The Card Game
by Casey
From Final Fantasy 7 to Final Fantasy 9, each of the main characters are seated around a table in Seifer's house, smoking cigars,
reminiscing about the past (and future) and playing cards. But in truth, it's really not about playing cards at all.
Narrator: Seated around the room are FF7 7 vets Cloud and Sephiroth. From FF8 are Squall, Seifer, and Zell. From FF9 are Zidane, and Kuja.
Zell: I'm telling you man, Solid Snake would kill Gabe! He has the hand to hand strengths (makeing boxing motions), breaking
peoples necks, the weapons, all that! He could smoke him!
Seifer: Yeah, like how you smoked Irv-
Zell: Hey! There's no proof in that! (starts shouting at Seifer)
Squall: Quit it. Hey Kuja, you have any 5's?
Kuja: No. By the way, I forgot to ask how everybodie's relationships have been since their game- I mean
adventures-concluded. You start Cloud.
Cloud: Not much, man. Tifa and I are just friends right now. It's just not the same without, um, well, you know.
Zidane: Will you shut up about that stupid Aeris girl?! Lord knows I get enough of that on those stupid online stories, not
to mention the fact you tell us about her every chance you get.
Cloud: You don't know what it's like to have someone special like her get killed.
Zidane: Actually, Garnet got so annoying everytime she spoke, she was dead to me. Took her almost a year to shut her up. And that was
only when I gave her something to put into her mouth to shut her up! (Zidane smiles at that thought).
Seifer: Shut up! We know you gave her Xtacy. It was blatantly obvious. Besides, we know you stole some from Kuja's stash!
Kuja: (Kuja's sweating profusily and looking around nervously). What stash?Anyways, what happened with you Sephiroth?
Sephiroth: Nothing much. What about you Squall?
Squall: Some good news, actually. I did actually deflower Rinoa. She was niiiiiccccce.
Seifer: (Everyone laughing) Deflower her? (claps hands) Good one!
Squall: What do you mean? She said to me I was her first!
Seifer: (Still laughing) Yeah, yeah, yeah, women say that you're good in bed, but you don't them getting excited when you slip into
bed. Hell, when I got with her those many years ago, I think I was her 4th one,
at least that day. I don't even wanna know what disease's she carries! But hey, Squall, as you said, and this is the truth, she was niiiiicccce!
(Squall lunges for Seifer, but everyone pulls him back).
Squall: Well I don't see you getting any action.
Seifer: Have you even seen my house today? (Just then, Selphie coming from Seifer's room, tired, in a football jersey, looks at everyone
with astonished faces, then heads back to Seifers room, while he's smiling). Nice, isn't it? It's funny, Rinoa even told you what a minute man you were!
(Squall about to attack but Zell stops him). Anyways, well chickenwuss, I mean dumbass, I mean Zell, we already know about you and the cocker,
I mean gun cocker, so I'll pass. What about you, Zid?
Zid: (still laughing) I got into her pants. The only real reason why I bothered with her.
Cloud: An 8 year old giving head. Wish that happened to me in grade school.
Zid: She's 18, I think.
Cloud: You don't even know her age? An 18 year old in an 8 year olds body.
Zell: What happened with you, Kuja?
Kuja: I died, obviously.
Zell: Then how come your here? and how come your also here, Sephiroth? You died to.
Seph: I never figured that out either. Probably some stupid fan fiction, or something. I hate those stupid stories about us.
Kuja: Yeah, they shouldn't make those stupid stories. Were celerities because of our adventures.
Seph: Correction: Were celebrities. You're not. Everyone knows your a stupid imitator of me.
Kuja: No, I'm not. I'm my own person.
Seph: Thats what Mr. Bobbit said after he got the chop.
Squall: Stop this bickering. So what's everyone doing now? I'm trying out for one of those WB teen shows. It's not like you need to be talented.
Seph: Which is something your good at being: dull and boring.
Squall: Shut up! Well, answer the question people.
Zid: I think I might be able to get a role in the Sixth Sense 2. About a kid who see's dead careers.
Cloud: Fitting for you. I'm just trying to get some sleep. Saving the world makes you sleepy.
Seifer: I want to be in that Matrix 3 movie, but I'll probably end up in one of those stupid Jerry Bruckheimer films.
Zell: I don't know. I might have to move in with Irvine since I might be evicted.
Cloud: Might, or want.
Zell: Shut up asshole!
Squall: Cloud, leave him alone. His buisiness is his business. Seifer, you actually wanna do that? I've heard
that it gets rough while in production.
