Disclaimer: I don't own the turtles or any of the other characters on the show, I'm not making money with this, nor do I mean any copyright infringement.
This is sort of my Ode to Raphael. I'm a loyal Donatello fan of course, but there's something about Raphael and his raw emotion that intrigues the writer in me.
Warning: Character death and sadness.
My brother Raphael rarely cries.
In fact, I can count the times I've seen him cry on one hand and I've only got three fingers. Raphael is strong; he holds all his feelings under his shell, and he'll never bear them to anybody, he'll never break down and bear his soul not even to his brothers. Being strong is what he is, what he does. Maybe sees himself as someone who has to be strong for all of us, to protect us; maybe he sees such emotions as weak.
I don't know.
Raph is also angry. It could come from the fact that we are mutants, outcast from humanity. We could be doomed to live in these sewers for the rest of our lives, the first and last of our kind. Maybe that's what makes him so angry. Maybe he believes we are destined for so much more, maybe he's angry at the lot fate has given us, he's angry we may never realize the destinies he believes we were meant for;maybe it's not so complicated maybe he's just a naturally temperamental turtle. Sometimes I'm not even sure he knows.
Raphael acts tough I know, but underneath there's someone who really cares about those he loves. He's not mushy, I suspect that he'd rather die than ever be seen as the slightest big mushy, but beyond that tough guy exterior and hair trigger temper is a spirit so loyal that he'll go to the ends of the earth to protect his loved ones. He's not afraid to comfort one of us when we are sad, aid us when we are injured, rescue our shells when we're in trouble. Raphael cares and even though he's gruff, and sometimes grouchy he's not afraid to tell us that he cares for us when it's necessary. Still Raphael rarely cries, and when he does it's when all the walls have broken down, when he thinks that things are at their worst…when the end is near.
Raph broke his arm when he was ten, yet even though he must have been in excruciating pain, he did not shed a tear. When Christmas came around and there were no presents under our ragged little tree, some of us cried especially Mikey; but not a drop touched Raph's face. Yet when we had lost our first battle with the foot, when we were sure we would loose Leonardo, Raphael cried. When everyone thought that I myself had been killed…Raphael cried.
Master Splinter's breath is coming slower now, his eyes are dimming and when I put my stethoscope to his chest I can hear the beat of his heart slowing, dropping down to nothingness. Leonardo and I have tried everything we know, but even though we've learned so much from Master Splinter none of our knowledge has helped him. We can't do much more than make him comfortable. I pull my Stethoscope away and I look up at my brothers. I look at Raphael, his eyes meet mine and I see the tears falling down his cheeks.
Raphael rarely cries, and when he does it means that things are bad.
I feel the warm tears on my own cheeks as well. I see Leo and Mikey their eyes shining with pain, their faces wet with tears. We don't say anything there's nothing we can say.
Master Splinter who found us that one fateful day, who saved us and took us into his care; even though he could have walked away and left us to our fate he took it upon himself to raise us, feed us, care for us and teach us. Master Splinter who taught us everything we know, who loved us more than anything in the world; Master Splinter, our Sensai, our father; is dying.
When Raphael cries you know that things are at their worst, that it's as bad as it can get.
Master Splinter opens his eyes and he looks at us one by one.
His face pulls into a weak smile and he looks at us, so lovingly, so like a father.
"My sons." He says in a voice we can barely hear.
We gather around him as closely as we can, holding his hands and straining to hear his last dying words. "Remember my sons; remember everything I have taught you, not only in the ways of Ninjitsu, but also in the ways of life. It is my greatest wish that I could be with you in body as you continue your journey though your lives, but know I will always be with you, in spirit. Never forget how proud I am of all of you and never forget how much I love you." His voice falls silent, his eyes close and our father dies in front of us.
I look at my brothers one by one, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say…and my gaze falls to Raphael once more.
When Raphael cries you know that things are bad.
Our father is dead.
Things couldn't be worse.
We bow our heads and we stand before our father; our Sensai, the kindly old rat who saved four turtles he found in a storm drain, and brought us into adulthood alone; we stand arm in arm, brother beside brother…and we cry.
Note: Donatello's reference to "When everyone thought I myself had died" is a refrence to another story I was working on at the time I was writing this which was meant to preceed When Raphael Cries. The story was about the apparent death of Donatello, and though I started it, unfortunatly I hit some snags with the story and never finished it. Sorry if this came as some confusion to some of my readers, let us simply say that at one point before this story takes place Donatello was seemingly killed by the Shredder, but in the end of course turns up alive; And yes Raphael does cry in that story.