The Sleep of the Innocent
By Mickey
Status: Completed 01/20/2010
Archive Permission: Ask first.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.
Word Count: 474
Author's Notes: Written for the Staregatekiddrabbles list's "Sleeping Child" challenge. Many thanks to Cheryl for the beta!
For a while after Charlie was born people kept asking me why I wouldn't give up Special Ops. I can't. As terribly as I miss him when I'm gone, much as I hate the thought of leaving him fatherless if something goes wrong, I just can't.
My boy. My sweat little Charlie boy. He is the reason why I keep doing this. As I watch my kid sleep the sleep of the innocent, I know I'll keep fighting -as distasteful as I sometimes find my "work"-so he can continue to dream sweat dreams. So that someday, maybe not in my lifetime, but someday, all the world's children can.
My soul is already damned -tainted by the evil of others and stained with the blood of those I've hurt and killed. It'll be a cold day in hell though before I let the evil that I've seen in my battles, in the hearts and minds of some of the most cruel and sadistic bastards in this world (and others) perverse my son. I'll do whatever it takes to keep him safe and his soul clean.
For now he's safe, and it's easy to protect him, to monitor what he watches on TV. He is, after all, only two years old. I'm not too worried about what he'll learn in school. Those history books have nothing on what I've seen and done. I know I can't keep him safe from all the horrors in this world -hunger, violence, natural disasters. Can't protect him from bullies at school and the bad things he'll see on TV when he gets older. I damn sure going to make sure he never knows about the true evils lurking out there; never finds out just how sick and completely despicable human beings can be towards each other.
Charlie's unconditional love is my absolution. His smile is my refuge from the hurt and pain and the loss that goes hand in hand with the work that I do. He and Sara are my anchors; they keep me sane even in the worst situations.
These days, he dreams of puppy dogs and being Superman, of candy lined streets and sippy cups that are never empty. When he gets a little older, his dreams will change and be filled with superheroes, cool bikes, and video games. In his teenage years, they'll change again to being about sports hero, fast cars, and cute girls. As he becomes an adult, they'll morph again to the career he'll want, a nice house, and a family of his own. I'll do what's necessary, whatever is necessary, to ensure his dreams never become the nightmares that mine have.
And that's how my world turns. I eat, sleep, fight, kill, maim. . . . And when I can, I'll steal a few minutes of absolute peace just to watch my little boy sleep.
THE END