Woooo first ASOUE/Bones crossover! I'm excited, but I'm not sure if you should be reader, I would be wary about approaching this story, that takes place after the events of the seventh dreadful book in that dreadful series.

Read at your own risk.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bones nor ASOUE.

The Snicket in the Sand

Opening Case

A group of motor bikes happily throttled away as their riders shouted in all their glory.

"WE OWN THE DESERT!" the one, tallest and assumed leader of the bikers, roared above the rumble of the engines. "NOTHING IS IN THE WAY OF THE DESERT RIDERS!"

The bikers began to ride in a circle, and one of the younger riders perked his nose up, smelling a scent like rotten meat. "YO BOSS!" the younger yelled to the leader. "YOU SMELL THAT?"

"WHAT?!" the leader yelled, his long black hair, flapping in his face. He took a second to sniff the air and he choked. "DAMN WHAT IS THAT?" He broke the circle and rode towards the source of the scent where he could spot a circle of crows flying overhead. "THOSE DAMN VFD CROWS!" he cursed as he neared the awful smell. His eyes widened when he came upon a group of crows perched on the hot sandy ground. "No way in hell….that's a BODY?!" The biker train behind him crashed as the leader stopped short to stare in terror at the new found discovery.

(I give my deepest apologies for interrupting the story, but I feel that I must give fair warning.

Dear Reader,

There are many things in this world that are dreadfully unpleasant to experience, drinking medicine, adolescence, and attending a funeral of a dearly loved one. What you have begun to read contains many dreadful things, including but not limited to cold coffee, a murder victim eaten by crows, framed orphans, and an underappreciated psychologist. What is most hurtful to those who are innocent are the people who do not give the care to listen to the truth, only to listen to the lies of those promoted by other liars.

Reader, I advise you to click the 'Back' button in any way that is available on your computer and choose a fanfiction with happier, less unpleasant chapter contents. Even if you wish to read about happy little elves free from murder or secrecy or the cryptic letters of VFD. I implore that you close this tab immediately before the unpleasant story clouds over the rays of your mood and makes you even more depressed than a child drinking cherry-flavored medicine.

The choice is up to you, reader.

With all due respect,

DarkMousyRulezAll; unofficial documenter of the bizarre cases detailing the Baudelaires and the Jeffersonian Institution)

"Whoa, there Bones, are you sure?" Agent Seeley Booth asked of his partner, Temperance Brennan, placing his Styrofoam coffee cup in the cup holder of his car. "Adopting kids? Isn't that a bit…you know, not a wise decision right now considering the whole murder solving thing we do?"

"But Booth, there are plenty of children stuck in the awful torrent that is foster care," Bones protested, glancing at her partner with a knowing gaze. "I became a registered foster parent so I could help those children! My occupation should not matter!"

"You know what Bones, just forget about it!" Booth muttered darkly, as they reached the crime scene. Dr. Brennan got out of the car and walked towards the body, where Cam was kneeling over the mangled body.

"Witness claimed that he saw crows picking at the remains, suggesting that the victim has been out in the desert for a few days," the former coroner stated as the anthropologist neared the body. "Witness also stated that said crows came from the Village of Fowl Devotees, only about a few miles from here." Dr. Brennan squinted in confusion as she put on her gloves and knelt beside Cam.

"A village that adores birds?" she inquired. "Although, anthropologically speaking, many tribes of ancient societies worshipped bird-like deities, this is odd that the birds in question are not deistic in any way, more so like grim reapers, snuffing out the dead." Brennan leaned over the victim's middle. "The pubic bone suggests male, most likely, mid to late 30s."

"Level of decomp suggests time of death was only a few weeks ago. I picked out some particulates that Dr. Hodgins might want to take a look at," Cam pointed out, and Dr. Brennan frowned. "What is it?"

"These markings on the bone, they're deep and jagged, they suggest that he was stabbed violently multiple times."

Dr. Brennan looked up and met Cam's eyes with unwavering graveness. Brennan turned around to look at Booth who had approached from behind, finished talking to the other agents.

"This man did not die by isolation in the desert; he was murdered."

[INSERT BONES TITLE SEQUENCE HERE]

:D I really felt like The Vile Village was perfect setup for a few fandoms and crossovers, Bones being one. The death of Jaques Snicket will be one that I can do since I am familiar with the story and his death, so I can fudge some scientific mumbo jumbo XD

Honestly though, I haven't read TVV in a while so I kinda was really fuzzy for this first part, and really, Jaques's age isn't even given, I'm just guessing.

I hope this gets far, because I really want this to be interesting!

This might take place in season three, four, or five. (I wanna use VNM as the intern~ or at least Zack AND Sweets~)

Anyway, review please! ...if you've decided to read this unpleasant story that is...*mysterious smile added with flickering lights*

With all due respect,

DarkMousyRulezAll~