P . R . O . L . O . G . U . E.
Nate thought back to the time when he remembered feeling trapped. As if his entire life was planned out for him. He'd been with the same girl forever and he knew that wasn't normal. No other guy he knew had been like that. And for most of his life, he'd just accepted it. Then last spring happened. He was a little tipsy and Serena was more than a little drunk.
They'd somehow ended up on that chair together and he hadn't been able to stop himself. It was the first time that he realized that life wasn't planned out. That he really could change things. He didn't have to do what his parents wanted him to do. He didn't have to do what Blair wanted him to do. He could actually be himself…the only problem was that he didn't know who his self was.
Telling Blair the truth had been the hardest thing he'd ever done, but he had to. He couldn't sleep with Blair without telling her that it wasn't what she imagined it to be. It wasn't his first time. And he knew Blair. Or at least he thought he did. She had to have everything absolutely perfect.
He learned to love Blair before he could even ride a bike or tie his shoe laces properly. He'd loved Blair before his first pimple, his first woody, his first… everything that happened after the age of five.
They'd experienced so much together. It wasn't until he started rebelling against everything that it all came crashing down.
Blair hadn't been his first in one of the most intimate acts between a man and a woman.
And he hadn't been hers.
Why was it so hard for him to get past that fact?
He knew it was because he'd been so honest with her and she had lied to him. Well, she hadn't really said the words "Nate, I'm still a virgin." But she let him go on believing that he was her first.
The night of the ball he'd thought that for once in a long time he was actually happy with the way life had played out. He felt so horrible for everything he had done to her and he was amazed that she could keep on forgiving him. He knew that she really must love him and that it wasn't too late. And he really had missed her. She had been a part of his life for so long; it just felt natural to be with her.
He couldn't believe how much he missed her during Thanksgiving. Thoughts of the previous year kept floating through his head that day. He still only had eyes for Blair at that point. Serena was drunk and crazy and it was funny, sure. But it hadn't fazed him.
What he didn't know the day of the Cotillion was that it was already too late. He hadn't known that not being able to tell her that he loved her was the worst mistake he could have ever made. Because then she did the one thing that he didn't know if he could forgive.
Yes, he was angry when he thought she was dating Carter. He was actually jealous, and he couldn't believe the emotions coursing through him. In his bid to run away from Blair, he hadn't stopped to think that maybe she would find someone else. The fact that Carter, the guy who had tried to rob him blind in a poker game, was the offender just made it even worse.
But even in the middle of all that, he never once thought that she would offer someone else the one thing she'd held so sacred all these years. As soon as they were old enough to get the hormones, they'd started making out. And it had been incredible. But she'd always wanted to wait, and he'd always agreed. He loved and respected her, why wouldn't he agree?
She had slept with Chuck. Chuck! Chuck…his best friend…the betrayals had come full circle.
His head was still spinning. He never saw it coming. Jenny had mumbled the words, and he felt like he was kicked in the stomach. His girlfriend and his best friend: he didn't know what made it worse. The fact that she hadn't told him or the fact that it was Chuck she'd been with.
He had never raised a hand to anyone before in his life. He never had to deal with drama like that before. But all he could think as jealousy shot through him was how much he wanted to hurt Chuck for hurting him. So he'd slammed him up against the first available surface and demanded the truth. And the truth had hurt far worse than anything he'd ever felt before in his life.
Everything was so messed up.
She had been waiting for him when he got home from school that day—the worst day ever. He could hardly look at her. The things he'd always loved most about her were tarnished. She had made him the most important thing in her life for so long that he couldn't conceive of her doing this to him. He wondered how many other things she had lied about.
He had just promised her a week ago that nothing could tear them apart if she'd only forgive him. He didn't know that his promise would be put to the test quite so soon...and he didn't know if it would pass the test.
Because inside he was aching and he knew then, just like he knew all those months ago when he first realized that he had control over his own life, that nothing was ever going to be the same.
Gossip Girl here, your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite. The Upper East Side is abuzz with the news of Queen B's slut fest. C is drowning his woes while N wobbles in a daze. B's decided to stay and get her groove back, but will she get her man too? Surely N won't want her now…and apparently C doesn't either. What's a girl to do? You know you love me, XOXO Gossip Girl.
To be continued…