Seifer: Rough? Oh, well, thats how Rinoa likes it! (Everyone starts laughing while Squalls face gets angrier)
Squall: I'm telling you, I was Rinoa's first.
Seifer: No you weren't.
Squall: Yes!
Seifer: No.
Squall: Yes!
Seifer: No.
Squall: Yes!
Seifer: yes
Squall: No! wait, dammit! (everyone begin's laughing hysterically)
Cloud: Hold on, I'll be right back. (Leaves the room)
Squall: I'll fucking kill you when this is over.
Seifer: Thats what you always say. BUt look, i'm still here.
Squall: (Cell phone rings) Yeah? Yes, the refridgerator is running. Catch it? (Everyone starts silently laughing)
(Cloud returns, laughing)
Cloud: Wrong number.
Seph: I'm gonna try to get a role in the Lord of the Rings movies.
Zid: Didn't all 3 movies wrap like a year ago?
Seph: Really? Oh shit.
Kuja: I was also gonna try um, out for that, but um, I got better offers.
Seph: I even tried out for the harry potter movies, as much as I hate those books, but they didn't have a part for me.
Kuja: Me, too, but they had a part for me, but didn't offer enough cash.
Cloud: Bullshit Kuja. They're right, you're an impersonator of Sephiroth. But he's original, you're not.
Squall: We don't need this right now. Just shut up.
Zell: Wasn't Barret supposed to come today?
Cloud: Yeah, but he's at an audition for 1-800-collect.
Seifer: I figured they already had Mr. T for that.
Zell: Hell if I know.
Seifer: Was I talking to you, chickenwuss?
Zell: I could kick your ass.
Seifer: Bring it on bitch.
Zid: Stop everyone. This is getting old.
Seifer: It's pretty obvious why you love weiners, I mean hot dogs.
Zell: Fuck off.
Seifer: Squall's lady friend has raised his voice! What's the world come to? (Zell and Squall lunge at Seifer,
while just for the hell of it, everyone picks a fight for each other, pounding each others faces, except Cloud) (Cloud goes to Seifer's room)
Cloud: (With a smile on his face) Hey Selphie, can we talk in Seifer's room for a minute?
Selphie: (With a smile on her fae) Sure.
Talk for as long as you want. (Both head in to Seifer's room, while everyone's still pounding on each other).
The End
by Casey
From Final Fantasy 7 to Final Fantasy 9, each of the main characters are seated around a table in Seifer's house, smoking cigars,
reminiscing about the past (and future) and playing cards. But in truth, it's really not about playing cards at all.
Narrator: Seated around the room are FF7 7 vets Cloud and Sephiroth. From FF8 are Squall, Seifer, and Zell. From FF9 are Zidane, and Kuja.
Zell: I'm telling you man, Solid Snake would kill Gabe! He has the hand to hand strengths (makeing boxing motions), breaking
peoples necks, the weapons, all that! He could smoke him!
Seifer: Yeah, like how you smoked Irv-
Zell: Hey! There's no proof in that! (starts shouting at Seifer)
Squall: Quit it. Hey Kuja, you have any 5's?
Kuja: No. By the way, I forgot to ask how everybodie's relationships have been since their game- I mean
adventures-concluded. You start Cloud.
Cloud: Not much, man. Tifa and I are just friends right now. It's just not the same without, um, well, you know.
Zidane: Will you shut up about that stupid Aeris girl?! Lord knows I get enough of that on those stupid online stories, not
to mention the fact you tell us about her every chance you get.
Cloud: You don't know what it's like to have someone special like her get killed.
Zidane: Actually, Garnet got so annoying everytime she spoke, she was dead to me. Took her almost a year to shut her up. And that was
only when I gave her something to put into her mouth to shut her up! (Zidane smiles at that thought).
Seifer: Shut up! We know you gave her Xtacy. It was blatantly obvious. Besides, we know you stole some from Kuja's stash!
Kuja: (Kuja's sweating profusily and looking around nervously). What stash?Anyways, what happened with you Sephiroth?
Sephiroth: Nothing much. What about you Squall?
Squall: Some good news, actually. I did actually deflower Rinoa. She was niiiiiccccce.
Seifer: (Everyone laughing) Deflower her? (claps hands) Good one!
Squall: What do you mean? She said to me I was her first!
Seifer: (Still laughing) Yeah, yeah, yeah, women say that you're good in bed, but you don't them getting excited when you slip into
bed. Hell, when I got with her those many years ago, I think I was her 4th one,
at least that day. I don't even wanna know what disease's she carries! But hey, Squall, as you said, and this is the truth, she was niiiiicccce!
