Disclaimer: I do not own Jonas.

Imperfect Perfection

He is the epitome of perfection.

And she won't be the one to mess that up. She promised her self that a long time ago, the first time she realized she liked him more than his brothers. It's all sick and twisted in a way; her claiming to be in love with three guys, they're brothers nonetheless. It's utterly ridiculous, just like her very existence.

She was just 10 when she first realized how unfair life can be.

They were still living in Boston, a typical family leaving in a house with white picket fence and garden full of violets and roses. It was amazing; loving brothers, a doting father and a caring mother. Her family had been so close to perfect. The Misa family was the envy of the neighborhood. They were beautiful, she was beautiful, she thought so herself during those times. But everybody knew beauty couldn't last forever.

Her father died. She knew why, they didn't. It was heartbreaking. A girl of only ten years old crouching over her dead father's body is heartbreaking. The family never gave statements when asked why for the cause of death. Robbery, they always said. But nothing was stolen; only her sanity and all that come with it. They never pushed her to say anything. She's had enough to deal with, they all thought. It was devastating for a father to die in a house such as theirs. It was only millimeters away from perfection, after all.

Days passed, they never spoke of it. The house with picket fence was only filled with choked sobs, stutters, and tear-stained faces. It was quiet and eerie now. The roses which used to adore the place was covering it with thorns, killing the dainty and innocent violets.

Fitting, she whispered to no one in particular. A girl was losing her faith and will to live. Life was draining life out of her. How ironic but fitting, she whispers once again.

She was beautiful. Everything used to be beautiful, just like the house with white picket fence. But now, she was burning with anger, confusion and self-pity. She wasn't even sure if a ten year old is allowed to feel like that. She feels like she might burst into flames anytime. The house should also feel the same. So she burnt it down. The family made no statements as to why their home was gobbled up by raging flames. They knew why though. This is her way of coping, they all thought.

As they were leaving Boston, a smile crept on her face. Life might be unfair but screw it. She got what she wanted anyway.

At 12, she died.

There was no blood spilled. There weren't even tears. Her soul just left her. And if she's correct, that means she's dead.

New Jersey was different. There were no white houses with a picket fence and rose-filled garden, only red-bricked buildings. They lived on a 3-story apartment where the first floor was turned into a thrift shop. She tried to be normal. She went with the flow, dragged by people surrounding her. She played sports; they keep her mind off things. She loves the adrenaline it gives her small fragile body. She was still young but her mind knew what was better for her already.

She met Alea at the school's science fair. She scoffed at the blonde's project but they still became friends. Around Alea, she felt beautiful in a way. She mattered, her thoughts mattered. She's not only trying to be normal but she did become normal.

Good things never really last though, the bitter thought and her has crossed paths once again.

Alea was always pretty. She was always surrounded by people. She stands out like a hot pink crayon would in a box of chalk. Alea's perfect and jealousy got the best of her. She ruined another person yet again, good thing this one didn't lead to death though. She had exposed all of her secrets in the girl's bathroom. Alea was too horrified about coming to school that she transferred to a new one ran by nuns.

Even people at home got fed up by her imminent need of perfection. She was reminded of her past years by her brothers almost constantly. Memories she tried to bury six feet under her clawed their way up. New ones kept popping up as soon as she tries to push back the first one. They never went away after. It all haunted her. She couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. Her family got worried, of course. They mentally scolded their selves for even mentioning that incident to her. It had driven her crazy up to the point of breaking down and on the brink of death. Her 12 year old body could only keep in so much. She was dying and although the monitor kept on beeping on a steady pace, she knew she died at 12.

A year later and she was still a walking corpse.

This time though, she knew she had a heart and a body and a fake soul that was given to her days after her terrifying ordeal at the hospital. She was able to go to school a few days after. She was able to talk a week later. She was able to play sports again a month after. She did her daily routines. There was no space in her schedule for anything else. She had to be lifeless in order to live. It was a breathing-mechanism. Not doing homework makes her gasp for air, skipping volleyball practice makes her suffocate. She needed routine to scare off death. She needed consistency. She needed perfection.

Stella came into her life in a form of a pink tornado. She reminded her of Alea. Oh, how she'll ruin this one too. Surprisingly, she didn't. Stella was the one who ruined her, in a good way. With Stella around, she realized keeping off track, keeps your mind off things too. So another year later, she became everyone's shoulder to lean on. She was just always there because it distracts her. Stella's constant talk of boys and fashion distracts her too. She realized imperfection could also look perfect. Like how a wilting plant could look so breath-taking in a black and white photograph.

It's a shame there was nothing to distract her at home though. Even her room's windows, seem to haunt her too. Every familiar face at home scares her. She did what every teenage girl did to keep themselves happy. She occupied herself with the band Jonas. She knew everything was just a sham but she can fool everyone enough that she's even fooled herself that she's in love with them. It's their pictures that she eats dinner and breakfast with. It's their pictures that she tells how her day went.

It's only when it's time to close her eyes that she admits to her self she's messed up. It's only in her dreams where she's away from distractions and horrors of her past keep on taunting her.

It's only in her dreams where she can cry. It's only there where she's real. How ironic.

She's already 16.

Sweet sixteen, not. She woke up to her own screams and banging on her door. She dreads her birthdays. She practically hates it. It's the day when memories not only mock but it's also the day when things seem to go against her. It's the day when the perfect little monsters inside her crave to get out. Pitiful, she says to herself once they do get out.

It's the day everything has to be perfect but they never become perfect which annoys her the most. Only on this date does she allow herself to divulge in perfect perfection. But perfection was just never there, only disappointment at finding more imperfections.

