I do not own the Young Riders.

I know that there was no swearing on the show, but I have a potty mouth so please don't be surprised if Lou or any of the others drops the 'F' bomb.

Also remember that I am not a pro at this, writing is something I enjoy doing. So if the need to write a negative comment comes to you, please keep it to yourself. xx

Lou

"What's up with Jimmy?" Rachel asked as she begun to place our lunch on the table in front of us. I craned my head to the side to see if I could see Jimmy out the small window, but couldn't see anything.

I hadn't seen him all morning, so I couldn't answer Rachel.

"Same old thing, some gun slingers in town, he's wanting to get a name for himself by being the quickest gun in the west. And guess how he plans on doing that?" Cody asked with his cocky attitude.

"By calling out Jimmy," Rachel answered, rolling her eyes at the mere thought.

"By calling out Jimmy," Cody confirmed for her, before filling his mouth with a sandwich.

I reached out for my own sandwich, ignoring the banter between the rest of the boys.

I hated how Jimmy had to go through this kind of shit for what seemed to be every other week. I could tell it was wearing him down.

His shoulders were slowly slumping with the weight he carried on them while his eyebrows were constantly furrowed and his smile, that I have grown to love, is fading more and more each day.

He was too young for these kinds of troubles, and it was starting to scare me when I thought of it growing too much for him to bare.

I got the feeling I was losing him, we were losing him.

I didn't want to lose him, just as much as the thought of losing any of the others, makes me sick to my stomach. These men are my family, the only family I really have, I love them all and didn't want to see any of them hurt, physically or emotionally.

"Lou are you listening?" Kid asked in a slight annoyance.

"No sorry, what did you say?" I shook my head as if to clear it.

"Teaspoon is sending us out on a horse run, are you coming?" I thought about this for a second. I love going on the run, but I had found myself trying to spend as much time as I could away from Kid.

It wasn't that I didn't like him, hell I loved him. But I wasn't in love with him, and I was scared that he wanted more from me.

I felt that if I stayed away, I wouldn't be dragged into a conversation I knew was bound to come up sooner than later.

"No I thought I would head into town, see Teaspoon, and get some things for Jeremiah and Teresa, to send for their birthdays."

"Oh, can you grab me some flour please Lou?" Rachel asked when she heard of my plans.

"Yeah sure," I smiled.

"We better get going if we want to be back by night fall." Buck said as he took his plate up to the sink.

The boys all uttered their agreement and their thanks to Rachel for lunch before they all disappeared out the door.

After I helped Rachel with the washing up, I saddled up Lightning and rode into town. I was sure going to miss Sweet Water. But at the same time I was ready for new faces, a new town, and Rock Creek was as better place than any, I guess.

I jumped on Lightning and headed for town. It felt like we never saw Teaspoon these days, not like we use to. I was missing having him around, so I was looking forward to spending some time with him.

I slowed Lightning down as I rode into the town's main street. I took a look around at what had been my home for over a year now. I couldn't help but smile at the memories and the people that I have come to know.

My eyes land on the figure of Jimmy. He was leaning on the side of the porch that surrounds the saloon, his gaze captured with a young blonde.

A stab of jealousy jolts through me as I stare at how pretty she looks. She is dressed in a beautiful red and white dress. Her hair shines bright in the sun, as she giggles away as Jimmy whispers something in her ear.

I look down at my white shirt, which is nowhere the white it should be. I then stare down at my dirty brown pants and scuffed black boots.

I was as far away from a lady. as I could get.

But I guess that was the point.

I look back up at Jimmy. The smile on his face would make her believe that he is interested in what she is saying, that he may care for her, but I know it's fake. Why he chooses to stay and talk with her instead of moving on is beyond me.

Though men in general dumbfound me. Yes, I pretended to be a man, but I couldn't even begin to guess what goes through their minds.

I dismount Lightning and tie him in front of Tompkins store.

I was about to head on in, but stopped and decided to walk over and see Teaspoon first; he may even want to come for a walk with me to Tompkins store.

"Hi Teaspoon," I said as I walked into the Marshall's office.

"Well hey there Lou, what brings you down my way?"

"Tompkins store, and you," I smiled, as I walked up to his desk.

"Well then take..." he started to gesture to the chair beside him, but was interrupted.

