Firstly, I would like to extend utmost thanks to Midori-Sensei for Beta'ing this for me! I could not have done this without her (well okay, I mostly could have but yea).

Secondly, this fic would not be here if it were not for the biggest inspiration: V-chan (Nao-sama). I wanted this to be her surprise, and so I slaved over this thing until I finally got it done. I'm very proud of this fic and the way it turned out. I hope V-chan likes it too just as much as I do.

Also, I know it's really late to be posting a New Year's fic, but I just couldn't get it out in time. Oh well; it's out now. That's all that matters.

I do not own Shizuru or Natsuki or Mai-HiME. Sunrise owns them. I only own a copy of the series, and not much else. Oh yea, this fic is mine!

I hope you enjoy!

She sat there on that couch for what seemed like ages, her gaze locked on her lightly fisted hands resting on her knees. This conversation wasn't exactly what she had expected, having been spurred on by her foolish stubbornness. Yet she had to know- had to know so she herself could get the words out. Because feelings and emotions weren't her strong point, and she wasn't any good with getting them out when they were needed. And it had been her stubbornness that brought her here to this point; she had wanted to speak with the tawny-haired woman after having been away from her for nearly a month.

There was no warning to the visit either- Natsuki had just... shown up at Shizuru's apartment once she found out that she had come home after having been away for several weeks. It had been school-related, or so she had been told, but the lack of contact was what drove the younger girl out of her mind.

Why hadn't she called?

Why hadn't she sent her a letter? Or e-mail?

There had been no contact at all from her in the time she'd been away, and it had essentially made the dark-haired girl feel... heavy. Days seemed to stretch on forever and she couldn't get her mind off of Shizuru. Her friends could see the difference, and they tried to bring it up with her, to no avail. Natsuki just didn't want to talk much about it, having no real understanding of what was going on herself. She knew they were all concerned, and she appreciated it by saying that she would be fine- that they didn't need to worry much about her. There was only one real person she could go to for talks like these anyway, and that person had a lot to deal with already. Dumping this confusion all on her would only add to that.

She frowned, silently cursing her inability to hold back her impulses. The other girl seated on the other side of the room, she knew, quietly sipped at her tea and hid behind a mask of calm. Grah! How the hell could she just sit there at a time like this when everything was about to fall to chaos? That damnable woman. Natsuki glanced briefly towards her friend and saw her waiting expectantly for her to speak. She couldn't, for the words were lost in her throat, unable to reach her lips and tongue.

How could she tell her the reason she was there anyway?

Natsuki could barely recall the events that led up to her being here, in Shizuru's living room.

"Cheer up, Natsuki! It's the New Year! You should be happy and celebrating with us!" Mai grinned at her friend, holding a glass of sparkling wine in her hand.

Natsuki grunted, much like she did many months ago, but that didn't put a damper on the redhead's cheerfulness. Instead, she joined her at the table she occupied and sat her glass down, giving her classmate her undivided attention. The other girl glanced at her momentarily, emeralds locking with sapphire. It didn't take much for the busty girl to reach a conclusion about what might be hindering Natsuki's mood.

"It's her, isn't it? Fujino-san?" she guessed, her tone soft and low so as to not be overheard by their more rambunctious friends. The forlorn look on Natsuki's face was enough of an answer, emeralds now finding the random patterns on the tabletop very amusing.

Scooting a little closer, Mai leaned against her forearms on the table so as to try and catch the girl's gaze with her own "I know you miss her, Natsuki, but she would want you to be happy right now. It's the start of a new year. You can go see her when she gets back." She offered a comforting smile in an effort to try and get her friend to get her mind off of the former kaichou, at least for tonight. Yet Mai had no idea how much her friend missed the tawny-haired woman, but she could guess.

"Mai! It's your turn again!"Midori called from the other side of the room, holding an alcoholic drink in one hand before turning her attention back to the group of girls playing... some game or other.

Placing a comforting hand on Natsuki's shoulder, Mai tried one last time to reach out to her friend. "We'll be waiting for you if you wish to join us, Natsuki. Just remember that we're all here for you and we want you to have fun and enjoy yourself tonight." She made to get up to leave table and rejoin her partying friends, when a hand reached out and grasped her wrist.

"... Thanks, Mai," was all Natsuki said, and if anyone looked hard enough, they could see the beginnings of a smile on the girl's lips.

Things became a little blurred in the moments that followed. Nao had supposedly plopped herself down next to Natsuki sometime later and proceeded to tease her. There had been a bit of bickering between the two, with Natsuki trying to defend her dignity and Nao trying to probe into her weak spots. She recalled some off-handed comment she'd made about Shizuru coming back early and then...

And then here she was.