Like how the day of her 16th birthday started. It was a flashback. It was a nightmare. Lucky for her, she woke up just in time. Her brothers rushed in once they managed to break the door down. She needed instant comfort and they've managed to give her that. It still wasn't enough though. She wanted perfection, she got vexation.

Birds were chirping, children were laughing, and lovers were walking hand in hand on cold pavements. What a lovely day it is.

But this wasn't a day to celebrate. Even Stella knew that. No matter how much Stella cherished her friendship with Macy, she never threw her a birthday party. Stella knew. No birthday greetings are exchanged when they meet at school, only awkward smiles and concern-dripped questions. Oh, Stella was a prier but she'd let this go over the past few years which made Macy love her even more.

No birthday cakes at home, no presents to unwrap. Imperfection everywhere but she knew it was useless to change things from the moment she woke up.

They were the only ones who were though, perfect she means.

Jonas.

She's been 16 for 3 months and she was still nowhere near perfection.

Well, not until the day she finally met them. How grateful she had been to Stella. For once, it was not her birthday yet the monsters were grumbling. It was because of them, obviously. The way they stood over Stella's lockers, they were like walking sculptures sculpted by God's own hands. She wanted to fit in. She wanted to be perfect again. She was picking up the pieces of her old perfection hungry self. It wasn't good.

So she flung a baseball bat at them. It was like a rock being thrown at a glass window. She broke them and left a horrible imprint. She was only known by the three as Stella's best friend and their psycho fan. Now, everything wasn't straying towards perfect anymore.

She can't allow herself to like perfection. She only gets disappointed and envious of other people. Now, she won't make a mess of things. She won't ruin her friendship with Stella. This won't be Alea all over again. She buried perfection deep inside her when she met Stella. She realized it doesn't do any good to her when she met Stella. She promised she won't let perfection come to her, only on her birthdays.

She was seventeen and they were all on tour.

She was left all alone on her 17th birthday. She received birthday greetings from the boys and a 'miss you' from Stella. They didn't know, Stella did. She loved her even more for that. She knew this wasn't a day to be 'happy'.

She had nothing to do but rearrange her belongings on the wooden shelf. Perfect, such a bitter word now. She reminded herself that this was the only date she has allowed herself to steer near perfection.

A picture in an elegant silver frame caught her eye. It was of the five of them after a school play. They all looked so happy. How she has come to overcome their image of perfection? She didn't. She just realized they had flaws. Kevin was a goofball, Joe was super attracted to himself and Nick was… three points shy from being a genius?

She's not really sure if the last one was a flaw though. They all clicked. That their group walking down the hallways was always a head-turner. And as a gang, they were beautiful.

She knew she was the only demented one in the group though. Remember the freaking perfect monsters inside of her?

She only wanted one person the day before her 18th.

Nick Lucas. They were alike in some ways, they were different in others. They were both perfectionists (she was, only on her birthday though). Going to a normal school made him accept imperfections, Stella made her accept imperfections. Making everything perfect was a part of his personality before going to school. Her craving for perfection was a part of her whole entire being though. She once lived in a perfect house. She once had a perfect family. She once had a life of perfection.

She has shunned perfection for far too long (not on her birthdays though) that she never realized she was being attracted to perfection. Nick, the epitome of imperfect perfection. Simply put, he was perfect in a different way. Perfect, nonetheless.

And when she did realize this, it scared her, shook her entirety and made her sanity questionable. Wait, she has lost her sanity a long time ago, remember? She isn't sane or insane but she's pretty sure she has lost her sanity years back. It's all quite confusing but she's been confused for far too long to even bother elaborate that.

Too bad the perfect monsters won the Nick Mental War. There was no turning back. She craved him and his perfection. She liked him. It's all so obvious so she went with it. Good thing for her, being on the sidelines wasn't really perfect so it was all well for the mean time. Gradually, she has grown to resent his perfection. It just… frightened her now.

For one thing, love was a whole new different matter. It would destroy him. It would be her destruction too. He'd know all about it, she'll be a bitch all about it. He'll grow tired of her. He'll break up with her and she doesn't know if she could take more disappointments from wanting perfection. She promised herself she won't ruin him the moment they were together.

But it was he who wanted to ruin himself, she thought. She'd let some things slip when she once broke down after a game. She wasn't coherent but he got the gist. She had no other choice but to tell him the whole story. With a smile, he said it was all okay and he'd be there for her always. She caved in.

And now on the night of her 18th, in the arms of perfection she felt safe and guilt-free. Like nothing happened on this date 8 years ago. And with his sweet kisses, she has realized she was actually the one ruining her self. But she trashed the thought. Positive and negative cancels each other out. So maybe his perfection just canceled out her imperfection.

Yes, she realized that now. She was just imperfect all along.

A/N: I know, it's confusing. So here's a recap:

At 10- Her father died on her birthday. She burned down the house because it reminded her of how perfect they once were.
12- She has wanted perfection once again and her friend Alea seemed perfect. She envied her and ruined her. She's traumatized from the past.
13- She meet Stella who made her realize there was another kind of perfection. Imperfection. The things she does distracts her from her past.
16- She has allowed herself to crave for perfect perfection on birthdays only. Birthdays ain't happy for her.
16 + 3 months- She meet Jonas. Perfect perfection personified and it scares her so she ruins it but later on copes.
17- Perfectly coped but bitter at the thought of being the broken one.
18- At first she only allowed herself to like Nick and was scared at the thought of being in love with him because that'll only break them both but in the end she went with her feelings while consoling herself it was his choice and not hers. In the end, she realizes he and his love was what she really needed all along. She had been imperfect from the day she was born but made delusional about it by the past incidents.

Wew, Macy's OOC but I like playing with her character. Like how she became like that, anyway, right? She can't be all smiles anyway. How was it? It's waaaay different than my other writing style. Reviews are greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!