You Can Let Go Now, Daddy
I own nothing. I heard this song and couldn't help but think of my own daddy and my life with him. Of the good, the bad and the regrets I have, many times I wish I could re-do.
Isabella Swan-Cullen stepped threw the hospital elevator doors and was immediately hit by the scents of antiseptic, blood and death. But today, she didn't pay any attention to it. None of them did as they stepped off the elevator as they walked up to the nurse's station of the ICU. Bella stepped up to the desk and spoke, "I'm here to see Charlie Swan, they said they moved him up here last night. What happened?"
"Mrs. Cullen?" She turned to see a young female doctor walk up to her, "Hello, I'm Dr. Spencer; I'm taking over your father's case while he's on the floor." Bella frowned, "What's wrong with him? I was here last night and he was fine, he was responding fine to the latest round of chemo and would be able to become an out patient soon." The doctor hesitated then looked behind her at her family.
She sighed, "Perhaps, you should walk with me while I explain." She followed her as she walked down the corridor, the rest following her. "Mrs. Cullen, your father had a reaction to the chemo last night that wasn't expected and I'm afraid he went into cardiac arrest." She gasped and the doctor hurried, "We restituted him, but I'm afraid it's weakened his already frail health. We've been trying to make him stronger so he can finish his latest round of chemo, but his heart, is just too weak for us to do anything else. There's a very good chance he might not live through the week." Bella felt her world shift at those words. This couldn't be happening. Charlie had been responding so well to the chemo this last time, how…how could he be dying?
Wind blowin' on my face
Sidewalk flyin' beneath my bike
A five year-old's first taste
Of what freedom's really like
He was runnin' right beside me
His hand holdin' on the seat
I took a deep breath and hollered
As I headed for the street
You can let go, daddy, you can let go
Oh, I think, I'm ready to do this on my own
It's still feels alittle bit scary but I want you to know
I'll be okay now daddy, you can let go
Over the next several days the family lived out of the hospital, taking turns staying with Charlie while the others went back their hotel to 'rest' and change. All except Bella. She never left Charlie's side as she watched him grow weaker. And remembered over the years. Her childhood summers when she would come out to Washington and spend it with him and the beach. And the time when she was six and he was teaching her how to ride a bike, she smiled when she remembered how many times she fell that afternoon he taught to ride, and told him so. By the fourth day, he had slipped into a coma and showed no signs of waking up. Bella talked to him as the doctor told her to, hoping it would bring him around.
I was standin' at the altar
Between the two loves of my life
To one I've been a daughter
To one I soon would be a wife
When the preacher asked,
'Who gives this woman?'
She smiled down at her father and brushed his gray hair away from his face, the lines and wrinkles more prominent now than they ever had been in his seventy-some years of living. "Do you remember, Dad? The day you gave me away. I know that had to be the hardest thing you ever had to do, giving me away to Edward." She gave a watery laugh, "I still can't believe you threatened him when he took my hand." She thought for sure when the part came 'speak now or forever hold your piece' he would have said something. Instead, she saw him smile at her and the glimmer of tears in her strong father's eyes as she said her vows.
When the preacher asked
"Who gives this woman"
Daddy's eyes filled up with tears
He kept holdin' tightly to my arm
'Til I whispered in his ear
You can let go, daddy, you can let go
Oh, I think, I'm ready to do this on my own
It's still feels alittle bit scary but I want you to know
I'll be okay now daddy, you can let go
It was killin' me to see
The strongest man I ever knew
Wastin' away to nothin'
In that hospital room
'You know he's only hangin' on for you'
That's what the night nurse said
My voice and heart were breakin'
As I crawled up in his bed
She literally ran all the way back from the area she was hunting in when she got the call. Charlie was awake and asking for her. She paused as she saw the night nurse standing outside his room, tears running down her face. She thought at first she was too late, then she spoke to her in a hushed whisper, "He's awake right now, Mrs. Cullen. But…he doesn't have much time." Bella felt her heart fell into her stomach at those words, she knew that it would happen, but she didn't want it to happen so soon. Only last year did they lose Renee. She nodded to the room, "He's been holding out for you all day." She walked into the room, hearing the sounds of her family coming up behind her. She reached her hand behind her and felt Edward's hand slip into hers as they walked to the bed, and she did something she hadn't done since she was a little girl. She climbed into bed next to him, careful to keep him warm as she embraced him. He opened his eyes and looked at her with a sad smile, touching her nose. "Hi Bells." She smiled up at him, tears in her eyes, "Hi, Daddy." The smile turned into a grin, "You know, I can't remember the last time you called me Daddy. Probably seven or eight." The grin faded and he took her hand in his, sitting it over his heart. "It's time, Bells." She shook her head, "No. No, Dad. Daddy, please don't go." And