The Princess, the Really High Bed, and No Pea Whatsoever
It was a rather spectacularly normal day in the not so normal Kingdom of Oceana. As per usual, the unusually handsome Prince Pierre found himself attracting females whether he actually wanted to or not. But he was forced to turn them all down, for none of them were true princesses of royal blood.
For you see, his mother, Queen Shelby, had proclaimed that that Pierre could only marry a true princess of royal blood. Unfortunately, none of this sort of princess had come to call. It should be noted at this time that they had gone through about 20 not so true princesses of not so royal blood.
It had started when Queen Shelby had learned of the legend of the Princess and the Pea. Except, she had gotten it wrong in one crucial aspect. Unfortunately for the queen, since every other princess also knew the story and had gotten it right that meant it was extremely difficult to find a so called "true princess of royal blood."
You see, almost every princess in the land, upon seeing a bed of 20 mattresses, would automatically assume that they were supposed to stay awake all night long and then, the next day, proclaim that they hadn't been able to sleep a single wink. But, unfortunately for the unfortunate princess and the unfortunate Pierre, this was entirely the wrong answer and she would automatically be thrown out.
Pierre knew that this had stop eventually. Surely, some princess would actually be tired enough to go to sleep on a bed of 20 mattresses, right? I mean, not all of could possibly be night owls, right?
As it so happened, on a stormy night, a beautiful princess came through the castle door. To Pierre, she looked simply exhausted and he fell in love with her instant. "Uh….right. I'm a princess lost, cold, and rather tired for that matter. Might I have a place to stay for the night?" told she quietly.
Pierre knelt before her. "Might I have your name, my lady?"
"I am Princess Kathleen."
At that very moment, Queen Shelby descended from on high. On high meant the extremely long and pointless staircase that was simply designed to look cool without serving an actual purpose other then to confuse visitors of course. "My dear Princess! You must come to the guest chambers! They're right over there!" proclaimed the queen.
"Thank you Your Highness."
The princess entered the chamber and quickly spotted the 20 mattress high bed. It was hard to miss, as it was in the center of the room. However, her mind did not drift to the fairy tale at all. Instead, she climbed the immense bed and almost immediately fell asleep.
The next day, she descend from the bed and was immediately accosted by the mislead queen. "My dear Princess Kathleen, how did you sleep?"
"Uh…fine?"
Pierre whooped with happiness and ran to her. "My lovely Princess Kathleen, will you marry me?"
The queen's eyes twinkled with happiness for her and her son. At last, they had found a true princess of royal blood. Kathleen raised an eyebrow at the prince. "Uh…you are aware that we only met yesterday, right?"
"I know that perfectly well, but it matters not. You are a true princess!"
At this point, Kathleen decided that she'd had enough of this whole thing. "Look, I am NOT interested in marrying the likes of you. In fact, I am ENGAGED to Prince William. Not only is he a true prince, but he doesn't make his princesses sleep on beds with 20 mattresses either. If I hadn't been so tired, I wouldn't have been able to sleep!"
With that, the beautiful yet sensible Princess Kathleen left the Kingdom of Oceana and was never seen there again.
The handsome Prince Pierre was forced to marry a not so true princess of not so true blood to keep his line going after realizing that there was no such thing as a true princess of royal blood. Kathleen had been correct and even his mother knew it, though she refused to believe such a thing until about 10 more princesses later.
All concerned lived happily ever after. Especially Kathleen, who wasn't really engaged at all but continues to have no interest in marriage to Prince Pierre to this day. In fact, Prince William doesn't even exist as Pierre was disappointed to learn several years later. Anyways, all those who were mentioned in this story and exist lived happily ever after.
The End