Disclaimer: I neither own Naruto nor do I profit from this in any way, shape or form.

Author's Note: Before starting, allow me to clarify a few things. As indicated from the name, this is a Time Travel fic, except the traveling Naruto will take the body of the Host Naruto while he is nine, but the story will start from the Bell Test. I won't outright describe how he got here or what he did when he got here besides pointing out a few hints.

Secondly, this is an OP Naruto but one who understands when to use his power. This Naruto will be the same as in Dark Avenger, OP, trolling people and being a massive pervert. Those who have read that fic will understand.

Thirdly, I do not accept pairing suggestion since Naruto will have a 'friends with benefits' relationship with several Kunoichi. If that does not appeal to you, then please leave.

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They say insanity is the state when you feel that what you do and feel is the right one when in actuality it's the opposite. Iruka sadly disagreed with that point with so much passion that it was not even possible. In his humble opinion, Insanity was the nerve-wrecking state of having an Uzumaki within your class, especially the current heir of the stubborn Clan.

While he had heard about the first Uzumaki of the Academy taking classes and had read quite a few nightmarish tales about her monstrous strength and stubbornness, he doubted that even her legendary antics could compare to what the current heir was dashing out at the moment.

"Naruto, how many times do I have to tell you, STAY AWAY FROM THE ACADEMY TEACHERS?"

A monstrous tic mark graced Iruka's scarred face when he received no response from the accused boy. Calling him a boy could be perhaps the understatement of the century if one was to consider his less than … boyish exploits.

No one, with the exception of a few specific individuals that could be counted on one hand, knew who and what the boy truly was. To the rest of the village, he was but an enigma they didn't understand nor wanted to understand.

While pretty much every single adult of the Leaf Village knew what he contained, they couldn't do anything about their misguided and misplaced anger. They stayed away from him 90 percent of the time and hardly tolerated his presence for the other 10 percent.

Fearing the wrath of the Hokage, the villagers resorted to the only punishment they could deliver to express their hatred; they ignored the boy's very existence.

That was 5 years ago.

At the rightful age of nine, the once cheerful but isolated, detached and emotionally stunted boy changed so dramatically that the transformation left even the wizened Hokage gaping like a fish out of water. The fake cheerfulness, smile, laughter and energy changed into something purely genuine.

His smile changed into an everlasting and ever-present grin. His fake laughter turned into mocking snickers. His somewhat detached and emotionless responses turned into snappy and sarcastic, sometimes rude retorts.

His attitude, self-control, physical stature and mental capacity took a dramatic and jaw-dropping turn for the better. His image in the villagers' minds turned as well. His reputation took substantial leaps into the highest possible stage of notoriety in a Ninja village.

People started staying away from him from something other than hatred or fear.

The most significant and jaw-dropping surprise of all was his journey into the land of perverts. The boy turned his adolescent eyes onto the fair maidens of the village and spent most of his time spying on the Hot Springs. His perverseness reached such a degree that the villagers deemed him the second coming of the Toad Sannin.

The scarred Chunin had a feeling Jiraiya would die of pride.

What differentiated him from the likes of Jiraiya was that he was a successful pervert. He doubted even seasoned Jonin could've slept around so much like Naruto did. Even though he hated to admit, but this fact angered even him to some degree. I mean come on; a 13 old kid was getting more action than him, a seasoned Chunin!

His successful bouts of … getting 'action' was the exact reason why the tall blond was standing in his office and being questioned. Playing around with the Kunoichi of the village _ even though improper for someone of his age _ was one thing, behaving the same way around his teachers was simply unforgivable!

And it wasn't the first time either!

"What are you blaming me for? They love it"

He longed to shot up and grab the pain in the ass known as Naruto Uzumaki by the neck and choke the living lights out of him, but the village laws prevented him from doing so. While he had nothing against the boy, a man could only handle so many complaints before snapping.

He couldn't even count the number of objections he had received from some of the students as well as the male teachers hearing strange noises coming from Naruto's classroom. It didn't take a genius to figure out what he was up to in that room, especially when the female teacher would come out glowing like a light.

Even now, being detained after class seems to have no effect on him. He was sitting on the opposite chair, feet plopped up the desk and head leaned against the cushioned back of the chair like a boss.

"Naruto…" Iruka started with a resigned sigh "When are you going to start acting like a real Shinobi?"

"Let me think… hmmm… now that I think about it, you do have a point. I mean I goofed enough around the village" the blond agreed thoughtfully, hand idly rubbing the underside of his hairless chin.

The scarred Chunin perked up in relief "That's the spirit!"

Maybe there was some hope left for this boy.

