Author's notes

The key to this story is that Naruto's Seal malfunctioned about a year before the start of it, and the solution the Third Hokage and Jiraya attempted backfired (what exactly happened will be revealed later). Now Naruto's life is like an RPG in many respects: he can learn physical skills from books, skip boring actions using jump cuts, and so on. Unlike other stories, however, this isn't a Gamer crossover, and there is a lore-friendly (neutral/acceptable/barely believable) explanation behind it.

I'm also reworking the world itself into something more realistic and dark, so if you want to know more, details are at the end of the chapter. There will, however, be no slash, no God Mode, and no bashing in this story.

I don't own Naruto. It was created by Masashi Kishimoto and published in Shonen Jump. I am, however, borrowing its world and characters for fun and no profit.

Let's jump right in.

The Broken Creed

Naruto woke up, checked his character sheet for the rest bonus, took a shower, sealed the spoilt orange juice into a scroll, took the scallions, carrots, and chicken out of the fridge, and put them into the oven to roast. Courtesy of his tenant, his hands moved with the precision and fluidity of an experienced chef, and his eyes now glazed over during the particularly difficult bits. Naruto had a right to be proud of that, he thought, because at the beginning he had completely blacked whenever he cooked.

He felt a flutter in his stomach and knew that his tenant was awake. He didn't go down to say good morning: spending that much energy to get a bucket of verbal abuse was dumb. Naruto focused on remaining aware instead, carefully adding oil to the flour first and then introducing the eggs and kneading the resulting dough. At one point he heard an early morning bird singing from outside his window and wondered what it would be like to live in the north, where there were other seasons except summer. They had winter in Konoha, but it wasn't real winter: the temperature fell by fifteen degrees or so, and a less battered orange jacket was enough to keep warm.

When Naruto looked back to the kitchen counter, he found that the dough had been kneaded, rolled out, and cut into neat stripes. Also, judging by the clock on the wall, fifteen minutes had passed. He cursed.

He finished cooking, ate his ramen, put on his gear and exited the academy. Five grim men smelling of fish and stale alcohol stood in front of his house, smelling and looking like pickles that went bad a week ago.

"Demon-brat," they said. When they opened their mouths, the stench got worse, spoiling the heavenly rich aftertaste of ramen that still lingered in his mouth.

"Oi, morons, get out of the way before I put you in the hospital," he said. Naruto opened his left kunai pouch in an exaggerated motion and reached behind his back with his right hand for the sealing scroll.

"Who do you think you are, demon-brat?" a man with a rat-like face and a pig-like body asked.

"Naruto Uzumaki, future Hokage," he answered, his hand now in place. "Right now, a civilian, which means I can do this."

The idiots were watching his left hand, so he had no trouble unfurling the small scroll he used for garbage disposal and unleashing its contents at them. Eight packs of orange juice smashed into the group, adding sour notes to the already impressive collection of odors. Naruto grinned and ran.

He was sure he would get grilled by the landlord later, but the opportunity to prank the drunks was worth it. They always came for him after building up their courage throughout a night of chugging down alcohol.

He was the first to arrive to class. Naruto liked the auditorium without the students: comfortable wooden chairs, the gentle slope of the floor, butter-soft lights, and the empty blackboard that promised mystery. There was another reason for him coming so early. The door opened and the bearer of the most beautiful forehead in the world walked in.

"Sakura-chan, good morning. Please go out with me!"

She just rolled her eyes and walked to the first row where she usually sat. Naruto sighed and got out his kanji textbook. He was glad his ability didn't work on basic things like walking, breathing, and reading, but he could have used some help with learning thousands of symbols that the whole world used for writing to make encryption unbelievably complicated. He could memorize the drawings almost instantly, but the pronunciation killed him. Most kanji had two ways they sounded in different circumstances and some had five, and he hated them all and the stupid orphanage that hadn't taught him basics that every child with a family got for free. Old Man had offered to hire a teacher for him after Jiraya's visit a year ago, but Naruto would rather eat cardboard than have someone teach him to read at the age of twelve.

