It had been almost three year since that night, that night that he had been such a sodding fool.
If she hated him, it would be for the best. The Champion of Kirkwall deserved better then a runaway elven slave. There were others, others who could give her what she needed, unlike him.
She deserved an explanation, and he knew that, but he didn't know what to say to her. He had tried, many times, thought of the answer thousands of times, but nothing seemed right to tell her.
Fenris held the scarf that she had given him, looking at it as if he looked away, it would be gone, never to be seen. The one edge that she had ripped was ragged, but it held together. He was sure it wouldn't, not with all the battles he went through, but Sandal had helped.
All of his thoughts were focused on her, on Kathrine Morgana Hawke. Her warm lips, soft skin, tender touch, sooting voice, emerald eyes, silk-like raven hair...
The elf shook his head, trying to scatter the thoughts, but they lingered in his mind. The one woman he had cared for, who cared for him as a person and not a slave, he had walked away from.
He remembered the night with her, as if had been only the night before, not three years.
"Such a fool," he muttered. There was a knock on the door and it opened with only a squeak.
"Fenris?" a famine voice called. "Are you at home?" He quickly tied the scarf around his wrist before replying.
"Hawke?"
"So you are at home?" she huffed, appearing in the doorway. "Well good, the others are playing Diamond Back, so I figured I'd come over. I brought a new book."
"You wouldn't rather play cards?" he asked, shocked.
"No, I'd rather not." she said, simply. He admired her honesty, her calmness. "I look forward to showing you how to read. Really, I used to help Bethany and Carver when they were both younger. I'm used to it, and it gives me pleasure."
"You taught your siblings how to read?" he questioned her in disbelief.
"Yes, when father wasn't teaching Bethany to control her powers, of course. I'd work with Carver, mother would cook and clean, she'd help father and make sure things were ready in case we had to run again."
"Run?"
"Yes, we ran from the Templars. I never told you my father was an apostate?"
"No, you didn't."
"Well, my father, Malcome Hawke, he had magic. He had green eyes like mine, and chestnut colored hair like Carver. He was so kind and caring, so loving to us all. My father was an apostate, he taught Bethany to hide her magic, to not get caught or she'd be taken away. She was always careful about her magic too, like he was." the rogue paused. "We'd run from the Templars when ever they came, moving to Ferelden let us stay in the same spot longer then anywhere else.
He was giving, helped anybody he could. My father...He gave Bethany her first staff, Carver his first sword and shield while he got me my first dagger and my first quiver. I still have them, one the only things I could grab before the Blight.
My father gave up his life to save us, to get us away from the Darkspawn during the Blight. He had used fire to block the path, after that he froze the Darkspawn in place before shattering them. Suddenly, a few that had escaped hit him, their swords went right through his robes. Carver sliced of their heads, I used arrows to hit them between the eyes and Bethany tried to heal him. Mother went to help her, but my sister was too late. He was on the brink of death. I remember...his blood pooling around me and my family.
He save us, I am greatful to him, to Carver, to mother. I have Bethany to look after, I promise not to let anything bad happen to her...ever." she managed, tears welling up behind her eyes.
"I didn't mean to upset you," Fenris told her. She looked at him, eyes meeting his as a few tears streamed down her face and she wiped them away. It tore at his heart seeing her upset.
"No, it's no problem. I've just never talked about my father, not to anybody." she assured. "But, back to the reason I came, if you want me to go, I will."
"No, I don't. Get the book, Hawke, I think there's still one bottle of wine from when you came over last." he told her. Kathrine gave him her best smile, one she didn't give often, but when she did, he loved to see it.
"Alright," she agreed. "I'll get the wine as well." she added over her shoulder as she walked away.
Fenris looked back down at his wrist, at the favor.
She deserved an answer, she had for the past three years. But he had no answer for her, not yet. Over and over, she had trusted him, from the moment they had met. Trusted him so much to let him sleep with her and to be at her side in battle, to tell him about her father.
She never seemed to hate, not him nor anybody. She was a kind soul, who helped anybody she could. At first, he thought that it was a weakness, but after being with her for years, he saw it was one of many strengths she had.
The woman, one who was honest and calm, one who was sweet and tender, who was loving and quick, who was determined and strong, who was intelligent and nimble, sarcastic and protective.
She had done her best to have Bethany stay away from the Deep Roads, to protect the mage from the Templars and the Circle alike, she had done her best to save her mother as well.
Fenris admired her for everything she had done, for the words she spoke and the way she acted. Who could not admire such a beautiful woman? She was as her name, she was the bird, the hawk.
"Venhedis," he muttered. Her soft footsteps brought him out of his thoughts, her soft green gaze full of churning emotion.
"Hm?" she asked, blinking. In her left hand she held a book, in her right hand, a bottle of aged wine.
"Nothing," he lied.
"Sure," the rogue rolled her eyes playfully. "Come on," she paused. "Do you want to go back to my estate or stay here?"
"I suppose here is fine, but if you wish to go to your estate, I do not mind." he told her.
"I believe that Orana went out with Bodanh earlier, they picked up a few things to eat. Made some pie per Sandal's request. So, we could head over to my estate for that. I'll leave this wine here," she explained, setting it on a nearby table. "Since I have some there."
"Sounds good." Fenris agreed. Hawke turned to leave and looked over her shoulder at him.
"Let's go." she said and kept going. Fenris sighed and fallowed her out of the mansion.