Lily was startled out of her stupor when someone slammed their books down on the desk before her. She looked up from her essay and scowled.
"What do you want, Black?" she spat at the seventh year boy.
He looked furious, and Lily almost cowered at the sight of his flashing blue-grey eyes. Sirius's usual lazy smile was absent, instead a angry furious scowl stared down at her.
"What do I want?" he hissed, leaning down, hands splayed across the table. If looks could kill, Lily realised she would be long dead. Her widened in shock as Sirius picked up book and hurled it against the wall of the empty Heads' common room.
"Dammit Evans do you know what you've done?" Sirius roared as he whirled around to face her. Lily got over her initial shock and snarled,
"Black, I don't know what you're talking about. Get lost, and go jump of a cliff with bloody Potter."
Sirius gave a bark of humourless laughter.
"See, there's a problem with that. 'Bloody Potter' almost fucking DIED!"
Lily blinked.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
Sirius shook his head.
"You have absolutely no idea do you?" he asked. He swore and clenched his fists. Suddenly his face was up near her taken aback one, and he was whispering.
"Imagine, just for a moment? Imagine waking up in the middle of the night to see our best mates bed empty. Imagine finding him an hour later at the top of the Astronomy Tower, tears pouring down his face. Imagine James Potter crying. And then imagine asking him, 'Mate what are you doing?". But you already know. He was about to commit suicide."
Lily gasped softly. What?
Sirius laughed hollowly. He continued, saying in that odd calm voice,
"Do you know what he said Evans?"
She shook her head numbly.
"He said,' Its my fault. I killed them, and I'm killing her. I should die, shouldn't I? She says I should, she's right."
Lily sat, paralysed in shock, the previous days events hurling back to her.
FLASHBACK
"Evans, I'm sorr-"
"No you're not. You don't give a damn about anyone but your bloody self. I'm suprised your parents haven't died because of you. I know I would. So why don't you just go bloody jump of a cliff and DIE?" Lily yelled, storming away from James.
END FLASHBACK
"Did you know why James couldn't make it to the meeting?"
She shook her head numbly.
"His parents died. And do you know who he blames?"
She remained silent.
"Fuck Evans! He fucking blames himself!" Sirius shouted.
"God no" Lily whispered. His parents had died and she had...fuck.
Sirius shook his head in disgust.
"The guy was going to bloody apologise to you. For something he couldn't help. And you, Evans, you rip his heart out and grind it mercilessly into the floor with the heel of your shoe."
Lily felt a tear trickle down her cheeck. She opened her mouth-
"I'm not finished!" Sirius snarled. He leant back in.
"Imagine he stands on the ledge and whispers, 'Its all my fault Padfoot. I should be punished. Do you think they'll forgive me? I'll see them up there, won't I Padfoot?'. You remember you've left you're wand in your trunk. You tell him to come back, you tell him he's drunk. That he's not thinking straight, and it'll all better in the morning. But he isn't drunk. And he knows it won't be better in the morning. Imagine he turns to you and smiles as he says,' Tell her I'm sorry, and that I love her. Don't miss me too much Padfoot.'"
Lily's cheeks were wet. Sirius ignored them.
"Imagine you see him jump. You see his body plummet to the ground, a smile on his wet face. Imagine the panic, the raw fear. And then the relief when you see him land in a blackberry bush. Imagine the pure relief as you sprint down the stairs, and out to the grounds, yelling 'I'm coming mate, it's all right.'. You don't care that you could wake the whole sodding palace. Then imagine your shock as you lead him bloody and scratched when he whispers,' Do you think she'll hate me for not dying?''
Lily was sobbing softly now. Sirius simply sneered at her tears.
"Imagine Evans, when you wake up next to his bedside the next morning and you realise it wasn't your worst nightmare. That it wasn't just a figment of your imaginiation. Imagine you realise its true. Imagine you've seen your best mate try to commit suicide because he made the mistake of loving someone."
With a final look of utter loathing, Sirius swept out of the room. Lily collapsed to the floor, crying without restraint.
She tries, just for a moment to imagine. To imagine thats its not true. But she can't
After all, not everything is a figment of our imagination.
A/N This is my first angsty type story, so I'm sorry if it wasn't tear worthy. Came up with it when I felt that Lily needed a good telling to. I know James is a bit insane, but forgive me. Its all the trauma from his parents death.
Not sure if i should leave it at that or resolve it. Please tell me!!
Ta.
random smilie.