"Time to spread my wings and screw over another village" Naruto announced passionately, causing the previously excited Chunin to face-fault "I can't believe I restricted myself to such low standards!"

Or maybe not.

"That's not what I mea…"

"Thanks Iruka sensei, I thought there was nothing special about you beside that sleep-inducing voice of yours, but man you proved me wrong! Now I gotta go inform my Snake babe about this new goal! See ya"

"Nothing special? … Sleep inducing voice? …"

A widely grinning Naruto jumped straight through the closed window, breaking the glass in the process and left a madly twitching Iruka behind to think about his words.

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Forest Of Death

A delicate melody of squealing winds, shivering leaves and swaying grass speeded through the crowded embrace of the forest, providing a sense of stillness and serenity to the beastly residents of the dangerous abode.

A pair of heavy boots squashed the wild grass under their weight as the owner of said boots strolled through the heavy and terribly dense jungle, whistling a jaunty tone that had neither any semblance of lyrics nor rhythm.

Animals, big and small hurried off into the distance as soon as his substantially tall stature came into the light.

Long boots covered his feet up to the knees followed by baggy black pants kept up by a blue sash around the waist. A simple black shirt and black leather jacket covered his upper visibly muscular body.

The most distinguishing features of his appearance were his piercing blue eyes and sharp facial structure. High cheeks bones, short eyebrows and narrow eyes dominated his visage.

Naruto stopped his whistling when he heard something peculiar amidst the silence of the normally desolated and empty forest. Screams of fear and pain, coming straight from his left, a hundred and 30 meters to be exact.

Seemed as though someone was in trouble.

Naruto, being a considerate and kind-hearted Uzumaki, did the only responsible thing he could think of. He continued his jaunty tone with an extra excitement and resumed his stroll through the forest, albeit more relaxed and unhurried.

If the man wanted his help, he would have to wait.

As the distance between him and the designated area decreased, the screams reached a level so annoying that Naruto frowned and dashed into the shrubbery stationed between him and the screamer with a grunt.

What he saw before his sinful eyes only made him want to shout out his pride to the world.

There she was, standing in the middle of the clearing in all her erotic glory. Anko Mitarashi, the woman he had come to call his 'Snake Babe', was standing in front of a tree where a man was hanging upside down and spanking said man's angry red bottom.

She must have been spanking the poor sap for quite a while since his rear almost resembled a fresh and ripe tomato. Seeing her like this, delivering 'just' and 'lawful' punishment to sinners is what made him love the crazy lady even more.

Hearing the familiar rustle of leaves, Anko delivered one final whack to the man's bare bottom and turned around with a wide grin, preparing herself to deliver the same punishment upon the poor sap that had stumbled upon her little enjoyment.

Seeing her almost shake like a leave amidst a destructive storm, Naruto shook his head and opened his arms for the bullet that was sure to collide with his chest in about three seconds. She always did, so why would today be any different?

"FOXXY!"

Sure enough, as soon as the endearing nickname left the safety of her mouth, Anko blasted off towards the tall blond with so much force and intensity that the earth below her boots caved in from the force of her jump. The sheer potency and brilliance of her grin could have lighted an entire planet of darkness into blinding white.

Naruto, to his immense credit, received the full brunt of the jump with relative ease, hoisting up the grinning Jonin by her considerable rear as she wrapped her legs around his waist and smashed her lips into the blond boy's unprepared mouth with animalistic intensity.

The time traveler's already occupied mouth widened into a wide smirk when he felt the snake Jonin grind herself onto his waist and moan softly, all the while snaking her considerably long tongue into his mouth.

Spanking the poor man must have excited her quite a lot if she was this eager to start, especially after what they had done the previous night.

The blond pervert did what he always did when faced with such an opportunity. He snaked his hands past the annoying trench coat, slither into the orange mini-skirt and cupped the mesh-covered meaty orbs of her rear like it was his last day on earth, Anko's satisfied moans proving a source of motivation to his ministrations.

The need for air brought a screeching halt to their animalistic and forceful embrace as they reluctantly parted away, a thin line of saliva separating the two mouths.

"Ya know we haven't done the horizontal dance in a while" Anko mumbled with a soft but throaty tone, trailing her serpent-like tongue over the indestructible skin of the former Jinchuriki's neck.

"Umm babe, we did it last night" Naruto deadpanned. Yup excited as hell!

"Really?" she retorted with an innocent look, eyes rolling around her sockets in a thinking gesture. "Nope, I don't remember it"

"How about 'Oh yeah stud, that's the spot!' you remember that?" Naruto questioned with a self-satisfied grin.

The purple haired Jonin shook her head in obviously fake denial, an equally wide grin dancing on her lips "Nope, care to make me remember?"

