title: hymn to the sea
summary: "Take off your clothes."
characters: killian/emma
rating: t, m-ish
disclaimer: I own nothing.
notes: Short, angsty and kind of sad. Recommend you listen to James Horner's 'Hymn to the Sea' while you read.
.
.
It has been one year, five months, six days, and however many minutes and hours almost to the point when she was diagnosed with a carcinoma of the liver. Within a matter of six months, it spread throughout the rest of her body, infecting her kidneys, brain, blood, and bone.
There was nothing the doctors could do.
No magic in the world could fix this.
So she waits. She doesn't throw in the towel, she doesn't sit around and await death.
She waits for her husband to look at her again.
Emma gets it. She does, she gets it. She gets why Killian can't look her in the eye anymore. It doesn't make her any less pissed though. She isn't Milah and this shouldn't remind him of her at all.
It doesn't help. It really doesn't help. He wasn't married to Milah but he may as well have been because she can feel Milah's ghost sometimes.
She wonders if Killian ever feels Graham's ghost.
There isn't much time left. The cancer will claim her lungs soon and that will be it.
She just wants her husband to look at her again.
.
.
"Take off your clothes."
Killian freezes, his arms still wrapped around himself as he prepares to take his coat off.
"Excuse me?"
Emma faces him full on, her normally gentle features hard with determination. She feels exhaustion weighing heavily on her bones but she just doesn't give a damn.
"Take off your clothes. I need you to take off your clothes and get into bed and hold me like it was before," she says softly. "I need to have my husband back for just one more night before this is over."
"Emma-"
She prattles on, not really caring anymore. "Everyone has accepted this, Killian. Why can't you? Even Henry is getting over the fact that his mom is gonna die. He doesn't like it but he knows that there is no way he can stop it. My parents-"
"Emma," Killian tries again, his voice firm as he shifts his jacket off his shoulders and tosses it onto the sofa behind him.
"-My mom doesn't stop crying every time she sees me. She knows, though. She just knows. And my dad-"
"Emma!"
"I am not Milah!" And finally, those hot gushing tears spill over.
Killian stares at her for a split second before he swoops on her, pulling her against him in a rib cracking embrace. She winces in pain but at that moment, neither of them really care. And then he's kissing her so passionately that she's lifted right off her feet.
"I'm not Milah, Killian," she whimpers, more tears spilling down and falling onto his own chin. He brushes the tears away with his lips, his thumbs catching the remains. "I am not Milah. This isn't the same."
"I know, love," Killian murmurs softly, their foreheads touching. "I know."
"Then why?" she asks. "Why have you been like this?"
He sighs, backhanding a lonely tear that escapes his right eye. It doesn't stay lonely for long.
"I thought that maybe if I avoided it, it would all go away," he confesses softly. "And you're right. I was putting Milah in that place but this-" his hands come up, waving around dramatically in mid air. "This is different. This is all different."
"This is my body," Emma says gently. "My body is shutting down. It's tired. It doesn't want to continue on but-" Her voice catches in her throat, turning on a dime into a sob. "But-"
"But what, love?"
"But I'm holding on," she says. "I don't want to let go. I-I'm still here, fighting this. I haven't thrown in the towel. I need you, Killian. I need you to be my husband. I need you take off your clothes and get into bed and hold me tonight."
Her thumb catches another tear that slips down his cheek. She pecks at his wet face, twining their fingers together.
"I'm so sorry," he breathes into hair. "I'm so sorry, love."
She doesn't reply, her free hand catching more tears that fall. His arms slip back around her, pulling her flush against his chest. Their hearts beat next to each other's, the rhythm of life pulsing away it's beautiful melody.
They work each other's clothes off, lips constantly brushing against each other's in the lightest of kisses. Heartbeats continue to play their music as skin becomes closer to skin, hands play on each other's backs. Tears mix with sweat.
And they fall into the abyss together in an overwhelming bliss of love and joy.
.
.
Short and sweet. I like this because it plays on my own feels. I wouldn't actually want this to happen to them but I believe that if something like this ever happened to Emma, Killian would shut down and be unable to deal. He blames himself for Milah's death and in a way, he would believe that this was like that too.