She had to admit, even this was a surprise. Natsuki hadn't thought anything for one minute until she stood in front of Shizuru's door with her fist against its cold surface. She seemed to have gone on autopilot, and every movement was done just so she could get to her destination- her goal. Now, she just mentally abused and berated herself for not knowing the real reason why she was here in the first place. All she had wanted was to see Shizuru. Nothing else. Natsuki snorted; she wondered if her friends even understood why she just suddenly up and left in the middle of their party.

Or, maybe she did, but just refused the notion of what it really entailed.

The sound of a teacup being set down on the coffee table placed between them had barely registered in the biker's mind. Natsuki had the faintest idea that somehow, Shizuru didn't want to wait any longer, although she was more patient than she herself could ever be. She could feel those crimson eyes on her, the silent question lingering in the air, making her feel heavy as the seconds ticked by.

"I don't get it..." Natsuki whispered, a sound that not even the older woman had expected to suddenly fill the room. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming back early?" Natsuki raised her gaze up to meet the tawny-haired woman's, a soft frown marring her face. She didn't understand why she hadn't gotten even a phone call to let her know she would be returning before the expected date. There hadn't been enough time for her to gather the thoughts that clouded her mind, to really grasp their meaning.

"Ara, I thought I would surprise Natsuki by coming home early. I hadn't expected her at my door so soon after my arrival." Shizuru smiled that familiar smile Natsuki had gotten sick of- the one she wore when she was trying to hide herself, or to tease. "Did Natsuki miss me that much?"

Fingernails dug into the palms of her hands as anger built, various emotions swelling through her at the same time. It was infuriating! Not even a hint of surprise and all she can do is ask her if she missed her. When Shizuru had been gone, Natsuki waited the best she could until she returned. As the days wore on, she grew more and more lonely. All the regular routines she had grown so accustomed to had suddenly shifted, and left a gaping hole where her friend had once been. There wasn't a day that went by when Natsuki didn't have a certain tea-drinking woman on her mind, and in all those instances, she hated it. Images, memories, figments of her imagination... they all paled in comparison to the real deal. The comfort of being in her company satisfied her more than just thinking about it. She wanted her back, and she hated it more than anything else in the world.

Natsuki could hate and blame that damn spider for letting slip that knowledge she had attained of Shizuru's arrival, but privately, she would be thankful. She of course would never admit to that.

"I never... you never called! Not even a single e-mail! Or... or even a letter! Nothing!" Natsuki ground her teeth, biting back the growl she so desperately wanted to express. "I haven't heard from you at all since you were away, Shizuru!" From where she sat, the woman in question could see the swirl of emotion in those emerald eyes. Shizuru felt bolted to her seat from the outburst; she should have expected this. Of all that she deserved, Natsuki needed an apology.

Shizuru opened her mouth to speak, but would not get the chance to, for not a moment after Natsuki's angry outburst, she suddenly gazed at her with an expression that she had not worn before. Now, Natsuki was a very private person and did not wear her emotions on her sleeve. She was rather reserved and stand-offish at times, usually just preferring a person's company than to spend the entire time engaging in conversation. While her heart was well-guarded, many students had dubbed her the Ice Princess. There were instances where her defenses would weaken, but those were far and few between, and usually in the presence of those Natsuki deemed as her closest friends.

To see her defenses completely crumbled like this made Shizuru's heart ache painfully. She desperately wished to reach out and comfort her friend, her most important person.

"I... I worried about you. Were you safe? Were you having a good time?"

Those words startled Shizuru. Natsuki, saying these words to her? Was she dreaming? What were these things coming out of her friend's mouth? Could she be hearing things right?

In the next moment, she saw Natsuki get up from her seat and cross the short distance to the couch, sitting down right next to her. When her hands were grasped within slightly rougher ones, her heart fluttered. "Na-Natsuki...?" She couldn't seem to resist those bright emerald eyes as they bore into her own. Natsuki certainly was acting strangely. She looked so helpless, so vulnerable. And so... so beautifully innocent. Their close proximity almost made her want to lean over and—

"Shizuru?"

Crimson eyes blinked twice, surprised to discover that Natsuki had called her name so suddenly and from so far away. She was not next to her, but still seated upon the couch across from her. Ara? What had just happened then? Had that last moment been nothing more than a figment of Shizuru's imagination? Her cheeks colored just a bit, embarrassed that she had been caught daydreaming. Even now I cannot help myself. Kannin-na, Natsuki. It seems I let myself be carried away again.

Shizuru's blush went unnoticed by Natsuki, and had she the ability, she would have felt lucky. But the cobalt-haired girl had not said a thing since her outburst, unsure of what else to say at the moment. The silence brought on an air of awkwardness, neither of the two girls speaking for quite some time, one which was lost in thought.