"PLEASE DON'T START AGAIN!"

The two occupied Ninja twisted towards the source of the aggravating interruption with expressionless looks, as if asking about the man's mental health. Apparently, the suspended man had been an unenthusiastic spectator to their make out session and seemed reluctant to witness another one right before his eyes.

An intense scowl tainted Naruto sharp features as he placed a snarling Anko back on her feet and marched towards the upside down sufferer "Who is this old fart?"

What kind of question was that? She never asked the names of her victim before torturing them. Not having an answer, a sheepish but unapologetic Anko shrugged her shoulders "Didn't ask for his name"

"Then why is he hanging upside down?"

"He badmouthed me when I was eating Dango" the purplette replied ominously, eyes shadowed by her purple bangs "Badmouth and Dango are like the worst possible combination of words"

"Makes sense" Naruto agreed sagely, nodding his head in confirmation of Anko's vast wisdom.

There was an unspoken rule between the two vastly different but madly in love prank-loving outcasts. Those bold or stupid enough to belittle Ramen or Dango needs to be acquainted with their righteous fists for at least two days straight before being educated on the divine-ness of the abovementioned delicacies.

"NO IT DOESN'T, I ONLY SAID HI TO HER" the man roared in indignation. What in the nine bloody hells was wrong with this crazy woman? Who the hell grabs a man and tortures him for almost 12 hours straight for simply saying Hi?

"Babe, it seems you have caught the wrong sinner" Naruto revealed with a thoughtful glance. Yup, that was his Anko. If she had stopped to think about the man's words and then brought him here, she wouldn't have been Anko.

Anko Mitarashi simply did not think over things, end of story.

The snake Jonin nodded nonchalantly, not at all bothered by the man's accusation "Seems so"

So what if he had said hi? In the Anko Rule Book, the definition of Hi differed depending on the course of her mood. For example, saying 'Hi' during a state of happiness means you receive a kick in the ass followed by snake bite to the 'Hi' during a state of sadness means you are likely to become a walking representation of snake bites.

However saying 'Hi' to Anko Mitarashi when she is incredibly horny and there is no Naruto … means you will get hanged upside down and receive celestial punishment until said blond arrives and tame the frustrated purplette.

Hearing the nonchalance in her voice, Naruto gave his busty partner a deadpan look. He should have known better than to expect something like caring about the man's words from Anko "You knew?"

Chuckling sheepishly, the purplette Jonin scratched the back of her head and avoided her partner's accusing stare "What? I was horny and you weren't there so I had to vent out my frustration somehow. This wimp just happened to be in the immediate vicinity"

"That's my baby, come here!" the blond proclaimed merrily and embraced the sheepish Jonin in a bone-crushing hug, rubbing their cheeks affectionately "You did the right thing baby, why vent out your horniness on a bunch of trees when you could go to town on a poor sap's ass?"

"I knew you would approve, stud" Anko retorted cheerfully "So, when do I get a ride on the Naruto Express?"

"YOU TWO ARE INSANE!"

Being interrupted once again, the blond Time Traveler gave the shouting man a deadpan look "You are still here?"

"OF COURSE I AM!"

"Babe, why is he still here?" the blond asked out of the blue, causing the hanging man to almost scream his lungs out from sheer frustration. He had been stripped bare, hanged upside down, and spanked for 12 hours straight just because he had said Hi to a woman who had been horny? And to top it all, they were outright ignoring why he was here?

Shouldn't he be the one asking that question? If he was innocent, then why was he still hanging like a suspended lamb ready to be dissected?

When he got free, these two were going to be sued so hard that their grandchildren will have to appear in the court regularly!

"Don't know" Anko shrugged with a wide grin "I have been wondering the same thing since you got here"

That's one of the qualities she loved about the blond knucklehead. He could be one of the most kind-hearted boys on the surface of the planet or he could change into a lust-inducing maniac in the span of a second.

"One of life's great and unexplained mysteries" Naruto nodded sagely, eyes narrowed into a thoughtful and serious look as he gazed at the upside down man "But let's not waste our time on the mystery man, we have other activities to do. Bring me the 'Forget me stick'"

Anko perked up in excitement. Mentioning the mere name of 'other activities' was like being invited to an 'All you can eat' Dango party "I am all up for other activities, stud"

The previously screaming man suddenly tensed and stared straight into the eyes of the two torturers when he saw them walk towards his position and laugh about an untold joke. Normally, seeing a male and female laugh together wouldn't have garnered such a response from him, but there was something sinister about the way these two laughed.

Before a scream could make its way out of his lungs, a large wooden stick connected with the back of his head and rendered him unconscious.

