A/N: This is my first Twilight story, and it's actually based on New Moon when Bella starts to hear Edward's voice…and then starts to remember (her heart aches—hence the title). This is basically a reflection of her thoughts and emotions. It's not much, but I hope you like it. Please R&R and tell me how you think it was. Thanks! –Mac
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Twilight series, but oh to own one of the Cullen men. sigh
Ache
This is a kind of pain I would not wish upon my worst enemy. It defies definition because pain isn't severe enough; it applies more to a scrapped knee than what I'm feeling. Grief is synonymous to mourning and the feeling is caused by a vacancy not by death. Nuisance makes it sound trivial and this is nothing of the sort. It's like there's a hole where a vital organ used to be, like it had been ripped from my chest. (I may not be the brightest person but I know that your heart has an important purpose in your body…well not for everyone, but I won't think about that).
It's a constant, throbbing ache: causing my chest to tighten, my lungs to constrict, my stomach to turn, and my breath to be robbed from me. I could try to conceal or ignore it, and it might work for a little while, but that empty pain will not disappear no matter how hard I try. I could close my eyes against it, but the wound refuses to heal. This is a kind of hurt that has no cure or remedy.
I know that it hurts to remember, but I also know that it would hurt much more to forget. To not even have my memories, though I try to overlook them on a normal, would be cruelty I would not survive. I know that this disappearing act caused a lot of pain and heartache, but to actually have him never exist (though he wanted it as so) would be unimaginable.
I'm aware that withdrawing into myself wasn't the best solution to what had happened. I couldn't control it though—besides feeling numb was better than feeling this ache. By the time I had broken free of it, broken out of the trance I was in, I had accepted the reality of my situation. He was gone and I was still here. I couldn't change it; I had no power over the situation. Though just because I had developed an understanding of my lack of influence didn't mean it made it hurt any less. In fact it may have made it hurt more.
I will push it aside to try and make it through the day. I will follow my frivolous daily routine. I will do these things so that Charlie won't send me away from Forks. Because despite his absence from here, this is the only place I could ever feel close to him. Whether he likes it or not, I still feel connected to him. I can understand that he doesn't want me anymore, that doesn't change how much I still want him. So, I will go on with my life as I am supposed to, but the ache will never go away.
I don't think he figured it would hurt me this much, but then again maybe he did.