Numbskulls vs. Boneheads
A trio of identically-dressed thugs stood side-to-side with one another, taking up the main road that cut through Hau'oli City. Any passersby could've identified them as part of the notorious Team Skull, a street gang familiar to anyone who spent more than a week in Alola. Over-the-top rapping and gesturing aside, these bad boys (and girls) were stubborn as a Mudbray and never quit their selfish deeds, no matter how many times they were batted aside and treated like trash. Years of verbal abuse and abject failure had made the members of Team Skull as hard as bone, and they never backed down from even the most hopeless of fights.
And these three were the most persistent, ornery, and all-around unpleasant of the bunch. They went by Tupp, Rapp, and Zipp, at least among those who didn't simply call them "Team Skull". As Trainers, they were as pathetic and disrespected as any grunt, but they still persisted, lurking around the wilds and back alleys of Melemele Island.
But something had brought them out onto the streets. Hau'oli City was their territory, and currently, they were finding their space invaded.
The showdown was three-on-three – Tupp, Rapp, and Zipp against a trio of newcomers. Their opponents looked unconcerned, slouching in casual poses and leering at them with nonchalant yet malicious expressions, like they knew Team Skull's suffering was assured and were greatly looking forward to it. The leader was an orange-haired young woman whose lazy smirk spoke volumes about how confident she was about her team's odds of victory. No need to treat this with any seriousness.
In contrast, Team Skull was ready to rumble. Their arms and legs were spread apart, fingers twitching and ready to grab Poke Balls at a moment's notice. They looked like they made up one-half of a classic Western showdown – minus the guns, desert backdrop, and tumbleweeds. Tupp, Rapp, and Zipp were the local Team Skull thugs 'round these here parts, and this city warn't big enough for two bone-based gangs, y'all.
Who were they about to fight? How had such a dramatic scene come to be? Well, this was how it all started…
It had been an ordinary day for Tupp and his partners. They'd woken up in the alley where they'd crashed for the night, went to the local Pokemon School to steal and gotten their butts kicked by some kid and his Pikachu, and spent the rest of the morning performing petty heists on small jewelry shops and the like. Nothing major – certainly nothing to tell their boy Guzma about – but it was looking like a good day for them.
And then they'd turned into another back alley and saw them.
They were clearly trouble, no doubt about it. Together, they seemed to be in their late teens or early twenties at least, and all wore clothing that would make them stand out in a crowd. Two of them were male – the first had a gaudy white jacket and skinny black pants, wearing fancy boots and glasses to match, and his ludicrous image was complete with black face paint over his left eye, not to mention the spiky hair dyed red on the left and black on the right. The second was huge, slightly bigger than Zipp, wearing a white tank top that failed to cover his belly and a black leather jacket on top of that, with heavy eyeliner and spiked cuffs on his wrists, all topped off by an enormous lime-green Mohawk. The last was a girl, her rusty orange hair done up with a skull-shaped clip, clothed in a black-and-white ensemble of shirt, leggings, and skirt.
Besides their looks, something about them caught Team Skull's attention. They collectively had the aura of people that were up to no good, which was a combination of intriguing and foreboding. By the protection of the tapus, no-one in Alola except Team Skull were bad guys. These three were clearly something unknown, adding an air of mystery to their already sinister appearance.
"Like, that was sooooooo trippy," the woman was saying now, her voice a casual drawl. "We totes shouldn't have touched that glowy portal thing, man. Its aura was craaaaaaazy off the charts."
The large one stomped his foot with a scowl. "I didn't see you offering any other ideas, Lola!" he rumbled angrily. "I could be back at the hideout liftin' amps right now, but now we're stuck in Crazy Town!"
"Lester, all your complaining is starting to make my hair lie flat," whined the third, plucking at his head.
The girl, Lola, leaned against him with her arms folded. "Cole sweeeeeetie, just shut up."
Lester scratched his head, a dumbly confused expression on his face. "So dudes, what's up with this place? No dig sites, no patrol teams, no nothin'!"
Frowning, Cole added, "I have to admit, I noticed that as well. And everyone here seems to like keeping those strange Vivosaurs with them… none of them are like nothing I've seen before."
"It's wiiiiiild here, man," agreed Lola. She pursed her lips and blew a large bubble with the gum in her mouth, which popped audibly. "There was someone I saw with, like, a living ice cream? This world is a trip and a half, y'know?"
Just then, the atmosphere grew tense around them, as they noticed they were no longer brooding in private. The newcomers turned to face the members of Team Skull, and the two groups narrowed their eyes at one another, sizing each other up.