"—and so Minato Namikaze stopped the Iwagakure incursion into our territory by single-handedly defeating a thousand Stone shinobi which led to the peace treaty and the end of the Third Shinobi War. Any questions?"

Naruto heard Iruka's voice but didn't pay much attention to it. After failing the exam two times he could recite the course of the entire war without a hitch. He knew shinobi needed to learn history because of politics and stuff and made at least some effort to remember the lectures. The fact that they revised until even Kiba learned helped too. Speaking of dog-breath.

"Sensei, if the Fourth was so great, why did he die when he fought the Nine-Tails?" Kiba asked. "We get strong to survive things like that, right?"

Naruto growled and moved to stand up, but a slender hand on his shoulder held him back.

"Don't let the mutt get to you," said Ino.

Ino never said anything nice. The only reason why she even sat next to him in class sometimes was because Sasuke came by once in a while. Naruto was the only student the Uchiha grudgingly tolerated, and Ino, as the bravest in the fan club, decided to risk her image and hang around the Dead Last. It got her nowhere.

"Troublesome," said Shikamaru from his left.

"Shush," Ino said. "Sasuke-kun is about to roll the reeking mutt through dirt."

Naruto didn't know what it was with Ino and Kiba. She always gave the Inazuka a hard time, but he had never seen him do anything to her except mouth off when provoked. Sure, he smelled like dog, but all Inazuka were like that. Their house was half-kennels, and even Naruto knew that there was no way they could smell like roses.

Sasuke stood up, turned around, and glared at Kiba, who sat at the back of the auditorium.

"The point of getting strong is to serve the village," he said. "The Hokage saved us all by sacrificing himself and defeating the Demon Fox."

Kiba brushed Sasuke's reply aside with a wave and said, "Don't give me that. There are, what, nine Beasts? They roam the world all the time? Why don't we have plans to defend if they come?"

Naruto saw Ino nod thoughtfully before a look of self-disgust crossed her face.

"He has a point, you know," said Shikamaru. "The Tailed Beasts are supposed to be powerful but dumb forces of nature. There should have been something: an early warning system, Seals prepared in advance, that sort of thing."

"The Fourth was the strongest ninja ever and really good with Seals," said Naruto. "I bet the Fox jumped him, and he didn't have the time to get the really strong stuff out."

"Nothing can survive a prepared ninja," said Ino.

Meanwhile, Iruka shook his head and said, "It is unfortunate, but a lot of records from back then are lost, Kiba. Most sentries who were supposed to warn us of the attack died in it, so we don't know what exactly happened. What we know is that one moment the village was peaceful, and then we had the Fox tear through our defenses, people, and buildings."

"The sentries sucked then," said Kiba.

"Enough." Iruka slammed his hand on the table. "I won't have you slander men and women who died for this village. Our defenses are one of the best in the world: we have random patrols, ANBU surprise inspections, and a Hyuuga every mile or so."

"Then how did a fox the height of Hokage's tower get that close without us getting a warning?" asked Shikamaru.

"It appeared in the forest nearby and ran straight at the village."

Shikamaru frowned, rubbing his chin. "Foul play," he said.

"Anyway, this is it," said Iruka. "The genin exams are tomorrow. You will be tested in theory, practice, and performing Henge, Bunshin, and Kawarimi jutsu. Rest well tonight, and I wish you good luck."

After the lesson was over, Sasuke came by.

"Sasuke-kun!" Ino launched herself at the Uchiha attempting a surprise hug, but he sidestepped her. Ino crashed into a chair with a crack, and fell unconscious, her long blond hair spraying all over the dirty floor.

"She should put on some weight, or she'll break in two on her first mission." said Shikamaru. "See you tomorrow, Naruto."

Naruto nodded without looking away from Sasuke. The boy's eyes were as expressionless as ever and his dark hair stood in the same spikes on the back. Naruto suspected at least two jars of hair gel.

"Dweeb," said Sasuke.

"Bastard."

"We need to talk."

"Ichiraku or no deal."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, and they set out for the ramen shop. Naruto did his best to ignore the death glares Sasuke's fangirls were throwing at him.

"You like Ayame, don't you?" Naruto asked Sasuke.

"What?"

