I've finished reading The Mortal Instruments books and the Infernal Devices books as well. *sigh* Seriously that cliffhanger in CoFA is TOO MUCH. I can't stop thinking about what will happen in CoLS and the teasers are not helping. I must say Jonathan Morgenstern is one of my favorite characters. Maybe he's second to Jace. I just can't help it feeling for him knowing that he's a dark character and I like dark characters. Also I can't help it but to hope that he'll want to establish back his humanity at some point in the series. He was not able to choose if he wanted to be part demon or not when he was a baby so I guess maybe he can try to be more human at some point.

Anyway reading the teasers for CoLS make me want to write fics involving him so here is the first one. Sorry for any grammatical errors. English is not my first language honestly but I'm trying! XD

Disclaimer: Mortal Instruments and Infernal Devices series and their characters solely belong to Cassandra Clare.

Summary: Blood ties may not be as strong as love ties but they are still strong enough. Jonathan and Clarissa Morgenstern have a little moment. Set during City of Lost Souls. Oneshot.

Human

Clarissa Fairchild lies awake in bed. So many things have been happening in her life for the past months that she wonders when everything will finally settle down. Her green eyes which look a lot darker right now because of the lack of lighting in the room she is in stare at the ceiling above her. She studies the meaningless lines on the wood which are the product of old age. There are thick cobwebs adorning the corners of the ceiling. A small shift of the warm body lying next to her distracts her from her musings. She cranes her neck a bit to see her only love sleeping peacefully right beside her.

Her eyes take in his beautiful features and under the soft light of the moon, he looks more ethereal. Jace Lightwood shifts a little more before settling contentedly on the old bed they are currently lying on. Clary cannot help it but to notice how relax Jace looks. Just days ago, he was looking so pale and thin like something was draining his life source. The shadows under his eyes were so prominent. And he could barely stand being close to her. He couldn't even look at her because of his fear that his nightmares of him killing her might turn into a reality. But right now, there is no trace of any fear on his face. His light golden eyebrows are relaxed. His long eyelashes brush the flawless skin of his cheeks gently. His lips slightly parted as he breathes. He looks like nothing can disturb him anymore.

Before she knows it, Clary already has her hand stroking his silky golden locks. A small smile creeps up her face as she pulls herself closer to him. She presses a gentle kiss on his forehead before her eyes wander down his shirtless body. She instantly has the urge to touch and admire his strong muscles but her eyes lock on that ugly mark on his chest. Her eyes look at it coldly. She places her hand lightly on top of the rune and she feels the strong beating of Jace's heart there. Her fingers trace over the mark and she resists the urge to rake her nails over it. She wants to claw this demonic mark off of the skin of the boy she loves. This mark that taints him. She wants to get rid of it so badly but knows that she cannot really do anything right now.

She moves away from Jace and slips out of the bed as quietly as she can. She thinks that no matter how quietly she moves Jace will still be awaken by her but to her surprise; he continues to sleep there like a baby. She moves towards the door, not bothering to put more clothes on considering she's just in a gray cotton shorts and white tee. She does not bother to put more clothes on but she grabs her own stele and a dagger before she opens the door quietly. Clary manages to leave the room undetected by Jace. She lets out a sigh of relief once she's out in the dark corridor of the abandoned house they are currently in.

She doesn't waste any time. She starts walking. The old floorboards whine under her weight every once and a while as she makes her way towards the room at the end of the hallway. Despite the night being chilly, her palms begin to sweat and she adjusts her hold on the dagger in her right hand. She stops in front of a dusty white door. She uses her left hand with the stele in it to turn the knob. She winces as the door gives an eerie creak as it opens.

Her eyes quickly scan the room. It does not look that different from the bedroom she's staying in with Jace. She does not have to look for long though since he is just lying there on the bed and he is the sole reason she has brought herself in this room. He is wearing a clean white shirt and black pants. His silvery blonde locks of hair almost blend in with the color of the pillow he is lying on. His eyes are closed but she knows better. She knows that he is not asleep. He will not… He will never put himself in such a vulnerable position especially with her around. She takes a step forward. Her bare foot barely makes a sound on the floor this time. He does not move.

Clary swallows as she boldly takes more steps towards the bed where her brother is lying on. She is soon hovering next to him but still he does not make any move to show that he is very aware of her presence. Clary raises the dagger in her hand. Her green eyes lock on his handsome face.

An image flashes in her mind that makes her hand shake. An image of her sketching her dark prince. An image of her hand moving delicately over her sketchpad and drawing fine lines that define the sharp features of her tragic prince. She didn't know back then that she was drawing the face of her own brother. Is it really possible to have such strong connection even if they never saw each other before? When she first met him he was not really his true self. He was Sebastian Verlac at that time, she thought that his beauty was so elegant but the man lying before her right now is her real brother, Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern. He might have the real color of his hair right now but the elegance in his features still reminds her of the dark tragic prince of her imagination.