"Whooooooa, déjà vu," muttered Lola. She pinched the bridge of her nose like she was staving off a headache. "Are you guys like an alternate Brigade or something? Talk about freeeeeeaky."
"Who're these punks?" Lester grunted, inflating his chest threateningly.
The blue-haired Tupp grinned underneath his bandana. "Who're we?" he repeated mockingly. "Yo, you folks been livin' under a bridge or somethin'?"
"We're Team Skull, the hardest homies around, yo!" the brown-haired Zipp declared, striking a pose.
Posing as well, the pink-haired Rapp glared suspiciously at her female counterpart and added, "We own the underworld around here in Alola, and so when new bad guys pop up, we have the right to know about it!"
Lola seemed unconcerned, almost bored, and stretched languidly. "Oh reaaaaaaaally?" she drawled. "That's, like, a bummer, man. 'Cause you tooooootally look like we'd flip your wig in a fight, yeah?"
"You're the criminals in this place?" Cole sneered, with a flick of his hair. "I couldn't tell – your outfits are so tragically unhip it makes my eyes hurt!"
"Yo, how dare you mock the signature threads of the Team Skull family!" Tupp menacingly strutted up into Cole's face. "Seems to me like you're itchin' for a fight, hipster."
The two of them glared at one another for a few seconds, sparks seeming to fly between them. Finally, Lola quirked an eyebrow at her companion to get him to back off, and Tupp followed suit after a moment. At this point, the tension between the two had thickened to the point where one could cut it with a knife.
"Sooooo, yeah," Lola yawned. "Thanks for being nice enough to introduce yourselves and stuff. It's only polite to return the favor, y'know?"
Taking this as a cue, Lester stomped forward and thumped his belly, then flexed his arms downward to show off his biceps with a cocksure grin. "The name's Lester, and I'm gonna rock your worlds!"
Following this up with a flashy spin and fist-pump, Cole announced, "Say hello to Cole!"
"And I'm the groooooovy chick, Lola!" the girl in question finished, one hand placed on her hip and the other behind her head.
"Gar har har har!" Lester let out a booming laugh. "We're the commanders of the BareBones Brigade, wannabes! The feared crime syndicate that rocked the Caliosteo Islands like a hard metal concert!"
"We don't know how we got here, but it looks as good a place as ever to set up shop while we find a way to get home," smirked Cole, coming across as incredibly smug. "And if our only competition is you fashion-impaired freaks, we'll be running these islands within a week."
Tupp, Rapp, and Zipp exchanged bewildered glances. Normally they'd be all fired up by the clear insult to their Team Skull status, but these clowns weren't making any sense.
"What's a Caliosteo?" deadpanned Tupp.
The BareBones Brigade almost facefaulted, but caught themselves at the last minute. They goggled at the three Team Skull grunts as if they'd just sprouted extra limbs.
"Like, are you for reaaaaaaal, man?" Lola exclaimed. "You've never heard of us? That totally blows my miiiiiiind."
"What are you supposed to be, a bunch of Team Skull knockoffs?" Zipp accused. "Our hardness can't be matched, yo! To Alolan culture we're attached, yo!"
"That supposed to be a rap, kid?" Lester shot back, guffawing loudly. "That's the worst opening act I've ever heard!"
"At least we look like a gang, not some collection of social outcasts!" Rapp snapped, pardon the rhyme.
At this point, the tension reached its all-time high. The commanders of BareBones Brigade lost their smirks and turned serious, taking major offense to what had been an unintentional jab to what they'd been before they joined the Brigade. Tupp, Rapp, and Zipp seemed to recognize that they'd touched a nerve, but instead of backing off wisely, they aggressively pressed their advantage and advanced on the foreigners.
"That was, like, toooootally uncalled for. You're all maaaaaajor buzzkills," growled Lola, green eyes flashing malevolently.
Turning around with a swish of his jacket, Cole declared, "You're not even worth the oxygen it takes to speak to you. My style can't stand being cramped by such a mainstream bunch of flunkies!"
"Yeah, we won't have to worry about 'em after we take charge around here!" boomed Lester.
The BareBones Brigade left the alley without saying another word, disappearing around the corner as Team Skull stared incredulously after them.
"What is their deal, yo?!" demanded Zipp. "No tourists go around hatin' on Team Skull like that!"
"And all that talk about rulin' Alola – talk about nerve!" Tupp agreed heatedly. "We're Team Skull, and we were here first! These crazy newcomers, they're just the worst!"
"I say we go out there and show them how hard Team Skull can get!" Rapp declared.
Nodding in unison, the three of them struck the signature pose of Team Skull to psych themselves up, then burst out of the alleyway after their new antagonists. A few pedestrians walking by yelped in fright and hastened to get out of the way, but the thugs' attention wasn't on them.
