She was running barefoot, the sharp edges of gravel on the grounds of the dragonfly pierced various parts of her foot would normally have caused her pain but now she paid no mind.
She had to get to him and fast. She slowed as got near to the diner. She saw him before he saw her. The sight of him made her stomach ache, a rock formed in her throat and she could feel her heart pound. The normality of the picture she saw before her made her feel so achingly sad.
He was there, bent over, clearing tables, flipping chairs. The only thing unfamiliar was the black cap on his head.
She stood staring at the door, trying to hold back the tears, this might be the last time she watched him do this. She knew he would look up and see her any second. When he did, he looked expressionless but she knew he was surprised inside.
She gave an awkward wave, and a watery smile.
He moved to open the door and she quietly entered.
"Is it true?" she said breathlessly.
As soon as the words left her mouth he jerked back into a flurry activity, sweeping his rag over the chair in front of it and then lifting it. Her eyes stayed fixed onto his face. "Luke? Answer me…" He didn't stop.
He turned to walk behind the counter, still focusing on his tasks and not on her. She was beginning to feel frustrated rather than sad. She moved to block him "Luke!" She yelped in frustration, she put her hands on his wrists. He flinched and pulled them away. The sadness came back to her then. Her hands once held him close, her fingers once played with his lashes in the early mornings as she tried to persuade him to leave the diner closed that day and to stay in bed with her. And now he couldn't bear from those same hands to touch him even for a moment. How had it come to this?
He stood rigidly and finally looked at her.
"What do you want to know Lorelai?" He sounded like the words were costing him more energy than he could afford to give.
She rolled her eyes, frustrated, and moved to brace the counter with her hands, hanging her head low. She breathed a deep sigh and then straightened herself and moved to face him again.
"Why are you leaving?" She asked slowly and clearly, enunciating each word.
Her question caused him annoyance "Who told you?"
She looked up to the ceiling frustrated. "Kirk" She said as if it was obvious. And it was.
"Well he wasn't meant to, he caught me packing my things"
"So its true? You're actually leaving Stars Hollow?"
He didn't answer but his silence told her all she needed to know.
"Where are you going to go?"
"Maine" He said simply and carried on with his work, once the chairs were all up on the tables he pulled out his long floor brush and began sweeping. She watched him carefully, still in shock at hearing him confirm what she already knew was true.
She was forced out of her reverie when he swept the floor around her. "Maine? Why Maine?"
"I met some people there during the ren faire, they set me up with some business contacts…"
"….but your whole life is here Luke, people who you grew up with, who've known you you're whole life! Not to mention Liz, TJ and Doula…and…" She was grasping for words to say to convince him, she wanted to say 'me' but she knew she couldn't.
He shrugged "So I'll meet new people, make new friends"
She let out a bitter laugh at this and under usual circumstances she would have found this hilarious. "Sure, because you're so sociable" She expected him to bite, to argue with her, to put up some resistance but he remained silent. She tried again. "You'll hate it there Luke, you'll be lonely, you'll be miserable" Her eyes were wide and wet and desperate.
"So?" He banged the pan full of dirt into the garbage can, it made a hollow thud sound. She stood alone as he went into the store room. She waited for him to reappear, for a second she thought he would just leave her standing there. He returned after a moment though, holding a mop and a bucket of water.
"What do you mean 'so'? What's the point of going there and being miserable?"
This caused him to stand still and turn to her fully. "What's the point of staying here and being miserable?"
She didn't know what to say then. He was miserable because of her. "Going away won't help"
"Well it sure as hell can't make things any worse" He snapped.
"Luke" She pleaded, her voice soft.
He stopped again, but this time she knew he was getting angry at her. "What is it that you want from me Lorelai!?"
"I want you to stay"
He shook his head. "Well I can't….and you don't get to have a say in what I do"
She bowed her "I know….I just…"
"I can't believe you, you get to marry some other guy, parade him in front of me. And I get to sit back and watch. You get to move on and do what you want and I have to stay here because Lorelai Gilmore doesn't want me to move"
"That's not.."
He cut her off "Yes it is! You're completely unaware aren't you? Yeah its not going to be easy leaving everything I know behind, in case you haven't noticed, I don't do too well with change…but it's a damn site easier than having to watch you with him…!" His face was red, she could see the vein throbbing in his neck, his jaw clenched and hands by his sides.
"No Luke, we never even come into the diner anymore" She said sadly knowing it would only make him angrier.
"Oh and that solves it does it? Lucky me." He laughed sadly. "You don't think I catch glimpses of you. You don't think I think about places I might bump into you and avoid those places? And what about in a few years when you have kids? You think I can sit back and watch you taking your kid for an ice cream next door?!" He glanced over at the glass screen between the diner and the soda shop.
She felt tears trail down her face before she realised she was crying. She knew he was absolutely right. She couldn't bear it if it was the other way round. That's why she had rushed into a relationship with Chris, she didn't want to watch him with someone whilst she was alone.
She could only whisper "Sorry" and then turned and left.
She braced the cold as she stepped outside, it had started to rain. She welcomed being outside, she let the tears flow freely and relished in the feeling of allowing the rain to wash them away. When she arrived home, Chris was in the kitchen reheating some food.
She didn't go to greet him, he called her name but she ran up the stairs and into the bathroom. She turned the shower on, stripped off, and slid down the wall and sunk to the ground. She watched numbly as the dirt from her feet was washed away. She let herself cry, really cry, until her throat was dry and her eyes were sore, she would never see Luke again.
The following days were a blur, she felt numb, it seemed that her body had shut down her emotions in order to protect her from herself. She conquered each day mechanically, following her set routines. She got up, got ready and went to the inn, she did her work and stayed there as late as she could, she arrived home and would shower and then lay in bed or on the couch remaining silent unless Chris addressed her directly.
He tried to ask her what was up, she feigned illness, she blamed her monthly cycle, she didn't care whether he brought it or not, she didn't care about anything.