"Are you Marshal Hunter?" A stranger asked, rudely interrupting Teaspoon and pushing past me, sending my hip into the corner of Teaspoon's desk.

I swallowed the scream that wanted to come out, 'cos that shit hurt like hell, but men don't scream and in this moment I was Lou, not Louise.

Teaspoon's eyebrows raised in question, as he silently asked if I was alright. I nodded and rolled my eyes at the ass that pushed past me.

"You can leave us now son," the stranger dismissed me.

'Jackass' I muttered under my breath before I turned to leave the man and Teaspoon alone, however when I decided to turn on my heel and face the direction I was headed in, I slammed right into Jimmy.

"Sorry Jimmy," I placed my hands on the front of his chest to hold myself steady.

"Sorry Lou, are you ok?" we both asked at the same time.

I looked up at him to see he was looking in the direction of Teaspoon's visitor. I looked over my shoulder to see that the stranger was now watching Jimmy and me. I quickly pulled my hands from Jimmy before asking, "He your guy?"

"Who Roberts?" I nodded up at him, "Yeah he is. Are you sure you're alright?" he asked giving my upper arms a squeeze, with his big hands.

"I'm good, more concerned about you." I told him in all seriousness.

"Of course you are Lou," Jimmy scoffed.

"And what is that suppose to mean?"

"You are the most selfless person I know," I frowned up at him, "It aint a bad thing Lou, it just drives the boys and I nuts. If you spent more time worrying about yourself then we wouldn't worry 'bout you so much."

"And when will you all learn, that I can take care of myself?" I snapped back. Jimmy held his hands up in surrender, mocking me.

"You're an ass," I laughed.

He wrapped one of his arms around my shoulders and we headed away from Teaspoon and Robert's intense stare.

"So where too?" Jimmy asked, as we continued to walk.

"I got to go to Tompkins store and grab a few things," I answered, feeling a bit too comfortable having Jimmy's arm over me.

I thought over what Jimmy had just said, trying not to let it get to me. The boys have obviously talked about me, and worried about me.

What is that?

They really do not need to worry. After all they are the ones that attract the most trouble.

Satisfied that I was in deed the one that didn't need the concern, I took a look around the town's people once again. I don't know why, maybe I was just making a mental note and storing it all away for years down the track.

I looked over to Tompkins store to see that Roberts who was just talking to Teaspoon is now walking in to the store. What had he done, ran there?

"Jimmy" I said as I elbowed him to get him to turn his attention on what I was seeing.

"I have had enough of this guy. I'm starting to think that shooting him aint' a bad idea." Jimmy scoffed, but I knew that deep down he wasn't joking.

I laughed quickly gaining the attention of both Tompkins and Roberts.

I hated the way that he was looking at me, studying me, I felt like I had to turn away from his gaze.

Jimmy noticing my discomfort by the man slightly stood in front of me, blocking my view of the store completely.

"Do you want to go in there?" He asked,

I just shook my head no.

"Head straight home then Lou, I will see you there." Jimmy instructed me.

"Yeah ok," I wasnt going to argue with him,

"Well that was easy" he laughed.

"For once I happen to agree with you. I really don't like the way he is looking our way. And anyway Teaspoon is coming up behind you, so I know you won't be alone."

I laughed at the look on Jimmy's face, "Catch you later," I laughed, "Oh, and Rachel needs flour." I yelled over my shoulder. I was supposed to get something for Teresa and Jeremiah, but that would have to wait.

I mounted Lightning and quickly made my way back to the station. I had to get ready for my ride tomorrow any way. I was planning on spending an extra night in Seneca.

I was hoping to forgo my dusty, smelly bunk that waited for me at the Seneca station, and check into the saloon. A deep hot bubble bath is just what I need, along with an actual mattress and pillow. I needed a night to remind myself of whom and what I am.

I sometimes feel that I'm slowly losing my girly side, and that scares me. I mean I do eventually want to marry, have children of my own. I can't do that pretending to be a man all the time. I actually think that even the boys that I'm surrounded with forget that I'm a girl half the time.

So a bath, a pretty dress, a nice meal and maybe an alluring look from a man would be nice.

.

.

The night was pretty uneventful, not that I'm complaining. Rachel had the boys' busy packing up the house, while I turned in early getting my much needed sleep for the long ride to Seneca. I had to stop over in Ft Kearney, to give Lightning a break and swap horses. I would pick him back up on my way back through.