Shaking his head, Naruto threw away the wooden stick and turned towards his equally involved partner with an excited grin. His eyes widened in pleasant surprise when he saw a stark-naked Anko dash towards him with a wide, lust-filled grin and menacing kunais held firmly between her hands.

"Heads up and clothes down lover boy!"

Twin orbs of luscious flesh situated upon her chest, a tiny waist followed by the incredible flare of her hips to stop upon a pair of meaty cheeks and thick thighs … lay bare before his sinful eyes.

His favorite sport, rutting and fighting at the same time! Whoever pinned his/her opponent first was free to do all he/she wished with said opponent until and unless the victim escapes during the ordeal.

Oh yeah, let the fight and fun begin!

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South Gate, Next Day

Hoarse pants and deep breathe intake dominated the silent embrace of the forest. A panting Mizuki sat, slumped against the trunk of a tree, sweat trailing down his body like a fountain, eyes glazed over, hands and feet trembling with unconditional dread.

A large rolled up scroll lay innocently beside his panting form, unaware of the man's troubles and fear.

Mizuki's tired and dread-filled eyes scanned the silent and still limitation of the forest, looking for any sign of trouble like a wounded beast. A pair of kunais held tightly in his trembling hands, ready to slit the throat of any trespasser or to be thrown at a moment's notice.

This wouldn't have happened had the damned brat agreed with his plan. He wouldn't have had to personally risk his life in order to steal the Forbidden Scroll. He wouldn't be panting here like a tired and thirsty dog had Naruto agreed with his plans.

Instead, he would be standing triumphantly over the dead body of the damned demon.

But the facts remained the same. He would've succeeded in successfully persuading Naruto to steal the Forbidden Scroll if the damned brat hadn't changed out of the blue. At the time of his enrollment into the Academy, he had been assured of the boy's desperate desire to be noticed and had every reason in exploiting that desperation to the fullest.

But, the boy suddenly changed. Friendly spars lost all meaning in his eyes. Target practice seemed useless to him.

Within the short span of a month, the boy turned into an unstoppable force of nature. The greater the changes emerged, the greater his chances of failure appeared until he was finally assured of the boy's denial in accordance with his plan.

He could've persuaded the Naruto from 5 years ago, but he doubted even Lord Orochimaru, with all his might and sense of power, would be able to persuade the Naruto of now to anything besides peeping. That was the irrefutable truth even he, as a servant of the Snake Sannin, was willing to accept.

His heart dropped when he heard the familiar rustle of leaves as well as the sounds of footsteps crushing twigs under their weight. The panting Chunin composed himself and jolted up into a ready stance, kunai held ready for battle.

Judging from the sounds, there were two or maybe three intruders coming towards him. If luck favored him, then maybe he would able to fight them and win. If not, he was done for.

"How many times do I have to apologize, dammit?" an annoyed but pleading voice whined through the thick foliage, snapping the Chunin into attention. The voice carried a distinct and familiar deepness along with a thick undertone belonging to the only person in the Leaf village, Naruto Uzumaki.

What the hell was he doing here? Why him of all people? And more importantly, why now? Normally, he would have taken the chance of slaughtering the demon brat with a smile, but at the moment, he was not willing to tangle with the likes of him, especially after his transformation.

His appearance lowered his chances of survival to the lowest degree possible!

"Ya think apologies will lessen the pain, huh brat? You don't just shove that monster in there without preparing first, it hurts like hell. I can't even walk straight dammit!"

Mizuki's eyes widened when he registered the voice of the second person 'Anko!'

Whatever semblance of hope he had of survival, no matter how low, shattered to a million pieces right before his eyes. Having the despicable force of nature known as Naruto as a potential opponent was one thing, but combine him with Anko and you get yourself an official ticket to the afterlife with special 'insurance'.

"We have done it before so many times, why do you always moan about it after doing it?"

"Cause we had done it with special preparation before!"

"But you were screaming your head off and ordering me to go faster, I thought you loved it!"

"Well obviously, duh!"

Even though the situation he was in did not allow him the luxury of being amused or annoyed, he still found his lips going down to form a venomous scowl, followed by the familiar sensation of a vein popping up his temple.

Here he was panting and praying for his life while those two argued about something so lewd right in front of him, all the while strolling through the thick foliage towards his general location without a care in the world.

"Then what's the problem?" Naruto questioned with an annoyed tone, pushing away the dense shroud of leaves and tree branches from his face to move forward. And to properly watch Anko's swaying rear cheeks as she moved in front of him without her trench coat.

Where was her coat anyway?

…

…

…

Oh right, the last time he saw it, it had been hanging from the branch of a tree in the clearing they had 'fought' against each other.

