"You like to think you're a hero, but you're the biggest monster of all."
Of all of the things someone was ever brave enough to call him, monster held the most weight. He never felt more like the monster he always thought himself than now, watching from the safe distance hiding in the shade of the trees. He was right, no matter how often the late Welshman tried to convince him the comment was in no means true, that it was said in the midst of his anger and grief and therefore was to be taken with a grain of salt. It didn't matter because at this moment, watching the fairly large gathering surrounding the shortened steel vault was proof enough. He was indeed a monster.
Since that day, that twenty-four hour period from hell, he questioned his actions. Was there another option? He was almost certain if Ianto were still... he would have found some other way. Ianto Jones had never let him down. Even when the revelation of the cyberman brought forth an anger that terrified even himself, he wasn't let down. Was there another option? Did he really lose his humanity in the Thames house that he used his own vengeful rage and guilt to blind him, to sacrifice the last good thing in his life. Even in hindsight, he didn't see a way out. One child or millions. Once again he made a decision that cost him to save the world, only that time it was the ultimate price.
He stayed back, watching as the brunette with familiar striking blue eyes drew comfort from a sandy-blonde man for all intents and purposes, she strongly opposed being in the same room if she could help it. She needed to lean on someone she could never rely on because it was all she had left. It broke his heart. In one fell swoop he lost his grandson and his daughter and he couldn't allow himself to properly mourn. He didn't deserve to mourn but he couldn't prevent the blurring of his vision as he continued to observe.
One child or millions. That would be the last time he saved this forsaken planet, he told himself. He couldn't do it, not anymore. The cost was too great. There was always a price and he had nothing left to give, nothing left to sacrifice for the greater good, nothing more to lose. He felt there was no longer a purpose to saving this world again and again. He never believed these people weren't worth saving. He knew in what was left of his humanity that they were, he just didn't think he could be the one to do it. The last of his support system came crumbling down a mere week ago. He just did not have that strength anymore, not even an echo of the facade.
Rubbing his eyes dry, he checked his watch. With a heavy sigh he turned on his heel and slowly headed in the direction of his next destination with the same sense of reluctance that he felt coming here to say goodbye to Steven Carter.