1.

Thor

"Loki!"

I should have known it was useless, but I called you wearily to come back as you ran off regardless. You always had to do this at a certain point in all of our arguments, so that, angry with you as I was, I ended up having to comfort you and be the one to seek reconciliation. I dropped heavily into the window seat in exasperation, turning with a sigh to watch you storm across the courtyard, your face scrunched up and defiant, holding yourself tense and close against the sheeting snow. I determined not to follow, not to give in this time, as I always eventually did.

I groaned heavily, getting up and hurling myself out of the door to go after you.

You did not stop in your angry tearing through the city until you reached the edge of Idun's Orchard. Here there was a small but beautiful courtyard, wherein grew a single stray apple tree, right in the centre. It was an old tree, the twisted roots rising high above the cracked cobblestones and forming a tiny fantastical labyrinth of seats, pathways and curling corridors of wood. It had been a favourite haunt of both of ours when we were very small and we had lost many happy hours playing amongst these slithering roots and spreading branches.

Though there was snow throughout Asgard, in Idun's orchards it was always warm and a ceiling of white blossom fluttered like pennants overhead. The white, shivering flowers shook hard as I approached, and suddenly, all flung themselves petulantly at my feet, stripping the tree cruelly bare. The roots began to move, squirming and sliding like snakes trying to trip me, push me back, keep me from you. But I could see you, hunched up in your favourite seat among the roots. I could see the stubborn hunch of your shoulders, your knees drawn up to your chest, could see the back of your hand as your fingers grasped at the air like creaking animated bone and you spat the roots around my ankles and the branches to whip me in the face. But nobody would keep me from you when I was determined to reach you – especially not you.

"Loki, stop this!" I growled in irritation. As I wrestled a tree branch headed straight for my face I remembered a time when you had pulled almost this exact same stunt, many years ago now.

Do you recall it brother? Would you admit it if you did? You had gone into a tantrum after I shouted at you on behalf of the Lady Sif. In a fit of jealously at my spending time with her instead of you that day you had turned her hair irreversibly black. It was a simple spell, you later said, but your fury, even as a child had rendered it too strong to change back. Sif was just a tiny thing, so much so to still cry at this and when I both comforted her and rounded on you, you had flown into a rage a hundred times greater than you were already in. You had yelled and screamed that I did not love you, did not even care about you- that I liked everyone better than I liked you and that fine, you did not want to play with me anyway. But I saw your chin quiver, brother, and the shine in your eyes and when you stormed out I forgot all about comforting Sif and followed you.

You had come straight here and though you had not the skill then to lash out at me as violently as now your anger still shook the blossom from the trees, carpeting the courtyard in white like fallen snow. I too ended up covered in petals as I entered the cave of roots into which you had slipped yourself. You looked at me and, changeable as ever, chuckled at me -

"Heh" you giggled – "Petals." I groaned and started brushing them off myself and onto you. Brushing them back at me, we broke into a tussle and suddenly – I had barely pushed you – quick as that, you had started to cry. I had melted instantly; my childish heart knowing nothing more than that it broke me to see you cry. Noisy and gulping, you shook all over with it and tried to hug yourself back into stillness from the sobs that heaved in you.

"Loki –" I said – "Brother, please don't cry –" It hurt me physically inside until I wanted to cry too. I just wanted to make it better. I would always just want to make it better. You peevishly shied away from my attempt to hold you until I permitted it no more and yanked you to me, allowing for no objection, though you were no sooner in my arms than clinging to me, your face pressed into my shoulder.

"You hate me!" you wailed, gasping out your words.

"Loki, don't be stupid! Of course I don't hate you, why would I –"

"You like Sif more than me! You were mean to me – you were nice to her! You – you –" your lip quivered with your battle with tears.

"She was sad!" I protested, bewildered by your reasoning. "I was nice because she was sad – and you were the one that upset her!"

"But before that," you would not be stopped – not ever, if convinced you had been done wrong – "You were playing with her hair – I heard you – you said it was pretty – so I –" you swallowed then, a sly note creeping into your voice – "So I changed it."

I had let go of you a little just to frown, not understanding you at all – and in that space you threw yourself against me, clutching at me and balling the back of my shirt in your fists as though you would never let go.

"Don't let me go Thor –" you sobbed into my chest until my shirt was wet. "Never let me go". I was shaken scared to hear the desperation in your voice; a passion I had thought we were too young to feel – you seemed too small to be able to hold that much feeling – and all I could do was hold you back tight, stroking you until I felt your wild heartbeat calm. When you finally pulled away you looked up at me very solemnly and informed me that you needed to blow you nose. I am sure I sighed at you, telling you I was not going to do it for you, before you blew your nose – on my sleeve.

"Urgh!" I howled – "You're disgusting!" Though it was good to see your smile, that crooked sun through thunder clouds, and to hear you make that little heh heh of a laugh. I punched you affectionately in the arm and saw you quite visibly draw your trembling self back together.

"You should tell Sif I'm sorry," you sighed.

"You tell her". You groaned but agreed and later you did so and though she stated acceptance I suspect she never did quite forgive you. Either way that was highly unimportant at that time.

"Thor?" you frowned, all crumpled face and big eyes.

"Yes?"

"Do you love me?"

"Loki –" I groaned; we were children, it was deeply against the grain to admit such things. But you pressed –

"Do you?"

I gathered you into my arms again as if by holding you close and warm enough I could make you know without having to say it. But you had to hear words didn't you? Always.

