Dean threw the match into the grave and watched as it became consumed flames. He stared into the fire and watched the flames dance.

There was a time when Dean would have taken some pleasure at the sight. Just knowing that he had helped stop a vengeful spirit from continuing its reign of terror would have been reward enough, but not anymore. Too much had happened, he had lost so much, and now he was beginning to wonder if any of it was worth it anymore.

"Dean? Are you okay?" Dean turned to see his Sam looking at him with confusion and worry on his face. "Yeah, I'm fine." He noticed that Sam kept looking at him. "Dude, can you stop staring at me? I mean I know I'm hot, but you're starting to freak me out."

Sam just rolled his eyes. Dean took another glance at the dying fire. Let's get out of here."

The drive back to the motel was silent. Sam had fallen asleep, and Dean didn't want to risk waking him up by turning on the radio. Dean only had his thoughts to keep him company.

How long had he been hunting? More than decade, and what had he really gotten from it? A life of solitude, of nonstop danger, and a lot of heartache. These were the thoughts that kept bouncing around in Dean's head, and they wouldn't leave.

Am I ever gonna get the chance to live a normal life? Am I ever going to be able to leave this life of demon hunting behind? Dean glanced over at his sleeping brother and realized the answer was no.

Lately, Dean found himself wishing that Sam would stop being so selfish and just stop hunting, even just for a little while. But Sam was stubborn and refused to stop until they found the yellowed-eyed demon and until he found the answers to the question of who and what he was.

It seemed as if though Sam cared nothing about how the whole situation made Dean feel. How it tore him up inside to think that he might not be able to save his baby brother from falling victim to his so called destiny. Dean figured that it would be easier to protect Sam if they just stopped running towards all the danger and just took it easy. But of course Sam didn't see it this way.

Dean loved his baby brother, so if this was the path that Sammy wanted to take, Dean would follow because it was the only to way to make sure that he could keep his brother safe.

He'd follow, but that didn't mean he had to agree with the decision or that he had to like it. If it had been up to Dean, they would be following the path that would take them to the Grand Canyon.

Dean sat at the bar, trying to make the thoughts leave by drinking bottle after bottle of beer. He had already lost count, and he knew that he would regret this little venture in the morning. However, at the moment none of that mattered. He was in a blessed stupor, and he didn't have to worry about Sam, demons, or hunting. All he had to worry about was what drink he wanted next.

He settled for a funny green looking drink in a shot glass. What it was named, he couldn't remember, but it did sure taste good.

"Can I join you?" Dean turned to see a smiling face looking down at him. She had beautiful long black hair, a pair of captivating green eyes; legs that went on forever, but the thing that really caught his attention were her lips. They were a pale pink and looked so soft and sweet that Dean just wanted to grab her and kiss her just to feel the softness and sweetness for himself.

What he did instead was allow her to join him. "Hi, I'm Dean," he said flashing a flirtatious smile. "I'm Lily. I couldn't help but notice that you seem a little down," she said, her green eyes looking directly into his hazel ones.

Reluctantly, Dean broke the intense eye contact to fiddle with his glass. "Yeah. Got a lot on my mind. And they're not exactly happy thoughts." Dean was surprised at how easily this came out. He hadn't spilled his guts out about what was really bothering him or anything but that small comment was more than he usually revealed about his feelings.

"No puppies and rainbows for you?" Lily said trying to lighten the mood a bit, but there was sympathy in her voice.

More like hellhounds and hell fire, he thought. "Nope. But don't worry. I have ways to keep the unhappy thoughts away," Dean said showing her the glass.

Lily gently pulled the drink from his grasp and moved it away from Dean. "How's it been working for you so far?"

Dean looked at the drink, back at Lily, and answered honestly. "Hasn't been working as well as I thought it would. But maybe one more would do the trick," he said as he tried to take the drink back.

Dean had to give the girl credit. She was quick, and he hadn't been able to get it back. She looked at him triumphantly, shaking the glass in front of her. "Uh uh," she said shaking her head. Then she quickly downed the shot and slammed the glass on the table.

Lily turned serious, and locked her eyes back onto Dean. "Maybe I can help."

"How exactly do you plan on doing that?" Dean asked. She smiled, her lips glistening in the light. "I have my ways." Dean, enchanted by her lips, leaned into kiss her, but she placed her tips of her fingers on his lips to stop him. "Not here." Lily grabbed his hand and he followed her as she pulled him outside.

They stopped in front of his car. How she knew it was his was a mystery. Lily smiled at him and then kissed him, but the kiss was nothing to what Dean had been expecting. It was so much more.

But suddenly there was no longer any pleasure, but a lot of pain. He found his whole life flashing before his life. His mom and the fire that had taken her away from him. Every demon that he had ever hunted, all the pain that they had inflicted on him came rushing back. He saw his father, the training, the feeling of never being good enough, the lack of attention he gave him. And all the attention he gave to Sam. His life was full of such pain and sorrow, and he realized in that moment that he had never truly lived for himself. He felt tears fall down his face as the memories washed over him, but then they stopped as quickly as they had started.

Dean opened his eyes to see Lily inches away from his face, her hands gently on his face, and tears falling down her own angelic face. "I can make it better. I can take it all way," she said quietly.

Dean nodded his head slightly, not really understanding what was going on, and forgetting the pain that had occurred just seconds before and leaned back in and she kissed him again

But this time the memories were different.