"Come on, Ichiraku is like the only place in town you go to when you don't need to, bastard." He tried to nudge Sasuke with an elbow, but the Uchiha was fast enough to jump back.

"I need to talk to you," he said.

"Uh-huh. Just a warning then. Old Man Teuchi is a former ninja. I bet he could kick your ass from here all the way to Snow Country."

Sasuke had that look of superiority that Naruto hated. He said, "That atlas I gave you is doing wonders for you, dweeb. And to think two months ago you confused Sunagakure with Water Country."

"Shut up."

The rest of the way passed in silence. Naruto wondered what Sasuke wanted to talk about. Their relationship became lukewarm half a year before, and this would be the fifth time they went to Ichiraku's. He didn't want to know what Sakura-chan thought, especially after that accidental kiss he and Sasuke had shared. It was a wonder the fan club hadn't killed him yet for that epic feat of clumsiness.

"Hi, old man," said Naruto, nimbly sliding into his usual spot. "Pork ramen and chicken ramen for me."

"One miso ramen, please," said Sasuke.

Uchiha had tried the arrogant bastard routine with Teuchi once but getting kicked out of the ramen stand taught him better. Naruto was glad, because otherwise he would have had to kick Sasuke's emo ass.

"Coming right up," said Ayame from the back. "Naruto, you have exams tomorrow, right? Good luck."

Teuchi moved to serve an old lady on their right, and Naruto turned to Sasuke. His classmate's face was locked into that perpetual scowl he always wore, and he wondered if it was some sort of hereditary illness.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" he asked.

Naruto had finished his pork ramen already. Sasuke ate about a third of his bowl.

"If you pass the exam, they'll put us on one team," said Sasuke.

Naruto looked at him with suspicion. "We aren't supposed to know," he said. "And why does it matter?"

"I asked around." Uchiha shrugged. "You need to pass."

"So you just, what, walked up to one of the teachers and they told you?"

"Yes. Mizuki."

"Oh," Naruto shifted in his seat uneasily. "Why would he tell you that? He doesn't like me. And why are you telling me this? Not like we are best buddies."

Sasuke looked around the stand, and it looked like the simple surroundings made him even more uncomfortable. He shifted in his seat and said, "Because you are the only one in our class who can help me get stronger."

Naruto just stared. What little he knew about Sasuke's history made him weary of pushing the other boy's buttons too much.

Sasuke kept resolutely looking into his ramen bowl as he said, "You have the Sharingan."

Naruto blinked and then burst into laughter forgetting that he had broth in his mouth. It went everywhere in a spray of greasy brown: onto his clothes, the table, back into the bowl.

"Naruto," said Teuchi with an exasperated look. "How many times did I tell you not to talk with your mouth full?"

Naruto had the good grace to rub the back of his head sheepishly and accept the cloth the ramen stand owner offered him. He wiped the counter first and then himself. Naruto almost always ate by himself except for when he came to Ichiraku's, so he suspected his table manners were shit.

"This is not funny," said Sasuke, his scowl growing sharper. "It's the only explanation that makes sense."

"Man, this is bad," said Naruto, trying to rub out an octopus-shaped stain on his lap. It seemed to writhe in defiance. "I'll have to go to the laundry now. They hate me there."

Naruto finished patting himself with the cloth, folded it into a neat rectangle, and gave it back to the old man. Then he picked his bowl up and continued drinking the broth. He could see Sasuke squirm next to him out of the corner of his eye. He told himself this was for the bastard's own good—Uchiha could use more patience. Eventually, Naruto was done. He wiped the corners of his mouth with a napkin and picked up the chopsticks to start eating the meat.

"For Kami's sake, Naruto!" Sasuke banged a fist on the table, which made all the bowls rattle.

"Uchiha-san, would you like a repeat of what happened when you first came here?" asked Teuchi.

Naruto saw Sasuke go red, but the bastard held inside whatever he wanted to say. He figured he'd cut his classmate some slack.

"Sasuke, where the hell did that idea come from? Only your family has those eyes, right?"

