Here's another Konoha Medical University story! Thank you cherry11111 for inspiring me to write this! Here it is, as promised. I hope you find it funny, cause I'm not so sure about this one. I'm going to try and put all the KMU drabbles in chronological order, but I might not always succeed. This is taken 2 weeks after Akatsuki flowers, which was in April, and it is now May. You don't need to read the other one, but I recommend it since some information could be useful and that experience is referenced in this story. I also mention the fields that the Akatsuki are studying and will list them all at the bottom. This is a oneshot, but I will use the setting again. Enjoy~!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto! I'm pretty sure I do own KMU though...
It was a rainy day, or month, in May. As such, everyone in Konoha Medical University was depressed and gloomy. Well, not everyone, per se. A certain pink haired she-demon grinned at the ever pouring buckets of water from the sky that pounded against her classroom's windows.
Her class was quiet, a gloomy cloud hovering over her students as she reviewed the 'Syphilis: Kicking the Bitch into Hell' unit.
The Akatsuki pricks were either sleeping, doodling, pranking, or silently whispering. They had learned their lesson when their evil Epidemics, Plagues, and Illnesses teacher had given them nicknames two weeks ago, when the real Sakura still had petals falling and the skies were clear.
"Queen Lace! How many Ss are in necessary?" Haruno-sensei shouted to the doodling blonde, she had picked up in the first week he had a thing for bright colors, explosions and art. He immediately looked up from his 'art' and answered "Uh...um...3?"
"Why the hell would I want to know about spelling when we're reviewing the bitch that is Syphilis and how to throw said whore into the depths of Hell?!" she shouted, kicking the first tier of seats. That woke up the class, bringing the attention back to her.
She sighed as the bell rang. "Congratulations. You all wasted a perfectly good lecture and 2 hours of my time. Go die as painfully as possible by a hammer," she growled as the now trembling students streamed out of her classroom.
"Hey, Akahana! Come back for second," she called to the group, who were irritated at their professor for mocking their name (hana means flower if you didn't already know~), but stayed anyway, lining up like they did last time.
Sakura smiled at the 10, putting them all on edge. "What would you like from us this time, Professor Haruno?" asked Pein. "It's time for a Real Life Study, and let me tell you, they're my favorite activities of the year." The Akatsuki wanted to cry at this, seeing pain in their future.
"Hmm...Let's see..." mumbled Sakura as she paced from one end of the line to the other, carefully inspecting each male that she passed. After a good 5 minutes, she nodded to herself, smirking sadistically.
"Pein, Itachi, Sasori, Kakuzu, and Zetsu, outside, now, for an hour. No umbrellas or taking shelter of any sort. The rest of you can go now. Also, I don't care if your sister is in labor, if your entire family was slaughtered, or if you are coughing up blood and organs. You all have to come tomorrow. Am I clear?" After she confirmed 10 nods, she let the other 5 leave.
She smirked back at the remaining Akatsuki. They paled. For the next hour that the 5 were standing in the rain, completely unprotected from the heavy onslaught of gallons of water, only the following was heard.
"It hurts...it hurts so much."
"Hn."
"Think money-filled thoughts, money...money...money."
"Depression...death...pain," "What? Huh?" "Sadness...death...Hell...fuck." *sobbing*
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!"
Sakura smirked, enjoying watching her damned students in pain, which was quite un-doctor-like, as she relaxed on a bench in the outdoor hallway 'supervising' the students that were getting drenched to their tighty-not-so-whities.
After their hour was up they immediately took shelter near their teacher, glad to be free from the torment. Then said-teacher, being the uber-sadistic demon she is, kicked them out of the university in the direction of the house all the Akatsuki shared. She shook in excitement and anticipation. "Tomorrow is going to so much fun~," she whispered to herself.
Standing before the pinkette were 10 delinquent bastards hoping to achieve their dreams of going into the medical profession. One of their teachers, the pinkette, tried to torture them every second of opportunity she got, much like her teacher and dean of Konoha Medical University, Tsunade.
She smirked as she saw 5, more specifically the ones she through into the rain for an hour (said rain still pounding heavily on the roof and windows), looking miserable. They others that were not sick looked very distressed about the other half of their group, and worried about the relevance about why she made them sick and them.
She hummed in joy, and then turned to the Akatsuki, a glint of pure maliciousness glowing in her jade eyes. "My, my~," she purred, making them gulp, "you guys look terrible~," she smirked at the word. "Why don't you guys lie down~," she said that uncharacteristically sweet. The sickened students trembled in fear of what she was planning on doing to them, remembering the painful mental damage she did to them the last time. They wanted to cry; even Itachi was stiff with fear.
Doing as they were told, they reluctantly laid down on the cold tile floor of her lecture room, a comfort to their overheating bodies, struggling to fight the cold. "Don't worry! This is a medical university~! There are plenty of people you can help you!" Sakura exclaimed. "But oh no! The only people in sight are you buddies~! Well, I'm sure they can help you~! Good luck!" she giggled, gesturing to the healthy Akatsuki.
They all froze, the situation clicking as the gears in their minds began moving. This was a Real Life Study! Meaning they were going to have to show what they have learned and gain more knowledge and experience through a real situation where someone is not well. That's why she chose those specific people. Because the rest of them (not including Konan, since Sakura respected her to be able to deal with these idiots and she wanted to see Pein weak and in actual pain) were failing her class, well, more like they were being buried alive in 'F's.
