This is parody. It's not meant to hurt anyone. Parody generally means
mockery. All previous disclaimers still count. Sibhin??? Gets a cookie.
Does she exist? Donno. I saw an email flash in my face while I was still in
bed. I'm gunna shut up now.
Ch. 2..1. Antipodes in the form of people
He woke upside down, and locked up in chains, a badly designed room, and surprisingly, an onion necklace. Barry definitely had to get out of here. Didn't he have a date with a cauldron? Where'd that orc go? Pulling himself up with his perfect body, he was about to pick the lock (he was a perfect thief of course) when Barry heard the door lock click and the door open. Dropping back down, he was looking at Saruman. "Hi, I'm Barry-Sue, I mean no harm, and would really appreciate your help in getting me down." said the poor prisoner. Saruman just looked at him and chuckled. " I don't think so Gandalf. The first time I put you somewhere safe, Gwiher saved you. You're not going to take advantage of a fellow wizard now are you?" Gandalf?! "Sir, are you hard of hearing? I said my name was BARRY. I don't know this Gandalf you speak of, but if I see him, I tell him to get back to you." The other wizard tilted his head and just looked at him. "Care for a mirror, imposter?" 'A mirror? A Mirror! Finally, he just couldn't function in the morning without the knowledge of his perfect hair and beautiful face still intact. Unfortunately, the truth hurts and when he finally saw himself, the first thoughts running through his head were 'WTF?!' An old man with tangled hair and beard, all seen through blue eyes stared back at him. This couldn't happen to him. Not HIM! He was a Sue for heaven's sake!
A returning scream could be overheard in Mordor, not uncommon for that particular location, but a few citizens in Gondor found their ears bleeding, dogs whined, and Laketown was inquiring to the Mirkwood wine delivery service if orcs were passing through the borders again.
Meanwhile, back in Rivendell, an elf could be seen trying to revive an unconscious Dwarf.. "Gimli? Gimli! Speak to me, friend! Are you alright?!" Getting no response, Legolas picked 'Gimli' up and brought him before Lord elrond and his foster son, Aragorn. "*hir nin, Lord Elrond, Gimli let out a scream that rattled everyone in the area and now he won't wake from unconsciousness! Can you help him?" the shaken elf said. Elrond looked Gimli over and replied, "It does not look fatal. Aragorn, bring me the smelling salts. Maybe the dwarf will tell us what is wrong when he wakes up"
5 minutes later, one conscious dwarf was staring at two concerned elves and one worried man. 'So it wasn't just a bad dream' Mary thought. 'And to think, I was so happy to be home'. " uh..hi. Why are you all staring at me..?" Are you all right Gimli? Legolas told me you screamed and lost consciousness. Is there anything you'd like to tell us?" Lord Elrond replied. "Yes, actually. I'm not from around here, and I wanna go home. This place has too many rocks here! And I'm scared! I'm so alone, please get me home!" Mary begged, clearly depressed her dreams weren't coming true. She watched them for a reaction. Three faces stared perplexed back at her. "Well? I thought what I told you was *pellucid. It's not like I *embragled you. Well?! Get to it you *otiose elves!" Mary cried vehemently. Lord Elrond sighed audibly. "Master dwarf? While the rest of us can't say we love working with and under the ground, even I can't understand what you just said. You're clearly not in your' right mind and will be sent home immediately." "Really?! That's great!" Mary was so happy! She was going home, to her electronics, parents, and even her annoying older brother! Sighing happily, she saw Legolas looked downtrodden. The other two had left earlier, most likely while she was thinking. "Is there something you want Legolas?" "I had hoped we would be able to explore Fangorn forest." The elf replied with a sad smile. "Where do you want to go, Erebor or the Glittering Caves? I could go with you then ride back to Mirkwood. There are still plans to be made and things to pack before my return to Ithilien." "uh..that's alright, I can go alone, and Erebor is good." She said with a smile. 'Erebor must be a gate. I don't like caves. There're too dark, wet, and creepy'. Just then Lord Elrond appeared in the doorway. "Don't worry, Legolas. Glorfindel will accompany him there if he doesn't want yours." Mary was about to argue having any one accompanying her at all, but just then, a golden haired elf about 6'3 walked in. "Who am I to accompany?" said the elf. "Why Glorfindel, wonderful timing. Gimli has decided to go home. Have you made your decision on which 'home' you speak of master dwarf?" "Yes, Lord Elrond. I want to go to Erebor, alone if possible." Mary said in a haughty manner. "Oh so you know the way?" Glorfindel asked. "I am not needed then? I will just get back to my duties then." He started walking away would've made it pass the door, but Elrond stopped him. "Master Gimli is not in his right mind, so it is ill-advised to let him go alone. You pack, and we will discuss the details later." " Yes Lord Elrond" With that, the golden haired elf walked out of the room to pack.