"You're my brother."

"That's not an answer."

I groaned.

"You're my brother and I love you – first and forever –" I felt you smile and sniff contentedly – "Now get off me before you snot all over again."

You giggled, clearly proud of having done so the first time, and you made me play with your hair, there in the roots of the tree, to make up for my playing with Sif. I told you you were impossible and you readily agreed.

And now –

I fought the roots and branches until I was too close for you to continue your attack without hurting yourself as well. Even then you did not stop immediately. You whipped yourself in the neck with a root aimed straight at my groin. I shielded myself just in time, growling at you to stop, my instinct leading me to drop over you, shielding you now, rather than myself, from your own violence.

"Stop it!" I repeated – "You'll hurt yourself!" It pained me that I could tell this was of little concern to you. You looked at me like I had gone mad, your eyes washed and sparkling the dazzling green they always went when you had been crying; but you did stop.

"Hurt myself? I'll hurt you." You frowned incredulously – "Surely that should be more your concern?"

"You are my concern Loki, never mind me, I will not see you hurt yourself, my brother." In your sudden, slightly shocked stillness I took your hands, holding them both within mine gently but firmly enough to stop any further lashing out. You looked down at our hands and I saw your lip quiver. I had already pulled you to me when you started to cry, shaking into my shoulder. I let go of your hands and you clutched at me as though you were a child still.

I sighed and stroked your hair back, calming you as I had done time out of mind. Eventually you sniffed –

"Well. This is terribly familiar."

"Well I am not letting you blow your nose on me this time." That at least got a smirk out of you. "Loki, must we never cease to have this argument?" I watched your forehead knit and you looked up at me – and must have seen how cut and lashed by branches I was for your face fell as soon as it had brightened.

"I did not mean –" you began, but could not quite bring yourself to fully apologise. I knew you would not. Indeed, annoyed at you perceived weakness in going as far as you had you glared at me quickly. "You like them all better than me," you heaved out, petulantly.

"Loki –" I said patiently – "Just because I spend time with my friends does not mean –"

"Father wants you to marry her," you interrupted, as cuttingly as you could.

"The Lady Sif? What makes you –"

"I saw the way he looked at you both! I see it all the time! And one day you will marry her and I –"

"Now wait one minute!" I interrupted you this time "I have no intention of marrying Sif or anyone so I will beg you not to presume my plans!"

"Anyone?" You looked at me, distrustfully.

"I would marry you if I could, brother –"

"Well you can't –" you snapped, angry I think at the fact rather than me – "Brother." I nodded agreement –

"Given which I intend not to marry at all until I – until we are king and can change that rule." You shook your head;

"I really cannot see that going down well in Asgard."

I shrugged, in the light of problems that were too big of us I lighted back down on the ones we could solve;

"Rest assured, I do not like my friends more than you, as you so childishly put it –" you opened your mouth to be affronted by this. I went on before you could, my voice softening as I stroked the tangled hair back from your face; it was very long in those days and tended towards untidiness, I could become distracted for loving the spider web feel of it in my fingers.

"Loki, I love you" I insisted – "How many times must I tell you before you know it?" You looked downwards as though desperately seeking a challenge; the one you found was weak -

"You're my brother -" I remembered giving you the same argument so long ago and it did not work on you then. I lost patience with you –

"You know damn well that is not the sum of it – if it was do you think we would be having this right now? You – you –" I broke off with an inarticulate growl of frustration, my voice, my hands shook as I struggled for language enough to express all that you were to me. Such language did not exist. Instead I gently stroked a path down your jawline, frowning as my fingers gently traced the angry whiplash mark across your neck. You flinched at first, struggling to accept my caress, my love, angry – I think – more at yourself now than at me.

"No –" you squirmed, though the conflict in your voice turned it more into a question – "You don't – you just want –"

"I just want my little brother not to hurt himself," I growled, dipping my head to kiss your injuries better if I could, a move you allowed after only the feeblest of struggles.

"I want you to know how I love you and I want you to be happy brother; that is all."

You half shook your head, but I could hear what was positively a purr in your throat and you let your head fall back, permitting me – nay forcing me to kiss you over and over.

"You really are –" you groaned, but gasping tiny breathy sighs as you spoke – "The simplest, most idiotic –"

"Shut up Loki," I rumbled into your neck. I felt you shudder and swallow, heard you choke on a sob as you let go of that anger, transforming it as if by your magic into something else. You whispered something so quietly I could not hear and I looked up to see your eyes closed and your shoulders painfully stiff with terror as you pretended that you were not saying what you were saying. You whispered it again, your voice breaking with need and desperation –

"Love me –" you whispered; a plea, not an order – "Please love me."

My chest tightened to hear you, tightened that you could doubt that I already did;

"Always," I frowned, the promise easier I think for me to make than for you to hear. But you looked at me, eyes smiling and I felt you relax – as though you had actually feared I would not. Somehow this time you had taken it in; I never knew when you would and when you would stubbornly refuse to hear it. Your lips twitched in the shadow of a smile and in a whisper just as quiet but infinitely more assured you added –

"Kiss me." In fact this time you were insistent, but it was an order I could never have refused.

And I did. I kissed you until our lips were bruised and my limbs entangled with yours until we were twisted around each other like the roots twisted around us. Down amongst those secret caves we twined together beneath the canopy of branches, in the snowstorm of fallen white petals.

_x_

Chapter 2 coming soon, in which we get Loki's perspective and a more graphic follow up to this scene!