly from his position sprawled out on the ground where a laughing Kakuzu kept him pinned with his foot.
"Thanks Konan," He muttered, smiling at her shyly before turning to the silver haired Jashinist with a scowl, "Hidan don't be such a whiny little bitch,"
Fantasising
Tobi daydreamed. He never fantasised. Fantasising would only lead to heartbreak upon re-entering reality, where he would see his best friend and crush be rejected by a girl he couldn't even hate for it. Because he couldn't hate Konan, she was like a sister to him and she was never harsh about her refusals. She even apologised the first (and last) time. After that the bi-coloured boy had kept to himself about it, mostly. He'd get down about it occasionally but Tobi was always there to pick him back up. Even if it killed him inside.
Abelmoschus
"Zetsu, what's that?" Tobi poked the plant, "Is it some kind of deformed cactus?" the older boy chuckled and set it down, brushing the dirt off himself.
"It's for biology. You probably weren't smart enough to take it. Oh be nice. Make m-" They were cut off by Tobis' startled yell
"What's wrong?"
"It's almost the same colour as Deidara senpais' hair!" Nobody would be able to resist laughing at the look of pure joy on his face. Not even Itachi. Well maybe Itachi. Itachi, Sasori, Kakuzu and Pein but that's it!
"Do you want a few to give to him? No, he'll probably just burn them," The botanist in trainings' face was split between an evil smirk and a slightly panicking grimace
"No, senpai wouldn't burn something Tobi gives him! Not this time!" Zetsu sighed, seeing that the younger boy was not going to give up on being the blonde pyromaniacs best friend. And besides, he kind of liked comforting the orange Uchiha, sadistic as that sounds.
Chickabiddy
Hidan was like a child, Kakuzu had decided. He was whiny, bratty, immature and he had been known to throw tantrums but he could also be sweet, endearing and lovable, well deserving of the title chickabiddy. It was this, Kakuzu told himself, as he proudly watched the man he loved slice someones head off and stick it on a pike only to run around shoving the dismembered head into the faces of what seemed to be the victims family.
Weird how they seem to get shorter, ne? And in case you didn't knoooow:
Abelmoschus - Species of tropical coarse herbs having large lobed leaves and often yellow flowers
Chickabiddy - A term of endearment, usually for a child. I think it's actually meant to be chickadee, but that could just be a shorter version.
The rest you should be able to figure out :P
I almost ended up saying Zetty was a herbologist ._. Dayum you Harry Potter! Ah shake mah fist at'cha! Oh, and, er, is senpai supposed to be capitalised? I really wasn't sure ._.ll
Innocent Hidan D: