Disclaimer: Don't own, cheers!
Jim Kirk doesn't have a birthday. Well, he technically has a day on which he was born, but a birthday? Nope, he doesn't have one of those. Back in the academy McCoy was his only friend and therefore the only person who cared enough to even ask when his birthday was, his answer was that it had already passed and not to worry about it. Bones was upset that the occasion had passed without remark and asked Jim if they had at least went out to drink, to which Jim replied 'of course.' Jim was used to not marking the date and Bones realized on his second birthday of knowing Jim that it was deliberate and that was fine, they would just celebrate both birthdays together from now on and they took turns buying drinks. He wasn't big on birthdays anyways and preferred to keep his low key, who wants to celebrate getting old anyway?
During his first year on the Enterprise, Kirk made it his business to know all the bridge crews' birthdays and have parties for them. If there was one thing James T. Kirk knew how to do well besides captain a spaceship, it was throw a party. Bones didn't really think about it till they were halfway through his own party, where he was actually having a great time and rather glad that they were commemorating the day, that Kirk's birthday had passed and they weren't celebrating it together with his like they normally did. He went to corner his best friend after that, both of them tipsy, and demanded to know why they were not following tradition. The reply had been a simply 'because it's your day,' like it was the most obvious thing in the world, and to Jim it probably was but to McCoy, it made his head hurt trying to figure out with the alcohol in his system, so he did the logical thing and just asked "Don't you get a day?"
Jim's answer was a smile, the cheerful, cocky, playboy one that was both Jim Kirk and a lie saying that he got to celebrate numerous days before he turned back to get another shot and challenge Scotty to a drinking game. It wouldn't be till the next day, hung over, and starring at Jim Kirk's medical file, looking at the date and the computer screen where he ran his search on said date (after he felt he recognized it and should know it) that he realizes why it is his friend never mentions his birthday.
It took the crew longer than McCoy to realize that the captain never brought up his own birthday. Spock became conscious of the fact during the first year anniversary party of the Enterprise. The captain was clever having ascertained all the birthdays from the personnel files of his officers and even though the Vulcan had not wanted a party, Kirk had pointed out the logic of having one since it was as much about the person as it was the people, telling him that it was for them that he should accept it since they would want the occasion marked upon, glad that he was still here with them. After all you never know how many birthdays you're going to get to have and the next one isn't guaranteed, so you should always celebrate with the people you care about because it's selfish not to think of them. Spock was a bit stunned about the rather macabre reasoning the captain had used; it was not something that he thought Kirk would have ever contemplated on. Jim, meanwhile, was not comfortable with the scrutiny that Spock was putting him under, ducking his head and rubbing the back of his neck he tacked on "Plus it will boost morale." Needless to say, Spock agreed to the party.
Spock was therefore troubled when he realized they had somehow skipped over the captain's birthday. He had thought that Jim would have made a big deal about it in an endearingly obnoxious manner with announcements and much hoopla, but he hadn't. Jim was anything but predictable and Spock acknowledged that the only thing he was consistent in was his illogical nature, but he had thought that after the big deal he had made over birthdays in general that he would do so for his own as well. It was something that came to preoccupy his mind the next day, so much so that Nyota demanded to know what was wrong and though they were no longer dating she was still his friend and so he explained what was troubling him. She suggested that they ask McCoy, who would have the answer if anyone would.
His answer was not what they were expecting. Jim never celebrated his birthday, in all the years that McCoy had known him, and that he had only figured out the puzzle to why that was recently. He told Spock the date of Jim's birthday and watched as the green blooded hobgoblin made the same connection McCoy had made, only without the aide of a computer. Spock of course provided the information necessary for Nyota to realize the significance of the date as the doctor and he had. Her response had been that he should still celebrate and they agreed with her, they wouldn't dare do otherwise; she was a force to be reckoned with when she had made her mind up about something.
The party was going to be a surprise, which Spock thought was rather a good idea of Nyota since he didn't think Jim would voluntarily agree, despite how scary Nyota could be. It was Spock's job to make sure Jim was in attendance, (she would have given it to McCoy if she thought he could do it without Jim becoming suspicious, but the doctor was never good with subterfuge). The captain's reaction to said surprise was unanticipated. He had stopped frozen in the doorway looking at them all gathered around a cake lit up with candles before turning on heel and leaving. Spock did the logical thing and went after him.
They had made it the captain's quarters before the confrontation took place. Jim, when in an emotionally vulnerable situation was never rational and tended to lash out verbally. He was pacing frantically, yelling and gesticulating with wild arm movements, demanding to know why they had thrown him a party like it was some heinous act against humanity.
"Why should we not have a party in celebration for you? Does your reasoning for my own birthday celebration not extend to yours as well?"
His voice, when he answered, was hard and icy, so very, very cold. Spock hated that voice, the defenses that were present within it. "No, it doesn't," each word articulated in that clear, crisp way that made Spock think of the frozen tundra and nights that never ended. It was a voice that should not have come from Jim, he was too warm, too golden, for that sharp, cutting tone.
Spock's own voice became hard because he knew in what way Jim thought it didn't apply to him, he knew because he had watched him for over a year and had seen the pattern. "They do care about you," there was an edge present within the words, one daring him to just try to reject this irrefutable truth because he was Vulcan and Jim couldn't win this argument against him.
His shoulders slumped, acknowledging defeat in the face of his first officer's reasoning. "I've never had a birthday cake before," his voice was a whisper yet there was so much held within it. Spock looked at him, slightly confused, because though he knew Jim's father had died on the day he was born that didn't explain why he wouldn't have had a birthday cake. It was, after all, a common practice on Earth to mark the occasion with suitably unhealthy cake. Wouldn't his mother have bought or made one for her son? His had and they didn't even live on Earth or really follow its traditions but his mother had been adamant that certain aspects of her culture be incorporated into her child's upbringing, his father relenting, seeing the logic since Spock was half-human.
"We never celebrated my birthday; it was like I didn't have one. My mom would lock herself in her room, if she was home on the day, and not come out. There was cake and singing for Sam's birthday when she was home. It didn't really matter to me though, I mean, that was the way it had always been and Sam shared whatever gifts he got." Kirk shrugged his shoulders, a dismissive gesture implying his apparent apathy towards his childhood. Then he did his little half-smile before he continued talking. "I remember this one year Sam decided to have a celebration for me. He got this big dinner plate then proceeded to fill it with cookies, which he piled around one of those glass candlestick holders that had a tall green candle in it, the kind that you use for romantic dinners. Anyway, so he lit the candle, brought me to sit right in front of his masterpiece, and proceeded to sing happy birthday. It was great; we made ourselves so sick on cookies." He was smiling now Spock noted.
"Jim, you deserve to have a birthday." Spock's voice was soft and he approached the captain slowly, gently clasping his shoulders before allowing his hands to trace their way up to his face, cupping his cheeks and forcing him to meet his eyes. He could not let him stand there looking so lost without responding, he had come to care for his captain as much more than a friend.
Jim very lightly nodded his head, not enough to dislodge Spock's hands because he liked them there, he liked his touch, and he wanted to prolong the moment for as long as he could. He wanted to have more time to memorize what it felt like before Spock inevitable pulled away and he was left alone again without this wonderful closeness, this feeling of care. But Spock didn't pull away, didn't even attempt to; instead he heard a so sad sounding whispered "oh Jim," before Spock came closer, the physical distance between their bodies non-existent now.
He didn't attempt to pull away but he didn't make any move to draw Spock closer. The heat from the Vulcan body was wonderful and part of him thought this wasn't really happening because things never went right in this Jim Kirk's universe. It wasn't till Spock's lips were on his that he moved, his hands bunching, gripping the science blues of Spock's uniform, while Spock's own hands changed position, one moving to Jim's waist while the other progressed to the side of his head where long, lean fingers slipped into golden hair and a thumb gently stroked the arch of an eyebrow. All the while soft lips moved gently, coaxingly on his own, branding in their warmth and ever so delightful in their movements. Slowly Spock pulled away, ceasing the kiss but not the physical proximity.
Still holding him, he waited till Kirk's eyes opened. "They are still waiting for us in observation deck three. We should return and partake of some cake." Kirk's head nodded a bit. "Perhaps you might also tell them that it was not their actions which lead to your reaction."
He sighed, "yeah, I will." His hands slowly loosening from their impossibly tight grip before limply falling to his side. He was both elated and inexplicably sad, how he hated birthdays.