Barry, on the other hand, was seriously considering suicide. Jumping off the roof, piercing himself with his staff, and fatal spells didn't work. He had had enough of stupid orcs, smart-mouthed wizards, and going without a computer or cell phone for more then 2 days! 'With newfound contempt for anything that breathed, he prepared to jump off orthac until the mystical barrier stopped him (created by a sadistic cadet in need of a laugh, the poor girl was in tears and her sides ached as he attempted to kill himself). With a rage never seen in a Sue before, he climbed to the very top and attempted to fall off the tower point instead. He was falling, falling..falling.falling, almost out of sight! Until that is, the barrier levated from the ground bounced him up, up..all the way back to the tower. (The cadet was rolling on the floor by now) With a shrill cry, Barry screamed, "WHY CAN'T I DIE?! Are you people mad at me or something?!"
This is your cliff hanger. See it? Good. This implies that this authoress has no idea how to continue despite her many ideas to shoot these Sue's dreams down. There's even a small list that's only getting longer; it includes but not exceeds tub portals, OOC's, OC's, portals to earth, legomances, and being run over by a car. So don't worry. She'll write more. W.F.:Gimli lived in Erebor, and Glitter caves.
Gildor: (with cue cards again) Hir nin is elvish for my lord.
W.F.: Linkin park's 'Faint' is a good music video :D
Gildor: *looks at her* what does THAT have to do with anything?
W.F.: uh..nothing. Now to word meanings..AOL is the devil and MSN is godlike.
Gildor: AOL?
W.F.: An internet program hell bent on taking over everything. Otherwise it wouldn't overwrite computer programs.
Gildor: And MSN is better because..? W.F.: they gave us dictionary words to use!*dances around*
Gildor: riiight. Anyway, the words. Otiose: not effective, lazy, worthless~ Pellucid-clear in meaning~ Ambrangle-perplex someone~ Antipodes-places at opposite sides of sides of the world; opposite people(personality clash?)
Reviewers: thanks Daisy! As the first reviewer, you get a cookie and job- sue of your choice! I hope you enjoyed this chapter (
Ch. 2..1. Antipodes in the form of people
He woke upside down, and locked up in chains, a badly designed room, and surprisingly, an onion necklace. Barry definitely had to get out of here. Didn't he have a date with a cauldron? Where'd that orc go? Pulling himself up with his perfect body, he was about to pick the lock (he was a perfect thief of course) when Barry heard the door lock click and the door open. Dropping back down, he was looking at Saruman. "Hi, I'm Barry-Sue, I mean no harm, and would really appreciate your help in getting me down." said the poor prisoner. Saruman just looked at him and chuckled. " I don't think so Gandalf. The first time I put you somewhere safe, Gwiher saved you. You're not going to take advantage of a fellow wizard now are you?" Gandalf?! "Sir, are you hard of hearing? I said my name was BARRY. I don't know this Gandalf you speak of, but if I see him, I tell him to get back to you." The other wizard tilted his head and just looked at him. "Care for a mirror, imposter?" 'A mirror? A Mirror! Finally, he just couldn't function in the morning without the knowledge of his perfect hair and beautiful face still intact. Unfortunately, the truth hurts and when he finally saw himself, the first thoughts running through his head were 'WTF?!' An old man with tangled hair and beard, all seen through blue eyes stared back at him. This couldn't happen to him. Not HIM! He was a Sue for heaven's sake!
A returning scream could be overheard in Mordor, not uncommon for that particular location, but a few citizens in Gondor found their ears bleeding, dogs whined, and Laketown was inquiring to the Mirkwood wine delivery service if orcs were passing through the borders again.