"The problem is your careless attitude of shoving that monster everywhere you please without even saying 'Anko, look out!'" Anko retorted snappishly, cutting cleanly through a tree with her kunai "I thought I was gonna be spli…"

The bloodthirsty and slightly insane special Jonin halted her string of complaints when she entered the clearing and saw the familiar sight of a certain silver haired Chunin standing against the trunk of a tree, ready for battle.

"Hey Mizuki, whatcha doing here with the Forbidden Scroll?" Naruto enquired casually, striding into the clearing as soon as he saw the silverette's trembling and terrified form "You didn't do anything bad, did ya? Like say killed two Chunin guards, snatched the Scroll and are now going to deliver it to a certain pedophilic, gender-confused cross-dressing Sannin?"

"Yup, seems like you nailed it right in the nuts" Anko nodded sagely, not even paying attention to the way the trembling and slightly aroused Chunin roamed his eyes over her partially naked body for a split second before glaring at Naruto "Silver Bangs over there is gonna do just that"

And the fool just sealed his fate.

Stare and gawk at her naked form all you want, but glare or gawk at her foxy boy for a split second and you die. Mizuki did just that. Had the wimpy man been living under a rock or something? Wasn't he aware of their bond? Apparently not!

"Nah, I and Mizuki are buddies, pals, chums and brothers in arms. If I am not doing something that idiotic, why would he do it?" Naruto waved his hand dismissively, ignoring the silverette's piercing glare "right, pal?"

"B-brat, what are you doing here?!" the terrified Chunin spat out, venomous intentions dripping from his tone like a fountain. His hand reached for the giant shuriken situated innocently upon his back, grasping the cold surface of the iron with a strong grip.

While the chances of his survival were less than zero, he was not going to just accept defeat and lay down on the ground like a dog begging for mercy. If he was going to die, he would take at least one of the outcasts with him!

Tears welled up in Naruto's wide blue eyes and his lower lip trembled in shock as he stared at the panting Chunin before turning to his annoyed partner who was ready to dissect the insulting silver haired man to countless pieces.

"B-babe, my p-pal … my best buddy just called me a b-b-brat!"

Knowing exactly what to do in a situation like this, the busty Jonin wrapped her arms around the sobbing blond and mashed his head into the marshmallow-like embrace of her mesh-covered bust, affectionately rubbing his blond locks while Naruto cupped the supple cheeks of her rear "I know I know, what do you want me to do to him for breaking your innocent little heart?"

Controlling his sobs, the blond moved his eyes away from the partially naked bust and stared into the eyes of his partner, wide and innocent orbs glistening with fresh tears "H-he is my brother, babe, I don't want you to hurt him too b-badly. Just c-castrate him and beat him with it, it's the least punishment I can think of w-without becoming emotional"

Mizuki's jaws dropped to the ground with a resounding thud and his eyes widened to impossible proportion when he heard the least punishment Naruto thought up in his sadistic mind. This was the lesser stage of punishment? He shuddered to think what greater punishment would be.

"I can do that!" Anko announced cheerfully and released a reluctant Naruto's hand from her considerable rear with a playful grin, causing the blond Genin to pout "You had enough fun with that for one day, lover boy"

Mizuki's hold on the kunais tightened when he saw the partially naked Anko reach for a kunai and trail her long serpent-like tongue over the sharp edge, all the while drilling her pupil-less eyes into his own with a predatory glint.

"You broke my foxy's little heart with your merciless words, silver bangs, and now ya are gonna pay for it" Anko declared ominously, eyes showcasing a clear thirst for blood "No one, except the great Anko, does that and get away with it"

Tensing his muscles for the eventual take off, Mizuki eyed the still lightly sobbing blond _ who had trouble averting his eyes from Anko's mesh-covered derriere _ and knew that his chances of beating Anko, while slim and close to zero, were still there.

The only way he could beat Anko was to find a place far away from the eyes of the blond menace and then engage the purplette in single combat. Maybe using Lord Orochimaru's gift would give him the edge he needed to win.

As soon as the muscles in his feet contracted for the perfect jump, something extraordinary happened. In the next span of a second, Mizuki found himself pinned to the tree he had hopes of abandoning with two kunais embedded in his palms.

The scenario happened so fast that Mizuki's brain didn't even register the pain of his hands being impaled by two sharp projectiles and delivered the message a few seconds later. A pained scream ripped through the dense forest as the silver haired Chunin struggled to free himself from the painful position.

Whatever semblance of hope he had of freedom shattered when an entire dozen of snakes wrapped him and the tree, squeezing and grinding his bones to paste, at the same their fangs finding their painful home upon his bruised body.

"D-damn you, you bit… ack!"