Since his ability had surfaced, he had been doing some reading on his own time. It was slow, he hated it, but he needed to be at least knowledgeable about the major Clans and Bloodline Limits if he wanted to make Hokage one day. The Old Man had hooked him up with some secondhand books, and it helped.

"You are an orphan," said Sasuke. "Who knows who your parents are."

Naruto shook his head and said, "Man, you are trying hard to sell this to yourself. Have you seen me? Blond? Whisker marks? Blue eyes?"

Sasuke deflated a bit, but it didn't look like he was going to give up. "Maybe your other parent? Somebody might have slept around?"

"Bastard, they teach ninjas about basics of sex and contraception in first year." He shuddered. "And we repeat that horror every freaking autumn. Thank Kami that they don't teach it with girls and boys in the same room anymore."

Konoha was a ninja village, which was the most awesome place to live in Naruto could imagine, but it also meant that little things like psychological trauma and awkwardness went out of the window as soon as efficiency came up. If teaching a seven-year-old about resisting torture brought results, they would do it. At least, it wasn't war and the grittier parts of the job were left to the future Jounin instructor of the ninja-hopefuls. Or perhaps the Academy simply couldn't afford to bring in specialized teachers when so many students would never become Genin.

Sasuke nodded and said, "Well, alright, but somebody could still be careless."

Naruto shook his head and laughed. "You saw me train. Did you see red eyes?"

"It was dark. Besides, the Sharingan works a bit even before activating. You might be a prodigy."

Naruto blinked. The conversation had taken his attention away from ramen, and he had thought that to be impossible. You learned something every day.

He said, "So let me get this straight. You saw me learn some skills fast a couple times, and you thought that I'm what? A blonde bastard Uchiha Dead Last?"

He could see Sasuke getting more and more annoyed, which worked for him: people tended to do dumb shit when they were angry. Kami knew, he had made plenty of bad choices for that reason. He saw Sasuke close his eyes and take a deep breath. Damn.

"Well, what am I supposed to think?" said Sasuke "You saw me use Katon once. Nobody would teach you, because they all think you are a sure dropout, except maybe Iruka. And then I see you practicing it."

Naruto had finished his ramen by this point and paid for it.

He said, "Tell you what. If we get on one team, I'll tell you how I did it."

"But—"

"Only an idiot would blab about his abilities to another ninja."

###

"You look ridiculous," said Naruto.

The Nine-Tailed Fox lifted his head off the giant orange cushion he had been sleeping on, opened one eye, and yawned. The inhale of air raised a squall and made Naruto's hair into a crow's nest. The fox then beat the cushion with his front paws and laid his head back on it with a contended sigh.

"Hey, don't ignore me," said Naruto.

"I was dreaming of jumping sheep. Just flying merrily through the air where I would strike, snap my jaws, and have a nice snack." A giant orange eye opened again. "What do you want, brat?"

The voice was like a mountain avalanche and it echoed off the bare walls of the giant hall, which sported a cushion, a giant table with a computer on it (which wasn't like anything found in the Elemental nations), and shelves with books and scrolls disappearing into the darkness above. There was no ceiling.

Naruto stood outside, in the sewer separated from the hall with a gate of metal bars as thick as tree boughs, seemingly held closed by a single sheet of paper. The air was wet and stank of his nervousness.

"You've redecorated," he said.

"The sofa just had to go," said the fox. "Have you come to let me out?"

Naruto did an eye roll and said, "I have the Academy exam tomorrow."

"I don't care."

"I thought you might help. Give me some advice."

The fox grinned, and his smile a fence of white blades. "Sure. Steal a bottle of gin from a liquor store. Then get smashed when you fail. Face it, kit, you won't ever be able to do the Bunshin jutsu."

"How do you know they'll be testing Bunshin?" asked Naruto.

"Please. Funny how the only thing you can't do always ends up on the test every year."

"I need to pass."

The fox got up, walked off the cushion and stretched, its back flowing like a tsunami rushing toward a shore. The only thing that didn't scream danger about it was that it was orange.

"Why do you need to pass?" the demon asked. "Your abilities will let you grow faster than anyone if you train. You can just improve, copy, and learn new skills until the Hokage hands you the head protector. Why bother with the stupid exam?"