"Rider comin'," Buck yelled from the tired old front porch.

I fastened my belt just a little, grabbed my roll with my dress rolled up neatly in it, and ran for the door.

Buck had Lightning by his halter keeping him steady and ready. I fastened my roll to the back of my saddle, before mounting atop of him.

"Safe ride Lou," Buck smiled,

"Will do, and don't you'll leave here without me," I warned,

"We might wait for ya'," He laughed.

"Well alright then, I'll see you in a couple of days."

I turned lightning just as Ike was coming in. I reached my arm out to grab the mochila from him. "Thanks Ike," I called out as I took off in the direction of Seneca.

I rode into the night until I made it to Ft Kearney, stopping only to change horses. I wanted to make it to Seneca by mid afternoon tomorrow, giving me a whole night to myself.

My time was spent just how I had hoped, and as I change horses again in Ft Kearney I can't help but feel relaxed and somewhat in a dreamy mood.

No there were no men callers last night, but I shared enough smiles, and hat tipping with plenty, that I did feel beautiful and womanly for the night.

So my mood sombre, and the night clear I rode back home. I didn't know if it was the mood I was in, or if it was because my mind changed to thoughts of the Kid, that had me distracted, but I never saw him. I never saw him till it was too late.

"Where you headed boy?" The stranger asked, but in a voice that was familiar to me.

"Home," was all I said. I went to move on hoping that he would take a hint, and to test what sort of situation I had gotten myself into.

"Sorry Son that aint' going to be happening," He said as someone from behind me pulled me off of Lightning.

"Let me go," I screamed as I tried to fight my way out of the man's arms,

"Scrawny wee thing aint ya'," he spat in my ear,

"Please I just want to go home," I cried out, flailing my arms and legs in hope that he would lose his hold of me.

"Well, well, well what do we have here?" The first man asked. I knew his voice, I couldn't see much of his face, but I knew that I knew him. I just didn't know from where.

"Why would a young man be carrying a dress?" He questioned as he held it up for the other to see.

"It's for my girl," I lied, making the two men laugh.

"You don't expect us to believe that you have someone waiting for you back home do you? I mean there aint' nothing to you. In fact you look more like a girl than a man..." I stiffened in my captives arms.

"Are you?" he asked again moving closer to my face. It was then that I knew who he was, Roberts' Jimmy's man. I gasped as the realisation of what he was doing hit me.

At the sound of my gasp he ripped open my shirt, revealing my breasts to him. With a lick of his lips he smiled at me, "I knew by the way Wild Bill acted around you, there was something off. I have never been so happy to be right."

I did the only thing I could in that moment, I spat in his face.

"Well looks like we are going to get some loving tonight. What do you say Samuel?" Roberts sneered as he wiped his face clean.

The one that held me from behind licked the shell of my ear, "I like the sound of that," he said as he pushed me to the ground.

They were not gentle with me, nor did they plan on being so. I cried and I screamed bloody murder but I was alone, no one would hear my cries.

Their hands were not as loving as Kids, and I hated that they were tainting my memories of the 'Dancin' he and I shared.

I tried to block out what they were saying to me, their words hateful and disgusting. I tried not to listen or to feel. I just laid there numb and unmoving near the end of it, praying that they would be done with me soon.

And when I had thought they were, they started in on me again.

I must have passed out because when I awoke I was alone and I was a mess.

I groaned as I rolled to my side trying to get a good look around me. Satisfied that I was definitely alone, I struggled to pull myself up off the ground.

I managed to get to my hands and knees before I lost everything in my stomach.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, screaming out as my lips was split open.

"Help me," I cried, "Help," I looked either side of me already knowing that no one would be out here at this hour. "Help me please," I fell back down to the ground, crying out as pain filled my whole body.

I have no idea how long I laid there, crying, pleading, panicking that I was never going to be able to move, and the fear that Roberts would come back for me.

And as the thought had entered my mind, I heard some rustling to the side of me. This was it, he was back. Why hadn't I sought out my gun? I curled up in a ball, scared to look up, but when I was meet with only silence I allowed myself to look, I saw Lightning.

"You came back for me," I cried.

I decided that this was it then. I had to move.

