Bitter Reflection

Something so simple as this,
lying here I just close my eyes as
they start to shout again,
those damn voices in my head

You must choose,
You're the only answer;
Always with the choosing,
Always being the only answer
Is it wrong that I'm tired of this?

There's too much at stake here
For me to take a breather and lie down
I'll sleep when I'm dead again

I fought hard, I ignored the laughter,
Died once and then suddenly I wasn't allowed
Even that brief moment of peace, even if it was
for the greater good of everyone.

One ill timed joke, just once more,
I'm holding on but barely, of course
If anyone asks I'll just not say anything

Is it so wrong that I don't want this anymore?
The words always stick in my throat whenever
I look at you and see you smiling at me, I can't
Tell you this, its so hard, I don't even know why.

Back to present as I look at the
Child who's being haunting me
Are you even real, I wonder tiredly,
Did I actually watch you die on Earth?

We can do this, I tell them,
not because I believe we can
But its what my friends,
My family needs to hear from me

My choice you tell me, that I have no other action.
Destroy, summit or control, these are my choices,
To take everything from everyone and play God,
I never wanted this, all I wanted to do was kill the Reapers.

Such a simple request,
Kill the Reapers and save the galaxy?
I'll have it done within the year, Ma...

Blood's running down my side as I stare at this child,
Something that you're not, yet I still wonder if that boy
I saw on Earth was real, though I suspect not…

I can't tell if Anderson's here or not,
Damnit you where supposed to live,
Acting like the father I never had,
You where supposed to live, damnit

Choices, damned choices that lead to nowhere,
I raise my gun and shoot the child through the head
Though it does nothing as I turn to face the walkways;

Tim always played with fire,
That creeping look in the eyes,
Something was never right but
Being right never felt less good
Burn in hell for all that you did,
You don't deserve anything less

Always me, always the impossible,
What's one more deed that they'll add
To the list of my heroics when I'm dead?

Liara wrote my names in the stares,
Be honest Li, I smile tiredly,
Tell them the truth that a
Broken spirit fought,
just a normal mortal being...

All I want is to sleep, forgive me my love,
I'm sorry, I don't think I'll be coming back
But I'll be there with you always in your heart.

So much blood, pain's to much to focus,
Can't believe that I'm rambling inside my head,
Focus Shepard, just one last deed and then you can let go...

A/N: Well this Shepard wasn't feeling to good at the end of the war. So much drama and fighting is bound to wear down on you after all those years. No set romance or ending; as for gender it could be either or, but as I usually write Female Shepard that would be my default response.