"Jim, it isn't your fault either." Lightning quick, blue eyes snapped up to his, sizzling in their intensity.
"Touch telepathy, Right?" Voice and eyes suddenly tired he tried to step away but Spock was unwilling to let him go, grabbing hold of his hands and lacing their fingers together.
"It is not my telepathy but your eyes that betray you, though I will admit the telepathy does make understanding much easier." It was the Vulcan's turn to sigh. "I care for you. There is no logic in it. You are not what I thought would be compatible with my nature, yet I find myself drawn to you. The contradictions of your character, your illogical insistence in pursuing impossible plans and yet making them succeed, the truths you attempt to hide but are still present in your actions. It is simply you, all the facets that comprise you, that I find myself attracted to," his eyes were starring into the impossibly blue ones of his captain, willing him to feel the truth and import of his words.
"I like you too Spock, a lot." Guileless eyes continued to stare up into his own, lips tilted up into a smile and still pink from kissing, "does this mean you'll stay, you know, with me?" his voice took on a more urgent quality, rushing in an attempt to forestall some misperceived rejection, so many people had turned away from him, his mother, Sam, people who were supposed to stay. "Because I really care for you, more than I have for any one else, though I do care for Bones, but that's different…"
Before he could get another word out Spock kissed him. "I will stay. I will not leave. I know you care, I can feel it. You are my T'hy'la, it is meant to be." He was happy, Spock was here and wanted him. Softly Spock relinquished his hands, turned towards the door saying "come, we may return after taking part in festivities," Spock's eyes promising that their interlude was far from over and he was more than looking forward to continuing it.
Side by side they set off down the corridor, their steps naturally in sync with each other, returning once more to the observation deck. Everyone was still there, waiting and looking much more subdued than before. Jim felt like a heel for having put such a damper on things. They were still all here though and they were all looking at him, and though part of him wanted to turn right back around he knew that he owed them more than that.
Shifting awkwardly and rubbing the back of his neck with one hand while the other fiddled with the hem of his shirt, he took a moment to be glad Spock was still standing next to him, having not abandoned him to go to the crowd. He gained some confidence from that. "I'm um.. Sorry everyone….Its just that I ..never had a birthday cake before. I mean I have eaten birthday cake before, I just never had my own, you know, ah one especially meant for me and I just didn't …" Here he fizzled out, losing the words to try to explain why it was he had so abruptly left. His eyes finally lifting from the spot on the floor which he had been addressing the whole time to meet with the others across from him.
Needless to say they were a bit shocked at this revelation. Their cocky, brash captain had never had his own birthday cake before and what exactly that implied was rather heart-wrenching. Their dismay at this revelation was evident.
Bones, knowing his friend like he did and knowing he was definitely uncomfortable with the way they were staring at him decided that an 'interruption' of sorts was in order. "So, I think we should relight the candles and sing so we can eat cake since the birthday boy has decided to join us." The words had their intended effect and everyone jolted into motion. Jim flashed him a quick, grateful smile and approached the table and cake with Spock keeping pace on his right side, almost close enough to brush him. McCoy's eyebrows rose at that, the Vulcan violating his own personal space bubble? Strange, but Jim seemed happy and his eyes kept flashing up to Spock's, and maybe Spock being so close was his way of reassuring Jim, and if Spock is what had Jim's eyes so bright and cheerful who was he to say anything? As long as Jim was happy then he would deal with it or just not think about it, but if that Vulcan hurt his friend there was going to be hell to pay. Great, now he was sounding like a goddamn mushy sap, which would not do, so he turned intent on finding Scotty and some whiskey to get thoroughly plastered (because it wasn't fun to do so by yourself and he didn't think Jim was going to be doing so today), and he was going to pretend that he had absolutely no idea what was going on between the captain and commander; it was better for his brain that way.
Author's Note: So, thanks for reading! I appreciate those of you who gave this a shot, let me know what you think and if you like it I'll do another one. Mind you, most of my stories tend to be a little on the dark side, a lot of the time I don't bother posting, but I do know how hard it is to find authors who share in your particular ship or genre preference, so if you do like my stuff I'll make more of an effort to edit and post. I have two others just kinda chilling right now, one is done and the other is getting there. Anyway, thanks again and take care! Toodles people! :)