Natsuki has been acting very strangely since her arrival. I wonder what brought this on, but, considering the circumstances, it is to be expected. I have not said a word to her while I was away.

Glancing briefly at the girl who surprised her on this very night by appearing on her doorstep, Shizuru felt very guilty. Yet, at the same time, she had not been able to do much out of where she was. In truth, she hadn't had time to do much else besides school. That explained Natsuki's strange actions, and yet... there seemed to be something else. Every time those emerald eyes looked at her, she could see something behind the drive and the anger that fueled her here, to this place, so soon after her arrival. At the same time, how had Natsuki known she would be back sooner than was expected? Nothing could prepare the Kyoto-born for this, a perplexing situation in which all she could do was reach for her tea cup, bring it to her lips and let the liquid slide down her throat in an effort to help keep herself calm. It was the only way she could keep from letting her friend become truly aware of the mask that was not there.

"I just, uh... y'know, wanted to hear from you and make sure you were... okay."

The silence was broken, and at first Shizuru wanted to believe it was her imagination playing games with her again. When crimson eyes met emerald, she knew that it wasn't a lie- Natsuki really had spoken this time, if the slightly flustered expression was any indicator. The younger girl had always been quite sincere, omitting key details when she didn't want to voice them to avoid further embarrassment, but never once had she openly lied before. Such a pure trait was something Shizuru highly admired in Natsuki. What she wouldn't give to be more open, more unafraid of expressing what she really thought.

At the same time, she found the younger girl's sincerity quite endearing.

Here she was, home before her scheduled return, hoping to surprise Natsuki, when instead Natsuki was the one to surprise her by showing up at her apartment. And, since Natsuki was generally a hard person to read, Shizuru prided herself in being the only person able to fully understand the biker's body language, for the most part. It did take a lot of work, and a lot of trial and error, but after several years, the efforts paid off. Therefore, after having watched her now for a few moments following Natsuki's statement, Shizuru deduced that she probably was waiting for her to say or do something to acknowledge it. Always so patient at times like this, ne, my Natsuki?

Closing her eyes, Shizuru allowed a soft smile to grace her face, one which she would only express towards her most important person. Now she needed to be serious, so she would express herself truthfully, as Natsuki deserved it the most.

Natsuki, with her eyes off to the side, fighting off the redness in her cheeks, did not see any of these developments. She didn't even see the tawny-haired girl get up from her seat and make her way towards her. She hadn't a clue as to why she was here- why she was sitting on this couch, in this living room, in this apartment, on this night. What she did know was that she wanted to see Shizuru again, even if it meant ditching her friends, who were having the time of their life partying away at their usual hangout.

Turning her head, Natsuki opened her mouth to speak once more. To her surprise, Shizuru was no longer seated on the other couch across from her, separated by the coffee table. "Shizuru?" She hadn't noticed that the Kyoto-born was already seated on the couch she occupied. She did feel a pair of arms snake around her waist, however, and a warm body press against her side seconds later. "Sh-Shizuru..."

Natsuki tensed up on reflex, not used to having someone come into such close contact with her before. Since it was Shizuru, she gradually relaxed, though silently wished her heart would stop beating so fast. Just what caused this anyway? The pair sat there in complete silence for some time, the one being embraced uncertain as to what she should say in this sort of situation. Natsuki couldn't deny that she liked it; she wasn't so willing to openly admit that.

"Kannin-na, Natsuki," murmured Shizuru, her head leaning on Natsuki's shoulder. The guilt she had tried to hide before slipped into the tone of her voice, something she knew Natsuki would pick up on. It would be complete exposure from here on out- no masks to hide behind this time. "I had not meant to bring you any undue stress. My schedule was not busy enough that I could have sent you a short letter at the very least. We did not have access to very much, since it was a very remote location." She said nothing else, deeming any other details unnecessary. The words she wished she could say remained in her throat; Shizuru dared not let them reach Natsuki's ears, remembering that her feelings wouldn't be returned the way she would like.

I did not mean to worry Natsuki, but I thought of her each and every single day...

Tilting her head to the side just so, Natsuki glanced at the girl leaning against her, trying to find the right words to express. It wasn't like Shizuru could make up for worrying her while she had been away, and she knew she was trying not to hide herself behind something, usually a cup of tea or an imagined mask of sorts. That was a step up from who she used to be, an effort certainly worth noting. Natsuki wanted to at least accept her apology, in some way, shape or form.

Not always good with words in situations like these, Natsuki tentatively reached over with the arm closest to the Kyoto-born and wrapped the limb around her shoulders, fighting back another rosy hue even as she heard Shizuru's breath catch in her throat. She gave her a slight squeeze and pulled her closer without thinking. Not a word left her mouth.

