Title: Cuts Like a Knife
Author: Warujii
Chapter: One-shot
Pairing: Shin/Sena
Warnings: Spoilers for 219th down
Disclaimer: I do not own Eyeshield 21 or any of it's characters and I'm not making any profit out of this.
Summary: At that moment, Sena could feel his heart break…
Author notes: Monta and Sena's dialogue as well as Shin's 'silent line' are (very slightly modified) excerpts from the manga
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He's struggling to breathe as he lies on his back, cold raindrops hitting his face. He's been tackled many, many times during this tournament, more than he can remember and several of them by the opponent standing above him like a foreboding statue but it has never hurt this much before. Even that very first tackle, when he felt as if his ribs were cracking, and he was still new to the pain that came with American Football couldn't even compare. It is if all the air has been crushed out of him, and with black dots swimming before his eyes it's a wonder he hasn't passed out. This is Shin Seijuro… the perfect player.
Looking up into those dark eyes, words don't need to be spoken. In one look, Shin ceases to see him as a rival, or even as a worthy opponent. His eyes, as honest and brutally direct as the rest of him, says:
Is that it? Is that all of your power? The man I acknowledged as my greatest rival, Kobayakawa Sena was a man that breaks under so little?
And somehow, that blatant disregard, no not disregard, that blatant disappointment hurts so much worse than the tackle. In his mind, all of his efforts in American Football flash before Sena's eyes, the effort he has put in just so he could someday, maybe beat Shin. Always, always with Shin in the back of his mind he would strive endlessly no matter how much it hurt or how tired he was… and this is all it came up to. Through eyes blurred by tears, he sees Shin turn his back on him and walk away and he wants to stretch out his hand and beg him to turn around and give him another chance.
He can't stop the tears from flowing freely down his face, even as Monta worriedly approaches him.
"Sena, are you… crying?" Monta says, as if he can hardly believe his own words.
"Wrong, I'm not crying," he answers, because these aren't the kind of tears that can so easily be categorised. This pain, mere crying can't even begin to describe it as his heart feels like it's being shredded to little pieces.
"Shin-san was silent," he continues, as his voice quivers, "but he said it so clearly with his eyes… that is so painful. So painful…"
And he barely hears the scolding cries of his team that that is what crying is, because all his hopes have been crushed in this one instant. He can't help the Devil Bats to victory anymore now that his only weapon is useless and no more will Shin look at him like someone worthy of his attention. Never again will Sena be anyone special in the eyes of the earnest, serious Shin, whose gaze will always be fixed forward toward the stars, never glancing back at those he leaves behind.
His heart is breaking, because now he's nothing special at all to Shin, the man he admires the most. But this pain, is it normal to feel so desperately lost and hurt just because his rival will no longer see him as his main opponent? It shouldn't hurt this much just because of that, right?
Shaking his head, he tries to refocus. The match isn't over, the Deimon Devil Bats haven't lost yet. There is still time, still some time to regain Shin's respect and to win this match that will let his friends go to the Kantou Finals, the last step before the Christmas Bowl.
He gets up, and his legs are still quivering from both nervousness and effort. Cautiously he approaches Hiruma, hoping that just one more time at least he will be able to run against Shin. He's willing to fall down on his knees and beg, even though Hiruma has never been moved by any such gestures before, because it's not just about wanting to win anymore, he needs to win desperately to get back what he has lost all too easily.
If only Shin would look at him for one more minute, no even a second is fine, like he's worthy… he can do anything to achieve that. He can run a thousand games, take thousand tackles and more, if Shin would just look at him again like he used to… even if it is only for a little while. He needs it so desperately, even though he isn't sure why, that he would rather ruin his legs forever in this game then walk away from it without having earned back Shin's attention.
He will surpass Shin, surpass him so that his eyes will never again turn away from him.
It's a goal he's willing to give anything for, because this cutting pain in his heart is out of this world.
The End.