to her surprise, tears ran down her face as he nodded his head slowly. "It's time, baby. I want to see Renee again, I want to see all of them." She sobbed into his chest, he ran his hand over her hair, "I love you, Bells. Never forget that." He held his hand out to Edward and nodded his head to the crowd outside the door, Jacob and a heavily pregnant Nessie came forward. Tears ran down her face at the sight of her grandfather, so frail and old, lying in the bed before her. She smiled at her grandfather, "Hi, Gramp." She patted her round stomach, "He's really active tonight." He rested his hand on her belly, a look of awe on his face as his great-grandchild kicked his hand. He looked up at her, and smiled, "He's gonna be a football player, I know it." A choked laugh came out of her, but she sobbed as he took her hand in his and said, "Take good care of that baby, Ness. Look after him." He looked over Bella's head and gestured to Edward and Jake to come forward, he took both of their hands and touched Bella and Nessie. "Take good care of my girls, boys. They'll…they'll gonna need you after…after I'm gone." Both women shook their heads at his words, but he wouldn't have it. "Yes, I know it's my time." He looked over at Jake, "I'll tell Billy on the other side, your doing fine and your gonna be a helluva father, just like he was." Jake tried to hold back the tears he had been holding in, but at the mention of his late father and the man that was like another one to him say he was dying, the tears ran down his face as he nodded. He looked over at Edward, "Look after my baby girl. She needs you, now more than ever." He nodded, too choked up to speak; he could hear him in his mind tell him to keep her safe, not to let him dying bring her down, to keep her standing in the days after.
He looked down at his daughter and brushed the hair off her tear-stained face, "Its time, baby. I'm ready. I look forward to seeing Renee again. And I'll be waiting for you on the other side." She raised her head and looked into his aged face, and said the hardest words she ever said, "You can let go now, dad." Tears ran down her face as she ran her fingers over his face, memorizing ever line, ever wrinkle, every plane that made up his face. She nodded, her voice breaking, "You can let go now daddy."
You can let go now, Daddy
You can let go
Your little girl is ready
To do this on my own
It's gonna be a little bit scary
But I want you to know
I'll be okay now, Daddy
You can let go
You can let go
Bella sobbed out a cry of heartbreak as the heart monitor went flat and her father closed his eyes for the last time. Edward held her tight in his grasp; she shook her head, "NO! No, he can't go. He can't go, Edward. I need him here." She turned into his chest, sobbing, "He can't go.."
A few days later the Cullens were back in Forks to lay Charlie to rest. Though he had been retired from the force for the last twenty years, the new Chief and police department gave him the honorary twenty-gun salute as they put him into the ground. Bella and Nessie cried threw out the service and salute while Jake and Edward held their hands, comforting as best as they could. Carlisle and Esme held one another hands as they saw their friend be laid to rest, Jasper held a sobbing Alice as they watched them lower the coffin into the ground, the Police Chief that held a affectionate place in her heart, gone. Rosalie sat in her seat, back straight and eyes starring ahead, seemingly unaffected, til you looked into her eyes. Grief and empathy swirled in those golden eyes as she gave a small prayer for the Chief and thanks that unlike her, Bella was able to say goodbye to her father and lay him to rest. Emmett had her hand in his as he watched the coffin be lowered, grieving inside as he thought of the memory of his own father's funeral shortly before his change all those years ago.
The funeral was over and the mourners all left, leaving only the Cullens behind. Carlisle and Esme stood up first and whispered their goodbyes to him as they walked to the cars awaiting them. Rosalie and Emmett came after them, Rose laying a flower on the ground as she passed. Nessie and Jake walked next, Jake sobbing lungfuls of air as he paid his respects to his father's long-time friend and secondary father figure. Nessie, held tight to her husband's hand as she bid her grandfather goodbye.
Jasper held Alice close to his side, she whispered a tearful goodbye as they left too, leaving only Edward and Bella behind. Night had long since fallen when Bella stirred from her seat. She stood, Edward following suit as she walked over to the now dirt-covered grave she glanced at the stone marking his birth and his death. She knelt beside it and rested her hand on the cool dirt. She looked at the headstone and then back the ground. "I love you, Charlie." She shook her head, "I love you, Dad. I love you and I always will and I won't ever forget you." She wiped her face and stood. Edward looked over at her, "Are you ready to go?" She nodded, and started for the car, but stopped when she saw he wasn't behind her. He nodded and smiled at her, "I'll be there in a minute." She nodded and went ahead to the car as he knelt beside the headstone; he let out a shaky breath and looked at the dirt with glistening eyes, "We'll miss you, Charlie. We won't forget you." He closed his eyes for a minute then opened them again, and in a choked whisper, "I'll never forget you." He stood and gave the headstone one last look before walking off to the direction of the car were Bella waited.