Meanwhile, back in Rivendell, an elf could be seen trying to revive an unconscious Dwarf.. "Gimli? Gimli! Speak to me, friend! Are you alright?!" Getting no response, Legolas picked 'Gimli' up and brought him before Lord elrond and his foster son, Aragorn. "*hir nin, Lord Elrond, Gimli let out a scream that rattled everyone in the area and now he won't wake from unconsciousness! Can you help him?" the shaken elf said. Elrond looked Gimli over and replied, "It does not look fatal. Aragorn, bring me the smelling salts. Maybe the dwarf will tell us what is wrong when he wakes up"
5 minutes later, one conscious dwarf was staring at two concerned elves and one worried man. 'So it wasn't just a bad dream' Mary thought. 'And to think, I was so happy to be home'. " uh..hi. Why are you all staring at me..?" Are you all right Gimli? Legolas told me you screamed and lost consciousness. Is there anything you'd like to tell us?" Lord Elrond replied. "Yes, actually. I'm not from around here, and I wanna go home. This place has too many rocks here! And I'm scared! I'm so alone, please get me home!" Mary begged, clearly depressed her dreams weren't coming true. She watched them for a reaction. Three faces stared perplexed back at her. "Well? I thought what I told you was *pellucid. It's not like I *embragled you. Well?! Get to it you *otiose elves!" Mary cried vehemently. Lord Elrond sighed audibly. "Master dwarf? While the rest of us can't say we love working with and under the ground, even I can't understand what you just said. You're clearly not in your' right mind and will be sent home immediately." "Really?! That's great!" Mary was so happy! She was going home, to her electronics, parents, and even her annoying older brother! Sighing happily, she saw Legolas looked downtrodden. The other two had left earlier, most likely while she was thinking. "Is there something you want Legolas?" "I had hoped we would be able to explore Fangorn forest." The elf replied with a sad smile. "Where do you want to go, Erebor or the Glittering Caves? I could go with you then ride back to Mirkwood. There are still plans to be made and things to pack before my return to Ithilien." "uh..that's alright, I can go alone, and Erebor is good." She said with a smile. 'Erebor must be a gate. I don't like caves. There're too dark, wet, and creepy'. Just then Lord Elrond appeared in the doorway. "Don't worry, Legolas. Glorfindel will accompany him there if he doesn't want yours." Mary was about to argue having any one accompanying her at all, but just then, a golden haired elf about 6'3 walked in. "Who am I to accompany?" said the elf. "Why Glorfindel, wonderful timing. Gimli has decided to go home. Have you made your decision on which 'home' you speak of master dwarf?" "Yes, Lord Elrond. I want to go to Erebor, alone if possible." Mary said in a haughty manner. "Oh so you know the way?" Glorfindel asked. "I am not needed then? I will just get back to my duties then." He started walking away would've made it pass the door, but Elrond stopped him. "Master Gimli is not in his right mind, so it is ill-advised to let him go alone. You pack, and we will discuss the details later." " Yes Lord Elrond" With that, the golden haired elf walked out of the room to pack.
Barry, on the other hand, was seriously considering suicide. Jumping off the roof, piercing himself with his staff, and fatal spells didn't work. He had had enough of stupid orcs, smart-mouthed wizards, and going without a computer or cell phone for more then 2 days! 'With newfound contempt for anything that breathed, he prepared to jump off orthac until the mystical barrier stopped him (created by a sadistic cadet in need of a laugh, the poor girl was in tears and her sides ached as he attempted to kill himself). With a rage never seen in a Sue before, he climbed to the very top and attempted to fall off the tower point instead. He was falling, falling..falling.falling, almost out of sight! Until that is, the barrier levated from the ground bounced him up, up..all the way back to the tower. (The cadet was rolling on the floor by now) With a shrill cry, Barry screamed, "WHY CAN'T I DIE?! Are you people mad at me or something?!"
This is your cliff hanger. See it? Good. This implies that this authoress has no idea how to continue despite her many ideas to shoot these Sue's dreams down. There's even a small list that's only getting longer; it includes but not exceeds tub portals, OOC's, OC's, portals to earth, legomances, and being run over by a car. So don't worry. She'll write more. W.F.:Gimli lived in Erebor, and Glitter caves.
Gildor: (with cue cards again) Hir nin is elvish for my lord.
W.F.: Linkin park's 'Faint' is a good music video :D
Gildor: *looks at her* what does THAT have to do with anything?
W.F.: uh..nothing. Now to word meanings..AOL is the devil and MSN is godlike.
Gildor: AOL?
W.F.: An internet program hell bent on taking over everything. Otherwise it wouldn't overwrite computer programs.
Gildor: And MSN is better because..? W.F.: they gave us dictionary words to use!*dances around*
Gildor: riiight. Anyway, the words. Otiose: not effective, lazy, worthless~ Pellucid-clear in meaning~ Ambrangle-perplex someone~ Antipodes-places at opposite sides of sides of the world; opposite people(personality clash?)
Reviewers: thanks Daisy! As the first reviewer, you get a cookie and job- sue of your choice! I hope you enjoyed this chapter (