Coughing an alarming amount of blood, Mizuki strained his eyes to gaze at the possessor of the punch that almost ripped his insides to shreds with a weak and fearful glare. The blue eyes that stared at him did not suit the blond in the slightest.

It almost looked like the physical embodiment of death was gazing into the deep and unexplored recesses of his soul. Those impassive, detached and soulless eyes seemed to be gazing right through him.

"You are over-stepping your limits, boy" an involuntary shiver ran through Mizuki's spine when he heard the deep tone reverberate through the clearing. The shivers came to a screeching halt as a large hand wrapped around his neck and lifted him with ease, gruesomely releasing the kunais' painful hold on his hands "Badmouthing Anko right in front of me was the worst mistake you could've ever done"

Even Anko stepped back with a wince when Naruto's hand shot up and smashed into Mizuki's mouth in a gruesome display of strength, breaking his teeth, and ripped out his tongue in the process. A heartbreaking, anguish-filled and dreadful scream or more like hoarse noises ripped through the forest as Mizuki thrashed and squirmed in Naruto's strong grip.

A sudden and powerful twist of the neck brought a halt to the silver haired man's screams as the life left his eyes.

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Hokage Office

"Naruto, you were supposed to report to me AS SOON AS you dealt with Mizuki" Hiruzen Sarutobi clarified with a twitching eyebrow, exasperated eyes glaring at the two sheepish Ninja before him "Why the hell are you 5 hours late and don't even say that it was Anko's fault!"

"But it was!" Naruto retorted defensively, pointing an accusing finger at his partner, who was fortunately dressed normally or as normal as a trench coat, mini-skirt and mesh wearing Anko can be that is. "She had me service her for three hours straight; I am the victim here, old man!"

"Fine, you were 'busy' for three hours with her" the old Hokage agreed with a resigned sigh, taking care not to reveal the jealousy in his voice. Three hours? With that kind of stamina, no wonder so many women, younger and older loved him so much "But where were you for the next two hours?"

Judging from Anko's smug look and Naruto's wide, stupid grin, the wizened Hokage had a feeling the delay was due to the same reason but in reverse.

"Well… I had her … service me for the next two … hours" the blond Genin admitted sheepishly, a foxy grin dancing on his visage. A giant sweat drop trailed down the Hokage's head when he heard the boy's shameless admission.

A tired sigh forced itself out of his lips as the wizened man leaned into his chair, already feeling the approach of a nasty headache. He was going to hang the person responsible for introducing these two menaces to each other.

Naruto was someone he was still puzzled and curious about. The boy revealed little to nothing about his feelings and the interesting point was that you couldn't tell what he was actually feeling. He had been enough trouble back then, however since meeting with Anko; the two of them had started a campaign of chaos and destruction through the village.

Anko= the Queen of mischief and sadism

Naruto= the King of mischief and chaos

Anko + Naruto= a giant and uncontrollable clusterf**k.

This particular equation was as simple and as clear as the shinning surface of a lake. Every single inhabitant of the village knew and understood it.

"One day, you two are going to give me a heart attack" Hiruzen muttered through gritted teeth. One day, he was gonna die and it wouldn't be from being killed by a Ninja or something else. The stress of constant paperwork and Anko's relentless pranks on the higher ups with full support from Naruto was making sure of that. "So, report"

"Babe, you are gonna report or what?" Naruto whispered to his partner, nudging her with his elbow.

"Ya expect me to deliver a long ass report after using my mouth for two hours straight?" she asked with a deadpan tone "Are you high or something?"

"Of course I do, I used mine for three hours!"

"Thanks for that by the way. Wanna do it again?"

"Hell yeah, let's go!"

The two previously arguing Ninja suddenly changed the course of the topic and hugged like long lost lovers before moving towards the door.

"HEY!" Hiruzen shot up from his chair and slammed his hands against the wooden desk with a resounding boom "WHERE THE HELL DO YOU TWO THINK YOU ARE GOING?"

"I was gonna check if the door was carefully closed or not" Naruto reasoned lamely, a sheepish grin on his face "Had to make sure no one was eavesdropping on us"

The eyes of the two out of three occupants turned towards the only female present with expectant eyes while Anko rubbed the back of her head "I was gonna double check the lock after foxy?"

"Nice one, babe!"

"Thanks, stud!"

THUMP! THUMP

Naruto and Anko blinked as the old Hokage slammed his head against the desk, repeating the process over and over again while the two watched with stupefied looks.

"So, how many times before he loses consciousness?" Anko whispered to her partner in crime, eyes staring at the Hokage's blurring head.

"5 at the most"

Hearing the strange conversation between the two insane ninja, the Hokage increased the speed of his self-induced insane head-butting without even realizing it.