Naruto squeezed his fists. There were many reasons: because he didn't want to wait, because he wanted everyone to see that he wasn't just a class clown, because he needed to show Sakura he was as good as Sasuke-teme. None of these would mean anything to the fox.

"What do you want for your help?"

The fox grinned, and brought its face close to the bars. Naruto could see his entire reflection in one of the upper canines.

"Give me control for the exam, and I'll pass it for you."

Naruto stared, then looked around the sewer he was standing in. He said, "Fumes getting to you or something? Even if I believed you wouldn't just murder everyone around you, which I don't, passing would make you a Konoha ninja and not me. Just teach me something that will fool them into thinking I can do Bunshin."

The demon reared its head back, opened its mouth, and waves of rolling thunder filled the room—even the fox's laughter heralded a catastrophe. The demon said, "Suit yourself. Your precious dreams hold no interest to me. Your power does, but you aren't getting out of growing stronger, brat, we both know that. Maybe becoming a rogue-nin will be good for you."

"Screw you, fluffball."

The fox went back to sleep, and Naruto woke up.

###

It was the day of the exam, and Naruto didn't know what to do. Despite what Sasuke thought, his ability wasn't like Sharingan at all. Or it was and he didn't understand how Sharingan worked. The instructors hadn't taught them much about Bloodline Limits.

Naruto had skills; skills had branches; specific techniques belonged to a particular branch. He pulled up his character sheet with a wave of his hand. The cerulean tree was huge and was mostly filled with different-colored question marks. The skill Bunshin was under the Foundations branch under the Genjutsu skill. Naruto had a whopping -30 penalty to Genjutsu from being the holder of the Nine-Tails and another -30 for his crappy chakra control. He'd been training, and his current level was 17/100. His Taijutsu was 21, and he could kick the asses of almost any Academy student except Kiba and Sasuke, so he thought seventeen was okay. The problem was that with penalties his illusion arts were still at -43. He would have been better at Genjutsu as a caterpillar with one chakra coil that had somehow acquired the skill. Half the Bunshins he made were so horrible they exploded into illusory smog that made him nauseous, and others just dropped to the floor with a dull thud and keeled off in two seconds.

He ate his morning bowl of milk with cereal and left for the Academy when the beginnings of a plan started to form in his mind. Genin were the lowest rank of ninja, and the exam was supposed to weed out the candidates who would only hurt themselves if they graduated. So what he needed to do was convince the instructors that he was already awesome and didn't need to stay another year. He wasn't sure more time would help his Bunshin.

An hour later the thrown weapons exam began. Normally, Naruto's score would be average, but he couldn't afford to hold back this time. Sasuke stepped back from the line. Nine out of his ten kunai hit the center of the circle and one was slightly out. A couple children from civilian families where next with terrible scores, and Shino was only one point behind Sasuke.

As Naruto stepped close to the line, Shino said to him in his usual monotone, "I expect you to pass."

Naruto shivered. "Thanks," he said.

A kunai settled in his hand, and Naruto stopped cycling chakra through his system and let his constant Genjutsu take full hold. His nervousness faded away; he stopped feeling hunger; he became more aware of his environment but not of his stance or how he held his kunai.

Naruto put the targeting dot two inches above the center of the target and threw. The blade hit the bullseye. He repeated the throw. He knew that from outside he looked like a machine but hoped people would write it off to muscle memory. Naruto hit the target ten out of ten, and he was forced to add a bit of spread to stop the kunai from bumping into each other.

"You don't look happy, Naruto," said Shikamaru.

Naruto caught himself and plastered on his usual grin. He said, "Just thinking about the written exam."

"Yeah, that's going to be troublesome," said the Nara and stepped up to the line.

Naruto saw Sasuke step up to him. "Still going to deny it, dweeb?"

"Yep."

"Hn."

The last Uchiha stepped away, and Naruto allowed himself a smile. A year ago his throwing was crap. Iruka tried to teach him proper technique, but the basics had been ingrained into Naruto back when Mizuki had taught the class. Naruto didn't know whether it had been on purpose, but his former thrown weapons instructor had taught him the wrong footwork which messed with his targeting no matter what kind of skills he tried to build on top of it. After getting his ability, it took him a week of practice to fix everything, and he had spent a year training in thrown weapons after that. The targeting dot had appeared after level thirty, and now his kunai would hit the same spot as long as he kept it in one place.

