Well Here it is! Another Faith and Selene Butchering of a children's story parody!
Does everyone remember the story 'The three little pigs'?
Well after this you wont.
The three little Scoobies(and co)
This story is not as good as the other two. But hell I tried.
P.S. I still hate buffy.
There once was a group of friends brought together by the creatures of the night.
One's name was Xander, He was the flakiest of the crew. A little absent minded but a good guy.
The next was Willow and Kennedy, they loved nature and thought it would protect them . They were very bright, but relied on magic to shield them most of the time.
And finally Faith and Selene, They were tough to the core and surrounded themselves with any form of defense that they could get their hands on.
It was a rowdy night at the hotel when the group began arguing about a demon stakeout a while back, and why it was unsuccessful. The noise got to such volumes that it made Angel step in.
Selene: Sounds like a typical night in the hotel.
Faith;You started it.
"Enough!" Angel yelled to the group of friends. "Ive had enough of this mess. Your bickering and fighting is giving me a headache!"
The group Quieted and looked to the Vampire. Then turned to each other and started to bicker again. Clearly at the end of his fuse Angel stepped in and physically pushed them apart. "Enough of this ! There is only one way to settle this score! You will all move out until you don't fight anymore!"
Angel: Your making me rhyme?!
Layah: Yes. Remember. Delete button!
The group looked to Angel and to each other with fear. What would happen now that they were separated? Surely they would be opened for attack. But none in the group was willing to settle their differences so they took off to find their own way.
For some strange reason there wasn't a house for sale.
Layah: *Raises hand* The reason
So the different groups set off to build their own houses.
Xander was first. "I don't need anyone, Don't need them at all. I'll show them how to build a real home. I'll even make it out of straw!" Xander went off and brought back stalks of straw,after hours of weaving he built a hut to call his own. Placing a 'no girls allowed (Except for dawn) Sign on it. " With this final touch I will call this my home!"
But what Xander did not know, was that there was a beast lurking in the shadows. She was about 5'3 with bleach blond hair. She was still upset that the group had cast her out of their fold. So slowly one by one. She'd win them over again. Walking up to the Straw hut. She knocked on the door. "Xander Its Buffy, Lets be friends once more"
Buffy: Couldn't you think of something else to rhyme with door?
Layah: Shut up. I don't like you.
Xander looked through the peephole he had made and scowled at his former friend. "No no no! You are not my friend, you wont ever be again! Leave this place before I,I DO SOMETHING DRASTIC!"
Buffy scowled at the door. " Let me in let me in!" She ranted and raved. " Or I'll blow your house in!"
Xander shouted from the safety of his home. "No! I wont let you in. Now get away from my house you heathen!"
Xander: Heathen… I don't even think that's in my vocabulary.
Layah: Its ok Xander. This is why we love you.
With a huff and a puff (And a couple of matches) Buffy blew (And burnt to the ground) His house in.
Fleeing from the beast, Xander ended up at a house made off wood. He knocked on the door ." Let me in let me in!" The door opened and he was greeted by Willow.
"Why hello Xander! Coming to visit so soon?" She mocked.
'Willow! Put that in the past! Or we'll all be doomed!" Xander shouted as there was a knock at the door.
"Willow, My old friend. Let us be friends once more!" Buffy shouted from outside.
"Quick! Willow, Kennedy Lets just hide!" Xander pleaded.
Xander: I would NOT hide from buffy summers!
Layah: Yes you would. Don't lie.
Willow: Shes telling the truth. You so would.
Kennedy: Xanders afraid of Buffy!
Xander: Way to bruise my man ego…
Willow walked to the door and politely said. "No, please leave my doorstep before I curse a log onto your head."
Buffys face went scarlet as she ranted and raved. "Let me in let me in! Or I'll blow your house in!"
Willow shook her head to buffys dismay. "No, I will not let you in! We do not want you here , now leave before I rip off your skin!"
Willow: Disturbing memories…
Layah: But its now put in a special place in my happy thoughts.
Buffy Angered at her former friends words. Huffed and puffed(And threw some termites in there somehow) and blew the house in!
The three friends escaped the wreckage and ran for their lives, Untill they saw a Brick house with a boy sparkling in the sunlight.
"What are you suppose to be? A pixy?" Xander asked the boy.
'No, my name is Edward and I am searching for my beloved bella." Edward said dreamingly.
"Oh Christ Almighty it's the friggin Vampire from that young adult vampire romance novel" Xander said Annoyed.
Edward jumped down facing the three. 'How did you know about me?"
Kennedy,Not commenting on how Xander knew about Edward blurted out. "No, You are not a vampire. You are a sparkly douche bag in a tree."
Edward sniffled and hicked and shouted at the three. "That's it! I'm done with this! I'm going to the volturi!"And ran off
The trio stared at the spot where the sparkly boy stood. While Xander piped. "He defiantly wouldn't last 5 minutes in the hood."
Faith: Sparkly…douche bag… In a tree…. PRICELESS!
Selene: Disgrace to the vampire name! BURN ALREADY!
It was only when Buffy was in sight did the three run to the door(Across the mote almost getting eaten by a pack of alligators) of the brick house ,And knocked on the door.
"Let us in let us in!" Willow pleaded. " Buffys on her way!"
Selene opened the door in a haste."Well Why didn't you say that in the first place!" and pulled the three in.
Selene: I will not fucking rhyme.
Layah: Yes oh master of the needles…
Faith was waiting at the door. A stake in her hand. "I'll kill the bitch."
Buffy walked up to the door(Even the alligators didn't want to touch that) "Pleased let me in let me in so we all can be friends once more!"
"GET THE BLOODY HELL OFF MY PORCH BITCH!" Selene screamed.
Buffy stomped and raved. "Let me in let me in or I will blow your house in!"
"The only thing you could blow is Spike when hes a neutered SOB and down on his luck." Faith chirped.
Faith: I don't chirp.
Layah: Just a little…
Buffy, As angry as ever huffed and puffed(Smacking the side of the house with a sledge hammer) but could not blow (Or crack the reinforced titanium walls) .
"And she sucks." Selene commented.
Layah: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!
Depressed with defeat Buffy thought of another way to enter the house. Climbing up the wall she reached the chimney. "If I cannot get through the door. I will find another way, They'll see! It'll be a nice surprise for them when I climb down the chimney!"
The group sat in the living room, Their quarrels had stopped . While faith boiled water over the fireplace in a pot. As buffy climbed down, she was not expecting the pot below. When she landed in the water she was shocked .
As quickly as she landed she began to melt. She even at one point reached her hand out for help. All and all The friends agreed. They wouldn't have helped her even if she promised to leave.
Later that night, The 5 friends left the brick house, and headed back to the hotel to tell their was happy. And all was well.
Faith: *Runs around with syringes.*
Xander: * Holding safety pins and other sharp pointy objects* This is all it takes?
Layah: YOU SAID NO NEEDLES IF I DIDNT EMBARRESS YOU.
Selene: Sorry It was way too good to pass up.
End