Because according to Lost Small World, it's Misaki who has more of a Saruhiko complex than the other way around. Personally, I believe Saru's just an idiot in denial XDD
I wrote this because I remembered this fanfic I loved from the TMM fandom, and really, when it comes to suppressed feelings, angst, and drama, nothing's more fitting than putting Erised in the mix XDD
And yes, to anyone who's noticed, this was indeed written at the same time as "Dissociation" ... I'm clearly on a role of incompletes... ;~;
I Hope you like it XDD
Disclaimer: K - Project belongs to GoRa/GoHands and SaruMi belongs to Yellow (but I kinda don't know what to think about that novel... -~- ) and Erised belongs to the Ministry of Magic's secret holding chamber and NOT Scepter 4's XP XDD
"Men have wasted away before it, not knowing if what they have seen is real, or even possible"
"And even if they know it's for naught, they dream"
It was completely by some unseen force of fate that Yata Misaki found himself in that particular Antique shop that particular evening. He couldn't remember what he'd been doing before that, or how he ended up there in the first place.
At present, all he knows is that he keeps coming back, sitting at that exact same spot; gazing tirelessly into the ancient full-body mirror.
If it wasn't for his PDA Watch, a helpful reminder that he was still in reality, that there are people outside who are worried about him, he'd probably never even think to leave.
This is pointless…
The mirror is cursed. He knew that much already.
But it still didn't stop him from coming back; from dreaming; from succumbing to the beautiful world visible only through that pane of glass; so close yet so far, silent, unreachable.
Why am I here? Why did I come again?
It's all an illusion. Just a big, beautiful lie. There's no way it can ever happen.
He realized that soon enough, and he'd feel a piece of him crumble every time he was reminded of that painful fact.
From the start, the mirror had shown him nothing but the impossible.
Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi
Those were the words carved into its ornate frame; words he didn't even try to understand – they could be a different language for all he cared, some weird incantation that gave the mirror its power.
Even though he's uncomfortable with the supernatural, his curiosity managed to get the better of him that time, pulling off the dusty sheet that partially covered the mirror to clear his sight.
Immediately he was met with the sight of HOMRA's bar; Kusanagi-san fixing up behind the counter as the entire Red clan chattered around him, laughing happily and gathering together in the cramped space allowed by the mirror as if posing for a group picture.
Totsuka-san was there too, an arm looped around Mikoto-san's shoulder as his other hand formed a 'peace' sign, both of them alive and well and smiling… The sight filled him with a warmth that can rival even Mikoto-san's flame.
He thought it might have been real at first. A memory he had from long ago. Something Totsuka-san might've insisted on taking once upon a time using a stationary camera or something...But as his mind wandered back, trying to remember when that might've been, he saw it.
–The peculiarity that caused his stomach to churn, sticking out like a sore thumb that he had to ask himself why he didn't notice it earlier.
Saruhiko was there, smiling along with everyone –not forced; not mocking; most certainly not one of his psychotic grins. An impossibility in and of itself, because in the years he'd been with the raven, even way back when, he'd rarely –if ever— seen Saruhiko truly smile.
Not like that. Not as big and bright and beautiful…
And more than that –more unthinkable than that— was the Blue of his Scepter 4 uniform, a stark contrast from the warm colours of the background and the people, and yet not out-of-place at all.
He was mesmerized, feeling his heart clench painfully in his chest as that smile turned away, barely noticing that it was due to himself in the mirror, slinging an arm over the other's shoulder, an equally bright grin on his face as he spoke.
He couldn't hear anything. He barely remembered that he was looking at a mirror and not a television, that this couldn't possibly be something that was on film, that it's not real.
Because he knew he'd never seen Saruhiko laugh like that before.
And this thought left a dull, cold ache in his chest.
~.~.~.~.~
He hadn't realized half a day had already passed when he finally thought to –unwillingly— tear his gaze away, finding 16 missed calls on his PDA watch history and 24 unread messages, 12 of them from one angry Kusanagi-san.
He sprang to his feet, cursing when he realized his legs had gone numb, enduring the pins and needles that exploded on his lower half as he rushed out.
Stopping by the door, he turned around, hoping to take one last peek at that beautiful image in the mirror, but he was only met with his own reflection.