Her prince is cursed. Everyone he loves will die and this leads him to live a lonely life. Clary realizes something. Her prince and her brother have more things in common than their features. They both didn't have a choice. Her prince never wanted to be cursed. Her brother… She is sure… didn't have any choice. How could a helpless baby even have a choice? Something twists inside her that makes her want to cry. It is true that Jonathan does not have any fault if his own father wanted to make a demon out of his own son.

It will burn out his humanity…

She remembers what that Greater Demon, Lilith, had said. Clary cannot help it but to wonder if Jonathan even tried to fight for the little humanity he has in him or it was simply hard to fight off what you really are. An image of her mother crying over a box with the initials J.C. engraved on it while clutching a lock of silvery blonde hair in her hands enters her mind. She remembers that time in Alicante when her mother told her how horrified she was when she first saw Jonathan's eyes. She remembers when Jocelyn said that she couldn't stand holding the baby.

It must be really terrifying. Clary thinks. But she cannot help it but to feel pity for her brother who was hated by his own mother because she could not accept what Valentine did to her baby. Clary slowly puts the dagger down. She cannot explain why she's having these thoughts right now. She wonders what could have happened if her mother was able to get Jonathan first before Valentine did. She thinks that maybe Jonathan can fight off the demon blood running inside him if he had the chance to live a secured life with his mother and sister. Clary chews on her lower lip. Sweat adorns her forehead. Her heart is pounding loudly against her ribcage. Why is she feeling these family ties with Jonathan right now? She didn't even feel anything when Valentine died before her and he was her father. He gave life to her but she didn't feel anything when he passed on.

But now as she stares at Jonathan, her mind conjures up images of what could have been, of her small self running after a little boy slightly bigger than her. Big smiles on their faces. She imagines him helping her up whenever she trips. Just like that time yesterday when he saved her from that demon. Strength seems to slip away from her body. She stifles a gasp when Jonathan's eyes flutters open and she finds herself looking down at dark eyes. His deep black eyes seem to have the power to pull her in. She feels like she will drown in them if she won't be able to make herself pull away. For a moment, there's a look of surprise on his face or maybe it is amusement.

Jonathan moves slowly and sits upright. He eyes the dagger in her right hand in a bored way. Before he looks up to see her face again.

"I'm kind of surprised to find you here, sister. Were you watching me sleep? Of course not right?" He has a cruel smile on his face right now. Clary grasps the dagger in her hand tighter.

"Y-You weren't sleeping… I know you knew I'm here…" Clary says and curses herself when she stammers.

"I was sleeping… But yes, I sensed you coming in here. But that didn't surprise me… It made me wonder what you were doing standing beside my bed for an awfully long time… I couldn't seem to convince myself that you were only admiring me." Clary manages to glare at him. The smile on Jonathan's face widens as he senses her anger towards him. They stay there motionless for a few moments before Jonathan makes a move to take the dagger from her hand. He intentionally moves slowly enough for her to react just in time. Clary moves as a reflex and she cuts his hand accidentally in the process. She gasps in surprise as blood seeps out of his wound. Jonathan regards his wound in an uncaring manner.

Clary cannot believe it. But she felt something the moment she realized she has cut him. It's a feeling close to... fear. Fear that she could have hurt him more than she intended to and it's not because she could have also hurt Jace. Is it really possible for her to feel these emotions for him after everything he has done?

"You have come here to kill me right?" Clary wonders if it's possible for his already dark eyes to turn darker but she's already pretty convinced that they just did turn a shade darker as he looks deep into her eyes.

"Kill me, little sister. Kill me and you kill Jace, too." There are no open windows but Clary can almost feel a cold harsh wind blowing against her when Jonathan has said that. She already knows that horrible fact. But she still comes here. Why did she come here? She knows she can't kill Jonathan.

He sees that she will make no more move to harm him so he just let her stand there like a statue while he grabs for a stele to heal his wound. Clary watches him heal himself and she remembers again that time when he saved her from a demon. She asked him why he did it and he simply said that it was because she's his sister.

Clary suddenly feels very tired and yet she doesn't have the will to walk out of the room. She sits on the edge of his bed carefully. Her back turned on him. She thinks that he can easily stab her but she knows he won't do it. She is just not sure why he won't kill her considering the fact that nothing bad will happen to him if he gets rid of her. It's not like Jace will be in his right mind to avenge her now that Jace is under Jonathan's full influence.

