Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji, obviously, or I wouldn't be writing fan fiction.
A/N: New Years has not been a happy time for me for a few years, now, and for some reason, I found myself wanting to write this. I don't know entirely where it came from.
To my Tales readers: After the month of Hell called finals, studying, and end of term assignments, I have to rethink where I was going with Hopeless Dreamer. I'm so sorry!
SPOILERS: This story contains spoilers for the ends of Kuroshitsuji I and II! Do not read unless you have finished them or don't care about spoilers!
Time
"Such a pathetic group of people, don't you agree, Sebastian?" a young voice asked in contempt, its owner watching the steady, falling parade of snowflakes and confetti on Time Square from an upper balcony. Though the temperature was just below freezing and not unbearable, the wind whipped his hair in frantic ribbons as he scoffed, matching his mood perfectly. He regarded his eternal butler, expectantly awaiting the trademark response:
"Yes, my Lord."
Ciel turned his attention back to the milling throng in the street, feeling the excitement of the festivities, but not allowing it to penetrate the icy barrier of his own emotions. "Honestly, I never understood this petty tradition of celebrating the old year before greeting the new one. Why rejoice over something that has gone? Why spend time reminiscing when it only wastes the time that they seem so fond of remembering?"
"For that matter, why celebrate anything dealing with time at all? Anniversaries, the new year…birthdays. How ridiculous, to be so fond of something we have no control over. Disgusting. I will never understand this race's obsession over such trivial things."
The young man stepped into the grand apartment he now owned in favor of the large mansion he had possessed more than a century before, Sebastian following faithfully behind. "Sebastian, make me something to drink, perhaps Darjeeling tea tonight."
And on command, the elder demon bowed with his left hand placed over where his heart should reside. "Yes, my Lord."
As he progressed through the mechanical motions of preparing his master's tea, Sebastian barely restrained the urge to comment on his hypocrisy. For a demon that had no need to eat or drink anything that humans would consider sustenance, Ciel still clung to his tea like a lifeline. Every day, he would ask for tea, and every time, Sebastian would indulge him.
The spark of life that had once accompanied the daily ritual had long since faded for them both. For Sebastian, it had been the exact moment when he had been robbed of both soul and freedom, the two things most important to him ripped away after his master should have passed. He was now no better than the dogs he despised, chained to his owner and starving until his master deigned to throw him something to eat.
For Ciel, it had taken much longer, more than a decade in fact. There was no defined taste to the sweets he used to adore and no strong scent to the tea he was accustomed to. However, the familiarity of the routine was comforting to the young demon as his body changed into something similar and yet much more powerful. Several years passed before he felt fully comfortable with his new form, and he stopped asking Sebastian for his tea and sweets.
Exactly four days later, the young demon once again asked for the drinks and snacks, never admitting he was perturbed by the disruption in the routine they had established in his previous life, and Sebastian had never questioned him. Though it seemed silly to the elder, he was in no position to pry into his young master's thoughts, after all. It wasn't his place as Ciel's servant. However, since that day, the routine became simply going through the motions of the past and a matter of no real importance.
All in all, it was merely something to pass the time.
How ironic, really, that what they had the most of, his young master seemed to abhor the most, Sebastian thought, his lips quirking into a long forgotten smirk. He couldn't recall the last time he had smiled, the last time he had control over his own actions, the last time his eyes had shined the vibrant red of excitement. As quickly as the expression appeared, it faded, taking any light in his pupils with it.
There was only one word he could even think to describe the feeling that had plagued him for the past decades.
Broken.
He was a broken demon, and Ciel was the one who had broken him. Or perhaps he had broken himself, he mused, through petty greed and lust for a soul that was to be the most delicious he had ever consumed. He had waited too long, protected his master from death a little too obediently, played his role as the ideal butler a little too perfectly, and paid the price twice.
He knew how he could fall into those sins of greed and lust. Demons were sinful creatures by nature and both tempted and were tempted by everything sin entailed. Regret, however, was not a part of that nature, but Sebastian felt it anyway.
He gazed upon the contract imbedded in the skin of his hand, the incandescent glow mocking him. How foolish, to place the symbol on such a vulnerable location, it said. How foolish, to remain the loyal butler to the end and lose the contract which would allow him Ciel's soul. How utterly ridiculous to end up in a situation where all he could do was think back on how badly he had missed his chance at a free life and delicious soul while waiting for water to boil for his master's tea…
To wait for more time to pass.