Perhaps that was a good thing. Because otherwise, he knew, he'd probably never want to leave.
~.~.~.~.~
He came regularly after that, spending hours on end gazing at that beautiful picture, feeling the warmth spread through him even as his heart ached. He'd make sure only to come on his free time, setting off one alarm after another to wake him up from the trance he would find himself in.
Sometimes he'd forget about food and sleep, realizing too late that an entire night has passed. Sometime even an entire day if he has nothing planned.
He realizes it's probably not healthy; that it's similar to how an addict responds to drugs or how depressed people are like –and perhaps he is depressed and addicted— that Kusanagi-san and Kamamoto are getting worried. Even Anna, all seeing, all knowing, looked at him with pitying eyes.
He hates it, hates feeling like he did.
But he keeps on coming back anyway.
More than HOMRA being complete, more than Totsuka-san being alive, more than Mikoto-san being alive and well and happy, he finds himself to see Saruhiko's smiling face; the expression so perfect on his handsome face, yet so completely foreign and unthinkable...
And then the image started to change. Not like it was constant to begin with…
But after every visit, he realized that Homra appeared less and less, slowly fading into the background, making more room for the center figure to roam.
Saruhiko in his blue uniform, talking, sighing, clicking his tongue in that annoying manner. And Yata himself is there too, always beside him, holding on to him, and Saruhiko would flash him that smile. Only him with that smile.
And slowly… ever so slowly it evolved.
The smile stayed longer, the touches lingering, eyes connecting, expressing a flurry of emotions he can't even begin to comprehend and…
For the first time since he found himself in front of that mirror, Yata –the real him, not the reflection— jumped up so abruptly, ripping his gaze away as he gasped for breath, clutching his pounding chest.
No…
That's not…
This isn't…!
Slowly, reluctantly, fearfully, he faced the mirror again, feeling something die inside as he saw himself in the mirror, being held gently, lovingly, by his best friend as the two's lips connected…
A tear fell from his eyes.
~.~.~.~.~
"Eh? Misaki~?"
The brunette froze, tensing as the familiar voice reached his ears, like an arrow piercing his chest.
"What are you doing in this part of town?" the voice asked, footsteps getting closer and closer beside him.
Normally he would retort, bark out a rebuke, an it's none of your business! Perhaps even purposely pick a fight.
But now Yata just felt cold; too scared to look behind him, to see whatever expression might be on that painfully familiar face, surely different from all the delusions he'd gotten used to.
His fists clenched tightly as a warm body stopped directly behind him, close enough for him to feel the other's breath. He resisted the urge to run, opting to resume walking in as steady a pace as he can.
"Misaki…?" confusion laced that voice, probably wondering why he wasn't responding like he normally would.
Yata wonders the same thing, but he already knew the answer.
Even right now he was on his way to see that mirror.
"Oy! Don't ignore me!" A hand grabbed his shoulder, and he flinched involuntarily as if burned. By reflex he whipped around a good few paces away from the newcomer, a glare in his eyes.
Seeing Saruhiko's expression, he faltered.
For a moment… just a fleeting moment, he thought he saw a flash of hurt in those shocked blue eyes, but it was gone so fast it could've just been his imagination, leaving Saruhiko's normally impassive expression.
"Why so jumpy today?" the blue mumbled, inspecting him from head to toe, and Yata shifted uncomfortably, finding interest in the pavement below his feet.
"What are you doing here?" he asked himself, resuming his steps without once looking back, not really expecting a proper reply.
To his surprise though, he heard Saruhiko mumble out an irritated 'I asked you first…' before, in an audible tone "Scepter 4 business. I heard about some cursed mirror causing trouble in this district"
Once again, Yata froze in his steps, eyes widening, causing the Scepter 4 official to bump into him from behind. He shivered. "Seriously Misaki, what's up with you today?" the Blue grumbled out, walking a few paces to see his face. "Misaki~"
He turned away, hiding his face as he tried to sidestep the raven, quickening his pace, panic bubbling in his system as he thought of the mirror that became the object of his obsession…
He knew it was cursed. Bu he didn't want it to be taken away…
"Look at me!" Yata winced when a hand roughly grabbed his chin, forcing him to do as told, and he was shocked to the frantic look in blue's face. "Don't ignore me Misaki!" Saruhiko practically hissed… eyes looking close to tears.