(Squall lunges for Seifer, but everyone pulls him back).
Squall: Well I don't see you getting any action.
Seifer: Have you even seen my house today? (Just then, Selphie coming from Seifer's room, tired, in a football jersey, looks at everyone
with astonished faces, then heads back to Seifers room, while he's smiling). Nice, isn't it? It's funny, Rinoa even told you what a minute man you were!
(Squall about to attack but Zell stops him). Anyways, well chickenwuss, I mean dumbass, I mean Zell, we already know about you and the cocker,
I mean gun cocker, so I'll pass. What about you, Zid?
Zid: (still laughing) I got into her pants. The only real reason why I bothered with her.
Cloud: An 8 year old giving head. Wish that happened to me in grade school.
Zid: She's 18, I think.
Cloud: You don't even know her age? An 18 year old in an 8 year olds body.
Zell: What happened with you, Kuja?
Kuja: I died, obviously.
Zell: Then how come your here? and how come your also here, Sephiroth? You died to.
Seph: I never figured that out either. Probably some stupid fan fiction, or something. I hate those stupid stories about us.
Kuja: Yeah, they shouldn't make those stupid stories. Were celerities because of our adventures.
Seph: Correction: Were celebrities. You're not. Everyone knows your a stupid imitator of me.
Kuja: No, I'm not. I'm my own person.
Seph: Thats what Mr. Bobbit said after he got the chop.
Squall: Stop this bickering. So what's everyone doing now? I'm trying out for one of those WB teen shows. It's not like you need to be talented.
Seph: Which is something your good at being: dull and boring.
Squall: Shut up! Well, answer the question people.
Zid: I think I might be able to get a role in the Sixth Sense 2. About a kid who see's dead careers.
Cloud: Fitting for you. I'm just trying to get some sleep. Saving the world makes you sleepy.
Seifer: I want to be in that Matrix 3 movie, but I'll probably end up in one of those stupid Jerry Bruckheimer films.
Zell: I don't know. I might have to move in with Irvine since I might be evicted.
Cloud: Might, or want.
Zell: Shut up asshole!
Squall: Cloud, leave him alone. His buisiness is his business. Seifer, you actually wanna do that? I've heard
that it gets rough while in production.
Seifer: Rough? Oh, well, thats how Rinoa likes it! (Everyone starts laughing while Squalls face gets angrier)
Squall: I'm telling you, I was Rinoa's first.
Seifer: No you weren't.
Squall: Yes!
Seifer: No.
Squall: Yes!
Seifer: No.
Squall: Yes!
Seifer: yes
Squall: No! wait, dammit! (everyone begin's laughing hysterically)
Cloud: Hold on, I'll be right back. (Leaves the room)
Squall: I'll fucking kill you when this is over.
Seifer: Thats what you always say. BUt look, i'm still here.
Squall: (Cell phone rings) Yeah? Yes, the refridgerator is running. Catch it? (Everyone starts silently laughing)
(Cloud returns, laughing)
Cloud: Wrong number.
Seph: I'm gonna try to get a role in the Lord of the Rings movies.
Zid: Didn't all 3 movies wrap like a year ago?
Seph: Really? Oh shit.
Kuja: I was also gonna try um, out for that, but um, I got better offers.
Seph: I even tried out for the harry potter movies, as much as I hate those books, but they didn't have a part for me.
Kuja: Me, too, but they had a part for me, but didn't offer enough cash.
Cloud: Bullshit Kuja. They're right, you're an impersonator of Sephiroth. But he's original, you're not.
Squall: We don't need this right now. Just shut up.
Zell: Wasn't Barret supposed to come today?
Cloud: Yeah, but he's at an audition for 1-800-collect.
Seifer: I figured they already had Mr. T for that.
Zell: Hell if I know.
Seifer: Was I talking to you, chickenwuss?
Zell: I could kick your ass.
Seifer: Bring it on bitch.
Zid: Stop everyone. This is getting old.
Seifer: It's pretty obvious why you love weiners, I mean hot dogs.
Zell: Fuck off.
Seifer: Squall's lady friend has raised his voice! What's the world come to? (Zell and Squall lunge at Seifer,
while just for the hell of it, everyone picks a fight for each other, pounding each others faces, except Cloud) (Cloud goes to Seifer's room)
Cloud: (With a smile on his face) Hey Selphie, can we talk in Seifer's room for a minute?
Selphie: (With a smile on her fae) Sure.
Talk for as long as you want. (Both head in to Seifer's room, while everyone's still pounding on each other).
The End