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Fresh Air, Dark Skies

The damp fragrance of the woods, the resin from the pines, the rotting trees – they help clear my head. I shudder violently, and only then do I realize I can barely move. Emmett's grip is tight. His left arm is wrapped around me in a crushing embrace while his right hand circles my throat. He could kill me this way. Tear my head from my shoulders and be done. But I know he never would. There is no anger in him. No hatred. Only waves of concern emanate from my big little brother.

My brother – always protecting me from myself.

The fresh air helps. I can't smell her anymore. The blood is far away, in the house, through the hall and down the stairs. I close my eyes and try to forget the sight of it, the smell. Of her. Of Bella. Sitting there on the floor with warm, fresh currents of blood pouring from her arm. I try not to think of how divine she would have tasted or how close I came to ripping her apart. I try hard and I fail.

I failed them. Alice. And Carlise. Edward. Myself as well. Emmett's iron grip is the only reason I did not fail completely.

"Thank you."

I'm sure those are the first coherent words I've spoken since Emmett dragged me from the parlor. He rests his chin on my shoulder and sighs but he doesn't loosen his grip.

"How are you feeling?"

I laugh but there's no joy in the sound. "Better."

Emmett has no special power, but he can feel my tension melt away. I'm not trying to escape him anymore. I'm not the mad animal I was in the parlor but nor am I entirely in control. Until I am I know he won't release me. I'm glad for it.

I hear Alice's footsteps on the stairs. She comes to stand in front of me but I close my eyes so I won't have to see her see me this way. I feel only love from Alice, as always. I tried to kill her dear, sweet mortal friend and she loves me still. She touches my face and I can't help but open my eyes and look down into hers.

My angel.

"I'm sorry."

Alice shakes her head and smiles up at me. "It's alright, Jazz. It's over now."

She wraps her arms around my waist and rests her head on my chest. And when I try to embrace her Emmett's arm falls away. He knows I need her but he stays at my back, keeping watch. He knows I would never hurt Alice, but nor would he give me the chance to harm any other. I hold her and listen to the sounds of the forest. They call to me and I know I must go.

"I need to hunt." I take Alice by the shoulders and push her gently away. "Alone. Please."

She glances briefly at Emmett. "Alright."

I look back at Emmett who nods for me to go. I turn and take off at a run.

I run. Deep into the forest as fast and as far as I can away from civilization. I pick up the scent of several deer but I do not follow their path. I need to run out this rage inside of me. Rage towards myself - and Edward. For bringing the lamb into the lion's den. For putting her before his family. For doing this to me. I run for an hour before stopping. I find a rock overlooking a winding river and sit down to wait for him.

I can feel him coming closer. He's not a tracker, but he'll find me. He's been following the entire time. He could have overtaken me, but he allowed me to choose the when and where I would stop. I wait for him, but not long.

He steps out of the woods a minute later. "Jazz."

I don't need to look at him or hear his voice to know he isn't angry with me. Towards me there is only concern, regret and love. He is angry with himself, though, that much is clear. I know I won't need to ask forgiveness. He's already forgiven me.

"Did you think I wouldn't?"

I look at him and sigh. "I think … I think if you ever hurt Alice I'd kill you."

He sits down next to me and smiles a sly smile, my comment lifting his mood. "I said I forgive you – not that I wouldn't have killed you if you had hurt her."

I understand the difference and so does he. "Thank you for the clarification."

"Any time."

My thoughts turn to my brother and the pain he suffers now, the pain he has always suffered when close to Bella. "How do you endure it? I know you want her, more than anyone you've ever known, and yet I'm the one who loses control."

I feel more than hear him sigh. Waves of conflicting emotions collide and I send him calm to soothe him. He smiles at me, aware of my attempt to comfort him. "I want her, Jasper, but I love her more. I love her the way you love Alice, the way Carlisle loves Esme and Emmett, Rose. I'm too weak to let her go, but not so weak as to condemn her to this life of ours."

With those words comes a tide of despair. I close my eyes to block it out but it overwhelms me. I cannot bear to imagine my world without Alice. And for a brief moment I wish Emmett was not so strong and I had bitten Bella if only so that Edward could have her at his side forever without the guilt of having made the choice.

"No." He growls this in answer to my thoughts. "It would have been my fault regardless." He stands and walks toward the water with rising frustration. "I keep hurting her, Jasper. No matter that I try to protect her. If she stays with me she'll always be in danger."

"Not if we made her one of us."

He shakes his head and looks out over the water. I sense a new change in him – resolve – held firmly by love but weighted down with sadness. "I won't let that happen. I won't."

"Alice says she's seen it." I know the limits of Alice's powers as Edward does, but I also know her visions tend to come true.

"The future can be changed."

And so it can. But it can also be set in stone.

He shakes his head in answer to my thoughts. "Not this time." He turns to me. His mind is made up. "We're leaving Forks. And she'll live a long and happy life – without me."

I don't believe him. Edward may not be able to read Bella's mind but her emotions are easy for me to decipher. She loves Edward fiercely as he loves her. They will wither and die without the light of the other to sustain them – as I would die if ever parted from Alice.

I know he hears my thoughts but this time he does not answer. "It's late. I have to get back. Drive Bella home."

"Edward, if you wish to stay in Forks – Alice and I – we could leave for awhile. I won't be a danger to her, and…" He interrupts me before I can finish my proposal.

"No. It's best this way. You and Alice are family. I wouldn't want you to leave because of me. And besides, Carlisle's said it'll be time soon for us to move on. Now is as good a time as any." He vanishes into the forest before I can come up with a response.

I do not think his decision wise, but this time, I won't argue to change his mind. It would be pointless. And a pointless battle is never won, no matter the outcome.