Pfft. Sane, indeed.
The thing about Akaya, Jackal decided, is that he's too impressionable.
Although, when he really thought about it, maybe the problem was that the RikkaiDai regulars were a bit too crazy. It was difficult for the craziness not to rub off on people—possibly because while they were charismatic enough to draw people to them, they were also missing more than a few marbles.
He, of course, was perfectly sane. He was possibly the only sane person in RikkaiDai. Oh, how lonely it was. And poor Akaya. Once so naïve and innocent, being molded into a patchwork of the other RikkaiDai regulars . . .
"Jackal-senpai! What are we doing today? Can we go to fukubuchou's and pester him?"
Jackal sighed inwardly. "Let's leave him alone today," he offered. "I have a migraine today. And Yukimura is picking you up in four hours, so we probably wouldn't be able to get much done, anyway."
Akaya made a face, but complied. "Fine," he muttered. "Then what?"
"We could go shopping; aren't you still throwing that end-of-vacation party with Yukimura? We'll need food for that."
Akaya beamed. "Okay!"
The sheer happiness in his expression should've served as a warning.
x
The trip to the store went easily enough, and for a while, it seemed everything was going smoothly. Akaya wasn't making a fuss, and Jackal was relieved.
Then he glanced at all the things Akaya had put in his shopping cart, and his eyes widened. "Akaya," he began, "what is all this?"
In his cart was a pile of technology—was that the iPhone 4G?—, video games, toys, and an electric piano.
"Stuff we need for the party." Akaya looked up at him with big, green, pleading eyes—the kind that worked wonders on people like Yukimura and Marui. The one taught to him by Niou.
Jackal looked back at the pile of (expensive) electronics in his cart. ". . . how?" he asked blankly.
Akaya's grin was worryingly smug. "The iPhone 4G will be totally important to the party because having an iPhone 4G will significantly increase the awesomeness of the party. It just emulates awesomeness. The video games and toys will make me happy, which will make me more social at the party. And the electric piano will make the party room look cooler, which will make the party cooler, which will make the partygoers cooler, because most of them aren't cool enough to hang out with us, anyway. And c'mon. Who doesn't like electric pianos?"
Jackal gaped.
"Niou-senpai taught me that," he explained cheerily, pushing Jackal and the shopping cart toward the cashiers. "Go pay."
x
"I'm tired," Akaya whined.
"From maxing out my credit card?" Jackal asked sarcastically.
Akaya nodded vigorously. "Yes. Let's go to a café or something."
Jackal relented. "Fine. There's one right over there."
The walk was short and pleasant, as Akaya seemed content enough to refrain from complaining the entire way there—even if it was only half a block. They ordered tea, and Jackal checked his phone for any missed calls or texts while sipping his drink.
Akaya frowned. "You shouldn't do that, Jackal-senpai."
Jackal didn't look up. "Do what?"
"You shouldn't do that either."
Surprised (but more confused), Jackal glanced at him. "What are you talking about?"
"Your elbows are on the table, and that's impolite. You should extend your pinky a bit when you're holding the teacup like that—it looks more quaint. When someone speaks to you, you should look at them. You shouldn't be playing with your cell phone while you're at a café, and sit up straight—your posture is awful," Akaya said calmly.
And, to his mild annoyance, Akaya was sitting up straight, extending his pinky, and looking up. His cell phone, Jackal assumed, was safely tucked away somewhere, and his arms were folded. "And you should at least attempt to make conversation. Let's talk about golf. Yagyuu-senpai says it's the safest conversation topic."
". . . golf," Jackal repeated flatly. Why him? Why was he Akaya's designated babysitter? Why not somebody like Niou or Marui—or better yet, Yukimura—who could actually deal with him? Why Jackal? Was it because he was bald? His roundness, his shininess, his non-hair-ness? Did kami-sama want him to wear a wig? "I suppose Yagyuu taught you this?"
Akaya beamed.
Jackal sighed.
x
"You're old enough to drive, right?" Akaya inquired, as they walked out. There was a car shop nearby, and Akaya was staring at a shiny red convertible.
"Yes," Jackal said warily. "I have a driver's license."
Akaya's eyes lit up and he ran over to the salesman. He pulled off his best pouty smile and asked, "Won't you please let my friend and I test-drive one of these cars?"
Stupid salesman, Jackal thought spitefully. Although, he should've suspected this would happen—if Mura fell for the look, then that salesman really stood no chance. He made for the steering wheel, but Akaya claimed it first. "Do you even know how to drive?" Jackal asked. "I don't want you to get injured."
"It's okay!" he assured. "Yukimura-buchou taught me how to drive! He's been working as an instructor's assistant at this driving school, so it's all good."
Jackal relaxed. If Yukimura was the one who taught him, then it should be okay.