"What are you planning to do?" She asks.

"Nothing of importance that you should know…" He says. He is now sitting on the other side of the bed. He is looking out the window, watching the starless night sky.

"Do… Do you want to see Mom?" Clary cannot believe herself that she's asking Jonathan such questions. But she cannot deny the small hope in her heart. No matter how many times she reminds herself that this is the boy responsible for Max Lightwood's and many more innocent people's deaths, she cannot seem to find the resolve to hurt him in some way right now. He being tied to Jace is not really the reason why she feels this way and she knows it.

"I was able to see her when Father was keeping her…" Clary is surprised when he answered her even if his answer is not really the proper answer to her previous question.

"D-Do you hate her?" Clary thinks that it's just her imagination when she felt him stiffen. He suddenly laughs. And it's not the kind of laugh that will make you want to laugh along. It sounds eerie and it sends chills down her spine. She doesn't bother to look at him though.

"She's the one who hated me first. She didn't want me. She was horrified of what I have become. I bet she thought of throwing me away. I often wondered why she didn't just kill me if she couldn't stand me so much. It's not like she had put so much effort on trying to love me…" Clary can feel the hatred in his voice no matter how monotonous he sounded. But the hatred in his words is not the one that made her heart twist painfully in her chest. It's the longing and sadness in them.

"I hate her." He sounds dangerous and deadly but Clary doesn't flinch at his words. She can't seem to blame him for feeling that way. She wonders what is worse. Having your mother die or having to know your mother didn't want you at all? Even hated you… But then she remembers how Jocelyn would cry over that lock of blonde hair.

"She cries over a lock of your hair every year during your birthday…" She says softly and feels him shrug.

"It's not me she's mourning for. It's the baby she could have had if only Father didn't do what he did… It's not me. In her eyes and mind, I will always be the monster who takes the form of her baby. For her… Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern had long died inside her womb. For her… I don't exist. For her I'm just a monster." Jonathan can hear that bigger part of himself screaming at him to stop spouting these words that makes him sound so vulnerable… so weak… so human. That demon part of him claws from the very depths of his soul. But it's already too late. He has already poured it all out. His blood… no matter how much demon blood it contains… It cannot erase the fact that he is still part human, part angel, part Shadowhunter. The demon ichor that burns his skin during battles with demons proves that.

Jonathan fails to notice that his muscles have become tensed. His hands are clasped together between his parted knees and his dark eyes glare intensely at nothing in particular. "Father is the only one that made me feel I do exist…" He feels Clary move from behind him. He almost moves to grab for a weapon when she has flung herself towards him. But he freezes when he realizes what she is doing. She is pressed up against his hard back. He feels like he's been living in an ice castle for all of his life because he seems to be drowning in her warmth right now and this warmth of hers melts him.

He doesn't dare to move. For each second that passes by, that booming voice of the demon inside him seems to grow more distant until all he can register in his mind is her sweet warmth. He can feel her heart beating loudly in her chest. Her arms are wrapped around his torso. Her hands are grasping the thin fabric of the front of his shirt. He waits for her to say something. He waits for her to pull away but long minutes seem to pass by but neither of them makes a move. He wonders if he should disengage himself from her but just imagining her pulling away from him now makes his stomach drop.

Jonathan feels himself relax and Clary tightens her hold around him. He thinks that this feeling she makes him feel is amazing. He shouldn't allow himself to be this vulnerable but he can't help it. He wants to allow himself this one moment with his sister.

Clary can't really explain why she's embracing Jonathan. She thinks of all the terrible things he has done but the thoughts just made her hold him tighter. She knows that he didn't choose to be evil. Right now she has this strong urge to save him from his own darkness. She thinks that maybe it's not yet too late. Maybe she can still have her brother… She knows that he is still inside Jonathan. It's not yet too late… She wants to save her brother.

Jonathan doesn't know how long they were sitting like that. But as soon as Clary falls asleep, he makes his move to lay her down the bed. He tucks her in gently with an unreadable expression on his face. After he's done, he stares at her sleeping form for a long while before he leaves her to sleep peacefully.

He exits the room and leans on the closed door for a moment. He stares at the darkness around him. The shadows seem to talk to him… They seem to mock him; saying how weak he is for letting someone in. He places a hand to cover his eyes. It makes him look like he's enduring a headache. A smile etches itself on his face.

"Stupid sister…"

He whispers in the darkness. He lets his hand fall to his side. His face void of all emotions again. He gets off of the door and starts walking towards who knows where. He might look like nothing happened inside his room. But inside him, he knows that he will never get rid of that moment… That moment when he felt like he was human.

Thanks for reading! Please do leave some reviews ^_^