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Training Ground 7

"Alright since Naruto was not present yesterday…" Kakashi gave the mentioned blond an accusing look, who blissfully ignored it in favor of reading a familiar orange book "we'll introduce ourselves once again. Sakura, you go first"

An awfully undernourished and thin pink haired girl, seated on the stairs of the roof next to a black haired, nodded slightly "My name is Sakura Haruno, I like… my hobbies are … and I dislike Ino!"

Hearing a strange series of giggles, Naruto stopped glancing through the contents of the book and looked at the source of the noises, only to blink. When did explaining 'likes' and 'dislikes' became a matter of giggles, perverted giggles no less?

And was she rubbing her thighs while staring at the duck-butt haired boy?

The silver haired Jonin did his best to stop himself from palming his face in embarrassment. He had no idea what he had done so wrong that he was stuck with a team like this.

One was a hopeless fan girl who was more obsessed with gaining the attention of the Uchiha boy than training. Just looking at her thin frame, you could see twig-like hands and toothpick-like legs, looking as though they would break under the slightest bit of pressure.

"Sasuke"

"Hn, my name is Sasuke Uchiha. I don't have any likes and pretty much dislike everything. My hobbies are none. My dream is to kill a certain someone"

The other was an irrational and emotionally-stunted boy who was obsessed with killing his older brother instead of actually training to kill said brother. A single sign, a single memory of Itachi was enough to break his focus and turn him into a mindless puppet, controlled by rage.

'… and the last one…' Kakashi mused with a deadpan as he looked at his third so-called student. Normally he didn't even need to ask questions in order to figure out a person; after all he was an Elite Jonin for a reason. But Naruto was the second person to leave him with a giant question mark, the first being the Fourth Hokage himself.

However, whereas the deceased Hokage was elusive and enigmatic about his ruling tactics, Naruto was unpredictable and comical. Both were so alike and so different at the same time that it was not even funny.

"And now, your turn Naruto"

"My turn to do what?" the blond asked absentmindedly, not even paying attention to the one-eyed Jonin.

"Introduce yourself, obviously"

"Wait, you guys were doing that introduction thing?" he asked with a displeased scowl, causing a massive sweat drop to appear above the Jonin and two wanna-be Genins "Hey babe, why do people always leave me out these kind of things?"

Oh yeah, Anko was here was as well, sitting right next to the blond and blissfully drinking bean soup while leaning her head against the blond boy's shoulder to read the novel.

"Why is Anko here?" the silver haired Jonin asked with a tired sigh. Wasn't she supposed to be a Special Jonin who had a JOB to do?

"Cause she is Anko" Naruto retorted blankly, giving the scarecrow Jonin a pointed look as if asking about his mental health. The aforementioned purplette nodded sagely, pleasantly satisfied with the Jinchuriki's vast wisdom.

Naruto was smart.

"Right…" Kakashi mumbled unsurely, a sweat drop of indignation trailing down his head. Was that answer supposed to explain everything? According to Naruto, yes "Anyway, introduce yourself"

"His name is Naruto, but he prefers it when people call him Lord Naruto, he lik…"

The silverette Jonin blinked several times "Why are you introducing him, Anko? Shouldn't he be the one doing that?"

The purplette Special Jonin shook her head in denial, clear disbelief evident on her visage "Nah, that's not how the Naruto + Anko team work, we share the responsibilities… among other things"

"Umm… ok … move on then"

Whether it cost him his Jonin status or something else, he was going to fail this team! Knowing the history of these two lunatics, he had a feeling that Anko would become a familiar face around his team if he passed them since both Naruto and the purple haired Kunoichi always hang together.

And also knowing the Anko + Naruto Equation, he had a feeling that his cyclopean ass would suffer the full brunt of their cruelty.

"Anyway, the hunk likes asses… giant and soft asses, especially mine, right stud?"

"Ya got it, babe, yours is the best!" Naruto agreed with a giant grin, blissfully ignoring the team's stupefied and embarrassed stares. Who cared what they thought?

Sakura shifted a little closer to the Uchiha heir, awfully feeling self-conscious about her assets.

"That's what you said to Nai-chan and Yugao last week" the purplette retorted pointedly, eyebrows twitching madly. Hearing this particular statement from him was the exact reason for her blunt and lewd comment on Naruto's likes.

Her pointed and blank statement brought a screeching halt to Naruto's grin as he tried to wave off her stare and figure out an answer.

"Umm… well Yugao has the best thighs… all that ANBU training and all, ya know… and Kurenai sort of has a slightly … bigger trunk than you" Naruto explained lamely, eyes constantly moving around the roof to avoid Anko's drilling gaze. Damn, no wonder even battled hardened men fears jealous women.

