Title- Cat got your tongue
Disclaimer- I don't own the toys I just play with them
Summery- Alec's falling deeper and deeper into depression. It there
something really wrong with him, maybe the same thing that caused Ben's
Homicidal tendencies
~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~--- ~~---~~---
I've always had a hard time understanding my emotions, but then again growing up at Manticore does that too ya. Lately everything has felt so dark and sad. I don't even know why I'm sad anymore. I just sit in crash every night, like I am tonight, and drink until I get as much of a buzz as I can.
Max thinks I drink to much. Maybe she's right. But she doesn't understand. I know she gets sad and depressed at time, it makes me think that maybe she would understand but the she bounces back. I don't get how she can do it.
That leads me to think maybe what I'm feeling isn't right. Every emotion I feel takes over my very bring, so strong not to be denied. I have thought on more then one occasion that maybe it would be better if I let white kill me or maybe I should just do it myself. It was never like this before. Before I could hide it and no one expected me to show any emotions. But now I have to play happy to everyone. "I'm always alright" I say in a whisper. I haven't even told Max.
I remember a few points in my life when I was so happy when nothing could bring me down. I remember the colors being so bright and even the bland nutritional Manticore food tasted so much sweeter. I only thing I don't understand is why none of those time did I have a reason to be happy. Man I feel like I'm going crazy.
I go home alone tonight like I have the last few weeks, not even girls can help me now. I lay down on my bed without even taking off my shoes. All I can bring myself to do is stare at the ceiling. It's like everything slowed down. I see the dark days sun go up and down leaving me behind with no light. I hear my stomach growl but can' t find the energy enough to care or move.
*KNOCK KNOCK*
"Alec are you in there?"
*KNOCK KNOCK*
I can hear her I know she'll be pissed if I don't get up but I still can't seem to care. I can hear her picking the lock and coming in. I hear the creaking of the wooden boards under her feet as she comes only to see me still laying there staring at the ceiling.
"Didn't you hear me knock?" There's barely a blink in response. Much of worried her cause she starts to check my temperature. I don't know why but I didn't want her to touch me. I just reacted. I pushed her away from me in a fit of anger before she can make contact. By the time she recovers and looks back I have already resumed my staring.
"What was that for? Hey? Yo? Anyone home?" She snaps her finders in front of my face. I get angry and snap I guess that the right term. I grab her by her shoulders and pull her down so that I sit on top. Of course soon enough she flips me over and is on top.
"DO I EVEN NEED TO ASK WHAT THAT WAS FOR? JUST TELL ME WHATS GOING ON?" I struggle beneath her for a while unable to get free. I start to calm down, the fire inside turning to smoking ambers. I begin to realize what I did and how little control I have over myself anymore. I can feel tear prick at my eyes, feel the sting as they begin to fall.
" I don't want to fell like this anymore." I practically plead. Max saw my tears and heard my words but still didn't understand me, at least no more then I understood myself.
"Feel what? What are you feeling?" she asks still perched on top of me.
"I don't know" I struggled a little more still aching to be free, "This can't be what you feel, it can't be right, everything is too strong, everything hurt to much." She dismounts me finally, leaving long enough to call Logan and set up someone to help with me. She spend the rest of the night by my side. Staying awake to keep watch over me.
~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~--- ~~---~~---
Note 1- No Review = No more story =) Note 2- I'm giving Alec an actual Mental illness. Something that I hope will explain Ben's problem using Manticore Logic at least. Also I'm trying to be accurate but you know what I don't really know all that much about Mental Illness, so don't kill me if I get something wrong.
~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~--- ~~---~~---
I've always had a hard time understanding my emotions, but then again growing up at Manticore does that too ya. Lately everything has felt so dark and sad. I don't even know why I'm sad anymore. I just sit in crash every night, like I am tonight, and drink until I get as much of a buzz as I can.
Max thinks I drink to much. Maybe she's right. But she doesn't understand. I know she gets sad and depressed at time, it makes me think that maybe she would understand but the she bounces back. I don't get how she can do it.
That leads me to think maybe what I'm feeling isn't right. Every emotion I feel takes over my very bring, so strong not to be denied. I have thought on more then one occasion that maybe it would be better if I let white kill me or maybe I should just do it myself. It was never like this before. Before I could hide it and no one expected me to show any emotions. But now I have to play happy to everyone. "I'm always alright" I say in a whisper. I haven't even told Max.
I remember a few points in my life when I was so happy when nothing could bring me down. I remember the colors being so bright and even the bland nutritional Manticore food tasted so much sweeter. I only thing I don't understand is why none of those time did I have a reason to be happy. Man I feel like I'm going crazy.
I go home alone tonight like I have the last few weeks, not even girls can help me now. I lay down on my bed without even taking off my shoes. All I can bring myself to do is stare at the ceiling. It's like everything slowed down. I see the dark days sun go up and down leaving me behind with no light. I hear my stomach growl but can' t find the energy enough to care or move.
*KNOCK KNOCK*
"Alec are you in there?"
*KNOCK KNOCK*
I can hear her I know she'll be pissed if I don't get up but I still can't seem to care. I can hear her picking the lock and coming in. I hear the creaking of the wooden boards under her feet as she comes only to see me still laying there staring at the ceiling.
"Didn't you hear me knock?" There's barely a blink in response. Much of worried her cause she starts to check my temperature. I don't know why but I didn't want her to touch me. I just reacted. I pushed her away from me in a fit of anger before she can make contact. By the time she recovers and looks back I have already resumed my staring.
"What was that for? Hey? Yo? Anyone home?" She snaps her finders in front of my face. I get angry and snap I guess that the right term. I grab her by her shoulders and pull her down so that I sit on top. Of course soon enough she flips me over and is on top.
"DO I EVEN NEED TO ASK WHAT THAT WAS FOR? JUST TELL ME WHATS GOING ON?" I struggle beneath her for a while unable to get free. I start to calm down, the fire inside turning to smoking ambers. I begin to realize what I did and how little control I have over myself anymore. I can feel tear prick at my eyes, feel the sting as they begin to fall.
" I don't want to fell like this anymore." I practically plead. Max saw my tears and heard my words but still didn't understand me, at least no more then I understood myself.
"Feel what? What are you feeling?" she asks still perched on top of me.
"I don't know" I struggled a little more still aching to be free, "This can't be what you feel, it can't be right, everything is too strong, everything hurt to much." She dismounts me finally, leaving long enough to call Logan and set up someone to help with me. She spend the rest of the night by my side. Staying awake to keep watch over me.
~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~---~~--- ~~---~~---
Note 1- No Review = No more story =) Note 2- I'm giving Alec an actual Mental illness. Something that I hope will explain Ben's problem using Manticore Logic at least. Also I'm trying to be accurate but you know what I don't really know all that much about Mental Illness, so don't kill me if I get something wrong.