Right?
Akaya started the car. Jackal put on his seatbelt. Akaya tossed his seatbelt aside and turned on the radio.
Akaya shot out of the parking lot and right onto the street at possibly two thousand miles per hour. "Knuckle Serve!" he cheered, and proceeded to do some sort of crazy spin, then bounce off some over cars and into the air.
x
"Look, a park!"
Parks were fun, yes. Parks with Akaya, Jackal had learned, weren't much fun—or safe, for that matter. But he complied, in the silly hope that it might keep Akaya preoccupied for the rest of the three hours.
Silly hope, indeed.
Akaya ran toward the jungle gyms immediately, and pounced all over it like some sort of leopard cub. It was a rather amusing sight, considering Akaya was fifteen years old and in line to be the next captain of the esteemed RikkaiDai tennis team.
A child pushed Akaya out of the way, and in a moment of surprise, Akaya toppled off the jungle gym.
Jackal flinched and got up. He really didn't want to watch Akaya punch some poor child in the face while in his red-eyes mode (or worse yet, his demonic mode), possibly send the child into a coma, and then get sued for it.
He really didn't expect Akaya to stand up with painful dignity, then bitch-slap the child across the face and yell, "Tarundoru!"
When did Sanada teach him that?
x
"Let's get cake," Akaya said idly.
"Alright," Jackal replied, relieved. Cake! The one thing that probably—probably, because you could never know with Akaya—couldn't cause any trouble for him at all.
There was a cake shop nearby, and Akaya bounced in happily. It took a while for Jackal to realize that his wallet was missing, too. He sighed wearily and waited outside. How much could cake cost, anyway?
Akaya bounced back out a few moments later, along with three boxes of cake, and a receipt that read, 6 Double-Decker Chocolate Fudge Cakes, 120,000 yen.
Jackal gaped. "Six?"
"It's a special method Marui-senpai taught me. Three in storage," Akaya explained. "'Cause something's going to go wrong, and we'll need those three for backup. And these three I'm carrying with me. Just in case one gets lost and we're too far from the store."
How would a cake get lost? Jackal wanted to ask, then decided against it. In such instances, he'd learned, it was safer to keep his mouth shut and let his sanity cower in a corner for a little bit.
"Marui-senpai has warned me about all possible dangers," Akaya continued. "We'd better get going. A pigeon's going to land on the box and then we're going to get attacked by a bunch of kids."
"Wait, if you know what's going to happen—"
A pigeon landed on the box.
"Look, a birdie!"
Jackal took one look at the rampaging group of six-year olds and made a run for it.
x
They'd returned to the house, and Jackal pulled out a random novel from the bookshelf in hopes of distracting himself.
"Homework," Jackal said resolutely, and shoved a pile of papers covered in math equations toward Akaya. "You can't possibly give me a headache with homework. Especially when you're the one doing it. Do these math equations for the rest of the two hours."
"I bet I can," Akaya countered. "Annoy you with math, I mean."
Jackal snorted. "It's a nice thought, Akaya, but even you have your limits."
"Pi is three point one four one five nine two six five three five eight nine seven nine three two three eight four six two six four . . ." Akaya rambled.
Jackal focused on his novel.
". . . seven eight five seven seven one three four two seven five seven seven eight nine six zero nine one seven three six three seven one seven eight seven two one four six eight four four zero nine zero one two two four nine five three four three zero one four six five four nine five eight five . . ."
Don't listen, he told himself firmly.
". . . five one eight nine eight three five six nine four eight five five six two zero nine nine two one nine two two two one eight four two seven two five five zero two . . ."
How does he know so many digits?
". . . seven zero zero one two nine six one six zero eight nine four four one six nine four eight six eight five five five eight four eight zero six three five three four two two zero seven two two two five eight two eight four eight eight six four eight one five eight four five six zero two eight five zero . . ."
It dawned on him. Yanagi, Jackal thought vehemently.
x
"A hair salon!" Akaya exclaimed happily, sitting in the swivel chair and marveling at the towel being placed over his shoulders. "I've never been to a hair salon before! This is a great idea, Jackal-senpai!"
Jackal looked at Akaya's crazy, curly hair and muttered, "I can tell."
This was a compromise, he determined. He needed to shave his head again, after all, and Akaya needed something to do. Something that didn't involve his teammates' insanity, thank you very much.
He watched as Akaya obsessed over the different hairstyles, and as he eventually decided to go for a Mohawk.
Jackal nodded his approval. "Anything involving shaving and razors is fine," he confirmed.
Akaya beamed. "This is fun! We should go to hair salons more often!"
Yes, Jackal decided, watching the razor shave off Akaya's curly hair. It's good to be the only sane person in RikkaiDai.