She was practically drilling her eyes into his forehead.

"And what about me?" she demanded angrily, hands crossed over her large chest.

"You, babe, have the kind of curves that those two could only dream of having" the blond answered firmly.

In front of the two, a stupefied and motionless Kakashi stared blankly into nothing at all; eyes dull and lightless, hands limp and feet threatening to lose balance. Why? Why did it always had to be Naruto? Not only Anko, but Yugao and Kurenai as well?

How? Just how dammit?

"We'll talk about your preferences later, brat" Anko announced firmly, brown pupil-less staring into the sheepish form of her partner "Anyways, he dislikes prudes and a certain snake shit. His hobbies are not to be told in front of kiddies, unless you want to die of blood loss. His dream is on the same page, now my turn"

"Alright pay attention children, cause I am only gonna repeat this a few hundred times" Naruto cleared his throat and dramatically directed his hands towards a beaming Anko, doing a delicate curtsy "The dashing, spectacular and gorgeous young lady before you is my beautiful babe, Anko. She likes pretty much everything about me as well as cutting, spanking, torturing and disemboweling people. She dislikes everyone besides a certain few. Her hobbies include torturing people and … you are too young to hear the next part as well as her dream"

"Thanks stud, but you forgot to add something" Anko chirped in from the sidelines, clearly aware of the two fearful Genins eyes on her "I have no age limits when it comes to torturing people"

Sasuke and Sakura shifted uncomfortably when the seemingly insane woman turned her predatory gaze towards them and grinned maliciously. Beside the two shivering Genins, a still mind-numbed Kakashi tried to snap himself out of his self-induced misery.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

An hour Later

"Naruto…" Kakashi started with a tired sigh, face hidden by the palm of his hand as he gazed at the two grinning pranksters "you are supposed to hide and formulate a plan to steal the bells from me in order to pass"

The aforementioned blond shook his head, blue and piercing eyes staring a hole through Anko's trench covered behind "Nah, that's too much trouble. Hide, plan, steal the bells and pass? Hell no! Babe, time to use that awesome brain of yours and come up with a brilliant plan, 'cause mine is focused on something soft, squashy and doughy at the moment"

The purplette nodded her head, determination burning in her eyes like a furnace. "Why don't we do the opposite? Ya know, pass the exam, steal the bells, formulate a plan and then hide?"

"Brilliant plan, but instead of hiding, why don't we head for the Forest of Death and go at it like a bunch of horny bunnies?" Naruto suggested sagely, letting out a perverted giggle in the process "You could even get to try out that bunny costume you've bought"

"and you thought I could come up with a brilliant plan, that plan is like the master of all plans" Anko gushed out in excitement, eyes glittering in an un-Anko-like joy as she draped her arm over the blond boy's shoulder "but do we really need to go through all these passing and stealing thingies? I mean we could march straight to the 'going at it like horny bunnies' part"

The blond Jinchuriki didn't even give it a moment thought before nodding his head in agreement, seeing the clear wisdom in her words. Anko was the best when it came to planning awesome … plans.

"I can't believe we wasted so many seconds here" the tall Jinchuriki revealed grimly as he turned to his partner "let's stop wasting precious time and march straight to the Land of Pleasures"

"Onward we march, lover boy!"

A gaping Kakashi watched as the two insane partners blurred out of the clearing and paved a destructive path towards the forest, leaving behind splintered trees, broken branches and burned leaves, not to mention two stupefied Genins watching from the bushes.

"WHAT. THE. HELL. WAS. THAT?"

The silver haired silently ignored his students' screams and scratched the back of his head, a giant sweat drop trailing down his body. He simply stated an obvious fact and the two reached a conclusion so preposterous that it baffled his veteran mind.

How in the nine bloody hells was hiding and formulating a plan in order to pass connected with wearing bunny costumes and going at it?!

What about the bell test? Didn't he realize that leaving would call for immediate failure? Judging from the speed of his travel, he either knew or didn't care. Knowing Naruto from a young age, he realized it was probably the latter.

And what was this thing about Anko trying out a bunny costume? That kind of thing didn't even happen in the numerous volumes of Icha Icha and the damn blond was experiencing it in real life? Not to mention, he had Kurenai and Yugao as well.

In the end, Kakashi realized that only one statement could sum up all his worries and misery.

"Damn lucky bastard!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Done!

Author's Note: Before you start firing questions like, why is Anko so friendly and open with him? How did they meet? When did they meet? Why is the Hokage not suspicious of Naruto's sudden change? Why isn't he doing anything about it? Why is he so nonchalant with Naruto? Let me tell you that this is the FIRST chapter, people, don't expect me to reveal everything.

Everything will be gradually revealed.

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