In her own way, Natsuki accepted and acknowledged Shizuru's heartfelt apology, and at the same time, forgave her.

Even though she did feel a sense of peace sitting there with Shizuru, on the inside, Natsuki was panicking. She could feel her heart in her throat, her stomach tied in knots- doing flips, loops, and whatever else she could possibly think of- and her muscles trembled frequently, uncontrollably. Her brain failed her, in a situation where she had not a clue about anything- no real plan of attack, no means to escape, and no real strategy to follow.

All she had to fall back on was simply instinct, a trait she had followed for a number of years.

Before Shizuru knew it, she had been grabbed and her head placed in Natsuki's lap. No word or warning had prepared her for that.

She glanced up curiously at Natsuki, who sported the brightest blush, emerald eyes staring straight ahead. Never once did she look down at her, too embarrassed to do so. "Ara, if Natsuki wanted my head in her lap so badly, all she had to do was ask," she teased, watching in amusement as the color in the girl's cheeks darkened.

"Baka..." Natsuki mumbled, frowning cutely. She felt Shizuru shift a little to get more comfortable. Her arm draped itself across Shizuru's torso moments later. The warmth of a hand covering hers forced her to look down in surprise. The expression the older girl wore made Natsuki's breath catch- it wasn't an expression she couldn't recall ever having seen before. This one was pure, full of honesty and sincerity; it was almost as if she really could see into Shizuru's own soul now that she was aware her friend had let her defenses down.

She felt so overwhelmed... and that scared Natsuki.

Whether or not Shizuru's feelings had changed since she had told Natsuki how she felt several years ago, she had no idea. Chances are, they probably had.

"Natsuki?"

"Hm?"

Emerald met crimson cautiously, only to find that the expression she had previously worn had lessened. Natsuki relaxed, breathing a mental sigh of relief; she didn't really know all of the feelings that that expression had invoked in her and right now she wasn't sure if she could figure it out.

"I do not know how Natsuki came to be aware that I was coming back early, but I am certainly happy that she has come to see me."

Blinking twice, Natsuki allowed a small smile to adorn her lips. Yea, she certainly owed that no-good spider for slipping that information to her, whether that had been her intent or not. "I don't mind coming to see you. Besides, it beats the party my friends were having..."

Shizuru's interest piqued, a slender brow arching in curiosity. "Ara, you were spending time with your friends?" If that were true, then why had Natsuki just ditched her friends; she'd probably been enjoying herself.

Natsuki, dumbfounded, hadn't realized she'd said that aloud until the older girl voiced her inquiry. Sheesh. Shizuru made it sound like she should've been back there at the party, feeling miserable until she dragged herself all the way back home and into bed in the very early hours of the morning, way before any of the more serious partygoers left. CoughMidoricough...

Frowning, Natsuki snorted and glanced away for a moment. "Yea, I was at a party with Mai and the others. But they can do without me. I'd... erm... rather spend the new year with someone more important.... even if it's after midnight."

Again, Natsuki's honesty failed to disappoint Shizuru. Her fingers curled around Natsuki's hand, giving it a light squeeze- a lightly affectionate gesture, but mostly done out of pure gratitude. "Natsuki's so sweet. Ookini." She stifled a yawn shortly after, the effects of jet lag now starting to catch up with her. It had to be nearly one o'clock in the morning by now.

"You must be exhausted. Get some sleep, Shizuru." The statement was more of a command, but with the soft tone she used you couldn't really tell the difference.

Shizuru made a sound in protest, like a child who refused to go to bed when they were told. "Ara, what about Natsuki? Doesn't she need to be getting home?"

Natsuki simply waved her off with her free hand. "Don't worry about me, Shizuru. Go to sleep."

"But-"

"Sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

She couldn't argue with that, and it seemed Natsuki decided she would be staying the night. Sighing, Shizuru snuggled into Natsuki's warmth before letting her eyes drift closed. It wasn't much longer until her breathing slowed and deepened, a sign that sleep had quickly laid claim on her.

Glancing down at the tawny-haired girl in her lap, Natsuki could see just how peaceful Shizuru looked while she slept. A warm sensation spread through her chest, bringing a rare, tender smile to her lips and eyes. Though she didn't quite understand most of what she was feeling, she decided that she liked it. She felt happy to see Shizuru again. Natsuki reached over and pulled the blanket off of the back of the couch before unfolding it as best as she could and draped it over the older girl.

"... Happy New Year, Shizuru..."

Natsuki leaned her head back against the couch and closed her eyes. If there was one thing she would want to do now, it would be to try and discover what these feelings meant, and also to figure out what Shizuru really meant to her. She would make that her one resolution.

The room was silent once again; save for the sound of the pair's gentle breathing as their dreams carried them away.