Small, sharp pebbles were embedded in my skin, and dry sandy dirt covered my whole body. I used my hands to dust myself off and free the pebbles from my skin.

With shaky hands I reached for my clothes that lay scattered and torn all around me. They would have to do, I needed something to wear.

I struggled getting my trousers on, and I had to tie my shirt to hold the front of it closed. But I managed to get dressed, and I managed to ignore the blood from various wounds on my body.

Why would they leave me alive? Surely he knows that I will tell Teaspoon.

He had to know that he and the boys would ride out to find them…Unless that is exactly what he wants me to do?

Devastation filled me, as I realised that is exactly what he wanted. Not only that, he wanted Wild Bill to do the honours.

Well like hell will I give him that satisfaction, he will not use me to rile Jimmy up, I will not let Jimmy add that to his already troubled mind.

"Oh god," I cried. My whole body in pain as I pulled myself up on Lightning, asking him to carry me home to safety.

I didn't have the strength to ride him home, I had to trust that he would just know to take me there. I did the best I could to hold on, scared that I also didn't have the energy to stay a top of him, nor the resilience to the pain that it caused me to stay in the saddle.

I had no idea how long I had been riding for before I saw the sight of home. I had cried the whole time in both pain and anguish. I couldn't believe that this had happened to me. I had spent the last year or so being Lou, a boy, so that this very thing wouldn't happen.

I had somehow slipped. I took my mind of the job for a split second, and I allowed them to see me. To see the lie I had worked so hard in keeping.

I looked towards the bunkhouse seeing the soft glows of the fire shadowing through the window. I knew the boys had only just turned in for the night, and I couldn't risk them seeing me like this. I didn't even know the extent of my injuries yet. I wasn't in the mood to answer questions, and I honestly didn't know if I could be in the same small room with anyone at the moment.

I know that rationally that is ridiculous I know those men, and I know that they wouldn't hurt me, but my mind wasn't thinking that way at the moment, at the moment it is in protect mode.

I headed for the barn, grabbing that god damn dress, and a pitcher of cold water, what I really wanted was a bath, but a quick wash was all I was going to get tonight. I dragged the dress and the pitcher towards the barn. Once I was safely inside I tore the dress into pieces of cloth, and then dampened them in the water.

I carefully washed as much of my body as I could. It was hard to reach certain areas and some were just too saw to touch. After I was done, I was freezing and my body was shaking even more than it was before.

I tipped the water out and placed the cloth inside of the empty pitcher. I used the rest of the stupid dress to cover me, as I made a makeshift bed in the hay. I hoped between the two, I would keep warm through the night.

I tried with all my might to stay awake, not wanting to fall asleep in case they had followed me, but my eyes kept drifting shut, and eventually fatigue took over and I must have drifted asleep.

"Lou?" My eyes sprung open and I flew up from my hay bed, scrambling as far back as I could.

"Awwl," I screamed, doubling over as the pain screamed through me in protest of the harsh movement.

"Lou, what happened?" Buck asked as he went to help me. I coward back, not wanting him to touch me.

"I...I was thrown from Lightning," I lied as I touched my head with the tips of my fingers wondering what the hell I looked like. I didn't like the way Buck was looking at me, and I wanted him to stop.

"Why did you sleep out here?" he questioned as his eyes studied me. I could see that he was looking at my torn dress, and the way I was dressed.

"I didn't want to wake you all, so I came out here," I said looking at the ground, not wanting to meet his gaze.

"I don't believe you," he stated, his yes narrowing in on my shirt that I had tied to the front of me.

'You shouldn't,' I thought to myself.

"I don't care what you believe, it's the truth." I lied as he continued to stare down at me. I felt dirty, ashamed and embarrassed, and I was sure that he could see all those things in my eyes, and on my body.

"STOP LOOKING AT ME!" I yelled at him, taking him by surprise and causing the rest of the boys, Teaspoon and Rachel to all come running in.

"What on God's green earth is...Lou what happened?" Teaspoon asked causing them all to look at me.

"Nothing happened and I'm fine and since you are all in here I'm going to get a bath and go to bed." I snapped as I struggled to walk, wincing as my body moved.

Kid went out to grab my arm but I pulled it back, not wanting his touch.

I hobbled my way past the boys and headed to the bunk house. I just wanted to sleep and to hide from their eyes.