AN: Hey guyssss I wrote a story! I really really hope you like it I worked really hard on it. More chapters to come, with a few SHOCKING SURPRISES. Plz write and review kthx! :)

Harmony Eve Blodwyn Riversong's waist-length raven hair fluttered in the wind as she stepped off the Hogwarts express and she took in her surroundings. She glared at a gaggle of first-years, her blood-red eyes instantly prompting them yelp in fear and cower behind a statue of Dave Matthews, which then fell on them and squashed them to death. Harmony laughed cruelly and continued to saunter towards the carriages, her 10-inch hells clicked menacingly.

She could practically feel the stares of appalled students as they took in her general appearance. She was wearing black ripped tights which accentuated her unnaturally long legs and a red leather mini-skirt. Her black corset was cinched as tightly as possible, showing off her incredibly skinny waist while pushing up her sizeable bosom. She also wore tons of studded jewelry with skulls. Some of the skulls were real. She definitely looked like she was wearing makeup, but she wasn't. She hated that fake stuff with a burning passion. Her lips were naturally blood red and her skin pale as death and smooth as a baby's buttocks.

She rolled her eyes and punched some kid in the face, breaking his nose, and claiming the carraige he was about to step into. Since she had seen countless death in her sad and weary life, she could see the thestrals practically quaking with fear as they sensed her menacing presence. Nevertheless the ones pulling the carriage took off, and she slumped back into her seat and let out a weary sigh. Fuck this shit, she thought.

She had just transferred to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry from Snakevenom Academy of Nowhereville, America. She had hoped here in England things would be different, but alas, it seemed that people here were just as awfully preppy and stupid and rude as they were in the states. Well, she decided, crossing her arms and looking dejectedly out the window as a single tear fell down her cheek, I don't care about these bitches. I will be the best witch and show them all how awesome I am after I kill them.

She kicked the door open as soon as the carriage pulled up to school, causing the hinges to shatter. She could have fixed it with magic since she was already at least two years ahead of everyone else her age, but she simple chuckled and walked on.

As she made her way to the great hall, she nearly plowed into a scrawny looking boy with messy black hair. Fortunately her lightning-quick reflexes prevented her from making unnecessary human contact and she lept out of the way.

"Watch where you're going, dickwad," she muttered. He gasped and stared at her incredulously.

"Don't you know who I am?" the short guy asked incredulously.

"No, I really don't fucking care," she growled, turning around to glare at him.

"But," the boy gasped. "I'm Harry Potter!" He swept his hair off his forehead with a great flourish to reveal his scar.

Oh, right. Harmony happened to have a photographic memory, and had in fact read about the great Harry Potter and his various misadventures in the paper a few years ago.

"Well jolly good for you," she grumbled, and continued walking. Meanwhile, Harry Potter continued to stare at her. He would have continued to stare for another fourteen minutes had he not been bumped into by a familiar figure.

"Well well well, what do we have here?" drawled a familiar voice.

Harry gasped and whirled around. "Malfoy!"

"Hello, Potter," Draco Malfoy smirked and leaned over to whisper hotly in his ear. "Your wand is showing."

Harry gasped and rearranged his robes frantically. "Draco! I understand that my charisma and charm is very irresistably attractive, but you need to stop."

Draco chuckled and licked the shell of Harry's ear. "You know you like it."

Harry shivered. Fortunately he was grabbed by the back of his robes by Ron and was dragged away before Draco could shove him against a wall and fuck his brains out.

"Dude, what was that?" Ron asked.

"I... I don't want to talk about it!" Harry wailed dramatically and covered his reddening face with his hands. "Just let it go."

"All right bro, whatevs," said Ron with a shrug. "Hey, did you see that new girl?"

"What new girl?" Harry asked.

"The really hot won!" said Ron. Ron's eyes glazed over as he recalled the amazingly hot body of the new girl. "She's totally the dark and mysterious type. I just want to talk to her, man, but I think she might kill me if I try."

"Oooooooh! That girl! Right. I remember now," Harry nodded. "I didn't remember at first, it's not like I'd specifically attracted to her right now or anything, because she's definitely not the hottest piece of ass after Malfoy that I've ever laid eyes on. Nope."

Ron cocked his head to the side curiously. Harry whistled innocently.

Meanwhile, Harmony was standing in a shadowy corner of the Great Hall whilst she inspected her cuticles. Despite the fact that she hated makeup, she made an exception for nail polish, as long as it was either blood-red or death black. She glared at Harry Potter as he and some ugly tall redhead walked into the great hall and sat next to a frumpy looking girl with stupid hair.

Just then, Professor McGonagall and a babble of first-years walked into the great hall and approached a grungy hat at the head of the room. Professor McGonagall strode up to stand next to the hat and began talking about something, but Harmony was too bored to listen and inspected the ceiling. It was raining, with dark thunderclouds obscuring the stars. Fucking perfect, Harmony thought.

"And now!" Professor McGonagall said. "We have a new transfer student this year who must also be sorted. Harmony Eve Blodwyn Riversong, please step forward and be sorted."

God fucking dammit, now everyone was staring at her. Harmony whipped her hair back and forth as she strode regally up to the hat. She could feel the amazed and slightly scanadalized stares of the other students as she sat on the stool and McGonagall set the hat on her head.

"Wow!" the hat exclaimed. "You have so many deep and emotional thoughts! So many thinks! I am bowlered over by your brain! Also your hair is beautiful and I want to eat it."

"Fuck you, you stupid talking hat. You don't know me." Harmony blinked as she attempted to hold back angry tears. "Even though you may see my thoughts, you know nothing of my true self. So fuck off."

"Oh but I know everything!" the hat exclaimed. "I see your brain. And it is mine."

"Um..."

"Ahhhh but where should I put you? You are definitely the smartest brain I have ever brained, yet there is a subtle courage to you as well. Your ambition! Oh. Fuck, that's good. Ahhh. Yes. So good. Hm."

"Oh god, are you getting off on my brain?"

"Hey I'm a hat, I don't get much action. Go easy on me bro."

"I didn't realize bro was a thing here in the UK."

"... Meh. It's a thing everywhere. Anyway you've distracted me. Ooooh your brain, brain brain. What is brain? What's in a brain? That which we call a brain by any other brain would brain as brain. BRAIN BRAIN BRAIN. Oh, to be a glove upon that brain."

"Oh my fucking god, just sort me already, people are staring more than usual."

"Oh right. My decision is..."

Awkward silence.

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

HARMONY'S EYES FLEW OPEN IN SHOCK AND RAge. How did she end up in Hufflepuff? She was totally banking on Slytherin, where all the other badasses were supposed to be. What the hell is a Hufflepuff anyway? But before she could retort back and give the stupid hat a piece of her mind, McGonagall and whisked the hat off her head and nudged her off towards the Hufflepuff table.

There was a smattering of awkward aplause as she sat gingerly at the bench and glared at a spork.

A tall boy who kind of looked like a vampire but with better hair and skin who was sitting across from her stuck out a hand and grinned. "Hello there! My name is Cedric Diggory, and I think you'll find that Hufflepuff is a wonderful house!"

"Fuck you. I don't care how hot you are, you will not make me like this fucking house."

"Alas," the Cedric said sadly, then began to cry softly.

"And now we are all sorted," a voice rang out. Harmony whipped her head to the left and hit someone in the face with her hair as she turned to see Headmaster Dumbledore had stood up to give a speech. "Hello my beautiful students. Eat your foods now."