After a few moments of angrily scanning the street, Rapp saw three distinctive hairstyles walking down the main road. Not only were they easy to spot, but the regular townsfolk seemed to be giving them their space. It wasn't just Team Skull that recognized that they were trouble.
They broke into a run and soon caught up with the BareBones Brigade. Tupp let out a shout, and the three foreigners turned around at the sound. When they saw who had followed them, they were less than impressed.
"… Seriously?" Cole asked, raising an eyebrow.
"You got rocks in your skull if you think you can walk away from Team Skull like that!" yelled Tupp.
"If you're lookin' to take over Alola before us, we've got a bone to pick with you!" Rapp and Zipp chorused.
Lester scowled. "Bone puns now? They're stealin' our jam!"
By now, the citizens of Hau'oli had figured out what was going on and managed to find things to do elsewhere. While it was true no-one in Alola was really that scared of Team Skull, they sensed that the situation was about to turn ugly and didn't want to risk their lives for the sake of a few errands. In record time, the street was deserted, giving Team Skull and the BareBones Brigade plenty of space to sort out their differences.
The stage was set for the showdown, with each group standing on the side of the street opposite the other. They stared each other down, waiting for the other side to make the first move. Eventually, the stalemate was broken by Tupp, Rapp, and Zipp, their impatience getting the better of them.
"Come on out, Salandit!" Tupp cried, hurling a Poke Ball.
"Zubat, you too!" added Rapp.
"Back 'em up, Garbodor!" Zipp finished.
The three Pokemon appeared in front of them with individual flashes of blue light, ready and itching for a fight. Rather than being startled or intimidated, though, the members of the BareBones Brigade seemed more curious than anything.
"See, it's like I was saying," Cole insisted, gesturing to the creatures that they were faced with. "This place has Vivosaurs unlike any we're familiar with."
"Yeah, I toooootally think that wicked portal thing worked its voodoo on us," replied Lola. She eyed the Pokemon with vague interest from under her heavy-lidded eyes. "Walking garbage thing? Doesn't that, like, blow your miiiiiiinds?"
"Aw, come on! Let's just beat 'em like a snare drum and be done with it!" Lester shouted impatiently, a sentiment that was shared by the members of Team Skull.
"Yo, you done chattin' or what?" Zipp called. "We'll show you who the hardest gang in Alola really is!"
"What's the matter, chumps? You scared or somethin'?" taunted Tupp.
Rolling her eyes, Lola took a step forward, dancing a coin-shaped object along her fingers. She blew a pink bubble and popped it obnoxiously loudly. "Don't get your pants in a twist, yeah? Let's go, boys, and show 'em how it's done in Caliosteo."
She flipped the coin into the air, and with a bright flash of light, Team Skull was left staring in complete shock at the creature that materialized – a huge bird-like skeleton whose bones were cloaked in a hazy black ectoplasm. It spread its shadowy wings with a loud, chilling clatter and rose into the air to do battle.
And the BareBones Brigade wasn't done. Cole and Lester produced their own medallions and summoned their own ghostly beasts, Cole's being a dark sea serpent with blazing yellow eye sockets and Lester's being a skeletal horned menace built like a tank. Together, the trio of ghouls raised their heads and unleashed clattering howls that sounded like they'd come straight out of Hell.
"Y-Y-Yo, Tupp!" squeaked Rapp, flinching back in fright. "Th-Those are some s-serious-lookin' Ghost-types, bro!"
Tupp gulped, but otherwise betrayed no fear. "D-Doesn't matter if we're fightin' a Legendary! Team Skull doesn't back down from anything, no matter how tough!"
"Y-Yeah!" agreed Zipp. His eyes shone with admiration for his companions despite his fear. "That's just how Team Skull rolls, yo! Let's have our Pokemon fill 'em full of holes, yo!"
Salandit, Zubat, and Garbodor drew confidence from their Trainers and stepped forward to face their opponents, regardless of how outmatched they were in terms of size and fear factor.
"Har! They're not wimpin' out and fleeing from our Boneysaurs!" laughed Lester. "Gotta admit our new pals have guts to spare! B-Tricera, let's get ready to raaaaaawwwwwwk!"
"B-Jara, thump 'em good, you dig?" drawled Lola.
"Feast your eyes on my beautiful B-Plesio!" Cole bragged.
The battle began with Team Skull taking the initiative. They commanded their Poison-types to use a unanimous Venoshock on their foes, and the streams of hissing poison struck the Boneysaurs and made them flinch in pain. Unconcerned, the BareBones Brigade mounted their counterattack. B-Plesio slithered rapidly forward and rammed Salandit aside, while B-Jara and Zubat soared into the air and flew in circles in their attempts to hit one another. Back on the ground, the earth seemed to shake when B-Tricera slammed its bare skull into Garbodor, but the living trash heap managed to wrangle it by the horns and hold it off.