The pot finally began to whistle, and Sebastian added the correct amount of tea leaves for the younger demon's preference. He used more than he had before, because Ciel still acted as though he could one day be able to taste the flavor as he used to again, and the butler didn't have the energy to remind him every time that he never would. He was still bound to protect his young master, and that meant emotionally, as well. He was certain Ciel knew anyway; he had always been an intelligent boy.
A quick check of the pot ensured the tea leaves had steeped to perfection, and he wheeled a small cart with the tea and a cup to his master's side before pouring. The cup and saucer were placed at Ciel's side on a small table and he immediately took a small sip.
"It is Darjeeling, just as you asked, young master," Sebastian introduced out of habit.
The cup clicked onto the saucer harshly. "I know what it is, Sebastian!" Ciel growled, obviously agitated at the recurring lack of taste but trying to hide his disappointment.
"My apologies, young master. I didn't mean to imply that you didn't."
The butler offered a small bow in acknowledgment of his mistake, and the younger demon appeared satisfied. They remained in an uncomfortable silence, Ciel drinking his tea and Sebastian standing dutifully by his side. The atmosphere in the room morphed into something brooding and heavy, and seconds later, the young master place his cup down gracefully with a sigh.
Sebastian was surprised at the action, since his master was not the type of person who exposed any sort of discomfort anymore. He had become exceedingly adept at hiding the inner workings of his own mind, never once letting anyone inside, even his own butler. To witness a display of this sort was akin to witnessing a declaration of weakness.
So ingrained into his very nature was his role as a butler that he couldn't stop himself from instinctively asking, "Is something the matter, young master?" He curiously looked down at Ciel, noting in mild shock that his eyes were downcast and heavy-lidded.
Ciel turned his baleful gaze up towards him. "Sebastian, I'm bored."
The phrase was decidedly childish and something that the elder demon had not heard uttered in years. Yet, the meaning behind the words was not an immature request for entertainment or a game, as it had so often been. This was a statement that resonated of actual boredom, of world-weary experience and dullness. It was the sort of implication that someone who felt he had no more to live for would say.
And it confused Sebastian.
"My Lord, I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean," he said, delicately prompting his charge to answer without fearing the retribution of prying.
"I mean exactly that, Sebastian. I'm bored of this life. I had thought so foolishly one hundred years ago that eternal life would mean something of importance, of merit, no matter if I was thrust into it against my will. I felt I could do anything, be anyone, and continue living a life that meant something."
The former Earl sighed again, dropping his eyes to the floor. "But I can't be anyone. I can only be me, and the world says I don't exist. I can only hide, living in places only long enough to avoid suspicion, leaving everything behind again and again. There are no letters, no requests, no adventures, nothing to do."
"It is tiring, Sebastian. It has taken me this long to even realize how much of a mistake I made in binding you to me eternally."
Sebastian's eyebrows knit together in concentration, subtle traces of interest sparking deep in his own eyes. "My young lord, what…?" He couldn't even finish his thought. Something about the way Ciel was speaking reminded him of the time before he was changed, the innocent yet tainted soul that trusted Sebastian with every fiber of his being. He had missed this Ciel.
The young demon glared up at him. "Are you truly content being my servant, Sebastian?" he demanded, letting the butler know that he would get to the point soon through his tone.
Sebastian hesitated only momentarily as he remembered the binding words of their contract.
"Yes, my Lord."
The ferocity of Ciel's glare intensified tenfold before he spoke again. "This is an order, Sebastian. Tell me honestly if you are satisfied with being my butler."
The contract seal on the back of the demon's hand flared with brightness and Sebastian felt an emotion he had not felt in a long time overtake him: relief. It flooded through him as his body was freed from the invisible bindings that forced him to agree with everything his master said. He looked straight at Ciel and steeled himself.
"…No…my Lord."
A/N: This is my first Kuroshitsuji piece, and I leave it on a cliffhanger…I'm a horrible person. I can't guarantee when the next chapter will be up, but I'm already planning for it, and hopefully it won't be too long. It might be a short one, but this story will be resolved, I promise!