Iruka who was evaluating the exam marked Naruto's result with a frown. He said, "It's a perfect score, Naruto, but I expected more variety from you. Just chugging the kunai like that telegraphs your aim, and any good ninja will be able to dodge them after a few throws."

Naruto bowed his head and went to the back of the training area to wait for the spars. He knew that his instructor was right, but this was about passing.

The written test lasted two hours, and with every minute Naruto's hopes for acing everything except the jutsu part of the exam waned. He answered most of the history questions without a hitch, scribbling across the pages at top speed. Ninja history was cool, and he had been studying. But there were other blocks: geography, politics, infiltration basics, and math. He thought he did okay on everything but math, which had a bunch of questions about weapon reach, view angles, and so on. Why would anyone need any of that crap when they just knew where to throw a kunai for it to hit a target? He didn't spend half an hour to calculate blind spots in Anbu patrols when planning a prank, and it didn't stop him from getting away from them every time. He had an hour when nothing but math was left, and he solved only two problems in that hour: some basic throw mechanics and breaking a simple code. He felt nervous fluttering in his stomach and waited for the jutsu portion of the exam.

Half an hour later he stood in front of Iruka after managing to Kawarimi with him, Henge into the Hokage, and then fail miserably with Bunshin.

"I'm sorry, Naruto," said his instructor. "The Academy Three are a requirement. If your Clone Technique were simply bad, we would pass you. Your throwing skills are superb, and you really outdid yourself on the written exam this time. You were actually above average." Iruka's smile hurt him. "I'm sure you'll pass next year. Learning one technique shouldn't be a problem with your perseverance."

Naruto thanked him, turned around, exited the building, and punched a tree in the training ground until his knuckles bled. This was where Mizuki found him.

Chapter end notes

Welcome to both my returning and new readers. Hope you find this story fun; consider leaving feedback if you do. I have a Star Wars fic I'm starting in parallel, and the better liked one is the one that will have chapters appearing regularly.

There is no other fandom like Naruto. The manga and anime are unbelievably popular, and yet Kishimoto has left such huge holes in his universe that it's heaven for fanfic writers. Honorable ninjas, unbalanced jutsu, and characters that you constantly want to smack on the head to start thinking instead of angsting and being dumb. It's my favorite shonen manga, so why shouldn't I try to mutate it into an abomination that would make the author of the original shudder?

When I started working on this story, I intended to make it a crack-fic with only the barest hint of common sense. You know, the kind where Naruto beats bad guys dead with their own torn off limbs and then goes home to his super-realistic family of ten beautiful women. Then I wrote the opening to that story and hated it.

What I realized is that I can't do cartoonish characters: I just don't get into it enough to make them funny for the reader. I suppose the screams of disbelief in my head get in the way. So I reworked my Naruto, toned back the Gamer mechanics, and here we are in a fic that will mostly be about playing with the Naruto universe and character building. He can still do cool stuff, of course, but I pushed said cool stuff into the realm of remote possibility based on what I know about chakra and jutsu. The core is now working out how a ninja village would actually work, how different could characters develop, and how this world, in general, lives.

Fair warning: I will be going off the manga plot rails completely sometime around the Chuunin exam. Also, I'm not taking away Naruto's main motivator. He is still feared by most of the village and wants to get recognition and fix what he sees as wrong with the village. And find out what the whole dating thing is about. And how to cook tasty ramen without using a bag of salt. And find a friend or two.

So I hope to make a good cocktail out of this: stretching chakra mechanics, plenty of light and dark humor, solid characters and plot. We'll see how it goes.

A final note. This story is inspired by 'The Gamer' Korean manga, among other things. its premise is genius, but I won't be borrowing any particular skills, perks, or mechanics from it. Besides, that story moves with the speed of a dead snail, so we shall speak of it no more.

As always, I read all the reviews, and you can PM me ideas.

Stay shiny.