"Now get to work!" she commanded the now shaking (not including Konan) and worried Akatsuki, since they had never actually attempted to heal someone and didn't really know how. Konan, on the other hand, immediately went to work on her boyfriend, Pein. She whispered he was going to be okay and went get a blanket. Sakura nodded approvingly at the bluenette, as the other idiots went to their respected partners (the Akatsuki, as she has found out, pair their members up to be efficient, for what, only God knows).
Kisame went to Itachi, much to the raven's dismay. The Uchiha knew just how little Kisame knew about what he was studying, so he was fearful; of just what the other would do to him in his weakened state. He mentally groaned when he saw that the blue skinned Veterinarian, yes, veterinarian, fumbling with the medicine cabinet. He decided he would rather die than let a man studying to help animals, who is failing completely and utterly, attempt to help his body get better in any way, shape or form.
Sakura actually sort of pitied Zetsu, since he got Obito being Tobi (not that Madara would've been any better), who was a loud, brainless sweets craving baby. She sighed as she saw said biggest idiot snuggling next to the plant loving psych major.
Deidara went to Sasori, which caused a loud sigh from said prosthetist student. The protesting redhead stared at fear of the artillery the blonde now held in his hands, who smiled in glee at finally being able to work on a real patient, not exactly aware of his failure in his studies. The syringes Queen Lace was armed with contained a suspicious purple-y green liquid that swished in the glass vial. Sasori could only whimper at the thoughts of what that liquid would do to him.
Hidan and Kakuzu were the saddest of them all. Hidan was, surprisingly, extremely flustered. He just continued to bury Kakuzu in ice, until he saw the pile was high enough before pouring a /smuggled/ red powder over the pile, which became a blood looking liquid when it mixed with the melting ice. The pink haired doctor only raised an eyebrow, but shrugged and looked to Konan's station.
She was the only one doing it correctly, as expected. She had wrapped a blanket around Pein, given him some cold medicine, made him some porridge and now was changing a wet rag that was resting on his head. Konan wanted to go into nursing, so she had to know basic medical treatments that didn't require a doctor. Pein looked comfortable and was currently resting, which slightly irked Sakura.
Their teacher sighed, and went to get some coffee, deciding she'll just leave them and come back in an hour
When Sakura came back, she was slightly surprised at the sick Akatsuki's half. They all looked fairly better than this morning. The pinkette snorted. She shouted for them to line up, and waited until they complied.
In no time at all, all 10 Akatsuki were standing at the front of class once again as their teacher looked them over. "Kisame," she stated. "Yes Ma'am?" he asked from his spot. "What did you do to Itachi?" she asked blankly, inspecting the optometrist major. He looked less green and was back to his normal pale complexion, he didn't have a red nose or eyes anymore, either.
"I actually accidentally gave him a numbing agent and he went to sleep for a while. He woke up about 10 minutes ago and I made him some tomato soup and wala! He looks good as new!" explained the tallest Akatsuki member. Sakura nodded and went on.
"Deidara?" she asked simply, who answered. "Yes ma'am! I bombarded danna with syringes. They contained a solution of medicines starting with 'c', both liquid and solid, that were mixed in a blender until they become the wanted consistency~!" he answered. She stared at his stupidity for a minute before looking at Sasori. He looked normal with the exception of the numerous bandages covering his visible body. 'Just another weird miracle of life,' thought Sakura before going on.
"And you, Tobi?" she asked, surprised that the idiot answered. "I just took a nap with him and made him eat some oatmeal!" he exclaimed. The she-demon chuckled, but continued still to the biggest miracle yet. "What about you, Hidan?"
The Akatsuki, who had ought to have been used to Hidan's bizarre heritage, religion, and customs, but were yet again blown away at the Jashinist's extensive and graphic explanation of what that powder was, which was, simply, an old family concoction to cure many diseases.
Sighing, she asked the only girl of the group. "Konan?" "Yes Doctor Haruno. I simply followed basic protocol and made sure he ate and was well rested." Sakura nodded, glancing at the perfect condition Pein was in.
Sighing, she kicked them out her classroom. She went to her desk, promptly sitting down and resting her feet on said desk and began writing in a familiar notebook the happenings and a certain recipe and history of Jashinists.
She smirked, looking forward to her next lesson with the Akatsuki, the rain finally stopping their heavy bombardment.
I hope you liked it and found it a little funny! This is, once again, a oneshot, but I will use the setting again! You don't really need to review, but it will help encourage the next story! Here are the listings for the majors of the Akatsuki!
Pein - Nuerologist, a brain doctor
Konan - Nurse, preferably for Pein
Itachi - Optometrist, an eye doctor, like vision problems
Kisame - a vet
Sasori - Prosthetist, a fake limbs doctor, or something around those lines...
Deidara - Trauma therapist, preferably involving fires or explosions
Tobi/Obito/Madara - psychiatrist
Zetsu - psychological therapist
Hidan - Hemotologist, a blood doctor
Kakuzu - Surgeon, self-explanatory
Again, hope you liked it!
P.S. I'm gonna work hard to update the rest of my stories, and hopefully finish a few, within the next 2 weeks to any who have read any of my other fanfics
9CatLives