Yata couldn't help but stare… "Saruhiko…?" he began, a bit disturbed by the reactions…
Relief replaced the panic, and the raven's bored expression returned. "You're acting weird" the raven stated, voice levelled.
That's what I want to say…Yata thought, finding that he couldn't quite look away... "That mirror you're looking for… what is it exactly?" he found himself asking instead.
He never did try finding out what that thing really was. Even though he knew… deep down he knew…
Suspicion flashed in Saruhiko's blue eyes at the sudden question, but decided to answer anyway. "It's something called the 'Mirror of Erised'. Reports stated it's some ancient relic from the United Kingdom, somehow it was said to drive people mad by showing them their 'Heart's Desire' or something like that…" he explained impassively.
Heart's Desire… Yata's face grew blank as soon as those two words left the other's lips, eyes unfocused. So that's it then… huh…? Having his thoughts proven only made his heart ache all the more… His fists clenched and a bitter laugh escaped his lips. Drive's people mad by showing them the impossible…
He turned around, expression stone cold as he spoke. "There's an Antique shop two blocks from here. It's probably there" he began to walk away, heart thumping painfully in his chest, head reeling as the truth presented itself before him.
Impossible.
A hand caught his arm, once again making him flinch. He doesn't turn around.
"Why do you know that?" Saruhiko's cool voice rang in his ears. –When was the last time he'd heard it? He thinks, remembering all the times he'd openly stare at that face, none ever revealing the tone of the other's voice. The grip tightened.
Yata grit his teeth. "That's none of your business now, is it?" he bit back, wrenching his arm free only for his collar to be grabbed in its place.
Again he was forced to look up at those cool blue eyes alight with… was that concern…?
"Misaki… you didn't…" Saru began, but was cut off when Yata hissed, breaking free. "You looked at it didn't you…"
Yata turned away, not daring to show his face.
Silence…
"What… did you see…?" Saru asked cautiously, curiously, a slight tremble in his voice that Yata might've missed if he wasn't overly aware…
"Like I said. None of your business!" the brunette growled, feeling his stomach clench as he remembered.
Saruhiko only tightened his hold, and this time Yata realized the other's hands were trembling… "Why aren't you looking at me?" his voice was so quiet it was almost a whisper.
"FUCK OFF!"
A chuckle.
Yata felt a chill run up his spine as he heard that distinct chuckle. No… not now…!
"So you're a victim then" it was a statement, and the brunette nearly gasped at the familiar mocking tone it was spoken in. "Just so you know, everything you've seen is not real. Will never be real"
I know that! Yata wanted to scream, again feeling the overwhelming desire to run.. But at least… let me dream…
A smile that he'll never see, a touch he'll never feel…
"Your beloved Mikoto-san is dead! And so is Totsuka-san. They're never coming back" and these words were spat with so much certainty and hostility, it made Yata pause.
And this time, it was his turn to laugh. Now that I think about it, they were there weren't they? He thought, recalling the faces of two people he admired and respected more than anyone. But then, he didn't even notice when they vanished from that mirror. Some clansman I am. He thought bitterly. And it's all your fault. He flashed the Blue a glare.
"DAMMIT MISAKI!" the raven cried, grabbing him roughly by the shoulders.
This time, he didn't fight back; bitter smile still on his lips as he glared at Saruhiko's seething face, remembering how beautiful it looked with a different expression. A warm expression. Something he'd never seen in reality and likely never to see.
And their faces were even so close together he can literally feel Saruhiko's breath on his lips…
Oh, to hell with it! He growled, letting the imaginary image shatter as he grabbed the other's collar, forcing their lips together in a messy clash of teeth that he hears Saruhiko hiss before going completely rigid.
It was so freaking different from that cheesy-romantic moment in the mirror; their eyes both open and Saruhiko's just looked shocked and crazy, but he supposes that's what makes it reality.
He broke off almost instantly, chest heavy as he kicked off on his skateboard before the Blue could react or even comprehend what just happened.
"The mirror is full of shit" were his last words as he let his delusion shatter.
He probably won't see that mirror again, after all.