Furious at seeing how strong the BareBones Brigade was, the three thugs did what they did best and stood their ground against the opposition, regardless of whether they could win our not. More Venoshock attacks rained down on the dinosaurian ghosts, doing enough damage to drive them staggering back.
"Ha! Those creepy creatures of yours can dish it out, but they sure can't take it!" taunted Tupp.
"Yeah? B-Jara, hit the little batty one with a grooooovy Boney Beguile," Lola grinned.
Leaking ectoplasm from its wounds, the flying skeleton swooped low and battered Zubat with a hideously loud screech. The small Pokemon took damage from multiple consecutive soundwaves, and with each one that hit, a green aura flashed around the three Boneysaurs and healed their wounds.
"Check it! They've got some kinda weird vampire attack!" gasped Rapp.
"Talk about freaky, sis!" Zipp agreed. "But Team Skull don't give up for nobody! Garbodor, use Gunk Shot, homie!"
The massive Poison-type began its attack, but Cole and Lester smirked briefly before ordering their Boneysaurs to attack. B-Plesio and B-Tricera charged forward and crashed their thick skulls into Garbodor's gut, sending it flying to land in a heap at Zipp's feet.
It didn't take long for Lola and Cole to wrap up the battle with a couple more attacks. B-Jara let out another clattering scream at Zubat, knocking it out of the sky, and B-Plesio struck Salandit with a powerful – and totally unexpected – Water-type attack.
And just like that, it was over. Team Skull had been trounced once again. Shocked and outraged at how quickly Lola, Cole, and Lester had beat them, the Team Skull trio returned their Pokemon to the safety of their Poke Balls. Immediately, they struck their poses, ready to perform some gestures and talk some trash in defiance, like they always did to those who beat them.
Except this time, they paused as the Boneysaurs seemed to close in and prevent them from advancing. They protected their masters with chilling cries, their ghostly eyes burning brightly with rage.
Not even the stubborn, hard-headed trio of Tupp, Rapp, and Zipp were stupid enough to try anything.
"W-We won't forget this!" growled Tupp as he drew back from the victors.
"Y-Yeah!" agreed Zipp, ever defiant despite his growing fear. "To quote the boss, y'all are stupid if you think you can mess with Team Skull!"
"You haven't seen the last of us!" Rapp finished – and with that, the three thugs whipped around and booked it down the street, soon vanishing around a corner in a cloud of dust.
Silently, the commanders of the BareBones Brigade watched them go even as their Boneysaurs automatically reverted back into Dino Medals. They seemed amused as they stared after their fleeing rivals.
"So that happened," Cole spoke up. "Of course, with my natural beauty, our victory was all but assured."
"We shredded those punks like a guitar riff!" laughed Lester.
Instead of joining in the celebration, Lola blinked slowly as a thought occurred to her. "Hey, y'know, those Skull guys totes gave me an epiphany, man. Like, where's Don B. at?"
Meanwhile, on Ula'Ula Island…
"The hated boss who beats ya down and beats ya down and never lets up… yeah, yer boy Guzma's here!" cackled the Team Skull boss.
"Puny mortal! Cower in fear before the mighty Don Boneyard!" the living skeleton boomed dramatically.
Professor Kukui didn't hesitate and grabbed both Sun's and Lillie's arms, leading them out of Malie Garden despite their protests. He was just in time, as behind him, the sounds of a Golisopod and a B-Ptera trading blows could be heard. The poor Johtonian garden wouldn't stand a chance against the might of their clash.
The shirtless professor had been planning on having Sun fight Guzma to show the latter how powerful the Island Challenge had made his pupil, but that was before the sinister figure in robes had arrived and declared that he'd be taking over Alola. Team Skull was one thing – this was something he wasn't dumb enough to get involved with!
Cole: "We were Team Skull before it was cool!"
Lester: "We rocked it better than them, too!"
Lola: "These guys suuuuuuuck, man."
Sorry, Team Skull. They're awesome and all, but you've gotta admit the BB Brigade was more challenging in Fossil Fighters: Champions than Skull was in Pokemon Sun/Moon.
Minor disclaimer for anyone who's feeling nitpicky – Boney Beguile steals FP from the opponent, but since FP doesn't exist in the Poke-verse, I made it into a Giga Drain-like attack.
So yeah, this is just something I did for fun, after getting struck by that glorious lightning bolt of inspiration. Hope you enjoyed! Leave some reviews, please!