This is not what she was built for. The crying, the spit-up, the constant need and want, want and need. She couldn't conquer this.

Rory was not one to admit weakness or defeat, but she was at her breaking point. Everyone knew it. It was in the looks her mom gave her when she thought Rory wasn't paying attention, the muffled talks Luke and her had in their bedroom at night when they thought she was asleep. The constant reassurance Lane tried to give her, the loving if stern advice from her grandmother. Hell, even Sookie had been sending her care packages of her favorite baked goods. She had heard from Lorelai, no doubt.

She was a failure. It finally came to hit her in the face just how much of a failure she was. All the articles she'd written, the book she just couldn't quite finish, and the relationships that went up in smoke. It had been staring her in the face this whole time.

But it really hit home with this tiny human being, her son. She hadn't given him a great start in life. Yes, she'd only had one parent as well, but it was Lorelai. She was no Lorelai.

It was her fault, she'd been stupid. She was the best and the brightest, so she had been told. It seemed true for so long or at least so she'd believed. But now, she was a single mom living at home with no job, no prospects, and a baby who didn't even seem to like her.

The last thing bothered her more then she could even express. Her baby would coo and smile in Lorelai's arms, even Luke's, but she held him and he would fidget, whine and cry. It wasn't his fault, she knew. She didn't know what the hell she was doing. She'd never really felt truly comfortable with kids, let alone babies. She never played with baby dolls or dreamed about being a mother. What the hell was she doing?!

She was running away.

She got in her car and started driving. She didn't know what her destination was or who she was going to see. She did know Logan Huntzberger, heir to the Huntzberger Empire and father to her son, was in New York. The same father of her child whom she was barely on speaking terms with as of a few weeks.

Logan had done better than most fathers whose children were conceived with the "other" woman, but at the same time not nearly enough. If she was really honest with herself, in this early morning light, she didn't even know what she truly wanted from him.

He'd been cautiously excited when he'd found out she was pregnant. He never blamed her, got angry or suggested an abortion. He offered money, a house near her mother or in the city of her choice, and to always make sure they were both taken care of. But he didn't want his family or fiancé to know. He didn't offer to leave Odette and be with them. He wasn't truly there for her when she was lonely and pregnant, and he wasn't in the delivery room.

He did call often and visited in between his work and family obligations. He was great with his son, even Luke and Lorelai admitted despite their civil contempt for Logan. Logan talked and cooed at his son like he'd been born for it, bounced him around until the baby's toothless grin looked like it would split his face. But it was always out of the way, private, never were Logan would be seen with them by anyone who knew him or the Huntzbergers.

In between dealing with writer's block, little sleep, and the constant needs of her son, it all finally got to her. That afternoon when Logan called her she let her frustration out on him.

"You don't know what it's like. I'm doing this all by myself. I'm barely sleeping, the baby has colic, and it just would be nice to get more support than a phone call once and awhile."

Logan had sighed.

"Rory, I'm sorry. You know I offered money for a nanny—"

"I don't want a nanny, Logan. I can raise my child by myself, but his father being there for him would be nice."

Logan had been quiet for a few seconds.

"Rory," he said "You know I love my son very much. But you knew the score way before any of this happened. You knew that whatever was between us wasn't meant to last. We both wanted-want-different things. As much as I love our son and care about you, that doesn't change things."

The baby had started fussing in her old room that they shared. She had been sitting at the kitchen table, on the phone and staring at the clock on the wall. 3:01, 3:02, 3:03…

"So what, is Odette really that important to you? Why the hell are you even with her? Because it's pretty doubtful you love her all that much when you were sleeping around and getting other people pregnant—"

"Okay, now, leave her out of this."

"What, because your "great Love" for her and your family you don't even like is getting in the way of being a decent father?"

He was silent again, and she heard a big, shaky exhale.

"Okay, Rory, seriously, what did you think was going to happen? Did you think I was just going to drop everything and run off to live in Stars Hollow with you? Did you see that working? Or were you going to be a part of my world and play the society game? Who did you think was going to sacrifice everything here? Did you think either of us was going to be happy with that, or make our kid happy?"

He'd got her in a corner there. Yes, she liked visiting the world of her grandparents, she even felt comfortable in it to a degree, but the Huntzberger world was in an entirely different stratosphere.

She tried to picture Logan here in Stars Hollow, in a little house with her and their son. The picture she conjured was like one of those sepia portraits, a washed out memory that never even existed.

"It's just…why are you getting married to her? Is money and power that important to you?"

"My legacy is important to me," he said bluntly. "My job is important to me, and yes, my family is important to me. And, believe it or not, Odette is important to me. I know you think she is some Eurotrash heiress—"

"I never—"

"But there is a lot more to her, and our relationship, then that. Look, we all aren't kids anymore. Odette may not be my soulmate, and I'm pretty sure I'm not hers, but she is a hell of a lot stronger and more mature then I am, and I love her for that."

The ferocity of his words had taken her aback. He had rarely mentioned Odette more then in passing, and now he was attaching love to her.

"Rory," he went on, quieter and wary. "I love you. I always will, a little. And I adore that little boy. But this was never meant to be…the real thing. You know that somewhere deep inside."

Instead of thinking on what he'd said, at the time they had shared a few more tense words and hung up on each other. Driving down the empty highway, she was beginning to understand what he meant. So much so that she felt embarrassed about what she had said, how she'd acted. So…immaturely. She was a 33 year old mother and she had demanded she didn't even know what from a guy who never promised her anything.

Without even really thinking it, she took the exit that would take her to Philly.

So I finally got the inspiration to explore the post revival Gilmore Girls' world again. Whether it is successful or not remains to be seen lol. I'm a little nervous taking on Rory, since she is a far more established and grounded character then Dean was and it seems a lot easier to take her too out of character to be believable. But I've had this idea for a while, of Rory struggling with being a first time mom in the very, um, "uniqueish" situation she is in. Even though Rory has annoyed me a lot as a character recently, I still think growth is possible if they would invest in it. I also think her struggling with motherhood is believable to who she is and definitely is something that is very relatable.

Also, just so everyone knows upfront, this is not a shipper fic. Don't expect any happily ever afters with Rory and insert guy here. I'm not really invested in any of her relationships, I am more interested her gaining self-awareness and personal growth. So if you are here for shippyness you'll probably be disappointed.